Counseling or seminar?

[jvh]

Has anyone ever done counseling or a marriage seminar when they are having problems in their marriage? I'm seriously considering it and was just curious if anyone had any advice. Anything you recommend?

[Tantor]

Has anyone ever done counseling or a marriage seminar when they are having problems in their marriage? I'm seriously considering it and was just curious if anyone had any advice. Anything you recommend?

It's very difficult finding a competent counselor these days.  If been through the mill with them since I was a young man struggling with ADD and anger up until my marriage and children.

I would start here...  http://www.nanc.org/Directory.aspx  when looking for a competent counselor.

[jvh]

I found a Christian oriented marriage seminar called A New Beginning I am investigating along with some individual counseling. Still looking around, if anyone else has any suggestions, they will be much appreciated.

[HRoberson]

Well, since I my day job is as a marriage therapist, and my evening, part time job is at a Christian counseling agency, I might be able to offer some help here....

I don't know that I'd use the nanc website to find a therapist since the little I know about them makes me a bit skittish. Probably just personal differences, but just the same.....And shy away from therapists that are likely to say "Well, the Bible says right here that you should be honoring your spouse, so just do that and you'll be OK." That really isn't a whole lot of help and tends to diminish the severity of many couples' issues.

I'd find a therapist that is both licensed and has formal theological training (both from accredited institutions associated with mainline denominations). You local pastor who has an MDiv or DMin likely doesn't meet this criteria since most don't have sufficient therapy training to do it effectively (although, some MDiv and DMin programs are specifically counseling focused, so your mileage may vary).

Neither does a licensed therapist who happens to go to a church with a Sunday School, nor a therapist that has graduated from a church-sponsored missions or ministry program.

Ideally, a licensed marriage therapist with graduate training in theology is what I recommend.

Ask questions before picking one, and make sure their theology largely matches yours. Use your Yellow Pages and look for Christian counselors within the larger counselor categories.

As for seminars, there are a few good ones, and I generally recommend that every couple attend a seminar once a year, or perhaps not less often than every two years. I also recommend they do an annual something for their marriage - a class together, a couple get away, something (more than a night out) that is intended to help them focus on one another and their relationship.

Without knowing the details of your situation, making a solid recommendation other than the generalities above, is a bit difficult.

[jvh]

Well I do really appreciate your help. I'm going to do a bit more investigating on A New Beginning seminar as well as some other seminars. Thanks for the advice on individual counseling as well. I'm going to check with some marriage counselors in the area and make sure they have some sort of theology training before I go. Thanks again for the helpful words.

[spurly]

Has anyone ever done counseling or a marriage seminar when they are having problems in their marriage? I'm seriously considering it and was just curious if anyone had any advice. Anything you recommend?

Both.  Marriage is so important that a couple needs to seek all the help they can to help their marriage be as strong as it can possibly be.

[chosenone]

My husband and his first wife went to what was suppsed to be marriage counselling with a Christian couple reccommended by someone in their church and they were USELESS.
He used to see the husband and she the wife and they NEVER EVER saw them together. His wife of course twisted everything to make him look bad, and becuase he isnt like that he didnt do the same, and the lady  gave her really unscriptural advice such as seperating for a time which the Bible tells you not to do, also telling her that she shouldnt have sex with him during the seperation which is also unscriptural. They gave them absolutely no guidance of what they were supposed tp do once back together and didnt challenge her on any of her very bossy,controlling and manipulative behaviour, so nothing changed and eventually she had an affair and divorced him.
The only person who said anything remotely Biblical was their pastor who told her that she had hardened her heart and that she shouldnt divorce her husband as she had no reason to do so. I thank God for that man of God that he stood up to her because she isnt easy to stand up to believe me, but of of course she said that she wasnt hard and so ignored him and did it anyway. She is now alone 4 years later.
It turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to my husband  though as he is the happiest that he has ever been, but he would NEVER have divorced her.

So, look and pray for God to find the right people/person to go to becuase they can make or break the marriage (break it in my husbands case). maybe your pastor could reccommend someone?

The 'Love and Respect' series by Dr Emmerson Eggrichs is excellent. He and his wife do seminars and conferences in the USA, but we are in the uK so we bought his dvds. Very good for any marriage whether in trouble or not. Even though our marriage is very good there is always something that can be done to improve it even more.
God Bless

[Just As I Am]

Has anyone ever done counseling or a marriage seminar when they are having problems in their marriage? I'm seriously considering it and was just curious if anyone had any advice. Anything you recommend?

Yes, I have done both, and in the process of some of this right now.

I would say God will show you just what you need. There are marriage seminars which are very good, I've facilitators quite a few myself, as well as attended a handful of them as well, from many different ministries. To me it seems that seminars can help a troubled marriage short term, but for more lasting effects, a commitment to a wise Christian marriage counselor is needed.

They do have marriage intensives, which are like seminars in the fact that you go away for them, but they are not classes, but actual group therapy with professional counselors. A totally different dynamic than seminars.

http://www.nationalmarriage.com/marriage_counseling.asp/

I'd highly recommend them as a jump start. I can only recommend what I have personally experienced.

That being said, I know of another program this seems similar to what this is like. I haven't attended so I can only recommend what I see from their website.  The speaker is very gifted and I have been through many different programs by him in the past. They also use professional counselors which I think is very important. So I would recommend this as well.

http://www.lovepathinternational.com/


But with anything you both have to be ready and God has to be central to this process. No matter where it might take you. To heal relationships it takes hard work, a willingness to examine yourself in how you may contribute to the problem and a willingness to stick it out. Consistent maritial counseling is crucial to help build new relationships, help train and guide you and hold you accountable as God does the work in your marriage.

[Sherman Nobles]

Well, since I my day job is as a marriage therapist, and my evening, part time job is at a Christian counseling agency, I might be able to offer some help here....

I don't know that I'd use the nanc website to find a therapist since the little I know about them makes me a bit skittish. Probably just personal differences, but just the same.....And shy away from therapists that are likely to say "Well, the Bible says right here that you should be honoring your spouse, so just do that and you'll be OK." That really isn't a whole lot of help and tends to diminish the severity of many couples' issues.

I'd find a therapist that is both licensed and has formal theological training (both from accredited institutions associated with mainline denominations). You local pastor who has an MDiv or DMin likely doesn't meet this criteria since most don't have sufficient therapy training to do it effectively (although, some MDiv and DMin programs are specifically counseling focused, so your mileage may vary).

Neither does a licensed therapist who happens to go to a church with a Sunday School, nor a therapist that has graduated from a church-sponsored missions or ministry program.

Ideally, a licensed marriage therapist with graduate training in theology is what I recommend.

Ask questions before picking one, and make sure their theology largely matches yours. Use your Yellow Pages and look for Christian counselors within the larger counselor categories.

As for seminars, there are a few good ones, and I generally recommend that every couple attend a seminar once a year, or perhaps not less often than every two years. I also recommend they do an annual something for their marriage - a class together, a couple get away, something (more than a night out) that is intended to help them focus on one another and their relationship.

Without knowing the details of your situation, making a solid recommendation other than the generalities above, is a bit difficult.

Good advice Harry!  Manna to you!

[jvh]

Thank you so much everyone for the advice and kind words. God bless you all. I'm going to keep investigating the seminar angle and see what I can come up with that will be the best for us both. Thanks again.