warning to single people.

[chosenone]

I am on this forum and one other and one thing I have noticed is how many married people are posting about serious issues in their marriages caused either by the fact that they didn't marry a christian or that they didn't get to know the person well enough before.These are people who have only been married a year or a few years. it is shocking and heart breaking.

So I would plead with you single guys and girls to make sure that the person that you marry is a born again Christian whose fruits are clearly in evidence,and that you spend a lot of time together to really get to know them and what they are really like before marrying them.

Another thing is that people marry thinking that things will change or that their partner will change afterwards. WRONG. people don't change just because they get married in fact it often gets worse because you are together all the time.,
So if your boyfriend has a porn problem before marriage he will still have it after wards. if your girlfriend is very controlling before, she will be the same afterwards. If one of you is a flirt with others of the opposite sex before, they will still be after wards. if you see red flags DONT DO IT. If you cannot respect your partner now you wont be able to afterwards.

Let the people who are living in regret of marrying someone be a warning to you all. If you are not 100% sure, dint do it. if you cant love and accept them as they are then why marry?
God Bless.

[kristinaf]

Good point.  I am really looking forward to the time when I will be married.  I am somewhat sick of being single and want that special person to have as a companion, someone to do things with, someone to spend time with, someone to love, someone to be intimate and affectionate with.  I am seeing now more than ever that I really have gotten to the point (alleluia) that I don't think that I can date or marry a guy who is not a Christian, because our values would be so vastly different.  There is a guy that I have been friends with for about 12 years, who has been on and off interested in me, and lately I have been somewhat interested in him, but lately I have come to realize that a) if nothing romantically has happened yet, it's probably not meant to and b) He is not a Christian, so the whole thing probably wouldn't work out that harmoniously anyhow!!!  (To say the least).  I would find it annoying (if we were married) that he would want to go to bars on the weekends, and he would find it annoying that I wanted to bring him to church on Sundays, and not want to go bar-hopping with him.  We hung out this weekend, and his first suggestion of something fun to do was shopping, which was ok, but his next suggestion was to go sample beer at a local brewery.  My initial thought was uh-oh.  But, I went along with it because sometimes I do give in to my flesh, and I didn't want to tell him that I don't drink very much anymore (I know, spineless, wimpy Christian that I was in that moment).  Speaking of which, if we truly want to follow God, we should be the ones inspiring and leading our non-Christian friends, not the other way around, down the path of sinfulness and lawlessness!    So, anyways, what is the point here?  Don't be unequally yoked!  They can lead you in the wrong direction sometimes more than you can lead them in the right direction.  Remember, iron sharpens iron!!!

[yesult]

Great point chosenone. Thanks for the reminder.

[blackstyle]

Great point Chosen and Kristinaf! It can be so hard sometimes not to cave and just date a non christian, but I had so many problems with my christian fiance that I decided that a non christian would just be a BIG no no... I hope if I'm still single in a year or two, I remember what I'm writing now. It just seems so hard to find a good, decent Christian man, who isn't already married, or taken, who is a real christian, and who actually likes you and isn't gay on the DL... where are all the good christian men???

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Great point Chosen and Kristinaf! It can be so hard sometimes not to cave and just date a non christian, but I had so many problems with my christian fiance that I decided that a non christian would just be a BIG no no... I hope if I'm still single in a year or two, I remember what I'm writing now. It just seems so hard to find a good, decent Christian man, who isn't already married, or taken, who is a real christian, and who actually likes you and isn't gay on the DL... where are all the good christian men???

I dunno.  Most of the guys in my church seem a little "off," save for the ones who are actually involved in the ministering.

Not that I'm looking for guys. =)

[chosenone]

Great point Chosen and Kristinaf! It can be so hard sometimes not to cave and just date a non christian, but I had so many problems with my christian fiance that I decided that a non christian would just be a BIG no no... I hope if I'm still single in a year or two, I remember what I'm writing now. It just seems so hard to find a good, decent Christian man, who isn't already married, or taken, who is a real christian, and who actually likes you and isn't gay on the DL... where are all the good christian men???

I know two good decent christian men but sadly they are both taken. One, my husband, is married, to me, and the other, my son has a lovely girlfried who he wil marry. There are some godly man around, trust God that he will bring the right one at thr right time. By the way,
I met hubby on an internet dating site here in the UK and so did my son and his girlfriend. In fact it is becoming a very common way of meeting people now, both for Christians and non Christians.

[rppearso]

LOL I agree with you there, when I went to my old chruch the pastor made a statement in chruch to stop being a bunch of wierdos and saying wierd things.  Its ok for christians to have a beer and talk about remodeling cars and it does not mean you are putting cars before christ.  The problem is some people in chruch are so dense they will never be able to witness because they are so far out into left field people find it tiresome to interact with them I can think of a few on this very site lol.

Great point Chosen and Kristinaf! It can be so hard sometimes not to cave and just date a non christian, but I had so many problems with my christian fiance that I decided that a non christian would just be a BIG no no... I hope if I'm still single in a year or two, I remember what I'm writing now. It just seems so hard to find a good, decent Christian man, who isn't already married, or taken, who is a real christian, and who actually likes you and isn't gay on the DL... where are all the good christian men???

I dunno.  Most of the guys in my church seem a little "off," save for the ones who are actually involved in the ministering.

Not that I'm looking for guys. =)

[chosenone]

LOL I agree with you there, when I went to my old chruch the pastor made a statement in chruch to stop being a bunch of wierdos and saying weird things.  Its ok for christians to have a beer and talk about remodeling cars and it does not mean you are putting cars before christ.  The problem is some people in chruch are so dense they will never be able to witness because they are so far out into left field people find it tiresome to interact with them I can think of a few on this very site lol.

Great point Chosen and Kristinaf! It can be so hard sometimes not to cave and just date a non christian, but I had so many problems with my christian fiance that I decided that a non christian would just be a BIG no no... I hope if I'm still single in a year or two, I remember what I'm writing now. It just seems so hard to find a good, decent Christian man, who isn't already married, or taken, who is a real christian, and who actually likes you and isn't gay on the DL... where are all the good christian men???

I dunno.  Most of the guys in my church seem a little "off," save for the ones who are actually involved in the ministering.

Not that I'm looking for guys. =)

There are some really good Christian guys around, I have met many over the time that I have been a Christian. They love the lord, try to live a godly life and are also really nice people. Trust God, he will bring the right one at the right time. Dont even jump the gun by marrying a non Christian, that is guaranteed to bring disaster and unhapiness and God wont bless a marriage were we have started in desobedeince by marrying a  non Christian.

[kensington]

LOL I agree with you there, when I went to my old chruch the pastor made a statement in chruch to stop being a bunch of wierdos and saying weird things.  Its ok for christians to have a beer and talk about remodeling cars and it does not mean you are putting cars before christ.  The problem is some people in chruch are so dense they will never be able to witness because they are so far out into left field people find it tiresome to interact with them I can think of a few on this very site lol.

Great point Chosen and Kristinaf! It can be so hard sometimes not to cave and just date a non christian, but I had so many problems with my christian fiance that I decided that a non christian would just be a BIG no no... I hope if I'm still single in a year or two, I remember what I'm writing now. It just seems so hard to find a good, decent Christian man, who isn't already married, or taken, who is a real christian, and who actually likes you and isn't gay on the DL... where are all the good christian men???

I dunno.  Most of the guys in my church seem a little "off," save for the ones who are actually involved in the ministering.

Not that I'm looking for guys. =)

Yes... So can I...     Well, ONE for sure that I know of...   

You know that saying.. "If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...  it's a duck" thing...   

[wolflet7]

LOL I agree with you there, when I went to my old chruch the pastor made a statement in chruch to stop being a bunch of wierdos and saying weird things.  Its ok for christians to have a beer and talk about remodeling cars and it does not mean you are putting cars before christ.  The problem is some people in chruch are so dense they will never be able to witness because they are so far out into left field people find it tiresome to interact with them I can think of a few on this very site lol.

Great point Chosen and Kristinaf! It can be so hard sometimes not to cave and just date a non christian, but I had so many problems with my christian fiance that I decided that a non christian would just be a BIG no no... I hope if I'm still single in a year or two, I remember what I'm writing now. It just seems so hard to find a good, decent Christian man, who isn't already married, or taken, who is a real christian, and who actually likes you and isn't gay on the DL... where are all the good christian men???

I dunno.  Most of the guys in my church seem a little "off," save for the ones who are actually involved in the ministering.

Not that I'm looking for guys. =)

...Wow!  It's okay to have a beer?  Um, doesn't that go against scripture, to not perform drunkenness?  Are you sure this guy is qualified?  And one beer may not seem like much, but if it gets into a habit, that's a form of greed, which, needless to say, is against the Bible.  And the thing about people "being so far out into left field", you have to keep ministering and ministering, and witnessing and witnessing to them.  God didn't make an exception about witnessing, it doesn't matter if you are tired or not.  Keep trying.  And if you can think of a few people on this site, PM them and start talking.  Half the time, the outcasts are the ACTUAL Christians and I admit that I feel sort of like an outcast in my Youth Group and God called me to be a pastor.  I'm trying to witness to people all around me.  I'm even going to have a debate with a pagan. 

I don't mean to snap at you and I don't want this topic to turn into a riot.  I'm sorry if this felt mean/harmful in any way, shape, or form.

[yesult]

You're not wolflet, don't worry. This really is a duck thing  Hang around long enough and you'll see why.


PS (a hint, rppearso has a penchent for anal and oral sex, fornication and an idea that any christian who takes scripture too literally (where it disagrees with him) is uptight.

[rppearso]

Well good luck with your ministering.  You do know Jesus drank wine right, I would suggest you try the read the bible in a year program before you go any further into ministry (for me its turning into read the bible in 2 years but hey as long as I get there lol), it is critically important that you dont preach things to people just because you heard it from someone else you need to make sure that what you are preaching is actually in the bible, woe to thoes who place an onuos on another christian that does not need to be there (.  Also you might want to get a dictionary or thesoras with the bible so you can look up what "greed" "lust" and covotusness really mean.  It appears you have a very warped view of english word definitions and you should work on that before you try to instruct others.  I thank God that I am a wise and intellegent person to sift out the hoop haa so to speak from the world and even within the chruch.

LOL I agree with you there, when I went to my old chruch the pastor made a statement in chruch to stop being a bunch of wierdos and saying weird things.  Its ok for christians to have a beer and talk about remodeling cars and it does not mean you are putting cars before christ.  The problem is some people in chruch are so dense they will never be able to witness because they are so far out into left field people find it tiresome to interact with them I can think of a few on this very site lol.

Great point Chosen and Kristinaf! It can be so hard sometimes not to cave and just date a non christian, but I had so many problems with my christian fiance that I decided that a non christian would just be a BIG no no... I hope if I'm still single in a year or two, I remember what I'm writing now. It just seems so hard to find a good, decent Christian man, who isn't already married, or taken, who is a real christian, and who actually likes you and isn't gay on the DL... where are all the good christian men???

I dunno.  Most of the guys in my church seem a little "off," save for the ones who are actually involved in the ministering.

Not that I'm looking for guys. =)

...Wow!  It's okay to have a beer?  Um, doesn't that go against scripture, to not perform drunkenness?  Are you sure this guy is qualified?  And one beer may not seem like much, but if it gets into a habit, that's a form of greed, which, needless to say, is against the Bible.  And the thing about people "being so far out into left field", you have to keep ministering and ministering, and witnessing and witnessing to them.  God didn't make an exception about witnessing, it doesn't matter if you are tired or not.  Keep trying.  And if you can think of a few people on this site, PM them and start talking.  Half the time, the outcasts are the ACTUAL Christians and I admit that I feel sort of like an outcast in my Youth Group and God called me to be a pastor.  I'm trying to witness to people all around me.  I'm even going to have a debate with a pagan. 

I don't mean to snap at you and I don't want this topic to turn into a riot.  I'm sorry if this felt mean/harmful in any way, shape, or form.

[blackstyle]

Oooooohhhh... it's on now!! I don't think Chosenone realised what a controversial topic this would be!! How's this gonna pan out?? 

[rppearso]

LOL it should not be controversial it should be common sense.

Greed -  a selfish and excessive desire for more of something (as money) than is needed.

Excessive - These adjectives mean exceeding a normal, usual, reasonable, or proper limit. Excessive describes a quantity, amount, or degree that is more than what is justifiable, tolerable, or desirable: excessive drinking

Exorbitant (synonomus to Excessive)- usually refers to a quantity or degree that far exceeds what is customary or fair.  One or 2 beers or drinks is typically customary of most social gatherings.

Ha, its funny the dictionary mentioned drinking, I would hardly call one beer "excessive" lol. 

Most debates in life boil down to extent.

Oooooohhhh... it's on now!! I don't think Chosenone realised what a controversial topic this would be!! How's this gonna pan out?? 

[chosenone]

Oooooohhhh... it's on now!! I don't think Chosenone realised what a controversial topic this would be!! How's this gonna pan out?? 

yes these topics often go off track. i just wanted to warn anyone who is single not to marry the wrong person but to wait for Gods timing and not to marry a non Christian and to wait to see the fruits of ther spirit at work in their lives of any potential partner. I have read of so many people whose marriages ended after a very short time becuase they rushed into it or married someone who wasnt who they thought they were.I dont wnat any of you guys to have to go through the same thing.

[wolflet7]

Yes, Jesus did drink wine, but he was not addicted to it  .  You never know when you're addicted to something or not unless you try it, which, if you know it's bad, then you shouldn't.  I never was too fond of coffee and even had my first few bottles of a frappacuino, the ones that come in the starbucks glass and somewhat disliked it.  Now, I HAVE to have some sort of coffee at LEAST once a week.  You never know...

[rppearso]

I would not call a coffee once a week an addiction, if your need for coffee is significantly negitivly effecting your life then thats an addiction.

Addiction - compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.

This is also why I think sex addiction is a joke, its like people are looking for reasons to call other people "addicts" so they can feel better about themsleves.  I mean you could say your addicted to water because after about a day your going to get head achs and eventually die from the "withdrawl symptoms".  It is very important to distinguish an addiction from a healthy need/want, if you dont then you run the risk of alienating everyone around you because now they are "addicts" in your eyes because you have improperly defined the term and depriving yourself of the pleasures of this life for no reason.  BTW frapachinos have very high sugar content and are not good for your blood sugar so the caffeene should be the least of your concern.

Yes, Jesus did drink wine, but he was not addicted to it  .  You never know when you're addicted to something or not unless you try it, which, if you know it's bad, then you shouldn't.  I never was too fond of coffee and even had my first few bottles of a frappacuino, the ones that come in the starbucks glass and somewhat disliked it.  Now, I HAVE to have some sort of coffee at LEAST once a week.  You never know...

[chosenone]

I do think that people can be addicted to sex just as some are addicted to porn. If sex becomes the be all and and end all of life and it put before God, others and if it makes us live in constant sexual sin, it is probably an addiction and needs deep prayer and ministry and needs to be got rid of.
Sex is important but like anything else it can get completely out of balance.

On the other hand some give an addiction to sex as an excuse for sin.such as  "well I cant help it, it is an addiction" sort of thing.

[rppearso]

Well thats your opinion, I gave you the definition.

I do think that people can be addicted to sex just as some are addicted to porn. If sex becomes the be all and and end all of life and it put before God, others and if it makes us live in constant sexual sin, it is probably an addiction and needs deep prayer and ministry and needs to be got rid of.
Sex is important but like anything else it can get completely out of balance.

On the other hand some give an addiction to sex as an excuse for sin.such as  "well I cant help it, it is an addiction" sort of thing.

[Hehealedme]

.

[fanuvmxpx]

Warning to single people...rrpearso is about to be single, beware

[chosenone]

Well thats your opinion, I gave you the definition.

I do think that people can be addicted to sex just as some are addicted to porn. If sex becomes the be all and and end all of life and it put before God, others and if it makes us live in constant sexual sin, it is probably an addiction and needs deep prayer and ministry and needs to be got rid of.
Sex is important but like anything else it can get completely out of balance.

On the other hand some give an addiction to sex as an excuse for sin.such as  "well I cant help it, it is an addiction" sort of thing.

People can be addicted to many other things apart form substances. Such as gambling, porn, eating, etc. 

[rppearso]

I would agree that it could be an obsession but not an addiction.  Either way you had better make sure a qualified degreed (PhD) professional is making that judgement and not you.  Just because someones behavior is not lock step with your own does not make them obsessed or addicted to something.  There are usually many other causes for certian behavior to be looked at before you start throwing around the term addict.  If you talk to a licenced professional with any credibility at all you would learn this.  Words have meaning and when you just start throwing throwing terms around willy nilly you can villify anything you want even if its not credible.

Well thats your opinion, I gave you the definition.

I do think that people can be addicted to sex just as some are addicted to porn. If sex becomes the be all and and end all of life and it put before God, others and if it makes us live in constant sexual sin, it is probably an addiction and needs deep prayer and ministry and needs to be got rid of.
Sex is important but like anything else it can get completely out of balance.

On the other hand some give an addiction to sex as an excuse for sin.such as  "well I cant help it, it is an addiction" sort of thing.

People can be addicted to many other things apart form substances. Such as gambling, porn, eating, etc. 

[chosenone]

I would agree that it could be an obsession but not an addiction.  Either way you had better make sure a qualified degreed (PhD) professional is making that judgement and not you.  Just because someones behavior is not lock step with your own does not make them obsessed or addicted to something.  There are usually many other causes for certian behavior to be looked at before you start throwing around the term addict.  If you talk to a licenced professional with any credibility at all you would learn this.  Words have meaning and when you just start throwing throwing terms around willy nilly you can villify anything you want even if its not credible.

Well thats your opinion, I gave you the definition.

I do think that people can be addicted to sex just as some are addicted to porn. If sex becomes the be all and and end all of life and it put before God, others and if it makes us live in constant sexual sin, it is probably an addiction and needs deep prayer and ministry and needs to be got rid of.
Sex is important but like anything else it can get completely out of balance.

On the other hand some give an addiction to sex as an excuse for sin.such as  "well I cant help it, it is an addiction" sort of thing.

People can be addicted to many other things apart form substances. Such as gambling, porn, eating, etc. 

  I think that we are able to see people who are addicted to things without having degrees. (My husband is a doctor, and my daughter is studying to be a psychotherapist, does that count?)

Addiction is something that the person cannot do without .If they have to, they suffer withdrawal symptoms and are anxious, depressed, and unhappy.The thing that they are addicted to becomes more important than anything else, whether it be their families, God, and others and also their own well being. Many people have lost their homes, families, spouses and money all through addictions.
if we can do without something for a while and it causes no problems, then it cant be an addiction. If it is an addiction then that person needs to do it frequently and obsessively.  The Bible is the best place to go to see if something is out of balance and not the worlds standards.
If we put anything that we do before God then it is out of balance and too important.if we disobey God to carry on with something then that is an addiction surely?
If we smoke and God tells us to stop, and we don't, then that is too important and we will suffer the consequences. if God tells us to stop gambling and we don't, then it is out of balance and we may well loose all that we care about.he warns us of things for a good reason and he is ready and willing to help people get free from anything that has become out of balance and addictive.However the main problem is that the person often cant or wont see that they have a problem.

[rppearso]

The reason I say this is because people throw the term around too loosly, when a substance or behavior has left someone destituted or there lives dramaticly altered in a negitve way I would call that an addiction or an unhealthy obession.  The problem is people throw out the term addict or obession just because someone does not think like they do or has a different lifestyle.  If the choices they are making are not destroying there lives its not an addiction or a negitive obession.

I would agree that it could be an obsession but not an addiction.  Either way you had better make sure a qualified degreed (PhD) professional is making that judgement and not you.  Just because someones behavior is not lock step with your own does not make them obsessed or addicted to something.  There are usually many other causes for certian behavior to be looked at before you start throwing around the term addict.  If you talk to a licenced professional with any credibility at all you would learn this.  Words have meaning and when you just start throwing throwing terms around willy nilly you can villify anything you want even if its not credible.

Well thats your opinion, I gave you the definition.

I do think that people can be addicted to sex just as some are addicted to porn. If sex becomes the be all and and end all of life and it put before God, others and if it makes us live in constant sexual sin, it is probably an addiction and needs deep prayer and ministry and needs to be got rid of.
Sex is important but like anything else it can get completely out of balance.

On the other hand some give an addiction to sex as an excuse for sin.such as  "well I cant help it, it is an addiction" sort of thing.

People can be addicted to many other things apart form substances. Such as gambling, porn, eating, etc. 

  I think that we are able to see people who are addicted to things without having degrees. (My husband is a doctor, and my daughter is studying to be a psychotherapist, does that count?)

Addiction is something that the person cannot do without .If they have to, they suffer withdrawal symptoms and are anxious, depressed, and unhappy.The thing that they are addicted to becomes more important than anything else, whether it be their families, God, and others and also their own well being. Many people have lost their homes, families, spouses and money all through addictions.
if we can do without something for a while and it causes no problems, then it cant be an addiction. If it is an addiction then that person needs to do it frequently and obsessively.  The Bible is the best place to go to see if something is out of balance and not the worlds standards.
If we put anything that we do before God then it is out of balance and too important.if we disobey God to carry on with something then that is an addiction surely?
If we smoke and God tells us to stop, and we don't, then that is too important and we will suffer the consequences. if God tells us to stop gambling and we don't, then it is out of balance and we may well loose all that we care about.he warns us of things for a good reason and he is ready and willing to help people get free from anything that has become out of balance and addictive.However the main problem is that the person often cant or wont see that they have a problem.

[chosenone]

The reason I say this is because people throw the term around too loosly, when a substance or behavior has left someone destituted or there lives dramaticly altered in a negitve way I would call that an addiction or an unhealthy obession.  The problem is people throw out the term addict or obession just because someone does not think like they do or has a different lifestyle.  If the choices they are making are not destroying there lives its not an addiction or a negitive obession.

I would agree that it could be an obsession but not an addiction.  Either way you had better make sure a qualified degreed (PhD) professional is making that judgement and not you.  Just because someones behavior is not lock step with your own does not make them obsessed or addicted to something.  There are usually many other causes for certian behavior to be looked at before you start throwing around the term addict.  If you talk to a licenced professional with any credibility at all you would learn this.  Words have meaning and when you just start throwing throwing terms around willy nilly you can villify anything you want even if its not credible.

Well thats your opinion, I gave you the definition.

I do think that people can be addicted to sex just as some are addicted to porn. If sex becomes the be all and and end all of life and it put before God, others and if it makes us live in constant sexual sin, it is probably an addiction and needs deep prayer and ministry and needs to be got rid of.
Sex is important but like anything else it can get completely out of balance.

On the other hand some give an addiction to sex as an excuse for sin.such as  "well I cant help it, it is an addiction" sort of thing.

People can be addicted to many other things apart form substances. Such as gambling, porn, eating, etc. 

  I think that we are able to see people who are addicted to things without having degrees. (My husband is a doctor, and my daughter is studying to be a psychotherapist, does that count?)

Addiction is something that the person cannot do without .If they have to, they suffer withdrawal symptoms and are anxious, depressed, and unhappy.The thing that they are addicted to becomes more important than anything else, whether it be their families, God, and others and also their own well being. Many people have lost their homes, families, spouses and money all through addictions.
if we can do without something for a while and it causes no problems, then it cant be an addiction. If it is an addiction then that person needs to do it frequently and obsessively.  The Bible is the best place to go to see if something is out of balance and not the worlds standards.
If we put anything that we do before God then it is out of balance and too important.if we disobey God to carry on with something then that is an addiction surely?
If we smoke and God tells us to stop, and we don't, then that is too important and we will suffer the consequences. if God tells us to stop gambling and we don't, then it is out of balance and we may well loose all that we care about.he warns us of things for a good reason and he is ready and willing to help people get free from anything that has become out of balance and addictive.However the main problem is that the person often cant or wont see that they have a problem.

so have your choices not destroyed your life or marriage or wife?Has your constant  need for as and os not made you live in sin and choose to marry a non Christian?. You have said yourself that you feel you can never  manage without having sex all the time.   is this not an obsession? . God tells us not to have sex unless we are married. This means that it is quite possible for us to not have sex all the time. Millions of Christians dont. Your drive for sex is making you disobey God and making your girlfriend into an adultress.  Your drive for sex is putting your soul and your girlfriends soul at risk. That is out of balance totally.if sex (or certain types of sex acts) comes before God or others then it is an obsession.

[fanuvmxpx]

so have your choices not destroyed your life or marriage or wife?Has your constant  need for as and os not made you live in sin and choose to marry a non Christian?. You have said yourself that you feel you can never  manage without having sex all the time.   is this not an obsession? . God tells us not to have sex unless we are married. This means that it is quite possible for us to not have sex all the time. Millions of Christians dont. Your drive for sex is making you disobey God and making your girlfriend into an adultress.  Your drive for sex is putting your soul and your girlfriends soul at risk. That is out of balance totally.if sex (or certain types of sex acts) comes before God or others then it is an obsession.

Its pretty clear:

1. It ruined his life because he's not satisfied with what God has given him due to addiction
2. It ruined his wife's life because his entire world revolved around this one issue (became depressive & a loser)
3. Caused the end of the marriage. Problem was more important than promises to God & Spouse
4. Caused the deterioration of any commitment there was with God, now living in sin & loving it
5. Life is basically over without reconciliation & repentance. Likes to yield to sin instead of God.

That's a perfect summation of what has occurred. Good advice is falling on deaf ears...its probably best to let him get lost in the forums without responding to him. If he continues to give bad advice we can simply have him banned.

[chosenone]

sadly I have to agree.

[Fem2009]

I would not call a coffee once a week an addiction, if your need for coffee is significantly negitivly effecting your life then thats an addiction.

Addiction - compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.

This is also why I think sex addiction is a joke, its like people are looking for reasons to call other people "addicts" so they can feel better about themsleves.  I mean you could say your addicted to water because after about a day your going to get head achs and eventually die from the "withdrawl symptoms".  It is very important to distinguish an addiction from a healthy need/want, if you dont then you run the risk of alienating everyone around you because now they are "addicts" in your eyes because you have improperly defined the term and depriving yourself of the pleasures of this life for no reason.  BTW frapachinos have very high sugar content and are not good for your blood sugar so the caffeene should be the least of your concern.

Yes, Jesus did drink wine, but he was not addicted to it  .  You never know when you're addicted to something or not unless you try it, which, if you know it's bad, then you shouldn't.  I never was too fond of coffee and even had my first few bottles of a frappacuino, the ones that come in the starbucks glass and somewhat disliked it.  Now, I HAVE to have some sort of coffee at LEAST once a week.  You never know...

You're so...I don't even want to say it. Anyway, sugar is addictive so is caffeine and salt. Most humans cannot go without sugar or salt, even though they are not necessary for nutrition. A coffee once a week wouldn't be considered an addiction. To comment on your sex addiction comment: I don't believe you have a right to simplify something you have no experience with. I don't think you're a psychiatrist. Even if you were, you would be DEAD WRONG. I was in a relationship with a sex addict. I have been a christian my whole life. I decided to take a chance on a non christian. He wasn't extreme with his addiction but it existed and was rooted in his exposure to playboy and obscenity at a young age. He believed that he was perfectly normal until it got to the point where I could not leave him alone for more than a day or he would end up at a strip club, on a swing site (craigslist or adult friend finder) or body rub parlor. He was a member of a board that discussed local prostitutes. When I met him I got him to end his playboy channel prescription and cancel his membership to the discussion board. But I soon realized those were signs of a deeper problem.
To keep this simple and short: sexual addiction IS real. It's also very easy to fall into because of the world we live in. It is around us ALL the time. Only the strong can resist the temptation to plot our own destruction. With new technology being invented and feeding this addiction year after year after year. Virus' like HIV and HPV have been killing people due to their lack of control and monogamy yet there still continues to be a drive towards promiscuity. Sex and the City, Nude magazines, Porn, Adult dating sites, Axe commercials! every movie has a sex scene no matter the genre etc etc All of these are examples of the tools used for our destruction. Most people will laugh at me and say I'm too "extreme" but they have not seen how these "guilty little pleasures" and "harmless entertainment" are changing us for the worse. It's like why go through all the trouble to keep yourself on the right path then marry a non believer who will lead you astray? It is our duty to help these people, not fall in love with them. I learned my lesson.

[rppearso]

I agree I have no buisness telling someone they are an addict or obessed only a licenced counselor or phycologist does but that goes for any other christian who enjoys labeling other people as "addicts" so they can use that label as a platform to suggest all kinds of absurd ideas.

Also salt is required to live, sugar in a refined state is not but calories definitly are required to live, caffeen is not required to live but unless you are a licensed phycologist you have no buisness labeling anyone as an addict.  How did christianity get reduced down to almost a state of retardation, people have no buisness pointing this stuff out unless they are qualified.

I would not call a coffee once a week an addiction, if your need for coffee is significantly negitivly effecting your life then thats an addiction.

Addiction - compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.

This is also why I think sex addiction is a joke, its like people are looking for reasons to call other people "addicts" so they can feel better about themsleves.  I mean you could say your addicted to water because after about a day your going to get head achs and eventually die from the "withdrawl symptoms".  It is very important to distinguish an addiction from a healthy need/want, if you dont then you run the risk of alienating everyone around you because now they are "addicts" in your eyes because you have improperly defined the term and depriving yourself of the pleasures of this life for no reason.  BTW frapachinos have very high sugar content and are not good for your blood sugar so the caffeene should be the least of your concern.

Yes, Jesus did drink wine, but he was not addicted to it  .  You never know when you're addicted to something or not unless you try it, which, if you know it's bad, then you shouldn't.  I never was too fond of coffee and even had my first few bottles of a frappacuino, the ones that come in the starbucks glass and somewhat disliked it.  Now, I HAVE to have some sort of coffee at LEAST once a week.  You never know...

You're so...I don't even want to say it. Anyway, sugar is addictive so is caffeine and salt. Most humans cannot go without sugar or salt, even though they are not necessary for nutrition. A coffee once a week wouldn't be considered an addiction. To comment on your sex addiction comment: I don't believe you have a right to simplify something you have no experience with. I don't think you're a psychiatrist. Even if you were, you would be DEAD WRONG. I was in a relationship with a sex addict. I have been a christian my whole life. I decided to take a chance on a non christian. He wasn't extreme with his addiction but it existed and was rooted in his exposure to playboy and obscenity at a young age. He believed that he was perfectly normal until it got to the point where I could not leave him alone for more than a day or he would end up at a strip club, on a swing site (craigslist or adult friend finder) or body rub parlor. He was a member of a board that discussed local prostitutes. When I met him I got him to end his playboy channel prescription and cancel his membership to the discussion board. But I soon realized those were signs of a deeper problem.
To keep this simple and short: sexual addiction IS real. It's also very easy to fall into because of the world we live in. It is around us ALL the time. Only the strong can resist the temptation to plot our own destruction. With new technology being invented and feeding this addiction year after year after year. Virus' like HIV and HPV have been killing people due to their lack of control and monogamy yet there still continues to be a drive towards promiscuity. Sex and the City, Nude magazines, Porn, Adult dating sites, Axe commercials! every movie has a sex scene no matter the genre etc etc All of these are examples of the tools used for our destruction. Most people will laugh at me and say I'm too "extreme" but they have not seen how these "guilty little pleasures" and "harmless entertainment" are changing us for the worse. It's like why go through all the trouble to keep yourself on the right path then marry a non believer who will lead you astray? It is our duty to help these people, not fall in love with them. I learned my lesson.

[Fem2009]

I agree I have no buisness telling someone they are an addict or obessed only a licenced counselor or phycologist does but that goes for any other christian who enjoys labeling other people as "addicts" so they can use that label as a platform to suggest all kinds of absurd ideas.

Also salt is required to live, sugar in a refined state is not but calories definitly are required to live, caffeen is not required to live but unless you are a licensed phycologist you have no buisness labeling anyone as an addict.  How did christianity get reduced down to almost a state of retardation, people have no buisness pointing this stuff out unless they are qualified.

I would not call a coffee once a week an addiction, if your need for coffee is significantly negitivly effecting your life then thats an addiction.

Addiction - compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.

This is also why I think sex addiction is a joke, its like people are looking for reasons to call other people "addicts" so they can feel better about themsleves.  I mean you could say your addicted to water because after about a day your going to get head achs and eventually die from the "withdrawl symptoms".  It is very important to distinguish an addiction from a healthy need/want, if you dont then you run the risk of alienating everyone around you because now they are "addicts" in your eyes because you have improperly defined the term and depriving yourself of the pleasures of this life for no reason.  BTW frapachinos have very high sugar content and are not good for your blood sugar so the caffeene should be the least of your concern.

Yes, Jesus did drink wine, but he was not addicted to it  .  You never know when you're addicted to something or not unless you try it, which, if you know it's bad, then you shouldn't.  I never was too fond of coffee and even had my first few bottles of a frappacuino, the ones that come in the starbucks glass and somewhat disliked it.  Now, I HAVE to have some sort of coffee at LEAST once a week.  You never know...

You're so...I don't even want to say it. Anyway, sugar is addictive so is caffeine and salt. Most humans cannot go without sugar or salt, even though they are not necessary for nutrition. A coffee once a week wouldn't be considered an addiction. To comment on your sex addiction comment: I don't believe you have a right to simplify something you have no experience with. I don't think you're a psychiatrist. Even if you were, you would be DEAD WRONG. I was in a relationship with a sex addict. I have been a christian my whole life. I decided to take a chance on a non christian. He wasn't extreme with his addiction but it existed and was rooted in his exposure to playboy and obscenity at a young age. He believed that he was perfectly normal until it got to the point where I could not leave him alone for more than a day or he would end up at a strip club, on a swing site (craigslist or adult friend finder) or body rub parlor. He was a member of a board that discussed local prostitutes. When I met him I got him to end his playboy channel prescription and cancel his membership to the discussion board. But I soon realized those were signs of a deeper problem.
To keep this simple and short: sexual addiction IS real. It's also very easy to fall into because of the world we live in. It is around us ALL the time. Only the strong can resist the temptation to plot our own destruction. With new technology being invented and feeding this addiction year after year after year. Virus' like HIV and HPV have been killing people due to their lack of control and monogamy yet there still continues to be a drive towards promiscuity. Sex and the City, Nude magazines, Porn, Adult dating sites, Axe commercials! every movie has a sex scene no matter the genre etc etc All of these are examples of the tools used for our destruction. Most people will laugh at me and say I'm too "extreme" but they have not seen how these "guilty little pleasures" and "harmless entertainment" are changing us for the worse. It's like why go through all the trouble to keep yourself on the right path then marry a non believer who will lead you astray? It is our duty to help these people, not fall in love with them. I learned my lesson.

Without judging, I have and will continue to point out what is wrong. I will always stand for what is right. I will share his word, ALWAYS. SAA and AAA counselors (who are not doctors, btw) have been using his word to reach addicts, so can we. I know you are entitled to your opinion, however, you are some kind of ignorant. I don't have time to ramble with you about why we humans donot need salt nor sugar and actually are addicted to both. I have better things to do...

[chosenone]

I would not call a coffee once a week an addiction, if your need for coffee is significantly negitivly effecting your life then thats an addiction.

Addiction - compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.

This is also why I think sex addiction is a joke, its like people are looking for reasons to call other people "addicts" so they can feel better about themsleves.  I mean you could say your addicted to water because after about a day your going to get head achs and eventually die from the "withdrawl symptoms".  It is very important to distinguish an addiction from a healthy need/want, if you dont then you run the risk of alienating everyone around you because now they are "addicts" in your eyes because you have improperly defined the term and depriving yourself of the pleasures of this life for no reason.  BTW frapachinos have very high sugar content and are not good for your blood sugar so the caffeene should be the least of your concern.

Yes, Jesus did drink wine, but he was not addicted to it  .  You never know when you're addicted to something or not unless you try it, which, if you know it's bad, then you shouldn't.  I never was too fond of coffee and even had my first few bottles of a frappacuino, the ones that come in the starbucks glass and somewhat disliked it.  Now, I HAVE to have some sort of coffee at LEAST once a week.  You never know...

You're so...I don't even want to say it. Anyway, sugar is addictive so is caffeine and salt. Most humans cannot go without sugar or salt, even though they are not necessary for nutrition. A coffee once a week wouldn't be considered an addiction. To comment on your sex addiction comment: I don't believe you have a right to simplify something you have no experience with. I don't think you're a psychiatrist. Even if you were, you would be DEAD WRONG. I was in a relationship with a sex addict. I have been a christian my whole life. I decided to take a chance on a non christian. He wasn't extreme with his addiction but it existed and was rooted in his exposure to playboy and obscenity at a young age. He believed that he was perfectly normal until it got to the point where I could not leave him alone for more than a day or he would end up at a strip club, on a swing site (craigslist or adult friend finder) or body rub parlor. He was a member of a board that discussed local prostitutes. When I met him I got him to end his playboy channel prescription and cancel his membership to the discussion board. But I soon realized those were signs of a deeper problem.
To keep this simple and short: sexual addiction IS real. It's also very easy to fall into because of the world we live in. It is around us ALL the time. Only the strong can resist the temptation to plot our own destruction. With new technology being invented and feeding this addiction year after year after year. Virus' like HIV and HPV have been killing people due to their lack of control and monogamy yet there still continues to be a drive towards promiscuity. Sex and the City, Nude magazines, Porn, Adult dating sites, Axe commercials! every movie has a sex scene no matter the genre etc etc All of these are examples of the tools used for our destruction. Most people will laugh at me and say I'm too "extreme" but they have not seen how these "guilty little pleasures" and "harmless entertainment" are changing us for the worse. It's like why go through all the trouble to keep yourself on the right path then marry a non believer who will lead you astray? It is our duty to help these people, not fall in love with them. I learned my lesson.

fem2009 I dont think that you are extreme at all. I agree that films and TV have gradually has got worse with sex scenes and telling us that is OK to have sex with someone after a couple of dates. In general the media is very ungodly and that is why we watch very little on TV and rarely see a film unless we know that there wont be anything dodgy in it.

It does creep in as you say and  things that weren't acceptable in the past now are. Even in the church the world is creeping in. We left our last church because several of the women dressed very immodestly with very low cut tops etc and even though the leadership agreed that it was a problem they did nothing about it, WE now have a good church where this rarely happens.

We can avoid these things to a large extent if we keep away from  many films and TV that isn't godly, and also by never looking at porn in magazines or on the internet etc. There are ways to help ourselves live a pure life if we really want to.  As you say there are also many websites that people go to find someone to sin with. There are even sites that specifically married people can go to find people to have sex with. How anyone can run a site like that and still sleep at night I don't know. He is encouraging others to committ adultery. I guess that is what money does to you.

We are called to be different. We are called to live pure lives.So what if others laugh at us,or if we have to be different from those around us? 

[chosenone]

I guess that the last person who can see that they are addicted to anything is the one who is the addict.

[kristinaf]

I agree that television, the media and the internet has become inundated with "the wrong messages".  I switched on the TV last night and came across a program called "Gary Unmarried", and he and his divorced ex-wife talked about how they still have the urge to sleep together.  Altogether, an UnGodly show.  Then I go out to lunch with a male friend today, who was complaining about being single...He stressed the urgency with which he wants to be with someone.  We are constantly surrounded by temptations and unGodly influences.  I find it hard to cope sometimes, but like another poster mentioned, we are called to be "children of light" and to walk as children of light.  That means showing your Godliness to others in this crooked and perverse world.  I am also hit with temptations to drink and go out and "party" with friends.  I don't do this anymore and yet still have friends who do, so sometimes I am tempted to do what they do, but then I wake up and smell the coffee and say NO!  I am a child of God, and I am going to walk uprightly and separate from this world and all of it's fleshly desires. 

I have to admit, in the past I was given over to the sin of fornication, and have (praise the LORD) been free from this for about a year.  I know it is wrong and against God's will for me, so I stopped.  However, lately I have been tempted again, mostly because I have two non-Christian guys who are interested in me and they hint at things and "whisper temptations" in my ear (not literally, but figuratively lol).  I thought I conquered this sin area in my life, but now I am feeling impatient for a husband and growing weary of being alone.  There is a Christian guy that I have been talking to , but he is not my Prince Charming and is slightly repulsive to me, so as much as I like his personality and his Godly demeanor, it is a no-go.  Sigh. 

Please bring me a Godly husband, Lord.  Any encouragement guys?   

[fanuvmxpx]

Please bring me a Godly husband, Lord.  Any encouragement guys?  

Yes, do the best you can to isolate your sex drive from your desire for a Spouse. With the Lord's help, your desire for a husband will overpower your desire for sex..and individuals who may have been lustfully appealing in the past...will be less appealing as they are not suitable husband material. =)

Its tough, but it is possible with God.