Have I made Jesus "my Husband"?

[kristinaf]

God put it on my heart to share this message...

God's word says "it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (NIV) (1st Corinthians, 7:9), but we are not to rush into marriage either.  Marriage is a serious commitment, one that should not be taken lightly.  I am struggling with this issue right now.  I feel like I am "burning with passion" and therefore have a strong desire to get married, but I don't want to put this strong desire before my desire for God, and have it be idolatry.  I don't want to rush into things and miss the true blessing that God has for me on the other side, for God's word says: "no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness" (Hebrews 12:11).  That is how I feel right now, that God is chastening me (by being single).  He is testing me, to see if I am going to do His will and not my own.  My flesh cries out to be satisfied, but the Holy Spirit inside me simultaneously cries out "Be ye holy, for I am holy", "be ye clean, that bear the vessels of the Lord". (Isaiah 52:11).  My sinful longings are waging war against my spirit.  Sometimes I feel like giving in to them, but I want to serve God, and each day, my desire to serve God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength grows stronger and stronger.

Reading and re-reading God's word helps because it emphasizes denying the flesh, picking up your cross, and serving HIM.  It emphasizes giving up your lusts, which "war against the soul".  It reminds me that what feels good is not always right, and is temporary.  "The passing pleasures of sin" do not last, and then you have to "pay the price" of your sin - the guilt and shame that come from disobeying God.  Thank God that we have Jesus, who once and for all died and rose again, so that we would not have to die in our sins.  He paid the price for us, so we wouldn't have to! 

Today, when I told someone that I am seeking a husband, she asked "have you made Jesus your husband?".  This stopped me dead in my tracks.  Of course I have accepted Jesus into my life and appreciate everything He has done for me, but have I truly "made HIM my husband?"  Maybe my desire and longing for a husband has clouded what should be my one and only desire - to Love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and with all my strength.  This should come first.  Am I letting my desire to get married come before my earnest desire and hunger for God?  I hope not.  This question really made me think - Have I really made Jesus my husband?  Am I betrothed to Him, first and foremost?  Do I seek Him out daily, as I seek out a potential romantic partner?  Do I yearn for Him - to see more and more of Him, to be closer to Him, to talk to Him each day?  Sadly, I have let a "little wedge" come into my life, and I have been seeking out romance as much or more than I have been seeking the Lord in the last couple of weeks, since I started talking to a new love interest.  Lord, don't let me put anyone else before you, ever.  Let me desire strongly to get closer to YOU.  Let you be my husband, first and foremost.

Thank you for allowing me to share this. 

Kristina

[balink]

I'm very much so inspired right now. Thanks. 

[chosenone]

if he is calling you to do that then go for it. I know a Christian lady whose husband left her for another women after 30 years of marriage, and God gave her that verse about Your maker being your husband, which helped her a lot as she felt so alone.

For single women, He is the husband in a certain sense , but when we marry I think that he hands some of that rsponsibility over to our husbands and sort of loves us partially through him.I dont think that it is at all wrong to desire a husband , or to pray for one, and God does  give us the desires of our heart, but if it becomes almost an obsession then that is wrong I think.

It is true that if we think that a husband is going to meet ALL of our needs, then we will be dissapointed as some of them are only meant to be met by Jesus. I know one or two women like this who expected their husband to be perfect and only Jesus is perfect. No man can possibly live up to that however good a husband he is. Their marriages failed partially becuase of their unrealistic expectations. One said that her husband didnt meet all of her emotional needs....guess what, she didnt meet his needs either, but he was realistic and didnt expect her to be perfect as she did  him. Some can only be met by Jesus alone, a good lesson to learn in marriage.

I do disagree with what some say such as "when you get to the point when you dont NEED a partner, then you will find one" There is nothing wrong with wanting or needing a spouse, we are designed to want to be in relationship with someone special , so I cant go along with that, but we do all need a close relationship with Jesus whether in our out of marriage.

[truby]

Hello Kristina,
what you are going through is no doubt a battle. Yes Jesus can and will sustain all of us, but when the flesh starts to burn, that ain't no joke. First you need to stay in constant prayer with the Lord. He put the desire in us to want another. I would probably say that you might be ready for marriage, but you partner should be at that stage also. Because if you give in and the other person starts to delay marriage, then you will feel very badly. your flesh will feel great for the moment, but remember, this flesh will never be satisfied; it always wants more! I don't believe in sex before marriage because it is "sin" no matter how we try to defend it. And no God don't understand just because your flesh is itching. There is never an excuse for sin--Jesus proved that for us all. But don't let some married woman tell you that she knows how you feel when she's sleeping with her husband every night. Or some single woman who just can't seem to get a man no matter how she try. Nobody knows how you feel but you and the Lord. He lived for 33 and a half years without here. He says that he can be touched with your feelings because he lived it. I just pray that you hang in there with prayer. Many people have sex before marriage because of this very thing that you are going through. I already told you what I feel about it because that is the Word of God and that is our standard. Have I followed it without failure...no I did not, but this is still our standard. Just don't try to rush marriage only because of sex. You will be very dissapointed. You would wish that you had waited. i hope this gentleman you are referring to is about ready for marriage. Too many lovely people get trapped by giving in to sex, but never get married  until 2 or 3 yrs later. I will keep you in my prayers starting tonight. God bless you sister

Truby   

[kristinaf]

Hi Truby...

Thanks for your response.  The guy in question didn't turn out to be "the one" or close to it.  I was talking with a guy that I met over the internet on a Christian dating site.  He lives about 2 1/2 hours from me.  It turns out that when we met in person that he is not as cute as he sounded over the phone, and not as cute as his picture portrayed him as that I saw on the internet.  Sigh. 

I am still looking.  I definitely agree with you that sex outside of marriage is SIN and I have already committed myself to abstain from sex until I get married.  I still have problems with "fleshly lusts" however.  It is an ongoing problem.  I really want to get married so that I don't have to battle anymore with my raging hormones...but again, I don't want that to be the ultimate driving force behind my getting married.  Plus, I haven't found the right person yet.  That is a big problem and the most obvious one.  Sometimes I feel like I just want to get married so I can have sex.  I have to admit, sometimes I feel like that.  But, then my rational mind kicks in and says, hey, hello!!!  you have to love the person, duh! and you have to like the person!  double duh!  And you can't marry the first guy who comes along...

I am actually very selective.  I don't want to settle for "just anybody"...which is how it should be.  I recently started talking to a guy at my church...he asked me out for dinner and I went with him.  We have a good basis of friendship already, which is a plus.  And, I think he is pretty good looking.  Or at least decent looking, which is more than I can say for some of the guys who have asked me out.  Not to sound conceited, but you have to be attracted to the person. 

It is a frustrating game, trying to figure out who you are going to marry.  I can only hope that God has that blessing (of marriage) for me right around the corner.  Sometimes I am sick of waiting and sick of living with my parents. 

Wishing all you other single Christians luck on your search...

Kristina

[truby]

Hello Kristina,
I feel your pain..sort of. However, I'm sure you will get the one for you in God's timing. I didn't say that you will find the guy that you are looking for because the man should find you. Just continue to work on yourself and be prepaired and ready when he comes along. Glad to hear that you did accept the invitation to dinner with your church brother. This mean that you haven't given up on men yet. Sounds strange but many people do give up and get resentful toward God.

This is a battle at times. I mean, when you subtract the number of men in prison; then subtract men who are strung out on drugs; then men who have an identity problem whether trans...or gay, not to mention the latest trend which is called "down-low" which is a bit different than bisexual because you would never expect these guys. Many are good looking ladies kind of men...I mean talk -dark-handsom; and down low; They don't care who they bring home at night..male or female. Anyway, I got a little caried away there, but after you subtract these men, there ain't hardly nobody left. However, all you need is one, and the Lord is faithful. He has that one for you I'm sure.

Lastly, the world is only fulfilling what the Bible has all ready written about the last days. The way it was during Lot's time in the Bible when men body burned for other men. Lot even tried to give his daughters away, but men wanted men. Sad-sad-sad!
Hang in there a bit longer and just relax in the Lord as much as you can and maybe, just maybe, the Lord will take you by the hand a present Adam to you like He did back in Genesis.

God bless

Truby

[Ashy]

if he is calling you to do that then go for it. I know a Christian lady whose husband left her for another women after 30 years of marriage, and God gave her that verse about Your maker being your husband, which helped her a lot as she felt so alone.

For single women, He is the husband in a certain sense , but when we marry I think that he hands some of that rsponsibility over to our husbands and sort of loves us partially through him.I dont think that it is at all wrong to desire a husband , or to pray for one, and God does  give us the desires of our heart, but if it becomes almost an obsession then that is wrong I think.

It is true that if we think that a husband is going to meet ALL of our needs, then we will be dissapointed as some of them are only meant to be met by Jesus. I know one or two women like this who expected their husband to be perfect and only Jesus is perfect. No man can possibly live up to that however good a husband he is. Their marriages failed partially becuase of their unrealistic expectations. One said that her husband didnt meet all of her emotional needs....guess what, she didnt meet his needs either, but he was realistic and didnt expect her to be perfect as she did  him. Some can only be met by Jesus alone, a good lesson to learn in marriage.

I do disagree with what some say such as "when you get to the point when you dont NEED a partner, then you will find one" There is nothing wrong with wanting or needing a spouse, we are designed to want to be in relationship with someone special , so I cant go along with that, but we do all need a close relationship with Jesus whether in our out of marriage.

Wise words! :D

[chosenone]

Hello Kristina,
I feel your pain..sort of. However, I'm sure you will get the one for you in God's timing. I didn't say that you will find the guy that you are looking for because the man should find you. Just continue to work on yourself and be prepaired and ready when he comes along. Glad to hear that you did accept the invitation to dinner with your church brother. This mean that you haven't given up on men yet. Sounds strange but many people do give up and get resentful toward God.

This is a battle at times. I mean, when you subtract the number of men in prison; then subtract men who are strung out on drugs; then men who have an identity problem whether trans...or gay, not to mention the latest trend which is called "down-low" which is a bit different than bisexual because you would never expect these guys. Many are good looking ladies kind of men...I mean talk -dark-handsom; and down low; They don't care who they bring home at night..male or female. Anyway, I got a little caried away there, but after you subtract these men, there ain't hardly nobody left. However, all you need is one, and the Lord is faithful. He has that one for you I'm sure.

Lastly, the world is only fulfilling what the Bible has all ready written about the last days. The way it was during Lot's time in the Bible when men body burned for other men. Lot even tried to give his daughters away, but men wanted men. Sad-sad-sad!
Hang in there a bit longer and just relax in the Lord as much as you can and maybe, just maybe, the Lord will take you by the hand a present Adam to you like He did back in Genesis.

God bless

Truby

Hi Truby
cant agree that a woman isnt to do anything to find a guy. I met my hubby on a Christians internet dating site and I e-mailed him first and not him me. If I hadnt gone on the site or contacted him, I wouldnt now be in a very happy and blessed marriage. Does the Bible actually say that the man has to find the girl? Not sure if I have read that anywhere.
If I hadnt

[kristinaf]

Hello Kristina,
I feel your pain..sort of. However, I'm sure you will get the one for you in God's timing. I didn't say that you will find the guy that you are looking for because the man should find you. Just continue to work on yourself and be prepaired and ready when he comes along. Glad to hear that you did accept the invitation to dinner with your church brother. This mean that you haven't given up on men yet. Sounds strange but many people do give up and get resentful toward God.

This is a battle at times. I mean, when you subtract the number of men in prison; then subtract men who are strung out on drugs; then men who have an identity problem whether trans...or gay, not to mention the latest trend which is called "down-low" which is a bit different than bisexual because you would never expect these guys. Many are good looking ladies kind of men...I mean talk -dark-handsom; and down low; They don't care who they bring home at night..male or female. Anyway, I got a little caried away there, but after you subtract these men, there ain't hardly nobody left. However, all you need is one, and the Lord is faithful. He has that one for you I'm sure.

Lastly, the world is only fulfilling what the Bible has all ready written about the last days. The way it was during Lot's time in the Bible when men body burned for other men. Lot even tried to give his daughters away, but men wanted men. Sad-sad-sad!
Hang in there a bit longer and just relax in the Lord as much as you can and maybe, just maybe, the Lord will take you by the hand a present Adam to you like He did back in Genesis.

God bless

Truby

Hi Truby
cant agree that a woman isnt to do anything to find a guy. I met my hubby on a Christians internet dating site and I e-mailed him first and not him me. If I hadnt gone on the site or contacted him, I wouldnt now be in a very happy and blessed marriage. Does the Bible actually say that the man has to find the girl? Not sure if I have read that anywhere.
If I hadnt

Chosenone...

Unfortunately I have had nothing but bad luck with the Christian internet dating sites.  I went on one and, like you did, emailed the guy first.  Unfortunately, it did not work out.  We started talking for about a month or so, and I thought it was cool that we lived in the same state...so it wasn't too long before I liked the guy enough to consider meeting him in person.  He came to my city, and we spent the weekend together.  But!  It turned out "Prince Charming" was nothing but a big frog! Sorry, frog, but it's the truth.  He and I had a very nice "phone relationship", but unfortunately there was no attraction in person, at least on my end, to back that relationship up.  It was really discouraging at first, but now it's gotten to be annoying.  Because, he kept after me and wanted to keep seeing me.  I gave in and let him come to my city again, and I even went there once, thinking that it would be okay if we carried on as friends.  NOPE!!!  That is impossible when the other person likes you!!!  He came to see me this weekend, even after I told him it wouldn't be a good idea...he insisted, and his pushiness paid off, because he did come down here, but, I really think, and I think God is leading me to tell him firmly, NO!  And to be firm with him, because otherwise he is not going to get it.  I am a relatively shy person, so it is a little hard to do that, but I have to. 

Anyways, just a little word of advice, girls, watch out who you meet online...the picture may not always match up with what he really looks like.  (This guy had a very flattering picture of himself, he looked cute in it, but it did not match up with how he presented himself in person!!!)  If he looks like a dud, then don't think he will magically change in person, or maybe it's just an unflattering picture...it probably isn't.  Oh well.  Better luck next time. 

On a brighter note, there is a nice guy who I have had a little bit of interest in for a while now, who recently asked me out!  Bonus!  We hung out the other night and it was nice except for the fact that this guy that I have had a crush on for a long time was also there, and my attention was kindof split between the "dream guy" who I have liked for a long time, and the other guy, who although I have some interest in, is not the "dream guy"!  Ugh!  Will my troubles never end.  I really want a relationship, and since the dream guy and I probably won't work out, I am willing to "settle" for Mr. Nice who I get along with really well and isn't bad looking either.  I have doubts whether Mr. Cute "dream guy" and I would really mesh well personality-wise anyways.  So, sigh.  Mr. Number 2 may have to do.  Or am I crazy to settle.... What a tough navigation this is on the road to marital bliss.  Ugh! 

[chosenone]

Hello Kristina,
I feel your pain..sort of. However, I'm sure you will get the one for you in God's timing. I didn't say that you will find the guy that you are looking for because the man should find you. Just continue to work on yourself and be prepaired and ready when he comes along. Glad to hear that you did accept the invitation to dinner with your church brother. This mean that you haven't given up on men yet. Sounds strange but many people do give up and get resentful toward God.

This is a battle at times. I mean, when you subtract the number of men in prison; then subtract men who are strung out on drugs; then men who have an identity problem whether trans...or gay, not to mention the latest trend which is called "down-low" which is a bit different than bisexual because you would never expect these guys. Many are good looking ladies kind of men...I mean talk -dark-handsom; and down low; They don't care who they bring home at night..male or female. Anyway, I got a little caried away there, but after you subtract these men, there ain't hardly nobody left. However, all you need is one, and the Lord is faithful. He has that one for you I'm sure.

Lastly, the world is only fulfilling what the Bible has all ready written about the last days. The way it was during Lot's time in the Bible when men body burned for other men. Lot even tried to give his daughters away, but men wanted men. Sad-sad-sad!
Hang in there a bit longer and just relax in the Lord as much as you can and maybe, just maybe, the Lord will take you by the hand a present Adam to you like He did back in Genesis.

God bless

Truby

Hi Truby
cant agree that a woman isnt to do anything to find a guy. I met my hubby on a Christians internet dating site and I e-mailed him first and not him me. If I hadnt gone on the site or contacted him, I wouldnt now be in a very happy and blessed marriage. Does the Bible actually say that the man has to find the girl? Not sure if I have read that anywhere.
If I hadnt

Chosenone...

Unfortunately I have had nothing but bad luck with the Christian internet dating sites.  I went on one and, like you did, emailed the guy first.  Unfortunately, it did not work out.  We started talking for about a month or so, and I thought it was cool that we lived in the same state...so it wasn't too long before I liked the guy enough to consider meeting him in person.  He came to my city, and we spent the weekend together.  But!  It turned out "Prince Charming" was nothing but a big frog! Sorry, frog, but it's the truth.  He and I had a very nice "phone relationship", but unfortunately there was no attraction in person, at least on my end, to back that relationship up.  It was really discouraging at first, but now it's gotten to be annoying.  Because, he kept after me and wanted to keep seeing me.  I gave in and let him come to my city again, and I even went there once, thinking that it would be okay if we carried on as friends.  NOPE!!!  That is impossible when the other person likes you!!!  He came to see me this weekend, even after I told him it wouldn't be a good idea...he insisted, and his pushiness paid off, because he did come down here, but, I really think, and I think God is leading me to tell him firmly, NO!  And to be firm with him, because otherwise he is not going to get it.  I am a relatively shy person, so it is a little hard to do that, but I have to. 

Anyways, just a little word of advice, girls, watch out who you meet online...the picture may not always match up with what he really looks like.  (This guy had a very flattering picture of himself, he looked cute in it, but it did not match up with how he presented himself in person!!!)  If he looks like a dud, then don't think he will magically change in person, or maybe it's just an unflattering picture...it probably isn't.  Oh well.  Better luck next time. 

On a brighter note, there is a nice guy who I have had a little bit of interest in for a while now, who recently asked me out!  Bonus!  We hung out the other night and it was nice except for the fact that this guy that I have had a crush on for a long time was also there, and my attention was kindof split between the "dream guy" who I have liked for a long time, and the other guy, who although I have some interest in, is not the "dream guy"!  Ugh!  Will my troubles never end.  I really want a relationship, and since the dream guy and I probably won't work out, I am willing to "settle" for Mr. Nice who I get along with really well and isn't bad looking either.  I have doubts whether Mr. Cute "dream guy" and I would really mesh well personality-wise anyways.  So, sigh.  Mr. Number 2 may have to do.  Or am I crazy to settle.... What a tough navigation this is on the road to marital bliss.  Ugh! 

The internet works for some and not others. I had been on one or two christian internet dating sites here in the uK for two years before I met 'the one' and I had met up with three guys before him. None were right for me. I also had  a very bad experience with a man on an international site who hurt me very badly, so you do have to be very careful. Fortunatly it didnt put me off completely becuase very shortly after that I met my husband. He had only been on the site for two days how lucky is he?!?!
My son (who is 30) also met his lovely girlfriend here in the uk on a Christian dating site about 9 months ago. She e-mailed him first and despite the fact that he had about 30 other contacts (he is a good looking guy)he said he just felt she was the right one and never contacted any of the others, They have never looked back and are very serious. I think they will marry next year.

So anyway just to say that I cant agree that women shouldnt make the first move, as otherwise  I wouldnt be happily married now and my son wouldnt have his lovely girlfriend. Also where in the bible does it say that a women cant tell a man that she likes him?

Best wishes with your search. I am sure that God has the right one for you at the right time. I got married at 19 the first time and had a 25 year marriage. I was then alone and a single parent for 6 years before I met my husband now.
mY daughter gets frustrated like you, She is 28 and would love to meet a lovely Christian guy, its hard for her cos her brother has new found someone, her younger 23 year old sister has had a boyfriend for nearly three years (they arent Christians) but she is still waiting for her man.

God can do anything though, so keep trusting Him.

[truby]

Hello all,
in response to my reply above, first of all the idea is not for a woman to keep her eyes closed in case prince charming comes along; In Genesis 2:22 God brought the woman to the man after He put Adam to sleep. However, God did it. My response was from Proverbs 18:22 that says: "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord." In general, man is the hunter who looks for a wife. This was the idea. I have 6 sisters and two of them made the first move on the man, and they've been married for over 15 yrs. now.

The idea is to make sure that the Lord is leading you and not your flesh. Some men are a little passive and will never get hooked up with a woman unless she make a subtle move. I'm sure that most women wouldn't want their daughter hunting a man; but there are exceptions.

As I also stated, most women feel that there are a shortage in men because of......what I stated above, so they get paranoid and settle for second, third, or fourth best. However, if they trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to their own understanding. In all of thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5,6

P.S.  Sorry I didn't respond earlier but I have a business that I've been tied up with. I don't get to make it to this forum too often.

God bless
Truby

[chosenone]

Hello all,
in response to my reply above, first of all the idea is not for a woman to keep her eyes closed in case prince charming comes along; In Genesis 2:22 God brought the woman to the man after He put Adam to sleep. However, God did it. My response was from Proverbs 18:22 that says: "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord." In general, man is the hunter who looks for a wife. This was the idea. I have 6 sisters and two of them made the first move on the man, and they've been married for over 15 yrs. now.

The idea is to make sure that the Lord is leading you and not your flesh. Some men are a little passive and will never get hooked up with a woman unless she make a subtle move. I'm sure that most women wouldn't want their daughter hunting a man; but there are exceptions.

As I also stated, most women feel that there are a shortage in men because of......what I stated above, so they get paranoid and settle for second, third, or fourth best. However, if they trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to their own understanding. In all of thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5,6

P.S.  Sorry I didn't respond earlier but I have a business that I've been tied up with. I don't get to make it to this forum too often.

God bless
Truby

yes thats what God told me 3 years or so after my divorce. "Dont settle for second best". I was wondering if at the age that I was at that time (about 46) that I wouldnt have much choice and may have to just settle for whoever wanted me (well not quite that but you get what I mean) and also many women do settle for a non Christian man as they dont think they will ever meet a Christian guy but dont do it. wait for Gods choice for you. God found me an amazing godly man who had been rejected and divorced by another women, and he is the best man I could ever have wanted. Also God tells us to be specific. I actually wrote a list of the qualities that I wanted in a husband (eg patience kindness etc) and I got all of them and more. God can do anything.

[truby]

You are so right ! God can do anything. So many couples are married to an unbeliver. If you are a Christian who is not married yet,  please don't go into the marriage that way,  hoping that one day you will change him/her. God warn us in the book of Amos 3:3 by asking a question: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" You need to answer that question for yourself. I think that you already know the answer.

So many people gave in before the set time;  Now wishing they would have waited. So much better to wait for that prince than to be maried and stuck with a frog...lol   Just joking but you get the point. Talk to some of your associates, and they will tell you that they wish they whould have waited. This is not easy though; especially in the midnight hour, but God's grace is sufficient. He is always faithful and He will see you through.

truby

[Hehealedme]

.

[truby]

My dear, we all have to vent sometimes.
I can relate to you about the boyfriend and your daughter. I'm in a similar situation with my daughter also. The best thing we can do is often the last thing that we do and that is PRAY. Seem like eerybody always say pray but I happen to believe in prayer. If it wasn't for God's grace hearing my mother pray for me over the years, there's no telling where I might have ended up rather than this Christian forum responding to this post.

So many young ladies end up this way, and if truth be told, I'm sure that a few women in this forum has gone down that same road but God made a way for them to come to themselves like the Protocol Son had to come to himself. We need to pray specifically that no harm or danger come there way. Or some Pimp comes along and sweep them off their feet. This is a dangerous world we are living in! We should always pray. However, some things can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting - Mark 9:29 I know that you love your daughter because I can almost feel it, but she's at a age now that she thinks that she can make her own decisions. Hopefully she don't learn the hard way, but sometime this is when some learn. Unfortunatelly your home was broken. This usually hurt the children the most, but God can somehow make all things to turn out for good to them that love God, to them that are calleed according to his purpose- Romans 8:28....

All is well,
Truby