What if one wants children and the other does not?

[leeford]

This isn't my situation, but some friends of mine are really going through a terrible time with this. One of them wants children and the other does not. When they first got married, they both did want children at some point. But it seems one of them has changed their minds and doesn't want children at all.

How in the world can this issue be compromised? I mean, either you have a child or you don't. One's NOT going to get what they want either way. Has anyone been in this situation? What did you do? If you HAVEN'T been in this situation, what do you think you'd you do if you were?

[Tantor]

If one partner doesn't want children... then the couple doesn't have children.

There is no way to strong arm someone into having kids.

If I had to do it all over again (having been through a divorce, custody hearings and child support).. given the current laws of this land I would never have chose to have kids... never never never never.

[fanuvmxpx]

Well sometimes it doesn't work out that way. If birth control doesn't work I suppose you are having a baby anyways. I've known men who didn't want a child and then when the Lord gave them one regardless, their fatherly love kicked in and they were happy they had one.

I also know of a family where the wife was scared to give birth, and they adopted because of her fear. So I suppose each situation is different.

[chosenone]

If they both wanted children when they married then I feel very sorry for the one who still does becuase in some ways they have been
cheated. If before they married the one who now doesn't want children said so, then the other one could have made their mind up then whether to marry them or not, but now they are in a terrible position. I do wonder if the marriage will survive actually as if the one who wants them cant face life without children(and why should they really)they may make the decision to leave.
I had three kids and I would have been devastated if my first husband had said that we couldnt now have any because he had changed his mind. I always wanted kids and even though they and I have been through terrible times together I have never regreted having them for a second.

My middle child, a daughter, doesnt want children but her boyfriend knows this so will be able to make the decision in the future as to whether he stays or goes but at least he knows where he is.

[wolflet7]

Don't forget about Mary and Joseph in the Bible.  Although their story wasn't quite like this, Mary gave birth to Jesus when she was still a virgin. 

This story relates to this problem with your friends because God wanted Jesus to come into this world to die on the cross for our sins.  It is proven that people who get involved with sexual activity but don't have sex can still get pregnant.  Christian married couples usually have sex once a week (or more).  That's at least a 1 out of 7 chance that the women in the marriage will get pregnant.  They should pray about it and, if God wants them to have a child, then so be it.  God's understanding is far beyond ours.  My grandma and grandpa got married and they weren't expecting a child on their honey-moon (they used protection), yet that same child was my mom, and she gave me birth.  If God would have had my mom been born when they wanted a child, then I would be a few years younger or my mom might not have been married to my dad.  I wouldn't be on this website if God hadn't have had my grandma be pregnant while they used protection. 

Bottom line, let God decide.  They can use protection all they want, but there is still that possibility of a child and God will decide that. 

[llewksgood]

I suppose the strong-willed partner will win in the end.

After our firstborn my young bride said, "I'll never have another one."

4 years later she changed her mind again and, due to various miscarriages, almost got what she said.

In her late 30's, with medical help [clomid] Daniel was born (16 years after our first).

I love both my sons, and am glad that God helped us both through the difficult years.

The first 4 years were very difficult for me.