Marriage in it self...

[vikkijones]

I'm 24 years old and I'm getting married in less than a month and as that day approaches near I get nervous to the point that i feel like throwing up. I have no idea what to expect in our marriage and don't know what to do as a wife and although i have an idea as to what i expect in a husband, I just don't know if that is good enough. I still have that idea that when people get married, that it should be forever but i don't want to mess that up. I still have more growing to do in the Lord as well as in myself. My fiance is a wonderful man, very caring, loving. selfless, respectful and too many other things to name.

So my question is to the married people, what is married life like?, how is it supposed to be in the eyes of God?  how did you know you were great to get married? If there is any advice anyone could provide, it would be greatly appreciated.     

[Seeking]

Keep God in your life, hopefully you are evenly yoked...  I think the best marriages I've seen had three things in common - they practiced their faith together, they were friends, and they "rolled with the punches".  When you hear people talk that have been married a long time you hear things like "that darned Joe, always tinkering out in the garage".  That's a perfect example of something the wife didn't like, but instead of spending a lifetime fighting about it, maybe she found her own things to do while he tinkered.  You work WITH each other and not AGAINST each other.  Of course, Joe should also give his wife respect when called to dinner and not show up an hour later.

Don't expect bliss.  The first year of marriage is the hardest while you get used to each other's habits that make drive you insane, and you learn things you didn't know and wonder how that happened.  Marriage takes work - expect it.  By that same token, don't sweat the small stuff.  You will probably be complaining in 20 years about the toothpaste thing that bothered you from day one.  Don't let the little stuff tear you apart.  You have to learn to accept each other's differences.; on the other hand, if some small thing makes your partner crazy and it's no big deal for you to change it, you try to do those things out of respect.  Compromise, you are now two functioning as one.  Whatever you do, do it out of love. 

[jayjester]

Good post Seeking (vikki, that is some good wisdom)

I want to first say that I'm not married, in fact, I'm technical not engaged.  My girlfriend and I do however have solid plans to get married.
I can't give you too much wisdom from 'he who has been there'.  But I observe, and I've seen marriages and I've seen disasters.  My parents are amazing people (I can only say that now that I'm 25), and they have a great marriage.  It hasn't always been easy for them.  They've fought to stay together, and after all these years, they have really made a successful marriage story.  I've also seen some of my friends families, so I know what can really go wrong.

I'll try to help address your specific worries.
Nervous to the point of throwing up.  Totally natural.  Don't be to worried about being nervous.  It doesn't mean that your making a mistake.  It's your mind telling you "This is REALLY REALLY REALLY important".  I was insanely nervous during my confirmation, but that wasn't something to be scared of, or worried about.  Bring your nervousness to God.  And breath.

Don't know what to expect when married.  Okay, here is the down and dirty secret about life after marriage.  You live life.  With that you have a partner who will share with you all life has to offer, ups and downs.  To really make that work though you need to have good communication.  When ever you fight remember this one thing.  Why are you fighting?  The only good reason to fight with your spouse is improve things.  Always, ALWAYS remember that you love each other.  If you're fighting to hurt the other person than you have a serous problem.  So try to never say hurtful things.  If a fight is getting too stressful it's okay for one person to leave for a short time, and cool off.  Talk about this though, agree that you will always come back within a certain amount of time.  (this is all things I've learned from my parents, I can't wait to try it out myself)
Again, pay attention to what Seeking wrote, very important stuff on working together.

I'll have to modify you're last question for me to answer.  How do I know that I should marry my girlfriend?  Because for the longest time I thought that I was unlovable.  For the longest time she thought that she would never find true love.  I can't fully explain it, but we put our faith in God, and he created a miracle.  We just know that God had his hand in both our lives, and now we are together.  Put your faith in God.
  Ephesians 5 has some very important, words on what it means 'in Gods eyes'.  Also, God is Love, put your faith in God.  To know better what Love is, read 1 John 4.  That will help you understand that to have a Christ centered marriage is to have a loving marriage.

Again, I know I'm not married yet, but I hope this helps.

[Serenity432001]

vikki,

You are very wise to be asking for help and wanting to do the right thing.  Bless you!  You've also been given some very good suggestions.  My addition would be to watch your expectations and thats because it was my own expectations that often caused me pain.   Instead of focussing on the good things, my husband does, sometimes I'll focus on what he doesn't do that I want him to or what he does that I don't want him to.   Big Mistake!!  That's not saying there is never a time to confront and discuss but timing is important and what you say about him to others is also.  I'm not saying to be dishonest when you speak of him to others and don't pretend things are great if they aren't but like was said earlier, speak of the good instead of the complaints for the most part. 

The best marriages are when both parties love and serve one another.  Putting each others needs and wants before their own.  Whats so difficult though is when only one party does this and the other takes advantage.  It sounds like you're off to a good start in your explanation of your future husbands characteristics.  Thats good. Because you can't make or control the other to love and serve, you can just love and serve yourself. 

Always, of course, put God first and each other next, be grateful every day, thank God and thank one another often!

May God bless you on your journey!

Lisa P

[Cam]

You have been given some wonderful advise I have been married to my husband for 43 years and although it has not always been easy I will say this we are still very much in love with each other and if you do the things you have been told here and ALWAYS remember to be God first you will have a long a happy marriage as well. We where told 2 things from my father in law on our wedding day that we have always tried to put to practice and that is .. Marriage is not 50/50 it is 100% on both sides and never -never got to bed angry with each other. Being scared and nervous Is all very normal so don't let that make you think any thing else.. you are about to take a life changing step and everything will change for both of you but that will be a good thing because you can and should make these changes together. We all have our faults no one is perfect and you must remember that, and always remember what the reason was that that you fall in love in the first place because when we get upset with each other we tend to forget those things. so go into this with love and with the understanding that yes things wont always be the way you thought , But that's just life! Marriage is a triangle of three persons, you your husband and God at the center so relax and enjoy the rest of your life with your wonderful and loving husband! and if you have things that bother you talk it out and listen to each other .. commutation is a very big key,.Always be honest and faithful and forgiving

[Imabear]

When my uncle wanted to ask for permission to marry my aunt.  He had to ask her uncle, (my great uncle.)
 
My great uncle's advice:  "If you don't expect too much you won't be disappointed." 
Yup, it's been a family joke for years.  But it has a lot of truth in it. :)

They just celebrated 50 years together.

[Mac]

I have no idea what to expect in our marriage

Absolutely normal. How would you know?

don't know what to do as a wife

Do what you do now. Look after one anothers needs. Marriages work better if it is approached in a team work kind of way. If you know he needs or lacks something, take care of it. Show him with actions and words that you appreciate him and love him.

although i have an idea as to what i expect in a husband, I just don't know if that is good enough.

I certainly hope you have decided before now what you want in a husband and if he possesses these traits. Kind of late for that isn't it? If you are having second thoughts, delay the marriage. DO NOT RUSH INTO THIS...

I still have that idea that when people get married, that it should be forever but i don't want to mess that up.

Good. Marriage is a serious matter and it shouldn't be taken lightly. It not only is a vow to your husband but to the Lord as well.

I still have more growing to do in the Lord as well as in myself. My fiance is a wonderful man, very caring, loving. selfless, respectful and too many other things to name.

We all have a lot to learn. Love is a great thing but trying to live in a marriage without the Lord is darn near impossible.  I do not see how people make it who do not know the Lord.

So my question is to the married people, what is married life like?, how is it supposed to be in the eyes of God?  how did you know you were great to get married? If there is any advice anyone could provide, it would be greatly appreciated.     

Married life is great. BUT, it is all about being mature enough to recognize the biblical meaning of love and being submissive to one another. Fruits of the spirit come to mind also.

What is love; 1 Corinthians 3
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.

Fruits of the spirit; Galations 5:22-23 
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

I was married once for 10 years and it was the worse ten years of my life. Just awful. Wasn't living my life as I should have been but worse than that it was a marriage that wasn't based on a Godly relationship..It was just awful. It ended terribly.

But my current wife? We have been married almost 7 years. We have never had a fight. She is my best friend. We are/were Christians when we met and have lived a Christian life. Power struggles at home are a huge concern..Be you husbands help mate. Don't down him or ridicule him.

Good luck to the two of you.

God Bless,
Mac