Physical Attraction

[yesult]

Yeah. Because people can be more attractive on some days then other days and extra weight and bad haircuts can make a difference too.
That's why getting to know someone is so important. If you can't picture them as old and ugly and still love them then it's probably not very deep. And if you can't picture yourself liking them more if they suddenly skyrocketed into model status through a workout program and a professional makeover then it's bad too. (And if you can, then somethings probably wrong  )
otherwise we could end up like this


lol. had to use that smiley

I think for initial attraction, looks can be a lot more important - but after that - nyer. If it doesn't get deeper then it has to be time to move on.

[Fem2009]

OK to clarify, I am not trying to make a line on what is beautiful and what isn't.

I trust God, that when I meet who ever he has destined for me, attraction will not be a problem.

The problem arises when I speak the truth and say I will not marry someone I am not physically attracted too. To me when God promises me something, it will be perfect in every regard. I understand the easiest way out when someone asks for an opinion is to label it as worldly or of the flesh because of the automatic assumption that they are only attracted to some beautiful blond bay watch babe. The reason this troubles me is because I hear time and time again that looks shouldn't matter. My point is if we wait for who ever God designed for us, it wouldn't even be an issue.

I could settle for someone that I'm not attracted too, but get along great with and label it as "well its the Christian thing to do because I should only look at their heart", or I could wait and marry the person God has designed for me, witch will rock my world in every way. It makes me wonder how many people have married out of pressure from their church and peers, instead of waiting for God's plan.

It's your choice at the end. But if you choose to ignore God's plan for you, you could end up in troubled water. Looks fade. So, you better have something of substance that is more important to you than a woman that is comparable to the thousands of subliminal messages you get every day. You know, the ones that say what a woman should look and act like. Follow God's message, you'll find the future you thankful and content.

[rppearso]

looks do fade like 20 years before you die, there are like 20 to 30 years inbetween where looks are a big deal, so 20 to 30 years of time not being attracted to someone is a big deal.

OK to clarify, I am not trying to make a line on what is beautiful and what isn't.

I trust God, that when I meet who ever he has destined for me, attraction will not be a problem.

The problem arises when I speak the truth and say I will not marry someone I am not physically attracted too. To me when God promises me something, it will be perfect in every regard. I understand the easiest way out when someone asks for an opinion is to label it as worldly or of the flesh because of the automatic assumption that they are only attracted to some beautiful blond bay watch babe. The reason this troubles me is because I hear time and time again that looks shouldn't matter. My point is if we wait for who ever God designed for us, it wouldn't even be an issue.

I could settle for someone that I'm not attracted too, but get along great with and label it as "well its the Christian thing to do because I should only look at their heart", or I could wait and marry the person God has designed for me, witch will rock my world in every way. It makes me wonder how many people have married out of pressure from their church and peers, instead of waiting for God's plan.

It's your choice at the end. But if you choose to ignore God's plan for you, you could end up in troubled water. Looks fade. So, you better have something of substance that is more important to you than a woman that is comparable to the thousands of subliminal messages you get every day. You know, the ones that say what a woman should look and act like. Follow God's message, you'll find the future you thankful and content.

[Fem2009]

looks do fade like 20 years before you die, there are like 20 to 30 years inbetween where looks are a big deal, so 20 to 30 years of time not being attracted to someone is a big deal.

OK to clarify, I am not trying to make a line on what is beautiful and what isn't.

I trust God, that when I meet who ever he has destined for me, attraction will not be a problem.

The problem arises when I speak the truth and say I will not marry someone I am not physically attracted too. To me when God promises me something, it will be perfect in every regard. I understand the easiest way out when someone asks for an opinion is to label it as worldly or of the flesh because of the automatic assumption that they are only attracted to some beautiful blond bay watch babe. The reason this troubles me is because I hear time and time again that looks shouldn't matter. My point is if we wait for who ever God designed for us, it wouldn't even be an issue.

I could settle for someone that I'm not attracted too, but get along great with and label it as "well its the Christian thing to do because I should only look at their heart", or I could wait and marry the person God has designed for me, witch will rock my world in every way. It makes me wonder how many people have married out of pressure from their church and peers, instead of waiting for God's plan.

It's your choice at the end. But if you choose to ignore God's plan for you, you could end up in troubled water. Looks fade. So, you better have something of substance that is more important to you than a woman that is comparable to the thousands of subliminal messages you get every day. You know, the ones that say what a woman should look and act like. Follow God's message, you'll find the future you thankful and content.

I'm sorry but I beg to differ. Each person ages differently. I've seen 30 yr olds wrinkled and 50 yr old with lots of melanin without a wrinkle anywhere. So, since you never know what you'll end up with, your list should not put looks first. To stick to the subject (this is a christian site so you need to remember that) If you have a horrid accident tomorrow-burned face, severed body part-I'd hope you have a wife who will stick to her vows and not leave you. Because life is about supporting each other, putting looks first leaves room for much disappointment. The most beautiful woman can be the ugliest person inside. Personality, kindness, devotion to God, loyalty, intelligence are all attributes that can improve both partners lives IMMENSELY.

[rppearso]

So im guessing if someone disagrees with you there a non-christian, so a requirement of being a christian is you must be in agreement with Fem2009, is that short for feminist or female.  I did not disagree with anything you said, I would not leave a wife if she was injured and I agree there are things much more important than looks but physical attraction has to be part of the equation to some extent at least to the extent that you are able to lay with them in a marriage bed otherwise there will be alot of problems and seting yourself up for problems is foolishness.

looks do fade like 20 years before you die, there are like 20 to 30 years inbetween where looks are a big deal, so 20 to 30 years of time not being attracted to someone is a big deal.

OK to clarify, I am not trying to make a line on what is beautiful and what isn't.

I trust God, that when I meet who ever he has destined for me, attraction will not be a problem.

The problem arises when I speak the truth and say I will not marry someone I am not physically attracted too. To me when God promises me something, it will be perfect in every regard. I understand the easiest way out when someone asks for an opinion is to label it as worldly or of the flesh because of the automatic assumption that they are only attracted to some beautiful blond bay watch babe. The reason this troubles me is because I hear time and time again that looks shouldn't matter. My point is if we wait for who ever God designed for us, it wouldn't even be an issue.

I could settle for someone that I'm not attracted too, but get along great with and label it as "well its the Christian thing to do because I should only look at their heart", or I could wait and marry the person God has designed for me, witch will rock my world in every way. It makes me wonder how many people have married out of pressure from their church and peers, instead of waiting for God's plan.

It's your choice at the end. But if you choose to ignore God's plan for you, you could end up in troubled water. Looks fade. So, you better have something of substance that is more important to you than a woman that is comparable to the thousands of subliminal messages you get every day. You know, the ones that say what a woman should look and act like. Follow God's message, you'll find the future you thankful and content.

I'm sorry but I beg to differ, you non-christian. Each person ages differently. I've seen 30 yr olds wrinkled and 50 yr old with lots of melanin without a wrinkle anywhere. So, since you never know what you'll end up with, your list should not put looks first. To stick to the subject (this is a christian site so you need to remember that) If you have a horrid accident tomorrow-burned face, severed body part-I'd hope you have a wife who will stick to her vows and not leave you. Because life is about supporting each other, putting looks first leaves room for much disappointment. The most beautiful woman can be the ugliest person inside. Personality, kindness, devotion to God, loyalty, intelligence are all attributes that can improve both partners lives IMMENSELY.

[Fem2009]

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

[Bon Voyage]

Physical attraction is important, and I dare say those that say it isn't are full of it.

And there are different strokes for different folks.   Some guys like the BBW's.  Other's like skinny minnies.  Some like em in between.

Looks are like a college degree, it gets you an interview, but it won't get you hired.  And it's natural, God made men and women to be attractive to each other.

Substance is what seals the deal.

[rppearso]

I could not agree more with that.

Physical attraction is important, and I dare say those that say it isn't are full of it.

And there are different strokes for different folks.   Some guys like the BBW's.  Other's like skinny minnies.  Some like em in between.

Looks are like a college degree, it gets you an interview, but it won't get you hired.  And it's natural, God made men and women to be attractive to each other.

Substance is what seals the deal.

[chosenone]

Physical attraction is important, and I dare say those that say it isn't are full of it.

And there are different strokes for different folks.   Some guys like the BBW's.  Other's like skinny minnies.  Some like em in between.

Looks are like a college degree, it gets you an interview, but it won't get you hired.  And it's natural, God made men and women to be attractive to each other.

Substance is what seals the deal.

I agree Gary. However, my husband isnt my 'ideal' rugby player type of build, and I am not my husbands ideal 'ultra skinny' type of woman and yet we have a brilliant marriage and are really happy, so while there does have to be an attraction, that 'certain something' that we cant always define, we dont always end up with the type that we thought we wanted.
So I would say. have an open mind and dont get too narrow in your  preference.
if we allow God to find our partner, He ALWAYS knows who is the best one for us, and the marriage is far more likely to work than if we rely on who WE think we should have.God has far more sense than we do and he also knows that we often choose someone who is totally wrong for us. This is proved by the numerous posts on forums about those whose marriages have failed after a very short time.

[Fem2009]

Physical attraction is important, and I dare say those that say it isn't are full of it.

And there are different strokes for different folks.   Some guys like the BBW's.  Other's like skinny minnies.  Some like em in between.

Looks are like a college degree, it gets you an interview, but it won't get you hired.  And it's natural, God made men and women to be attractive to each other.

Substance is what seals the deal.

He also made us with ears, mouths, brains and souls. As a christian, I would not put physical attraction high on my list bc I believe it is worldy. Here is your statement on the flip side:

Beautiful women find money important. Can you provide an extravagant lifestyle? Do you drive a six figure car that will "get you an interview with her?"


 

[fanuvmxpx]

I agree Gary. However, my husband isnt my 'ideal' rugby player type of build, and I am not my husbands ideal 'ultra skinny' type of woman and yet we have a brilliant marriage and are really happy, so while there does have to be an attraction, that 'certain something' that we cant always define, we dont always end up with the type that we thought we wanted.
So I would say. have an open mind and dont get too narrow in your  preference.
if we allow God to find our partner, He ALWAYS knows who is the best one for us, and the marriage is far more likely to work than if we rely on who WE think we should have.God has far more sense than we do and he also knows that we often choose someone who is totally wrong for us. This is proved by the numerous posts on forums about those whose marriages have failed after a very short time.

Sometimes you can tell when people are attractive even without athletic figures. I used to have an athletic body playing sports and my wife used to have striking curves before 'the pill' got to her (My wife's cooking was too good to pass up, as evidenced by the gut I have going).

We may not currently be "hot" according to society...but I think we're both pretty good looking still =). The Mrs. doesn't have the body of a model...but she is prettier than 90% of the models I see hands down.

[Fem2009]

I agree Gary. However, my husband isnt my 'ideal' rugby player type of build, and I am not my husbands ideal 'ultra skinny' type of woman and yet we have a brilliant marriage and are really happy, so while there does have to be an attraction, that 'certain something' that we cant always define, we dont always end up with the type that we thought we wanted.
So I would say. have an open mind and dont get too narrow in your  preference.
if we allow God to find our partner, He ALWAYS knows who is the best one for us, and the marriage is far more likely to work than if we rely on who WE think we should have.God has far more sense than we do and he also knows that we often choose someone who is totally wrong for us. This is proved by the numerous posts on forums about those whose marriages have failed after a very short time.

Sometimes you can tell when people are attractive even without athletic figures. I used to have an athletic body playing sports and my wife used to have striking curves before 'the pill' got to her (My wife's cooking was too good to pass up, as evidenced by the gut I have going).

We may not currently be "hot" according to society...but I think we're both pretty good looking still =). The Mrs. doesn't have the body of a model...but she is prettier than 90% of the models I see hands down.

I'm sure your opinion on your pretty wife comes from the deeper connection you have built with her over the years. It's great that you are still attracted to her.

[Fem2009]

Would I be going to far to say that there has to be a physical attraction for a relationship to work?

People tell me to look at someones heart, not how they look. It baffles me that people don't see the need for there to be physical attraction.

God already has someone in mind for most of us, someone he matched perfectly to us. I would think physical attraction would be apart of that process.

The reason I say this is because alot of people tell me I am too picky. I know what I like and I am sure God does too since he designed me. But I have also been accused that it's not Christian like, and sometimes I quarrel with myself about it.

I guess my stand point on it is im not gunna settle unless she is perfect for me, and as vane as it sounds to some people, physical attraction is apart of it.

Don't sell yourself short!  And don't listen to people who say physical attraction should not be part of the equation.  It is, and you can't fake it.  It needs to be there, please believe me.

I recently tried the internet dating scene, at a Christian website.  I met a guy from my state and we talked for about a month and a half over the phone and exchanged emails.  We decided to meet because we lived only about 2 hours from eachother.   What I didn't count on was that my first impression of meeting him in person was one of disappointment.  He was somewhat homely looking.  (Not cute.) I knew instantaneously from the moment I saw him that I was not interested in him in a romantic way...at all.  It was unfortunate, because I had developed an emotional connection with him, by talking with him over the phone.  At least I have a good friend now, but I was still very disappointed.

My one Christian girlfriend was trying to tell me that because we had a good relationship over the phone, that I should basically give him a chance, regardless of what he looks like.  I was upset at that, because he really kindof grosses me out!!!! What bad advice! At first, I thought maybe she was right, but I'm like, c'mon, your husband is a good looking guy... why should you tell me to compromise on looks.  I got the same bad advice from my best friend, initially...and then over time she told me that he was a complete psycho, and she was "scared for me".  Uy yi yi!  I told her she did not need to be that worried.  Anyways.  Use caution when "internet dating". 

And please, don't settle for someone you are not attracted to.  You have to wake up next to this person for the rest of your life.  You have to be intimate with them.  Don't settle! Think about it...God knows who would be attractive to us, so He has that person waiting for us.  Did God give Adam an unattractive Eve, who He was like:  Sorry, Dude, I know she's not the hottest, but it's the best I could do?  No!  He was like, there you go, Dude!  I created only the best for you!  I know you well!  (God has that person for you, too! )

Love your Sister in Christ,

Kristina

If God has that person for you, then it is not your choice to say whether their gross or not. That man may not have been Brad Pitt but he could have turned out to be a loyal, honest loving person-isn't that worth more than looks? Aren't you aware that LOOKS FADE?

[walker starr]

How many ways are to express the thought,Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?  I`ll refrain from a long dissertation.  The quick true answer 'as many as there are people'.  If there were only one true ideal woman or man consider how terribly disappointed the rest of the wold population would be.

[Fem2009]

I agree walker starr

[Cally]

I see "physical attraction" more in mannerisms.

Overall, though, it was one thing I learned to see God's way. "Beautiful" is described by Peter (in the feminine sense) as "quiet and gentle spirit," and of COURSE, "a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (and this is in the context of looking for the right spouse, Proverbs).

Women who are unnattractive to me are "loud and defiant." (Proverbs--the woman who's out to make a jerk out of you.)

But mostly, I find dating and shopping to be silly beyond a certain point. You get to choose her, granted, but once you have her it should be seen like your dad, you mom, your brother or sister--family, that stays your family whether you like it every single day or not.

On the other hand, Paul advised some people to get spouses because there is so much immorality. Which tells me that if getting seduced is a higher risk than usual (like it was to his audience) getting married is a remedy. You figure out what that means. 

[Fem2009]

Amen to that! 

I see "physical attraction" more in mannerisms.

Overall, though, it was one thing I learned to see God's way. "Beautiful" is described by Peter (in the feminine sense) as "quiet and gentle spirit," and of COURSE, "a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (and this is in the context of looking for the right spouse, Proverbs).

Women who are unnattractive to me are "loud and defiant." (Proverbs--the woman who's out to make a jerk out of you.)

But mostly, I find dating and shopping to be silly beyond a certain point. You get to choose her, granted, but once you have her it should be seen like your dad, you mom, your brother or sister--family, that stays your family whether you like it every single day or not.

On the other hand, Paul advised some people to get spouses because there is so much immorality. Which tells me that if getting seduced is a higher risk than usual (like it was to his audience) getting married is a remedy. You figure out what that means. 

[kristinaf]

Would I be going to far to say that there has to be a physical attraction for a relationship to work?

People tell me to look at someones heart, not how they look. It baffles me that people don't see the need for there to be physical attraction.

God already has someone in mind for most of us, someone he matched perfectly to us. I would think physical attraction would be apart of that process.

The reason I say this is because alot of people tell me I am too picky. I know what I like and I am sure God does too since he designed me. But I have also been accused that it's not Christian like, and sometimes I quarrel with myself about it.

I guess my stand point on it is im not gunna settle unless she is perfect for me, and as vane as it sounds to some people, physical attraction is apart of it.

Don't sell yourself short!  And don't listen to people who say physical attraction should not be part of the equation.  It is, and you can't fake it.  It needs to be there, please believe me.

I recently tried the internet dating scene, at a Christian website.  I met a guy from my state and we talked for about a month and a half over the phone and exchanged emails.  We decided to meet because we lived only about 2 hours from eachother.   What I didn't count on was that my first impression of meeting him in person was one of disappointment.  He was somewhat homely looking.  (Not cute.) I knew instantaneously from the moment I saw him that I was not interested in him in a romantic way...at all.  It was unfortunate, because I had developed an emotional connection with him, by talking with him over the phone.  At least I have a good friend now, but I was still very disappointed.

My one Christian girlfriend was trying to tell me that because we had a good relationship over the phone, that I should basically give him a chance, regardless of what he looks like.  I was upset at that, because he really kindof grosses me out!!!! What bad advice! At first, I thought maybe she was right, but I'm like, c'mon, your husband is a good looking guy... why should you tell me to compromise on looks.  I got the same bad advice from my best friend, initially...and then over time she told me that he was a complete psycho, and she was "scared for me".  Uy yi yi!  I told her she did not need to be that worried.  Anyways.  Use caution when "internet dating". 

And please, don't settle for someone you are not attracted to.  You have to wake up next to this person for the rest of your life.  You have to be intimate with them.  Don't settle! Think about it...God knows who would be attractive to us, so He has that person waiting for us.  Did God give Adam an unattractive Eve, who He was like:  Sorry, Dude, I know she's not the hottest, but it's the best I could do?  No!  He was like, there you go, Dude!  I created only the best for you!  I know you well!  (God has that person for you, too! )

Love your Sister in Christ,

Kristina

If God has that person for you, then it is not your choice to say whether their gross or not. That man may not have been Brad Pitt but he could have turned out to be a loyal, honest loving person-isn't that worth more than looks? Aren't you aware that LOOKS FADE?

Maybe I am too picky, but I did "try" to like him, because I liked his personality over the phone.  In person, he was slightly repulsive and overweight.  I am probably being picky, but I feel that I am allowed to be picky, as I will have to sleep with the person that I marry, and don't want to be "repulsed" by this person, I want to enjoy that intimate relationship. 

I will agree that it is very important to find someone loyal, loving and honest, but I also feel that the person that God has for me will also be someone that I am not grossed out by.  I did not say he has to be "Brad Pitt".  I do think he has to be "somewhat good looking".  Not perfect, but at the least not someone I am slightly repulsed by.  I don't think God would want me to settle for someone and end up unhappily married.

[Fem2009]

Would I be going to far to say that there has to be a physical attraction for a relationship to work?

People tell me to look at someones heart, not how they look. It baffles me that people don't see the need for there to be physical attraction.

God already has someone in mind for most of us, someone he matched perfectly to us. I would think physical attraction would be apart of that process.

The reason I say this is because alot of people tell me I am too picky. I know what I like and I am sure God does too since he designed me. But I have also been accused that it's not Christian like, and sometimes I quarrel with myself about it.

I guess my stand point on it is im not gunna settle unless she is perfect for me, and as vane as it sounds to some people, physical attraction is apart of it.

Don't sell yourself short!  And don't listen to people who say physical attraction should not be part of the equation.  It is, and you can't fake it.  It needs to be there, please believe me.

I recently tried the internet dating scene, at a Christian website.  I met a guy from my state and we talked for about a month and a half over the phone and exchanged emails.  We decided to meet because we lived only about 2 hours from eachother.   What I didn't count on was that my first impression of meeting him in person was one of disappointment.  He was somewhat homely looking.  (Not cute.) I knew instantaneously from the moment I saw him that I was not interested in him in a romantic way...at all.  It was unfortunate, because I had developed an emotional connection with him, by talking with him over the phone.  At least I have a good friend now, but I was still very disappointed.

My one Christian girlfriend was trying to tell me that because we had a good relationship over the phone, that I should basically give him a chance, regardless of what he looks like.  I was upset at that, because he really kindof grosses me out!!!! What bad advice! At first, I thought maybe she was right, but I'm like, c'mon, your husband is a good looking guy... why should you tell me to compromise on looks.  I got the same bad advice from my best friend, initially...and then over time she told me that he was a complete psycho, and she was "scared for me".  Uy yi yi!  I told her she did not need to be that worried.  Anyways.  Use caution when "internet dating". 

And please, don't settle for someone you are not attracted to.  You have to wake up next to this person for the rest of your life.  You have to be intimate with them.  Don't settle! Think about it...God knows who would be attractive to us, so He has that person waiting for us.  Did God give Adam an unattractive Eve, who He was like:  Sorry, Dude, I know she's not the hottest, but it's the best I could do?  No!  He was like, there you go, Dude!  I created only the best for you!  I know you well!  (God has that person for you, too! )

Love your Sister in Christ,

Kristina

If God has that person for you, then it is not your choice to say whether their gross or not. That man may not have been Brad Pitt but he could have turned out to be a loyal, honest loving person-isn't that worth more than looks? Aren't you aware that LOOKS FADE?

Maybe I am too picky, but I did "try" to like him, because I liked his personality over the phone.  In person, he was slightly repulsive and overweight.  I am probably being picky, but I feel that I am allowed to be picky, as I will have to sleep with the person that I marry, and don't want to be "repulsed" by this person, I want to enjoy that intimate relationship. 

I will agree that it is very important to find someone loyal, loving and honest, but I also feel that the person that God has for me will also be someone that I am not grossed out by.  I did not say he has to be "Brad Pitt".  I do think he has to be "somewhat good looking".  Not perfect, but at the least not someone I am slightly repulsed by.  I don't think God would want me to settle for someone and end up unhappily married.

I can understand not wanting to be with someone who doesn't take care of themselves (exercise, healthy diet). That would probably be a turn off for me, as well.

[yesult]

I see "physical attraction" more in mannerisms.

Overall, though, it was one thing I learned to see God's way. "Beautiful" is described by Peter (in the feminine sense) as "quiet and gentle spirit," and of COURSE, "a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (and this is in the context of looking for the right spouse, Proverbs).

Women who are unnattractive to me are "loud and defiant." (Proverbs--the woman who's out to make a jerk out of you.)

But mostly, I find dating and shopping to be silly beyond a certain point. You get to choose her, granted, but once you have her it should be seen like your dad, you mom, your brother or sister--family, that stays your family whether you like it every single day or not.

On the other hand, Paul advised some people to get spouses because there is so much immorality. Which tells me that if getting seduced is a higher risk than usual (like it was to his audience) getting married is a remedy. You figure out what that means.  

If she's going to 'fear the Lord' then she'd better be pretty defiant when it comes down to what really counts. Including your marriage.

A quiet and 'gentle' spirit is nice only when it denotes someone who is kind. Weak is not an advantage (and not trying to put words in your mouth here, but I've just seen the same sorts of phrases used many times on christian forums by guys who want a wife they can dominate.)

(And 'quiet' is only good when it's in the context you described as being the opposite of.)

Also if you look at the entire context of the passage above that you quoted regarding burning with passion. It was during a time of persecution. In the same chapter he also advises married people to 'live as though they were not'.  However if in those times someone preferred to be married because of an active sex drive Paul says it's fine. The persection of the early church continued on and off up until the time of Constantine from my understanding which was for a couple of hundred years.

If you can't respect your spouse, it's going to affect your love for them. And external beauty, regardless of how good it might make us look (in terms of being married to it) can't make up for deficiencies in a persons soul. And that's what we live with.

If you can respect someone you can love them. But if you find that difficult.....

[yesult]

Maybe I am too picky, but I did "try" to like him, because I liked his personality over the phone.  In person, he was slightly repulsive and overweight.  I am probably being picky, but I feel that I am allowed to be picky, as I will have to sleep with the person that I marry, and don't want to be "repulsed" by this person, I want to enjoy that intimate relationship.  

I will agree that it is very important to find someone loyal, loving and honest, but I also feel that the person that God has for me will also be someone that I am not grossed out by.  I did not say he has to be "Brad Pitt".  I do think he has to be "somewhat good looking".  Not perfect, but at the least not someone I am slightly repulsed by.  I don't think God would want me to settle for someone and end up unhappily married.

I don't think you're being too picky. What's wrong with not wanting to marry someone who grosses you out?

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

No worries, the mind wanders.

I do agree with chosen on personality and character can affect our attraction to someone. There are a variety of things that contribute to it.

It just boggles my mind that a Christian can say "Well I just don't like his/her personality." and thats acceptable, but as soon as a Christian says "I am not attracted to the way he/she looks.", you get questioned and acused.

I've known a couple women over the years who I did not initially find attractive, but upon conversing with them, found myself attracted to their intellect.

Conversely, I've talked to more than a few who were physical goddesses, and after 2 minutes of conversation I was looking for a reason...ANY reason...to get out of there as fast as possible.

Perhaps I just have a low threshold for chitter-chatter.

[Cally]

I see "physical attraction" more in mannerisms.

Overall, though, it was one thing I learned to see God's way. "Beautiful" is described by Peter (in the feminine sense) as "quiet and gentle spirit," and of COURSE, "a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (and this is in the context of looking for the right spouse, Proverbs).

Women who are unnattractive to me are "loud and defiant." (Proverbs--the woman who's out to make a jerk out of you.)

But mostly, I find dating and shopping to be silly beyond a certain point. You get to choose her, granted, but once you have her it should be seen like your dad, you mom, your brother or sister--family, that stays your family whether you like it every single day or not.

On the other hand, Paul advised some people to get spouses because there is so much immorality. Which tells me that if getting seduced is a higher risk than usual (like it was to his audience) getting married is a remedy. You figure out what that means.  

If she's going to 'fear the Lord' then she'd better be pretty defiant when it comes down to what really counts. Including your marriage.

A quiet and 'gentle' spirit is nice only when it denotes someone who is kind. Weak is not an advantage (and not trying to put words in your mouth here, but I've just seen the same sorts of phrases used many times on christian forums by guys who want a wife they can dominate.)

(And 'quiet' is only good when it's in the context you described as being the opposite of.)

Also if you look at the entire context of the passage above that you quoted regarding burning with passion. It was during a time of persecution. In the same chapter he also advises married people to 'live as though they were not'.  However if in those times someone preferred to be married because of an active sex drive Paul says it's fine. The persection of the early church continued on and off up until the time of Constantine from my understanding which was for a couple of hundred years.

If you can't respect your spouse, it's going to affect your love for them. And external beauty, regardless of how good it might make us look (in terms of being married to it) can't make up for deficiencies in a persons soul. And that's what we live with.

If you can respect someone you can love them. But if you find that difficult.....

I have some great news for you: Women are fearfully and wonderfully made! Good women that I have known have been the most amazing blessings (in the ways I see described in the Bible) being soothing, relaxing to be around, and empowering, and have amazing power to cause all the difference in the world. I count myself fortunate to know what it's like to feel "respected." The kind that would listen to me talk and reply with a valued (to me) insight, and we would both consider ourselves mutually benefited. What's more, I drove them crazy with whatever modern garbage is left in me about "are you SURE you want to do this?" They really wanted me to give direction. It works, it makes incredible sense, and it's extremely efficient. And (on the subject), feminine mannerisms I consider extremely beautiful (the good ones, not the evil ones). Right now I'm talking about good, close relations with women (not girlfriends) and times that we worked together (even in the spirit).

Also, sometimes "quiet and gentle" women acknowledge that they are rather deviant from today's trends ("defiant")--and that in acknowledgment of God! And I "respect" them for that, or anyone else who acts in faith and out of consciousness for God. Some of the quietest/gentlest, submissive women I've known have had the strongest wills, contrary to our cultural expectations, while louder ones were often much less stable. Honestly, I attribute that to overwork--every working woman I know (and I know a lot) have suffered "wear and tear" sorts of pains (yes, some people might get after me for "anecdotal evidence," but that's my personal observation).

In some ways men and women are "human," for sure. But overlooking the harmonius male/female design of God is a TERRIBLE tragedy.

I really let myself go a little this time.    But as long as people keep on busting out the torches and pitchforks I may as well have a little fun.

[yesult]

What pitchforks? Do tell.

[BornAgain]

My husband always told me he thought I was "beautiful"............long story short.

He told me I would make a good wife for someone but not for him because he did not want a Christian wife..........he wanted someone to drink and party with him and that was not me.

I rededicated my life to the Lord several years after we were married and it all went down hill from there..............EXCEPT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD..........IT IS THRIVING !!!!!

He has the "right" one for me somewhere !!!

Our divorce will be final next month.

[Fem2009]

Maybe I am too picky, but I did "try" to like him, because I liked his personality over the phone.  In person, he was slightly repulsive and overweight.  I am probably being picky, but I feel that I am allowed to be picky, as I will have to sleep with the person that I marry, and don't want to be "repulsed" by this person, I want to enjoy that intimate relationship.  

I will agree that it is very important to find someone loyal, loving and honest, but I also feel that the person that God has for me will also be someone that I am not grossed out by.  I did not say he has to be "Brad Pitt".  I do think he has to be "somewhat good looking".  Not perfect, but at the least not someone I am slightly repulsed by.  I don't think God would want me to settle for someone and end up unhappily married.

I don't think you're being too picky. What's wrong with not wanting to marry someone who grosses you out?

It's vain. People aren't gonna ever be 100% what you dream about. They change, life throws curve balls at you. We all have our down & out moments where we need the support and devotion of loved ones. If you know what babies are like, then you'd understand that you're gonna get grossed out once in a while by people you claim to love. What happens when your guy decides you gross him out? Especially when you're older we go right back to that helpless stage. Would it be wrong for him to walk out on you? You can have a true caring heart or you can let little things get to you. It is your choice, after all.

[Fem2009]

My husband always told me he thought I was "beautiful"............long story short.

He told me I would make a good wife for someone but not for him because he did not want a Christian wife..........he wanted someone to drink and party with him and that was not me.

I rededicated my life to the Lord several years after we were married and it all went down hill from there..............EXCEPT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD..........IT IS THRIVING !!!!!

He has the "right" one for me somewhere !!!

Our divorce will be final next month.

Best Wishes to you!
In a way, I am in the same boat as you were. Except he wants me to be super slutty/sexy looking. It started innocently with requests for heels instead of flip-flops, hair down instead of up, why don't you ever wear make-up for ME? Then the requests became larger. I was blinded at first. Now I am aware that is just not who I want to be. It took a while to catch on. Nevertheless, God loves me unconditionally and when HE comes first I am at my happiest!

[kensington]

David was peeping where he wasn't supposed to be peeping.

love,

sopranette

Yep...  "At a time when men went to war, David stayed home"...  If David had been where he belonged...     He would not have seen Bathsheba to begin with. 

[yesult]

Maybe I am too picky, but I did "try" to like him, because I liked his personality over the phone.  In person, he was slightly repulsive and overweight.  I am probably being picky, but I feel that I am allowed to be picky, as I will have to sleep with the person that I marry, and don't want to be "repulsed" by this person, I want to enjoy that intimate relationship.  

I will agree that it is very important to find someone loyal, loving and honest, but I also feel that the person that God has for me will also be someone that I am not grossed out by.  I did not say he has to be "Brad Pitt".  I do think he has to be "somewhat good looking".  Not perfect, but at the least not someone I am slightly repulsed by.  I don't think God would want me to settle for someone and end up unhappily married.

I don't think you're being too picky. What's wrong with not wanting to marry someone who grosses you out?

It's vain. People aren't gonna ever be 100% what you dream about. They change, life throws curve balls at you. We all have our down & out moments where we need the support and devotion of loved ones. If you know what babies are like, then you'd understand that you're gonna get grossed out once in a while by people you claim to love. What happens when your guy decides you gross him out? Especially when you're older we go right back to that helpless stage. Would it be wrong for him to walk out on you? You can have a true caring heart or you can let little things get to you. It is your choice, after all.

But that's basically saying 'either/or'.  I (and other people on this thread) are saying that you can have both.

Someone who you find physically attractive as well as someone who has good character.

[Fem2009]

Maybe I am too picky, but I did "try" to like him, because I liked his personality over the phone.  In person, he was slightly repulsive and overweight.  I am probably being picky, but I feel that I am allowed to be picky, as I will have to sleep with the person that I marry, and don't want to be "repulsed" by this person, I want to enjoy that intimate relationship.  

I will agree that it is very important to find someone loyal, loving and honest, but I also feel that the person that God has for me will also be someone that I am not grossed out by.  I did not say he has to be "Brad Pitt".  I do think he has to be "somewhat good looking".  Not perfect, but at the least not someone I am slightly repulsed by.  I don't think God would want me to settle for someone and end up unhappily married.

I don't think you're being too picky. What's wrong with not wanting to marry someone who grosses you out?

It's vain. People aren't gonna ever be 100% what you dream about. They change, life throws curve balls at you. We all have our down & out moments where we need the support and devotion of loved ones. If you know what babies are like, then you'd understand that you're gonna get grossed out once in a while by people you claim to love. What happens when your guy decides you gross him out? Especially when you're older we go right back to that helpless stage. Would it be wrong for him to walk out on you? You can have a true caring heart or you can let little things get to you. It is your choice, after all.

But that's basically saying 'either/or'.  I (and other people on this thread) are saying that you can have both.

Someone who you find physically attractive as well as someone who has good character.

Listen, don't flip flop with ME. This is what I was responding to. NOT what you just typed:

"I don't think you're being too picky. What's wrong with not wanting to marry someone who grosses you out? "

[yesult]

Don't flip flop with YOU. Didn't realise I had. And not quite sure what you're trying to accuse me of either.

I was agreeing with the post YOU quoted and you were disagreeing with both us.

Where is the mis-understanding?

And if you want to answer a specific person and not several quotes at once (that agree) then don't post the added quotes.

[Cally]

What pitchforks? Do tell.

Oh, I should never be afraid of anyone who could kill the body, but after that, do no more, should I?   I fear God much more.

[Fem2009]

Don't flip flop with YOU. Didn't realise I had. And not quite sure what you're trying to accuse me of either.

I was agreeing with the post YOU quoted and you were disagreeing with both us.

Where is the mis-understanding?

And if you want to answer a specific person and not several quotes at once (that agree) then don't post the added quotes.

Don't tell me how to post. Your "what's wrong with not being grossed out by someone?" was directly above my response: IT IS VAIN. So, don't act confused.

[fanuvmxpx]

Don't tell me how to post. Your "what's wrong with not being grossed out by someone?" was directly above my response: IT IS VAIN. So, don't act confused.

If you cannot control your emotions & speech, you will be reported to moderators. We're trying to keep things civil here. Please stop issuing others commands.

You can always ask a poster to clarify a point if need be, without resorting to attack speech. And I agree with Yesult, why should I have married an unattractive person instead of my hot wife? Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

[Fem2009]

Don't tell me how to post. Your "what's wrong with not being grossed out by someone?" was directly above my response: IT IS VAIN. So, don't act confused.

If you cannot control your emotions & speech, you will be reported to moderators. We're trying to keep things civil here. Please stop issuing others commands.

You can always ask a poster to clarify a point if need be, without resorting to attack speech. And I agree with Yesult, why should I have married an unattractive person instead of my hot wife? Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Please stop issuing others commands? Like this command below??

Don't flip flop with YOU. Didn't realise I had. And not quite sure what you're trying to accuse me of either.

I was agreeing with the post YOU quoted and you were disagreeing with both us.

Where is the mis-understanding?

And if you want to answer a specific person and not several quotes at once (that agree) then don't post the added quotes.