Engaged but already having problems

[Onfire4him]

i love jesus! 

[kensington]

Don't go out with him, it's plain to see he is not interested in helping you to pursue a righteous path with the LORD.  Do not be alone with him, you are 21 and you already have a child to take care of.  Tell him that you want to set a date...  hey... set a date, and tell him to show up.  If he doesn't, keep the ring and keep walking. But, you need to keep your pants on already.  Peace.

[Onfire4him]

Thanks for the advice. Although, something tells me Jesus probably wouldnt have put it the way you did.    But I suppose no one IS Jesus. We can only strive to be LIKE him. Hence, the reason I am here. 

but anyway...Thank you 

[k-pappy]

onfire4him...you need to do the right thing not matter what.  It is clear you do know what the right thing here is.  I have seen first hand where man manipulates his wife/girlfriend into doing sexual things she felt wrong.  Please do not let him do that to you.  Stick with you guns, and if it means calling his bluff, then do so.  If he winds up leaving because you are sticking to your convictions, then you have your answer.  He may break your heart, and you can come here for many, many shoulders, but you will be keeping yourself for your true groom, Christ.  I will be praying for you, sis.

In Christ,
KP

[chosenone]

My feeling is that he is a man of 29, and if he is stalling about setting a date after he has been engaged to you for 18 months, I would be a bit wary. it is really good that you are being firm about no sex,well done for that, as otherwise he would have no need to marry you unless God really gets through to him about how wrong sex before marriage is. I cant quite see what is holding him back, but you will have to ask him about that.
He must also know that it would be good for your child if you both married and were full time parents for your son.

It sounds as though you are on the right path in that you are both getting baptised, but if he continues to stall and put off the wedding date for much longer, then I would begin to wonder if he was the right man for you. He is nearly 30 and not a really young man any more.

Ask yourself HONESTLY before God if you have real doubts about him, or whether he really is the man who you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you can honestly say that you are having doubts, then that is probably God trying to get through to you. Sometimes he doesnt specifically give us a word or say anything, but just makes us feel uneasy about something. Basically that means that we are not at peace about it.

Have you actually asked him straight out about wanting a date for the wedding?Did he waffle or was he specific in what he said? If he really wants to marry you then there is nothing stopping him presumably.

Another thought that has come to me is that he didnt respect you enough to stop the sex when you repeatadly said that you wanted to stop. To me that indicates that he doesnt have a lot of respect for you or your wishes or standards,and neither does he for Gods standards which is just as concerning.You need to be married to a man who you can respect, and if you cant then that for me woudl be another red flag.
God Bless

[fanuvmxpx]

I've talked with many people about engagements. And in my opinion, an engagement should mean "I am ready to marry you tomorrow", both financially & knowing God wants you two to spend your lives together.

Now, that doesn't mean you don't take time to plan things out...but I'm a firm believer that proposals should mean "I am ready to get married to you". It doesn't sound like this man is ready, perhaps it would be best to call off the engagement until he is?

If he is the one, he won't leave, in fact separation might give him time to step it up and be ready. If not, then trust me, he wouldn't be right for you anyways.

[kensington]

Thanks for the advice. Although, something tells me Jesus probably wouldnt have put it the way you did.    But I suppose no one IS Jesus. We can only strive to be LIKE him. Hence, the reason I am here. 

but anyway...Thank you 

You're welcome...  You seemed to be a smart girl who knew what the problem was, what was the point in speaking baby talk and all that?  I think we do need to be more blunt once in a while, woman to woman...  Keep your pants on. I am the mom of 7 kids, four of whom are older than you.  I would have said it the same way to them. 

What makes you think Jesus would not have said it that way?  Jesus did not speak in the King James English or in wishy washy.  He called sin, sin... and told those who were doing it to stop.  That is what I did.  Hopefully, I shocked you enough that you will remember it the next time you are with him and he wants what does not belong to him.  Right?  Tell him... "Keep your pants on"... 

[Mere Nick]

Sounds like the guy is wanting milk from a cow based upon the promise to buy it on some unspecified day in the future.  Listen to K-pappy on this one.

[Jimbob]

onfire4him...you need to do the right thing not matter what.  It is clear you do know what the right thing here is.  I have seen first hand where man manipulates his wife/girlfriend into doing sexual things she felt wrong.  Please do not let him do that to you.  Stick with you guns, and if it means calling his bluff, then do so.  If he winds up leaving because you are sticking to your convictions, then you have your answer.  He may break your heart, and you can come here for many, many shoulders, but you will be keeping yourself for your true groom, Christ.  I will be praying for you, sis.

In Christ,
KP

Yep.

[Onfire4him]

Isnt it funny how "Gods people" can be the most judgmental and also vulgar?  Crazy how you cant even come to his flock (your "brothers and sisters") with your problems for that exact reason. I guess it takes all kinds.  Nice to talk to you all, and thank you K-pappy for your insight.

[kensington]

 

Isnt it funny how "Gods people" can be the most judgmental and also vulgar?  Crazy how you cant even come to his flock (your "brothers and sisters") with your problems for that exact reason. I guess it takes all kinds.  Nice to talk to you all, and thank you K-pappy for your insight.

Isn't it funny that people want to be begged to serve God and to avoid sin?  That unless we pet them and coddle them, they don't get it and they are offended.  Strange... when God wrote the 10 commandments He didn't say please.  And when judgment day comes, He won't say please.  But, if we want people who are supposed to be born again, blood covered Christians to receive the truth about sin, we are expected to get on our knees, beg, say please and sweetie and play patty cake about it?

[kensington]

i love jesus! 

Then you need to do the right thing, for you, for God and for the child you already have.  Being 21 and engaged is wonderful.  But, you need to walk with the LORD and stop having sex.  Be what you say you are.  Walk what you talk.  Peace. 

[kensington]

Alright... I'll take the blame for being judgmental,  (I called sin, sin and told her to stop) ...  But...  Which one of you guys was vulgar? 

[k-pappy]

Isnt it funny how "Gods people" can be the most judgmental and also vulgar?  Crazy how you cant even come to his flock (your "brothers and sisters") with your problems for that exact reason. I guess it takes all kinds.  Nice to talk to you all, and thank you K-pappy for your insight.

Isn't it funny that people want to be begged to serve God and to avoid sin?  That unless we pet them and coddle them, they don't get it and they are offended.  Strange... when God wrote the 10 commandments He didn't say please.  And when judgment day comes, He won't say please.  But, if we want people who are supposed to be born again, blood covered Christians to receive the truth about sin, we are expected to get on our knees, beg, say please and sweetie and play patty cake about it?

You can call sin, sin without being judgemental.  Jesus used compassion when dealing with the woman caught in adultery.  He only used his harsh words for those who knew better...some people come here seeking advice and they honestly do not know better.  As Christians we owe to them and to Christ to treat them with compassion, to tell them "Then neither do I condemn you.  Go now and leave your life of sin."

Who knows better and who doesn't?  Well that really is not for us to judge.  We should treat everyone with compassion.

In Christ,
KP

[kensington]

Well, she may have removed her first post, but it clearly said she knew better.  She knew what the problem was. 

To be honest, I don't owe them anything, I owe Christ. 

When someone says they are 21, they have a child, they know they are not supposed to be having sex, but they are...  "keep your pants on" is justified.  At 21, you don't need baby talk.  "honestly do not know better"?  Then why say it is wrong, as she did?  The truth is, they know better, but they want to be told, "It's okay honey, you can sin, God loves you so much it's okay"... Well, I'm not saying that to any soul. 

I really don't think I was being judgmental K-pappy.  I didn't say anything to her I wouldn't say to my own kids, and I'd die for them.

[yesult]

Isn't it funny that people want to be begged to serve God and to avoid sin?  That unless we pet them and coddle them, they don't get it and they are offended.  Strange... when God wrote the 10 commandments He didn't say please.  And when judgment day comes, He won't say please.  But, if we want people who are supposed to be born again, blood covered Christians to receive the truth about sin, we are expected to get on our knees, beg, say please and sweetie and play patty cake about it?

I was cheering at this point. How can someone have a child, be already sleeping with someone and take offense at the term 'keep your pants on'.

I don't get it.

If someone doesn't want to hear the truth (an no offense at the original poster, I'm not directly trying to accuse you of that as you are obviously posting to get help) we shouldn't be begging them to do the right thing.

Jesus didn't mince his words so why should we? We're supposed to speak the truth in love and kensington was doing that. To take offense at the expression 'keep your pants on' is just plain weird to me unless a person is under 12. Particularly when the person is already sexually active.

Kensington gave great advice, and I second it.

[Archibald]

Is there anything more compasionate than being frank? So many problems stem from Christians trying to glaze things over with sugar. Christianity is black and white and yet so many people dance in the grey. When I do something wrong I applaud people that have the courage to say "Stop doing that. It's wrong."