Please, please give me some advice

[kcsabrina]

I have been thinking about this for months... and I finally decided to search out a Christian forum to say it out loud.

I began dating Michael (fake name...) my sophomore year of high school.  I am now in my junior year of college and am about to turn 21.  We dated throughout high school, things went great, I assumed we were going to get married.  We ended up going to different colleges, due to different academic interests, but we decided to stay together.  I am sorry to say that I agreed to give him my virginity a little bit into college on a visit, we were convinced we were going to get married.  So we decided it didn't matter.  We were stupid...., I regret this... A little while after this, I realize that I knew I didn't love him enough to spend the rest of my life with him.  Although I felt guilty about giving him my virginity, I knew he wasn't the one.  It killed me to say it to him, it killed him... it was a horrible breakup.  What with the virginity thrown in, the feelings, etc.  He didn't speak to me for months. 

About a year and a half later, we found ourselves living back at home for the summer (this past summer of 2008).  And... we started spending a lot of time together, and soon enough it was like we were basically a couple.  I am sorry to say that I am the type of person that loves to just please everyone, no matter what... So when he asked if we were together, I said "Sure..."  So we've been together ever since.  I tried for so long to stay with him, to try to love him.  I just can't.  I know he's not the one... There are so many reasons.  I don't feel comfortable talking with him about my faith, which I have faltered in many times since I came to college and am coming back to full force right now.  He's not a very religious person, although he believes.  He does not practice...  It worries me.

Is this right to be thinking this???  I just wanted some Christian advice... I didn't want just some girls to tell me "oh you know you should break up with him then!"  Should I stay with him forever because I gave him my virginity?  It would tear both of our families apart, I know they would both be heartbroken, not to mention him.  I would be upset, but mostly because of the hurt I would be causing him.  I don't know what to do... I don't know what the Christian thing to do is. 

I'd appreciate any advice... 

[kensington]

Let him go... care enough about him to let him go and find a life for himself.  Loving for other people is selfish... it is not giving as you may be thinking.  It stunts the growth of those involved and traps people into bad relationships, that become marriages, and makes bad parents for kids who come along later.  LET HIM GO.

Tell him honestly that you know he is not the one, and that you don't love him that way, and you won't marry someone you don't love, it's unfair to them.  Tell him the truth, witness for the LORD, tell him you want to walk out your faith as a Christian and would only consider marrying a Christian.  LET HIM GO. 

You are old enough to be able to say these things to someone who believes they are going to spend life with you.  Do the right thing.

[fanuvmxpx]

Male point of view here:

1. If you don't love him, don't marry him (or even pretend to be his girlfriend)
2. Don't lie to him, tell him how you feel
3. Leave sooner rather than later, it will hurt less
4. As Kensington said, let him know you will only marry a Christian

Even if the process doesn't feel right to you, because of you wanting to make others happy, realize this is in both of your best interests. For most males, the process above is what we would hope to have, especially for a break up.

I dated someone who "tried to make it work"...it doesn't. Let him go.

[yesult]

You need Gods guidance in this, so badly. Have you prayed about it? What has he said? If you're still struggling, perhaps you should go and talk to a pastor about this. My take would be very similar to the above two posters. But it really needs to be God who has the last word.

[Archibald]

Kensington pretty much said everything I would say. Don't let it fester, it will just turn into resentment and hate.