In Love With My Buddy

[nyqueene]

I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. Last year, I met a nice Christian young man. To this day, almost exactly a year later, he's the only guy I've met that seems to have everything I was looking for in a man. When we first met, both of us recently got out of long term relationships and we had broken hearts. We were flirting at first, but after awhile, after a fear of getting my heart broken again, I told him that if he wasn't trying to be in a relationship, we might as well stop talking. He told me that he liked me, but he didn't want to be in a relationship at that moment, he wasn't ready. Out of respect, he backed off. I decided to cut him off for good. But a week after that decision, I heard from 2 different ppl "be careful who you try to separate yourselves from. they might be the one to take you to the next level." I immediately knew that God was trying to get my attention.

I asked my friend for forgiveness and everything. He has always been gentle, forgiving; just a real sweetie to me. I know I confused him a lot because I was going back & forth about our friendship. One minute I'd just accept our friendship, then I'd start catching feelings for him and get scared again. The thing is, we have a good friendship chemistry, but I'm having trouble seeing him as a friend and just a friend. We don't hang out because he's very busy and he stays far away. He never asked me for anything; no money, no sex, nothing. We just conversate every once in awhile. After all of my emotional confusion, he's always been there for me.

It's not like we'd talk every single day. But everytime I figure I've scared him away for good....he comes right back to say hey and see how I'm doing. He doesn't flirt like he used too either. I try to let him go (without exactly banning him from contacting me ever again) but he always pops up. I don't want to be cruel to him, I do care for him deeply, but I can't seem to stop wanting more out of our relationship. And he knows this too! But he doesn't run away and stay away!

Right now, I know I have a fear of falling in love and opening myself up to another man. So I'm healing and I believe that's the purpose for my singleness at this moment. BUT I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT MY BUDDY!! I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM!! I'm fighting my fear with love; meaning that I will no longer push him away but welcome him and embrace him everytime he reappears.

But I wonder what is going through his mind about "us." Why doesn't he run away from me? Why doesn't God take him away from me and remove this desire from my heart if we weren't meant to be? I've prayed and fasted, but I'd like some insight please.

[Imabear]

I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. Last year, I met a nice Christian young man. To this day, almost exactly a year later, he's the only guy I've met that seems to have everything I was looking for in a man. When we first met, both of us recently got out of long term relationships and we had broken hearts. We were flirting at first, but after awhile, after a fear of getting my heart broken again, I told him that if he wasn't trying to be in a relationship, we might as well stop talking. He told me that he liked me, but he didn't want to be in a relationship at that moment, he wasn't ready. Out of respect, he backed off. I decided to cut him off for good. But a week after that decision, I heard from 2 different ppl "be careful who you try to separate yourselves from. they might be the one to take you to the next level." I immediately knew that God was trying to get my attention.

I asked my friend for forgiveness and everything. He has always been gentle, forgiving; just a real sweetie to me. I know I confused him a lot because I was going back & forth about our friendship. One minute I'd just accept our friendship, then I'd start catching feelings for him and get scared again. The thing is, we have a good friendship chemistry, but I'm having trouble seeing him as a friend and just a friend. We don't hang out because he's very busy and he stays far away. He never asked me for anything; no money, no sex, nothing. We just conversate every once in awhile. After all of my emotional confusion, he's always been there for me.

It's not like we'd talk every single day. But everytime I figure I've scared him away for good....he comes right back to say hey and see how I'm doing. He doesn't flirt like he used too either. I try to let him go (without exactly banning him from contacting me ever again) but he always pops up. I don't want to be cruel to him, I do care for him deeply, but I can't seem to stop wanting more out of our relationship. And he knows this too! But he doesn't run away and stay away!

Right now, I know I have a fear of falling in love and opening myself up to another man. So I'm healing and I believe that's the purpose for my singleness at this moment. BUT I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT MY BUDDY!! I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM!! I'm fighting my fear with love; meaning that I will no longer push him away but welcome him and embrace him everytime he reappears.

But I wonder what is going through his mind about "us." Why doesn't he run away from me? Why doesn't God take him away from me and remove this desire from my heart if we weren't meant to be? I've prayed and fasted, but I'd like some insight please.

My opinion? You've known this guy for a year.  You like each other.  It sounds like you're afraid of getting into a relationship because you don't want to go through the pain of another break up.  God doesn't want us to live in fear. 
I think the time has come for you to move ahead... and find out more about where this relationship might possibly be headed.  This guy might be "the one"  Then again he might not be, but you won't know if one of you doesn't take the next step.

[wooba]

That sounds like what I have prayed about too... For God to remove the desire for a particular woman from my heart if the relationship was not meant or supposed to be.

I would say that you you should not make your decisions based on fear, take it this way what would be worst the hurt of breaking up or the hurt of not ending up with a person who is great for you?

I know for myself I would rather get hurt than to miss being with a wondeful woman, (man in your case).

You should figure out what you want, make it clear to him and hope for the best. But let him ask you out.

[NeonZ]

Here's my challenge to you. Don't hold on to your past. I've been with this thing for a while now and I don't like what I'm seeing. I've been faithful to women and I loved everyone of them to my heart. They always have some other guy in mind, They have a hard time moving on from their past hurts. Great men are hard to find, we don't get appreciated like we should. If this guy is everything you've wanted to see and he's faithful to you, don't pass it up. Go for it! I am so tired of seeing great men of God being rejected. This may be God's way of bringing you out of bondage.  Don't look back! 

[fanuvmxpx]

Keep in prayer, and if your friend feels God is calling him to court you then accept! You know your feelings, and although it is hard, try to separate them from your fears. Success or Failure in a relationship, at least to me, seemed less painful than "what if".

It may just not be the right time yet for the man. I know many christians, male & female, who use the phrase "not ready for a relationship" as a polite refusal. Hang in there, stay in prayer, keep God as your First Love and see if the kindling fire of your friendship is meant to burn-a-blaze with passion.