Can't take much more!

[seekingtruth]

 
I'm new to this forum.  I was searching for a Christian support group in my area and found this site.  I'll try to be brief and not too confusing but I truly need help and hope I've found the right place.

I've been married 8 years.  My husband cheated and as a result he now has a 6 year old daughter.  It was devastating and I thought it was over then but brief counseling and a lot of prayer,  I forgave him and tried to move on.  But my husband's behavior has gotten increasingly worse.  He has been physically abusive in the past but  has not hit me in years.  Now, he's mostly emotionally abusive and controlling.  I'm scared to talk to him because I don't want him to yell and scream.  He's hardly ever home these days.  This  past month, I've hardly seen him.  He's there when I wake up and we're both off to work and then I may see him for about 15 minutes before we go to bed.  He has a small business and whenever I ask him about spending time at home with me and our daughter, he says that he's working and I should leave him alone.  When I call his cell phone, he's mean and rude and yells at me, asking what I want.  My instincts tell me that he is cheating again but I don't have real evidence.  It's hard for me to express how rejected and hurt I feel with the way he acts.  I'm considering separation but I don't know how I can afford it.  I know I should have more faith..but spiritually I feel bankrupt.    Please help!!!

[Charles Sloan]

I admire you, a lesser woman would be looking for a way out.

You have my prayers, I feel they will be more effective then my advice would be.

[Supergirl9801]

Why do you say a "lesser woman" would be looking for a way out???   That's exactly what she should be doing...not just looking but running!!!

First I recommend you check out www.drirene.com & www.abigails.org for information about abuse.  The first site has an excellent message board where you can talk about your situations to others who have actually been in your shoes.  The second offers biblical insight into domestic violence. 

My prayers are with you.  9 times out of 10 a wife's suspicions about her husband's infidelity are true.  Please don't continue to let yourself be walked on.  Think to yourself...would you want your daughter to accept this type of behavior from her H...NO right?? Well...she is learning what she should and shouldn't accept from you.  Actions speak louder than words.

[Imabear]

I'm new to this forum.  I was searching for a Christian support group in my area and found this site.  I'll try to be brief and not too confusing but I truly need help and hope I've found the right place.

I've been married 8 years.  My husband cheated and as a result he now has a 6 year old daughter.  It was devastating and I thought it was over then but brief counseling and a lot of prayer,  I forgave him and tried to move on.  But my husband's behavior has gotten increasingly worse.  He has been physically abusive in the past but  has not hit me in years.  Now, he's mostly emotionally abusive and controlling.  I'm scared to talk to him because I don't want him to yell and scream.  He's hardly ever home these days.  This  past month, I've hardly seen him.  He's there when I wake up and we're both off to work and then I may see him for about 15 minutes before we go to bed.  He has a small business and whenever I ask him about spending time at home with me and our daughter, he says that he's working and I should leave him alone.  When I call his cell phone, he's mean and rude and yells at me, asking what I want.  My instincts tell me that he is cheating again but I don't have real evidence.  It's hard for me to express how rejected and hurt I feel with the way he acts.  I'm considering separation but I don't know how I can afford it.  I know I should have more faith..but spiritually I feel bankrupt.    Please help!!!

I've been through some of the same stuff.  It's hard to make recommendations.  My guess is that he is cheating on you based on my own experience.  
Abusers are ofen very good at making you feel dependent on them.  
Is there a women's ministry at your church?  If so is there someone there you could talk with?  
If not is there another church in your area that has someone who counsels women?  (It should be a woman couselor.)  
If you do separate, you can file for spousal and child support.

For me, separation was one of the hardest, but best things I did.  I decided that I would not ever file for divorce.   I did file for support.  I did work part-time.  I did go to counseling.  I did put limits in place.  If he wanted to come back to me, he had to pursue getting counseling, go to a 12 step group, stop seeing his girlfriend, etc.  At one point her was unwilling to do those things, but when he realized I was serious, (and he had run out of money and didn't want to be separated from our daughter.) He made the changes and moved back home.  He doesn't disappear like he used to.  He comes home every night right after work.  He tells me that he has been sexually pure, (and I believe him.)  
He did have some issues with verbal abuse, but I did get counseling on what to do when he starts, and that has improved.  
There is hope, but it isn't an easy path.  You need to have a good support system... start building one.
God bless.

[seekingtruth]

I appreciate the responses.  Although they were all totally different, each post seem to believe that my husband is actually cheating again.  I believe it too but I just do not have any proof.  I have been looking for a Christian women's support group in this area and have not found one yet.  Most of the ones I have seen are for couples and my husband refuses to go back to counseling.  He even refuses to go to church now.  He says, he has too much work to do.  My daughter is definitely showing signs that our marriage is affecting her in a negative way. 

I read on another post where someone responded that both people have to take responsibility for what they do wrong and I will admit that I have not been an angel.  But I have not cheated, I do not yell and scream at my husband or nag him.  I could probably be a better housekeeper and maybe....well, I'll stop there.  I sound like a victim even to my ownself and I don't want to live like that.  Bottom line is I'm willing to work on our marriage but he doesn't seem to be willing.  As far as he is concerned, he's doing his part.  He's not leaving and 90% of our income comes from his business and in the state of Texas there is no spousal support.  These are all excuses, I know and I know that I should have faith that as long as I do the right things and what I'm supposed to God will supply my needs.

I just ask for prayers that God will show me what to do and when He does, I'll have the strength and Will to do it.

[Imabear]

Do you have a friend or relative that can take you in at least until you can get on your feet and support yourself?