need some advice

[yr1979]

 I have been married for 8 years. Recently my husband and I separated, we have been having arguments and issue for the past month but thing really got bad when my mother had to temporarily move in with us. Although she has only been trying to help my husband feels that she was trying to take over his home.  Because I have been upset with him I would just do stuff around the house with my mom and not include him.   There was a huge argument where my mom try to intervene and ended up arguing with my husband, he left and has been gone 2 weeks now he want to come back, and I am not sure what to do because we have already been having problems and he has a lot of emotional problems which cause him to get angry fast and get disrespectful, I would like for him to work on these issue before he comes back home, I would like for prayer to keep me strong I love him dearly and want him back home but feel that if he comes back home now things will never change. The things I want him to change is his disrespectful behavior, his anger and tantrums, he also has been drinking a lot more recently which are not a good mixture with his existing issues. I pray that he can get the help he needs to be able to come back home.  Not sure how to tell him or how to handle this situation.

[spurly]

How long is your mom going to be with you?  Was her moving in something that was thoroughly discussed and agreed to before it came to pass?  Is there a chance you could help her get set up in her own apartment for a while?  I say that because as long as she is there, it seems from what you wrote, that she will only add fuel to the fire and make it harder for any reconciliation to take place.  I understand about honoring your parents, but you might have to find a different way (and a different place) to honor her.

[yr1979]

My mom will be moving in about 4 weeks. We talked about her moving in and we were both ok with it, i think the problem is that my mom sees how hard i work and how little he work around the house, like i said he and i have had issues and i am glad in a way that this happen because it gave me a chance to express how i have been feeling, now that he is out the house he says he is sorry and want to make thing right and is willing to change his behavior but i am not sure if he only saying that because he just want to come back home and once he is there he wont continue to try. i love him and want him to regain his relationship with god because i belive that one of the main reason he is so unhappy is because he no longer has a relationship with god. I am not sure if i am making sence but i am just so confused. i want him to change i want him to have a relatioship with god, i want him to respect our home and respect me i want him to help around the house, i am trying to continue to seek god and his will and i hope that my husband does the same. please pray for our family and for my husband to see his wrong and try to make them right.

[yr1979]

i just posted something yesterday but i am still so confused my husband and I separated about 2 weeks ago due to a huge argument we had. he and i had been fighting/arguing for the past month then about 3 weeks ago my mom  moved in, my husband has a problem with his attitude sometimes and can be rude and standoffish, my mom has been tyring to deal with it and is only staying with us for another 2 weeks, well like i said he and i have been fighting for the past month and two weeks ago we got into a heated argument, which my mom then got in the middle because she felt he was being disrespectful to me which he was the threw a wet napkin at my face, so then they got into it and he left, this past week he calls to tell me how much he loves me and misses me and that he is willing to do whatever it take to come back home, my mom says that even thought she supports whatever decision i make, if i decide to take him back that she will no longer visit me, we could only see each other at her new home or outthing, because she wants nothing to do with my husband, also i know he does not like where he is staying and i am scared that he is only saying what i want to hear so he can come back home and then things will go back to being the same. I have been praying for god to give me guidance and i feel like maybe i should not take him back, but then everytime i talk to him i feel so bad for him and i love him and want him to come home. Any advice. Also prayers are welcomed.

[Mac]

YR1979,

  First off, let me say how saddened I am for you and the troubles your marriage has run into. I certainly will pray for you and for your marriage to be healed. God is great and anything is possible through him..Remember, God's word said that "Faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain." So, what you and I can't fix or find to be overly taxing, the Lord can do it. The Lord also said that he would not bring anything on us that we can't handle...And with Christ in our lives and Him actively living in our hearts, all things are possible..

Please know that God does not want you two to be divorced...You mentioned that you have been in prayer and have a feeling you should not take him back...Do you think that God is telling you this and if so why do you think God would have you divorce your husband? Has he committed adultery or physically abused you in some way? I truly do not believe God would indicate to you to divorce your husband with out cause...And even with cause (adultery, not physical abuse), the Bible is full of illustrations where God had his people remain in that type of situation for His glory...Hosea is one such case in which his wife, Gomer, prostituted herself to various men but the Lord commanded Hosea to go and retrieve his wife....Marriage is a covenant between you, your husband and God...For better or worse, sickness and in health, till death parts you..

One more thing, please do not take this the wrong way...Leave and cleave...The bible says we are to leave our Mother and Father and cleave together with our spouse and become one flesh...You are not married to your Mother..What your Mother wants for your marriage should have NO impact on your decision....This is a situation between you, your husband and the Lord...Not your Mother...I know she is your Mother but this has nothing to do with her...And if she is a hindrance to your reconciliation to your husband, she needs to leave....This is not about what she wants...This is about what God's Word says to do...She has made her intentions known...You must decide what you are going to do now...Husband or Mother? We have but one mortal life to serve the Lord here on this earth..Pray for his will to be done in your life...God bless you...I will be praying for you.

[gator_forChrist]

First off I'm very sorry for your situation and will hold you in my prayers.


Second -
this sounds all too much like my parents. After 17 years of marriage my dad moved out.  A lot had to do with my mom's mom but there were a lot of little details involved. My dad's temper was a big one...and my mom's bitterness about a family tragedy that happened 23 years ago was another.  Basically...they were not getting along and neither would admit that they needed to change.  My dad lived in his own apartment and barely spoke to any of us for about 7 months before he decided he wanted to move back in.  I can't say that life is a whole lot better with them, but I can definitely tell that space helped him a lot.  About 5 months after he moved out they started going to the movies together and going on little dates a couple times a week...it helped them get a fresh start on their relationship without rushing back into things.  It worked for them and God may be calling you to do the same.  The two of you definitely seem like you need space, but from what it sounds like, he NEEDS you in his life.  The drinking and anger could only get worse if you were to leave him for good.   If you think that his relationship with God needs to be strengthened, the last thing you want to do is preach that to him.  Start doing everything you can to be an example of a true Christian, and he will realize that he can have the character, happiness, integrity, humbleness and trust that God has blessed you with.  Pray pray pray that God stays with the both of you, that your husband finds his way to Him, and that you can find in yourself the strength to deal with the separation and to rekindle your relationship with your husband.


God Bless

[naarah bet-Melek]

i just posted something yesterday but i am still so confused my husband and I separated about 2 weeks ago due to a huge argument we had. he and i had been fighting/arguing for the past month then about 3 weeks ago my mom  moved in, my husband has a problem with his attitude sometimes and can be rude and standoffish, my mom has been tyring to deal with it and is only staying with us for another 2 weeks, well like i said he and i have been fighting for the past month and two weeks ago we got into a heated argument, which my mom then got in the middle because she felt he was being disrespectful to me which he was the threw a wet napkin at my face, so then they got into it and he left, this past week he calls to tell me how much he loves me and misses me and that he is willing to do whatever it take to come back home, my mom says that even thought she supports whatever decision i make, if i decide to take him back that she will
no longer visit me, we could only see each other at her new home or outthing, because she wants nothing to do with my husband, also i know he does not like where he is staying and i am scared that he is only saying what i want to hear so he can come back home and then things will go back to being the same. I have been praying for god to give me guidance and i feel like maybe i should not take him back, but then everytime i talk to him i feel so bad for him and i love him and want him to come home. Any advice. Also prayers are welcomed.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this and I will definitely pray for you. I have a very similar situation with my mother and husband. My husband is very disrespectful to my mom and for justified reasons for the most part. She is on disability and has mental health issues and relies on us and him for way too many things a grown woman should be able to do for herself. She has a way of wanting to always put in her 2 cents and give advice that he doesn't want from a woman who cant handle her own life.  I fear if my mom did ever have to move in it would mean world war 3 in my house. I can definitely see him moving out after a heated argument...or at least moving  into the garage and blockading the doors. He is a Christian now and will still keep her from visiting at all costs even though he does try a little harder to walk in the spirit when it comes to her...his flesh still seems to win out so avoidance has been our only solution. It makes me feel angry none the less because I would like for her to be able to come over and visit and see her grandchildren but it only makes the air thick. So I have no real solutions or advice...sorry.  Dont stop praying. Your mother is wrong for putting you in that kind of position, but your husband is also wrong for his way of handling a very stressful situation.  From what I can tell, the mother-in-law verses son-in-law thing is as old as dirt and I think it boils down to 2 things... tresspassing on claimed ground and whose right it is to claim ownership or rule over that said ground , or- they dont want to think about the fact that their mother in law is most likely the woman they'll be with in their old age. I think that just simply is too gross for  them to want to comprehend. Your mother needs to respect your husbands home as HIS home though and not step on his toes. Its too hard for mothers to bite their tongues though when it comes to their babies.  My mother's brilliant strategy is to always try to take his side of an argument...even if he is most definitely wrong.