I never trusted my parents is it too late to....

[The unloved one]

I am 20 and still living with my parents, since I was 6 I begain hiding stuff from my parents because I never trusted them. From my rape by a family member to my real dream in life to my orientation to the kind of dog I want as a pet, I always told them what they wanted to hear instead of what I felt when I get close to being honest they always make me feel guilty and insignificant. I started to hate them at one point but I realize I am at fault and I have ruined my relationship with them. I was hoping to escape to the military and get KIA so that they will still have the fond memory of the weather it is a lie or not. I been wondering if I should tell them about my sins and failures as a son and a human being, let them know that their praise is compeletly unwarrented. What do you think?

[chosenone]

I am 20 and still living with my parents, since I was 6 I begain hiding stuff from my parents because I never trusted them. From my rape by a family member to my real dream in life to my orientation to the kind of dog I want as a pet, I always told them what they wanted to hear instead of what I felt when I get close to being honest they always make me feel guilty and insignificant. I started to hate them at one point but I realize I am at fault and I have ruined my relationship with them. I was hoping to escape to the military and get KIA so that they will still have the fond memory of the weather it is a lie or not. I been wondering if I should tell them about my sins and failures as a son and a human being, let them know that their praise is compeletly unwarrented. What do you think?

Why did you feel guilty and insignificant when you tried to be honest with them?What made you think that from such a young age, you couldnt trust them.? Do they only want to hear good things?Maybe you think that they wont still love you if they know the 'real' you. Most parents love their kids regardless, I certainly do.

My advice would be to tell your REAL father first, and that is your heavenly dad. of course he already knows all of it anyway, so go to Him, maybe write a letter to him if it makes it easier and see what happens.
After that, maybe think about telling them some things to start with. Have you ever tried to tell them about the sexual abuse?,That is something that they really do need to know especially as that family member may need to be stopped from potentially abusing another child or other children. I wasnt surprised actually when you said about the abuse cos many men who think they may be gay (as you have said on another topic) have been sexually abused by another male. The friend we have, as I mentioned on that topic, was also abused by a man and he has gay issues also.
Your relationshop with them certanly isnt ruined. relationships can be restored and you are still very young yet.take it slowly, but I think that if you can, open up to them at least about some of these things and see what happens.

You are judging yourself harshly when you say about your sins and failures as a son an a human being. We ALL have sins and failures,  but you do have the chance of a completely fresh start with God. He can and will wipe the slate completely clean. you can start again and have a totally new beginning, if you just go to Him and say sorry and ask for forgiveness from Him. He will celebrate and he longs for you to do this.
Maybe your parents do only love you in a conditional way, I dont know, but HE loves you unconditionally and totally and utterly.

It says in the Bible, that even though your mother and father may forsake you, I will NEVER forsake you. Believe that because it is true.

[The unloved one]

I am 20 and still living with my parents, since I was 6 I begain hiding stuff from my parents because I never trusted them. From my rape by a family member to my real dream in life to my orientation to the kind of dog I want as a pet, I always told them what they wanted to hear instead of what I felt when I get close to being honest they always make me feel guilty and insignificant. I started to hate them at one point but I realize I am at fault and I have ruined my relationship with them. I was hoping to escape to the military and get KIA so that they will still have the fond memory of the weather it is a lie or not. I been wondering if I should tell them about my sins and failures as a son and a human being, let them know that their praise is compeletly unwarrented. What do you think?

Why did you feel guilty and insignificant when you tried to be honest with them?What made you think that from such a young age, you couldnt trust them.? Do they only want to hear good things?Maybe you think that they wont still love you if they know the 'real' you. Most parents love their kids regardless, I certainly do.

My advice would be to tell your REAL father first, and that is your heavenly dad. of course he already knows all of it anyway, so go to Him, maybe write a letter to him if it makes it easier and see what happens.
After that, maybe think about telling them some things to start with. Have you ever tried to tell them about the sexual abuse?,That is something that they really do need to know especially as that family member may need to be stopped from potentially abusing another child or other children. I wasnt surprised actually when you said about the abuse cos many men who think they may be gay (as you have said on another topic) have been sexually abused by another male. The friend we have, as I mentioned on that topic, was also abused by a man and he has gay issues also.
Your relationshop with them certanly isnt ruined. relationships can be restored and you are still very young yet.take it slowly, but I think that if you can, open up to them at least about some of these things and see what happens.

You are judging yourself harshly when you say about your sins and failures as a son an a human being. We ALL have sins and failures,  but you do have the chance of a completely fresh start with God. He can and will wipe the slate completely clean. you can start again and have a totally new beginning, if you just go to Him and say sorry and ask for forgiveness from Him. He will celebrate and he longs for you to do this.
Maybe your parents do only love you in a conditional way, I dont know, but HE loves you unconditionally and totally and utterly.

It says in the Bible, that even though your mother and father may forsake you, I will NEVER forsake you. Believe that because it is true.

My parents hate homosexuals in a big way, while I was raped I don't think it affected my orientation as much as it affected my ability to connect with people. They want grandchildren from me not even adopted children will do. (My mom said it was the difference between homemade cake and one out of the box.) I cannot function with a woman, I will never breed or fall in love so grandchildren is a pipedream. I feel guilty about coming to God because men make me happier than women and I don't fear them, I have a lot of vice which are the only joys keeping me from going to the freeway and taking a nap on the street. Existing like this is madness but God made me for something hopefully when that purpose is up, I will cease to be.

[chosenone]

I am 20 and still living with my parents, since I was 6 I begain hiding stuff from my parents because I never trusted them. From my rape by a family member to my real dream in life to my orientation to the kind of dog I want as a pet, I always told them what they wanted to hear instead of what I felt when I get close to being honest they always make me feel guilty and insignificant. I started to hate them at one point but I realize I am at fault and I have ruined my relationship with them. I was hoping to escape to the military and get KIA so that they will still have the fond memory of the weather it is a lie or not. I been wondering if I should tell them about my sins and failures as a son and a human being, let them know that their praise is compeletly unwarrented. What do you think?

Why did you feel guilty and insignificant when you tried to be honest with them?What made you think that from such a young age, you couldnt trust them.? Do they only want to hear good things?Maybe you think that they wont still love you if they know the 'real' you. Most parents love their kids regardless, I certainly do.

My advice would be to tell your REAL father first, and that is your heavenly dad. of course he already knows all of it anyway, so go to Him, maybe write a letter to him if it makes it easier and see what happens.
After that, maybe think about telling them some things to start with. Have you ever tried to tell them about the sexual abuse?,That is something that they really do need to know especially as that family member may need to be stopped from potentially abusing another child or other children. I wasnt surprised actually when you said about the abuse cos many men who think they may be gay (as you have said on another topic) have been sexually abused by another male. The friend we have, as I mentioned on that topic, was also abused by a man and he has gay issues also.
Your relationshop with them certanly isnt ruined. relationships can be restored and you are still very young yet.take it slowly, but I think that if you can, open up to them at least about some of these things and see what happens.

You are judging yourself harshly when you say about your sins and failures as a son an a human being. We ALL have sins and failures,  but you do have the chance of a completely fresh start with God. He can and will wipe the slate completely clean. you can start again and have a totally new beginning, if you just go to Him and say sorry and ask for forgiveness from Him. He will celebrate and he longs for you to do this.
Maybe your parents do only love you in a conditional way, I dont know, but HE loves you unconditionally and totally and utterly.

It says in the Bible, that even though your mother and father may forsake you, I will NEVER forsake you. Believe that because it is true.

My parents hate homosexuals in a big way, while I was raped I don't think it affected my orientation as much as it affected my ability to connect with people. They want grandchildren from me not even adopted children will do. (My mom said it was the difference between homemade cake and one out of the box.) I cannot function with a woman, I will never breed or fall in love so grandchildren is a pipedream. I feel guilty about coming to God because men make me happier than women and I don't fear them, I have a lot of vice which are the only joys keeping me from going to the freeway and taking a nap on the street. Existing like this is madness but God made me for something hopefully when that purpose is up, I will cease to be.

The vice as you call it in your life isnt really a joy is it. it is something that keeps you in bondage and you are not a happy person. if you came to God you woudnt need these things that are so destructive to you. He woud make such a difference in your life.

I still think that you REALLY need to tell your parents and even the police about the rape. This man could do it again to anther child and maybe already has.he needs to be stopped. I still dont think, from what you have said here and on other topics that you are gay but that you are finding more love and acceptance from men that women.However at only 20, you havent  really given women a chance and you may need to look elsewhere from the circles that you have been in.

yes God has made you for something but it isnt the lifestyle that you have been living up till now. It is for something far better, and that is to set you free and change you and give you true peace and joy, but you do have to come to Him and ask Him to do this for you.You will have to trust Him to help you, please ask for His help, What have you really got to loose?

Also your parents are putting a lot of pressure on you. They sound as if they may have their own issues anyway and to be putting pressure on a young man of only 20 to have to give them grandchildren is wrong. I have 3 kids aged 30, 28 and 23. none of them are married yet, and if and when they decide to have children it is their buisiness and not mine. The youngest one has said that she doesnt want children and that is her buisiness and is fine by me if that is what she wants, it is her life.
Maybe getting away form your parents by joining the military as you have said before is a really good idea. Why not give it a go. It may mean a whole fresh start for you.   

[The unloved one]

I am 20 and still living with my parents, since I was 6 I begain hiding stuff from my parents because I never trusted them. From my rape by a family member to my real dream in life to my orientation to the kind of dog I want as a pet, I always told them what they wanted to hear instead of what I felt when I get close to being honest they always make me feel guilty and insignificant. I started to hate them at one point but I realize I am at fault and I have ruined my relationship with them. I was hoping to escape to the military and get KIA so that they will still have the fond memory of the weather it is a lie or not. I been wondering if I should tell them about my sins and failures as a son and a human being, let them know that their praise is compeletly unwarrented. What do you think?

Why did you feel guilty and insignificant when you tried to be honest with them?What made you think that from such a young age, you couldnt trust them.? Do they only want to hear good things?Maybe you think that they wont still love you if they know the 'real' you. Most parents love their kids regardless, I certainly do.

My advice would be to tell your REAL father first, and that is your heavenly dad. of course he already knows all of it anyway, so go to Him, maybe write a letter to him if it makes it easier and see what happens.
After that, maybe think about telling them some things to start with. Have you ever tried to tell them about the sexual abuse?,That is something that they really do need to know especially as that family member may need to be stopped from potentially abusing another child or other children. I wasnt surprised actually when you said about the abuse cos many men who think they may be gay (as you have said on another topic) have been sexually abused by another male. The friend we have, as I mentioned on that topic, was also abused by a man and he has gay issues also.
Your relationshop with them certanly isnt ruined. relationships can be restored and you are still very young yet.take it slowly, but I think that if you can, open up to them at least about some of these things and see what happens.

You are judging yourself harshly when you say about your sins and failures as a son an a human being. We ALL have sins and failures,Ã,  but you do have the chance of a completely fresh start with God. He can and will wipe the slate completely clean. you can start again and have a totally new beginning, if you just go to Him and say sorry and ask for forgiveness from Him. He will celebrate and he longs for you to do this.
Maybe your parents do only love you in a conditional way, I dont know, but HE loves you unconditionally and totally and utterly.

It says in the Bible, that even though your mother and father may forsake you, I will NEVER forsake you. Believe that because it is true.

My parents hate homosexuals in a big way, while I was raped I don't think it affected my orientation as much as it affected my ability to connect with people. They want grandchildren from me not even adopted children will do. (My mom said it was the difference between homemade cake and one out of the box.) I cannot function with a woman, I will never breed or fall in love so grandchildren is a pipedream. I feel guilty about coming to God because men make me happier than women and I don't fear them, I have a lot of vice which are the only joys keeping me from going to the freeway and taking a nap on the street. Existing like this is madness but God made me for something hopefully when that purpose is up, I will cease to be.

The vice as you call it in your life isnt really a joy is it. it is something that keeps you in bondage and you are not a happy person. if you came to God you woudnt need these things that are so destructive to you. He woud make such a difference in your life.

I still think that you REALLY need to tell your parents and even the police about the rape. This man could do it again to anther child and maybe already has.he needs to be stopped. I still dont think, from what you have said here and on other topics that you are gay but that you are finding more love and acceptance from men that women.However at only 20, you havent  really given women a chance and you may need to look elsewhere from the circles that you have been in.

yes God has made you for something but it isnt the lifestyle that you have been living up till now. It is for something far better, and that is to set you free and change you and give you true peace and joy, but you do have to come to Him and ask Him to do this for you.You will have to trust Him to help you, please ask for His help, What have you really got to loose?

Also your parents are putting a lot of pressure on you. They sound as if they may have their own issues anyway and to be putting pressure on a young man of only 20 to have to give them grandchildren is wrong. I have 3 kids aged 30, 28 and 23. none of them are married yet, and if and when they decide to have children it is their buisiness and not mine. The youngest one has said that she doesnt want children and that is her buisiness and is fine by me if that is what she wants, it is her life.
Maybe getting away form your parents by joining the military as you have said before is a really good idea. Why not give it a go. It may mean a whole fresh start for you.   

I must clear something up with you, I am not gay I am bi sexual, I don't care what parts someone has long as they are legal and willing. It isn't even about the sex, it about the control the power over another. I won't go to the police about it because it was fourteen years ago and the rapist is a family member, my family wouldn't support me but rather hinder me. Knowning my personality I would probably murder them all if they tried. I am hoping to die quickly in the military, maybe getting shot duriing basic or getting murdered after being deployed. I don't care anymore I shouldn't have been born in the first place, the weak spawn of two people who should have never married let along breed together.

[Howdyboyalan]

You clearly have some serious issues. Not only from the rape, but, I am kind of stabbing in the dark here

My mom said it was the difference between homemade cake and one out of the box.)

If your parents regularly talk to you about this kind of thing and in this manner, especially as a child it could have made some serious issues manifest, as it clearly has.

I'd see a proffessional

[admin]

It's never too late but trust has to be earned. Even then, "trust....but verify." I think Ronald Reagan said that.

[the innate]

you don't have to trust your parents.
you're 20.
get a job and get out or go to the army and see if your commanding officers care about what you've been through.

i've been there and then ran out of people to feel sorry for me. i wanted to die. i'm the product of a 34 year old man who was already married and his 19 year old co-worker... i should have never been born.

my dad touched us all inappropriately for awhile... my two older brothers are gay, one die of aids.

i've never been with a man and i try not to hate women.
i can go on and on with why i have the most terrible life, but i've never been raped and don't have your parents so why would you believe me?

but my co-worker has. she has a son from it too. it was her mom's boyfriend. she's open about it now and goes on with her life. she shut us all up at work telling us the story... it suddenly made our bad day seem foolish..

i thought about suicide over thanksgiving day weekend... it's never been that prominent... imagine being over 30 years old with no wife, no desire for one, no kids, a job i can't keep, no education, a family that i avoid and don't want to see..... nothing...

misery is real if you dwell in it... it's a refuge that's easy...

but then i repeated, "thank you, jesus." over and over again, not letting any other doubt, negative word, bad feeling, or distraction enter...

"thank you, jesus." a million times over

i still have no idea why it works, but it does...
faith and hope is something to hold on to.