Being honest with other Christians about how you REALLY feel...

[chosenone]

 

The problem that I have is on a forum such as this. I let it be known that I am in a second marriage and that my first husband and my husbands first wife committed sexual immorality, and a few people (very few thankfully) did use it against me and I was accused many many times of being an adulteress. Thankfully these people have disappeared and so now I wonder if I should have shared that, as it was used in a bad way. Now I do hesitate to say anything again like that just in case. I am fine about admitting my weaknesses and struggles to my husbands kids and close friends, but whether I will on here I dont know. I am naturally a chatty person on forums but how far to go??

Jesus never did that to the Samaritan woman at the well. She had 5 previous husbands. There must have been something wrong with her attitude to go through that amount of husbands. Jesus knew what she had done, yet did not condemn her. He reached out to her. We are supposed to do that too. What you did in your past is none anyone's business and they have no right condemning you.

If they can't say something that speaks life, then they should shut up and not say anything at all. But the problem is, they themselves are full of religion. They do not have relationship with God, they only have religion. They may have head knowledge, but no heart knowledge.
They know how to use scripture, but they never use their heart.

Thanks for that I agree. Dont you just love Jesus. He always accepted people where they were and not where he wanted them to be. He didnt condemn anyone except the pharisees, and there are still some of them around unfortunately.

[the J Man]

Lately I have been hearing a recurring theme in conversation with other believers. The topic of coversation (and I had another one with a brother in the Lord at work this morning) is do Christians really tell the truth about how they really feel or think?  How real are we to each other?  How much do we hide?  Do we project that our lives are better than what they really are?  Do we build ourselves up to be in better spiritual shape than what we really are?  Do we make ourselves out to be more 'with it' then what is the honest norm for us?

I have heard it said so often lately that we Christians stretch the truth sometimes about how we are really doing in this life and in particular in our spiritual life.  Why is that?  Do we fear rejection?  Judgement?  Disapproval?  Are we afraid that if we share with someone our real struggles that they might want to avoid us?  Is it embarrassment?

Rejection is the biggest stronghold operating in society. Even in the church, many struggle with rejection. It causes people to not open up and speak their mind. They fear the disapproval of others, therefore, they don't take a stand for the truth. reality is, when you speak your mind, many won't like what you have to say, and you will receive criticism. Some will even hurl insults at you and treat you with disdain and contempt.

I know first hand what it's like to be treated that way. I know how much objection I will get from people when taking a stand for something. It doesn't feel good to be treated that way, but if you want to make a difference in this world, you will have to take a stand. If you back down due to fear of what others think, then your allowing them to control you. Also, nothing ever gets done in this world when people cow talk and go along with the program.

The solution to this problem is, to learn not to concern yourself with what others think, don't give your heart over to people, and don't expect too much from people. Realize that doing God's will in this world, is number one priority.

Even those who despise you, will respect you more if you are straight out about who you are. If your a cow talker, no-one respects that. Also, if they reject you for speaking the truth, then they weren't your real friends to begin with.

[the J Man]

Thanks for that I agree. Dont you just love Jesus. He always accepted people where they were and not where he wanted them to be. He didnt condemn anyone except the pharisees, and there are still some of them around unfortunately.

Also, Jesus used wisdom when He dealt with people. He knew what to say and what to avoid saying. He didn't just spit out words. He told the truth to people for example, the woman caught in adultry(John8:1-11), He "did" tell her to go an sin no more. But He didn't go out and ridicule her, and demean her unlike many of those talk shows, where the audience boo's people for their flaws in life. They take no time to speak life to someone and help someone see the right way.

[llewksgood]

I just heard someone say this week, "We as Christians tend to shoot our wounded". That made me really stop and think.

Especially if they are divorced and remarried...............

How are you chosenone? You're making me grin.

[chosenone]

I just heard someone say this week, "We as Christians tend to shoot our wounded". That made me really stop and think.

Especially if they are divorced and remarried...............

How are you chosenone? You're making me grin.

I'm really good llewksgood, thanks for asking. I' m glad  that I am making you grin.  

[chosenone]

I just heard someone say this week, "We as Christians tend to shoot our wounded". That made me really stop and think.

Especially if they are divorced and remarried...............

How are you chosenone? You're making me grin.

Hey,llewksgood, just noticed that you are an Aussie like my hubby. He is originally from Queensland but has been here in the UK for 22 years now, so is as much British as Australian really. He still has some accent though but not as much as he used to have.
Hope things are good there. It seems as if some parts there are having a real heatwave I hear. We are apparently in for some very cold weather and some snow from Russia on Monday. Brrrrrrrrrr. It has been the coldest winter here for 13 years apparently.

[Jon-Marc]

I respect that about you Jon-Marc. And bless you for sharing, rest assured people are praying for ya!

Thank you. I'm sure we all need prayer about something. My need right now is my finances. I have a multitude of medical bills (about 15) that I can't pay; some I can pay but not all of them. I need God's help, because I just don't have the money. I'm 62 and can't expect to be in perfect health (I don't think I ever was), and I can live with my health problems. I retired early because of chronic pain in my knees, lower back, and feet--so working even part time is doubtful, although I feel better now than I did in 2003 when I retired, and I'm considering looking for part time work.

I just weighed myself today and was surprised and very pleased to see that I have lost 18 pounds since the last time I weighed myself. That is due to not having the money to eat like I was eating, which was way too much. I was 194 pounds, which is way too much for being only 5'8". I now weigh 176 and hope to go down to 160.

[Mikeyjc]

Maybe I can get back to topic...sooooooooooooooooooooo...I will tell you how I REALLY feel about my drinking non/a (non-alcohol) Becks...I do not believe I sin when I drink this beer UNLESS I drink it infront of you and you are troubled by seeing me with a beer in my hand.

There!

There is nothing sinful about it. Non-alcoholic beverages don't destroy lives. Alcohol has destroyed many. The Word of God speaks against drunkensness and the effects of strong drink, not against non alcoholic beverages. Non alcohlic beverages are not "strong drink. "

I do not view non-alcoholic beverages as sinful.  What is sinful to me is if I am drinking a non/a BECKS and another believer is troubled by the site of another believer drinking a beer.  It is beer even if it has been de-alcoholized.  If a believer has had trouble with the bottle in his or her past, thinks against better judgement that they can do the same, drinks the stuff and it leads to the real deal--then that's something I would be held accountable for, in my honest opinion.

It is sin if your conscience is violated.  If you have any doubt as to the use of these products then it is sin.  We must not be under any conviction.  Also, for some weaker in the faith or vulnerable in this area, the look, the aroma of a beer, the simple feel of the bottle in one's hand  can act as all kinds of triggers of unpleasantness/sin from the past. 

The stuff I periodically drink...sinful?  It depends on a variety of circumstances.  I hope this clarifies a few things for you as to where I am coming from.

[Nevertheless]

Well if we did things the Old Testament way, we'd be drinking our beer in church.

Deuteronomy 14:22 Be sure to set aside a tenth of all that your fields produce each year.  23 Eat the tithe of your grain, new wine and oil, and the firstborn of your herds and flocks in the presence of the Lord your God at the place he will choose as a dwelling for his Name, so that you may learn to revere the Lord your God always.  24 But if that place is too distant and you have been blessed by the Lord your God and cannot carry your tithe (because the place where the Lord will choose to put his Name is so far away),  25 then exchange your tithe for silver, and take the silver with you and go to the place the Lord your God will choose.  26 Use the silver to buy whatever you like: cattle, sheep, wine or other fermented drink, or anything you wish. Then you and your household shall eat there in the presence of the Lord your God and rejoice.

[the J Man]

/quote]


I do not view non-alcoholic beverages as sinful.  What is sinful to me is if I am drinking a non/a BECKS and another believer is troubled by the site of another believer drinking a beer.  It is beer even if it has been de-alcoholized.  If a believer has had trouble with the bottle in his or her past, thinks against better judgement that they can do the same, drinks the stuff and it leads to the real deal--then that's something I would be held accountable for, in my honest opinion.

Perhaps there's a reason why they came out with non alcohlic beer or wine? So that people can enjoy the taste without it being a problem. Why would another believer be troubled by it?

It is sin if your conscience is violated.

Not necessarily. The enemy can also bring those thoughts to condemn people. He is the accuser of the brethren. he wants you to feel guilt, and wants you to feel shame.

 

If you have any doubt as to the use of these products then it is sin.

It is sin if it's doing something against God. Sin is transgression against Him. Having doubt to using that product can also come from the enemy as condemnation to torment you emotionally.

 

We must not be under any conviction.  Also, for some weaker in the faith or vulnerable in this area, the look, the aroma of a beer, the simple feel of the bottle in one's hand  can act as all kinds of triggers of unpleasantness/sin from the past. 

But it's non-alcoholic beer. There is nothing in it that is ungodly or destructive. About sin in the past, that's all under the blood of Jesus. It's the past and is water under the bridge.

[Serenity432001]

There are social conventions that people in general use.
There are appropriate places to express your (completely) true situation.
There are appropriate people to whom you could express your (completely) true situation.

And then there is the possibility that a lot of folks want to think that some of us are having a bad life when we really aren't.

Not every day goes the way I want it to go. Not every day is stress-free. Not every day do I get the gold ring. But I have decided that what matters most is the faithfulness of God. That, despite the kind of day I'm having, gives me good ground to say "I have no reason not to have a good day."

That's the way I see it.

I like this Hr, especially this part:   

But I have decided that what matters most is the faithfulness of God. That, despite the kind of day I'm having, gives me good ground to say "I have no reason not to have a good day."

I just lost a very good friend yesterday who had this very attitude.  She was 81 years old.  She was very helpful to me in being able to be honest and helping me understand that God is in control.   It is rare when you find someone who you know good and well you can tell them absolutley anything and they will love you and not judge you.  I'm REALLY going to miss her but because of her I know that God will provide whatever or whoever I might need. 

I had a dear friend who was basically a spiritual mother to me for many years.  She taught me many things about God and backed up her lessons with wonderful life-lived stories.  I miss her too--she's with the Lord now.  Despite the difference in our ages she was one of the best friends I ever had.  She had been a real gift from the Lord.

My condolences on your loss Serenity432001...but I rejoice that you are not grieving as those in the world.

Michael

You're right.  Age really doesn't matter at all.  She was sharp as a tack till the very end.   I really am so very happy for her and glad she's no longer suffering and glad she now knows how many thousands of folks that God helped by using her.   I thought it interesting that the day before she died, I thanked her and shared again with her how she had saved my life and again she replied, Really?  Well, thank God!  and I do and we both did for all He does.  Very cool really. 

[cacoca]

I started going to a christian church a month ago.  Pastor said if you want jesus to come into your life say this prayer with me, and so I did.  I guess that makes me a christian now. I try to go to church every weekend and trying to get involved in church acttivities when my schedule allows it but I havent been able to yet.  Anyhow I dont feel the least bit diffrent than I did before.  I dont feel full of life or have this new person in me.  Im still the quiet introvert only saying ten words a day person, with no social or love life.  Now that I have accepted jesus as my savior, now what?

[llewksgood]

I just heard someone say this week, "We as Christians tend to shoot our wounded". That made me really stop and think.

Especially if they are divorced and remarried...............

How are you chosenone? You're making me grin.

Hey,llewksgood, just noticed that you are an Aussie like my hubby. He is originally from Queensland but has been here in the UK for 22 years now, so is as much British as Australian really. He still has some accent though but not as much as he used to have.
Hope things are good there. It seems as if some parts there are having a real heatwave I hear. We are apparently in for some very cold weather and some snow from Russia on Monday. Brrrrrrrrrr. It has been the coldest winter here for 13 years apparently.

I've been in Oz for 24 years, I was born in Zimbabwe. Yup, sure is hot out here, and only thunderstorms in sight. Hottest summer down here, coldest winter up there. Pity we can't swap a bit of our weather in the post to even things up. I think we were 41 or 42 celsuis yesterday. Orange NSW [which is usually moderate] reached 39 yesterday. Some fellow out in the mid afternoon keeping fit on his bike passed out and crashed. They have him in an induced coma at the moment for fear he may have overstressed his internal organs [kidneys or brain chiefly]. Heard it on the Christian radio Rhemafm this morning.

[llewksgood]

I started going to a christian church a month ago.  Pastor said if you want jesus to come into your life say this prayer with me, and so I did.  I guess that makes me a christian now. I try to go to church every weekend and trying to get involved in church acttivities when my schedule allows it but I havent been able to yet.  Anyhow I dont feel the least bit diffrent than I did before.  I dont feel full of life or have this new person in me.  Im still the quiet introvert only saying ten words a day person, with no social or love life.  Now that I have accepted jesus as my savior, now what?

I'm sure your church will have some kind of follow up. In the mean time read the story of Jesus [some suggest starting with Mark, others John], and ask god to give you experiences such as you have been reading about.

I do believe in the importance of water baptism, and I do believe in the baptism in the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in other tongues; and I'm sure you'll now hear how wrong I am. Don't worry about it, just discover it for yourself.

[chosenone]

I just heard someone say this week, "We as Christians tend to shoot our wounded". That made me really stop and think.

Especially if they are divorced and remarried...............

How are you chosenone? You're making me grin.

Hey,llewksgood, just noticed that you are an Aussie like my hubby. He is originally from Queensland but has been here in the UK for 22 years now, so is as much British as Australian really. He still has some accent though but not as much as he used to have.
Hope things are good there. It seems as if some parts there are having a real heatwave I hear. We are apparently in for some very cold weather and some snow from Russia on Monday. Brrrrrrrrrr. It has been the coldest winter here for 13 years apparently.

I've been in Oz for 24 years, I was born in Zimbabwe. Yup, sure is hot out here, and only thunderstorms in sight. Hottest summer down here, coldest winter up there. Pity we can't swap a bit of our weather in the post to even things up. I think we were 41 or 42 celsuis yesterday. Orange NSW [which is usually moderate] reached 39 yesterday. Some fellow out in the mid afternoon keeping fit on his bike passed out and crashed. They have him in an induced coma at the moment for fear he may have overstressed his internal organs [kidneys or brain chiefly]. Heard it on the Christian radio Rhemafm this morning.

Well I guess that being from Zimbabwe you are used to the heat to some extent. We in the UK are suffering our worst and thickest snow for 18 years at the moment and many many cant get to work and many schools are closed. We had about a foot of snow yesterday in the South of England.  I love it and it looks so lovely here. The kids here are having a wonderful time making snow men and having snow ball fights. I think it will stay for a few days as the temperatures are barely above freezing.
I dont like the heat at all and anything above about 24 0r 25 is too hot for me so I would hate the heat where you are.
God Bless

[Bonnie]

I started going to a christian church a month ago.  Pastor said if you want jesus to come into your life say this prayer with me, and so I did.  I guess that makes me a christian now. I try to go to church every weekend and trying to get involved in church acttivities when my schedule allows it but I havent been able to yet.  Anyhow I dont feel the least bit diffrent than I did before.  I dont feel full of life or have this new person in me.  Im still the quiet introvert only saying ten words a day person, with no social or love life.  Now that I have accepted jesus as my savior, now what?

I'm sure your church has good intentions but repeating a dry prayer after someone else does not save anybody.

We must be drawn by the Father. In other words conviction of our sins sets up a Godly sorrow and when we repent in all sincerity God will save our soul.  Our hearts will be changed. We'll have a new nature and attitude.

This is why you don't feel any difference in the way you are now and the way you were before repeating the prayer.  It must come from the heart.

[Mikeyjc]

I started going to a christian church a month ago.  Pastor said if you want jesus to come into your life say this prayer with me, and so I did.  I guess that makes me a christian now. I try to go to church every weekend and trying to get involved in church acttivities when my schedule allows it but I havent been able to yet.  Anyhow I dont feel the least bit diffrent than I did before.  I dont feel full of life or have this new person in me.  Im still the quiet introvert only saying ten words a day person, with no social or love life.  Now that I have accepted jesus as my savior, now what?

I'm sure your church has good intentions but repeating a dry prayer after someone else does not save anybody.

We must be drawn by the Father. In other words conviction of our sins sets up a Godly sorrow and when we repent in all sincerity God will save our soul.  Our hearts will be changed. We'll have a new nature and attitude.

This is why you don't feel any difference in the way you are now and the way you were before repeating the prayer.  It must come from the heart.

You're right Bonnie.   

I was brought to a church by a co-worker in an office that I worked at and introduced to one of the pastors there many years ago.  I wasn't saved at the time.  I too said the sinner's prayer--I repeated word for word what the pastor said as he led me in prayer.  However I was still a bit stoned from some drug I had taken the night before.  I know that I wasn't saved at that time.  Positive.  However,  under the mistaken impression that I was then a new Christian I went to church, read the bible and went to youth bible studies.  But all that time what was happening was that God was preparing my heart and drawing me to Himself.  Then one evening as I was listening to a choir practise at a church the Lord spoke to my heart and I responded to His invitation by crying out to Him from the depths of my heart--"Please come, please come..."  He did indeed.

I will pray for you cacoca.   

[cacoca]

I started going to a christian church a month ago.  Pastor said if you want jesus to come into your life say this prayer with me, and so I did.  I guess that makes me a christian now. I try to go to church every weekend and trying to get involved in church acttivities when my schedule allows it but I havent been able to yet.  Anyhow I dont feel the least bit diffrent than I did before.  I dont feel full of life or have this new person in me.  Im still the quiet introvert only saying ten words a day person, with no social or love life.  Now that I have accepted jesus as my savior, now what?

I'm sure your church has good intentions but repeating a dry prayer after someone else does not save anybody.

We must be drawn by the Father. In other words conviction of our sins sets up a Godly sorrow and when we repent in all sincerity God will save our soul.  Our hearts will be changed. We'll have a new nature and attitude.

This is why you don't feel any difference in the way you are now and the way you were before repeating the prayer.  It must come from the heart.

What can I do then?  I dont know if reading the bible will help because I cant understand a word of it.  Its like reading chinese even though it has versions in plain english.  All I can say is that I feel powerless I dont know where to start or what actions to take.  Thanks for your reply.

[OneLung]

I dont know if reading the bible will help because I cant understand a word of it.

Don't feel too bad. Many people don't understand it, but they have themselves convinced that they do.

[HRoberson]

I started going to a christian church a month ago.  Pastor said if you want jesus to come into your life say this prayer with me, and so I did.  I guess that makes me a christian now. I try to go to church every weekend and trying to get involved in church acttivities when my schedule allows it but I havent been able to yet.  Anyhow I dont feel the least bit diffrent than I did before.  I dont feel full of life or have this new person in me.  Im still the quiet introvert only saying ten words a day person, with no social or love life.  Now that I have accepted jesus as my savior, now what?

I'm sure your church has good intentions but repeating a dry prayer after someone else does not save anybody.

We must be drawn by the Father. In other words conviction of our sins sets up a Godly sorrow and when we repent in all sincerity God will save our soul.  Our hearts will be changed. We'll have a new nature and attitude.

This is why you don't feel any difference in the way you are now and the way you were before repeating the prayer.  It must come from the heart.

What can I do then?  I dont know if reading the bible will help because I cant understand a word of it.  Its like reading chinese even though it has versions in plain english.  All I can say is that I feel powerless I dont know where to start or what actions to take.  Thanks for your reply.

Yes, saying a prayer that you don't understand is rather pointless. The call of God is to live as He would live in this world. In short, it is a call to live as Jesus lived.

Read Mark.

Read John.

Read Galatians.

Read Ephesians.

Read Micah.

Don't get stuck on Paul's theology or legal arguments.

If you have questions, please ask.

[spurly]

Honesty is the best policy.

[trifecta]

What can I do then?  I dont know if reading the bible will help because I cant understand a word of it.  Its like reading chinese even though it has versions in plain english. 

Don't worry, you're not alone.  With more reading, you will gain more understanding.   Take your time.

All I can say is that I feel powerless I dont know where to start or what actions to take.  Thanks for your reply.

Talk to your pastor; he might have some good suggestions.   Let me add the you pray two prayers:

1) The Our Father,  do you know it?    It's simple and profound, and it's the prayer Jesus himself
gave us to pray.   

2) The other is "Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner."  That's the whole prayer.  It's not a requirement, but it may help you, it has me.

May God bless you on your journey.

[Bonnie]

I started going to a christian church a month ago.  Pastor said if you want jesus to come into your life say this prayer with me, and so I did.  I guess that makes me a christian now. I try to go to church every weekend and trying to get involved in church acttivities when my schedule allows it but I havent been able to yet.  Anyhow I dont feel the least bit diffrent than I did before.  I dont feel full of life or have this new person in me.  Im still the quiet introvert only saying ten words a day person, with no social or love life.  Now that I have accepted jesus as my savior, now what?

I'm sure your church has good intentions but repeating a dry prayer after someone else does not save anybody.

We must be drawn by the Father. In other words conviction of our sins sets up a Godly sorrow and when we repent in all sincerity God will save our soul.  Our hearts will be changed. We'll have a new nature and attitude.

This is why you don't feel any difference in the way you are now and the way you were before repeating the prayer.  It must come from the heart.

You're right Bonnie.   

I was brought to a church by a co-worker in an office that I worked at and introduced to one of the pastors there many years ago.  I wasn't saved at the time.  I too said the sinner's prayer--I repeated word for word what the pastor said as he led me in prayer.  However I was still a bit stoned from some drug I had taken the night before.  I know that I wasn't saved at that time.  Positive.  However,  under the mistaken impression that I was then a new Christian I went to church, read the bible and went to youth bible studies.  But all that time what was happening was that God was preparing my heart and drawing me to Himself.  Then one evening as I was listening to a choir practise at a church the Lord spoke to my heart and I responded to His invitation by crying out to Him from the depths of my heart--"Please come, please come..."  He did indeed.

I will pray for you cacoca.   

God bless, Michael, I'm so happy for you. 

[Bonnie]

I started going to a christian church a month ago.  Pastor said if you want jesus to come into your life say this prayer with me, and so I did.  I guess that makes me a christian now. I try to go to church every weekend and trying to get involved in church acttivities when my schedule allows it but I havent been able to yet.  Anyhow I dont feel the least bit diffrent than I did before.  I dont feel full of life or have this new person in me.  Im still the quiet introvert only saying ten words a day person, with no social or love life.  Now that I have accepted jesus as my savior, now what?

I'm sure your church has good intentions but repeating a dry prayer after someone else does not save anybody.

We must be drawn by the Father. In other words conviction of our sins sets up a Godly sorrow and when we repent in all sincerity God will save our soul.  Our hearts will be changed. We'll have a new nature and attitude.

This is why you don't feel any difference in the way you are now and the way you were before repeating the prayer.  It must come from the heart.

What can I do then?  I dont know if reading the bible will help because I cant understand a word of it.  Its like reading chinese even though it has versions in plain english.  All I can say is that I feel powerless I dont know where to start or what actions to take.  Thanks for your reply.

Just pray. It really does work. God will in no way cast anyone out who is seeking Him the way you are.  Talk to Him and tell Him what you've told us or whatever is in your heart.  He will hear you. Please give it a try.

[Bonnie]

I started going to a christian church a month ago.  Pastor said if you want jesus to come into your life say this prayer with me, and so I did.  I guess that makes me a christian now. I try to go to church every weekend and trying to get involved in church acttivities when my schedule allows it but I havent been able to yet.  Anyhow I dont feel the least bit diffrent than I did before.  I dont feel full of life or have this new person in me.  Im still the quiet introvert only saying ten words a day person, with no social or love life.  Now that I have accepted jesus as my savior, now what?

I'm sure your church has good intentions but repeating a dry prayer after someone else does not save anybody.

We must be drawn by the Father. In other words conviction of our sins sets up a Godly sorrow and when we repent in all sincerity God will save our soul.  Our hearts will be changed. We'll have a new nature and attitude.

This is why you don't feel any difference in the way you are now and the way you were before repeating the prayer.  It must come from the heart.

What can I do then?  I dont know if reading the bible will help because I cant understand a word of it.  Its like reading chinese even though it has versions in plain english.  All I can say is that I feel powerless I dont know where to start or what actions to take.  Thanks for your reply.

Yes, saying a prayer that you don't understand is rather pointless. The call of God is to live as He would live in this world. In short, it is a call to live as Jesus lived.

Read Mark.

Read John.

Read Galatians.

Read Ephesians.

Read Micah.

Don't get stuck on Paul's theology or legal arguments.

If you have questions, please ask.

Good advise, HB.  Let's remember to pray for her ourselves as well. 

[cacoca]

yes I know the our father prayer.  I also found this prayer on you tube, it is rather long but claims that if one says it every day until you mean everyword of it you will have a life changing experience.