Division of Roles/Labor in the Household

[Bon Voyage]

I am tired of engineering classes right now.  Maybe later.  The money should be alright at first.  If I feel like teaching, the PhD is a must, but a good position would almost be a lock, considering many PhD's in engineering are now from other countries.

[socrmom]

This topic has come up a lot within my circle of friends lately.  One in particular is having some pretty serious troubles in her marriage.    :help:

It is so easy for us to lose sight of what is most important sometimes.  I cannot hardly believe that there are women (often, not always) who are willing to sacrifice the happiness of their marriage over who cleans the toilets.   :doh:

I know, I am not one that oozes contentment!  I have been known to lock myself in the laundry room, asking God to draw my eyes to Him, and off the faults of my family that I so want to fight over at times.  (I can be sooooo oblivious to the plank sticking out of my own eye!!)

Very wise comment, boringoldguy!

[socrmom]

I Cor. 13:11  \" . . . when I became a man, I put away childish things.\"   There you have it;  Dad cleans up after the kids.

I Love this!!!! :p  :p  :p

[winky]

Just for fun, here's one of Janine's topics that looked interesting to me.

I have to brag on my husband - he's great about helping around the house -doing dishes when I cook, vaccuuming, etc. We had some couple friends over a couple weeks ago and after eating, Scott immediately collected dishes and started washing them. One of the other wives nearly went into shock that he was so willing. She kept saying to me \"I just can't believe you can get him to clean dishes.\" Her poor husband probably got an earful when he got home.

When we got married, we made a rule that we could each choose one household chore that we would refuse to do. He picked toilet cleaning (fine by me, never bothered me much), and I picked taking out the trash (not sure why, just really hate doing it). It's worked out well. He always knows that if the trash is going out, he has to do it, and I know that I'm in charge of toilets. The other chores we both do at various times, just whoever is available to get it done.


Wendy

[Bon Voyage]

what are ya going to grad school for?

I don't know if I'll ever feel like getting a doctorate.

[winky]

Yeah, I've always liked the idea of a doctorate, but the actual work/time involved may outweigh the attractive \"idea.\" For now, just gotta concentrate on the master's - hopefully I can knock it out in two years if I take 6 hrs a semester and six in the summer.

So, are you working on a master's I assume? What school?

[admin]

As far as household duties....we share a lot, though she does the majority.

I am going back to school.....apparently I just didn't have enough at Freed-Hardeman. So on Mon, Wed, and Friday I have to be in class at 7:30 to learn New Testament theology. Learning about the Q source, and then there is Pentateuch where we learn about the J, E, P, and D sources. Then I go to my other classes for Mon, Wed, and Friday. On Tuesdays and Thursday I have my philosophy classes.

Then I go to work. So my wife is pretty understanding. But she still silently makes me go make Jacob a bottle at 2 a.m. :zzzz:

Lee

[admin]

Ok Wendy. Please tell Peter Pan hello and that he and Tinker Bell can come take me to Never-Never land. Ofcourse, that is assuming I get to fly, fight pirates, and visit those mermaids.

 :crackup:

Lee

janine you said your interests include chicken and meat animals.
which animals aren't meat animals?
:crackup:  :wave:

[janine]

There's always my favorite household verse, suitable for embroidering, etc.:

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]2 Kings 21:13
\"And I will stretch over Jerusalem the line of Samaria, and the plummet of the house of Ahab: and I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down. \"[/quote]
So, men are to wash the dishes.

:thumbup:

[janine]

Very Biblical, very NT, \"dipping the sop\"...

[janine]

Mike's attitude is that he works a difficult dangerous job all day long, so that I can remain home not working a job.

Therefore, unless a chore is something dangerous or beyond my expertise, it's none of his business.  Since I know how to do everything from install sheetrock to changing the cars' oil, he doesn't do much around the house.

My only wish re: that arrangement would be that he would refrain from making more work for me.  Like, would he please put his orange peels or his dirty laundry in the proper receptacles?

Ah, well.  Sigh.  If I leave them where he sets them, they turn into potpourri & make the house smell nice.

(The peelings!  Not the socks!  :eek:  :D  :frowning:  )

[Nevertheless]

We have no hard-and-fast rules about who does what in our house, but in practice, Hubby keeps wood in the furnace, takes care of related chores, makes appointments for whichever vehicle needs repair/service, and makes necessary phone calls (I hate talking on the phone).  

I do the cooking because I don't like his, and the grocery shopping because it's more convenient for me and I think the one that cooks should restock the pantry.  

Everything else is shared.  Whichever one of us is bothered about something takes care of it.  Seems to work for us.
:D

Never

[janine]

Have you felt like you were raising a particularly large liitle boy?

My, my, how odd.  I have never felt that way  :p  ;) .

(Watch out for the lightning bolts...)

[winky]

Well, I guess I sort-of agree, Lee. My husband and I split up chores pretty evenly now because we both work full-time (and are taking grad classes on the side). But, if at some point I get to stay home, I would certainly expect that the balance of chores would shift, with me doing the majority.

Now, of course we don't have kids, so it's hard for me to say I would feel the same way if I had spent all day chasing after a kid or two, trying to give them constant attention and enriching experiences and at the same time managed to do laundry and keep the house from getting wrecked and run to the grocery store, and then cooked dinner, and then my husband wouldn't even help with dishes. I just don't know.  I'll have to let you know how I feel about that a few years down the road.

Wendy

[Richard]

This is really depressing.
I'd be happy if I could get my wife to put her clothes away after I wash and fold them.

But I'm not complaining...just venting.

Richard

[Jim Abb]

Since my wife and I both work we do a lot of chore splitting. One thing that has worked well is our dinner. One cooks and the other cleans up. Other chores have gotten pretty routine after 18 years. I take out the garbage, change the cat litter, dust and vacuum; she cleans the bathrooms, mends clothes, mops the floors, sends out cards and bills and makes the world's best desserts! We both do laundry, feed the pets and run our son around to this and that.
It works for us, but I grew up in a household with a working mother and had an example of the father pitching in around the house. So it came natural to me.

[janine]

Skunks? :doh:


Where did I say that?

[Jim Abb]

Sorry Janine.....you have to take that verse in it's cultural setting...obviously the man is using a piece of bread to wipe the last bit of gravy out of that dish   :crackup:

[janine]

Bring the bones home for the dogs... and just happen to pull them out and gnaw them yourself later, if the dogs are busy elsewhere.  Saves her embarassment & sometimes the puppies get a treat out of it.

My Pappa used to suck the marrow out of the deer bones.  I remember that well.  He enjoyed it so.  So loudly! :D

When A Prairie Home Companion comes on the radio in an hour, I'll have the radio on in the kitchen and do my Saturday cleanup (somehow I don't mind the horrid chore, or the way Mike gets out of just about all the chores 'cause getting burned at work for 12 hours gives you an out!)... if I get some nurturing from Garrison Keillor, or some gospel teaching or some new Christian music, while I scrub.

[spurly]

There are no division of roles/duties in my household.  I do everything.  (By the way, I'm single).

Kevin

[winky]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]what are ya going to grad school for?

I don't know if I'll ever feel like getting a doctorate. [/quote]

As of last week, I'm working toward a degree in Communication (who knows, maybe when I'm done my posts will improve!) with a specialty in Conflict Mediation (who knows, maybe when I'm done Lee will make me a moderator!). Scott is getting working on a degree in Gerontology. We're both just doing 6 hrs a semester since we're both working full-time.

[socrmom]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]Therefore, unless a chore is something dangerous or beyond my expertise, it's none of his business.  Since I know how to do everything from install sheetrock to changing the cars' oil, he doesn't do much around the house.

My only wish re: that arrangement would be that he would refrain from making more work for me.  Like, would he please put his orange peels or his dirty laundry in the proper receptacles?
[/quote]

LOL, This is way too true at my house as well.  I still love him and I don't think he's gonna change.  I am hoping to do better with the boys I actually am raising.



[!--EDIT|janine|Jan. 23 2003,04:50--]

[admin]

Hey,

I am just thinking outloud. Let's just pretend I have gone through all the disclaimers about how I am not trying to push women down..ok?

My thought is this. If a man goes to work so that his wife doesn't have to, is her attitude of \"help me or I will nag you,  make your life miserable, and will go on strike\" inappropriate seeing that she doesn't go to his office, factory, etc, and help him?

Society tells women that they should make their husbands help them and that they shouldn't be the ones in the kitchen...and all that stuff. But, after a while, my wife began to see that after a day of a 7:30 class, a 9:30 class, work from 10:30 to 4:00,  golf practice (have to keep my scholarship, and it is not fun and games...it's getting an earfull from your coaches all the time) and THEN coming home wanting to find a nice chair to do my HOMEWORK it was NOT appropriate for her to take the politically correct priviledge and \"make\" me wash dishes.

Instead, she looked at me as a hard worker who supplies food and shelter for her (as humble as it may be). She didn't want to use the feminist movement as leverage to get more work out of me. And I love her for it. But then again, she does what she should be doing, based on the circumstances.

Lee



[!--EDIT|admin|Jan. 31 2003,08:40--]

[4kidsandadog]

Well, as a full-time mom to 4, who are at home with me always, since we homeschool.... I can really relate to this whole thing.  \"Keeping house\" isn't easy.  It doesn't happen naturally to most people.  It takes discipline and routines, both of which I am still developing.  I try very hard to create a relaxing atmosphere for my husband.  I do see it as my \"job\" because he is doing what he does in order that I can be home with our kids.  

But I appreciate any and every thing he does to help.  Some days there just isn't time to get the things done that needs to be done.  And if he can come home and understand when something has gone undone, rather than make a snide comment or raise his eyebrows, wondering \"just what did you do all day?\", then I am just thrilled.  

Marriage is a partnership. But it isn't 50/50.... RARELY is it ever 50/50.  Seems like it tends to tip wildly in one direction or the other, but the understanding and maturity level of the couple make it so that really doesn't matter, as long as it doesn't remain in one direction for an extended amount of time.

That said, my husband is one of those that does tend to do a LOT in addition to working outside the home.  He is just one of those guys who can't stand to see something go undone.  But I do my darndest to keep from overloading him with lots of little undone things.  Otherwise, he does begin to feel taken advantage of, and things aren't happy here.

Anyone who thinks they need some help getting it together in the homemaking dept., check out FLYLady....

Karen

[Nevertheless]

The most discouraging thing about housework is that if you do it perfectly, no one will ever notice. . .

[boringoldguy]

I hope no one minds if I revive this.

About 22 years ago, when we learned that my wife was expecting our first child, a close friend gave me a book which made clear that the New Testament contains a clear example concerning the division of household duties.

I Cor. 13:11  \" . . . when I became a man, I put away childish things.\"   There you have it;  Dad cleans up after the kids.

Of course, the more modern translations miss this nuance.  Ladies, perhaps you should all take up the KJV only banner.

[winky]

Well, Jim, your interpretation certainly fits my \"man\" to a T. I have to beg him not to sop his plate with a roll at events such as wedding rehearsal dinners, business meals, etc. I tell him \"you can sop all you want at home, just please not in public!\" So far, not a huge amt. of success with this. In his defense though he also fits Janine's interpretation b/c he often washes dishes after I've cooked. So, maybe I'll live with the sopping. Plus, he is a very thorough sopper, so if I include any form of bread with the meal, there is never much scrubbing or scraping needed on his plate - every last bit of the juices/remains from the meal end up on the bread before it's over with. :)

[WileyClarkson]

Wendy,

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]I have to beg him not to sop his plate with a roll at events such as wedding rehearsal dinners, business meals, etc. I tell him \"you can sop all you want at home, just please not in public!\" [/quote]

Hey, it's the sop that really tastes good!  But my favorite is to gnaw the bone from the steak or pork chops when we buy them at resturant or when ever.  Drives my wife nuts!!!  But the best meat is what you can't cut off the bone!!!

[winky]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]Mike's attitude is that he works a difficult dangerous job all day long, so that I can remain home not working a job.

Therefore, unless a chore is something dangerous or beyond my expertise, it's none of his business.  Since I know how to do everything from install sheetrock to changing the cars' oil, he doesn't do much around the house.

My only wish re: that arrangement would be that he would refrain from making more work for me.  Like, would he please put his orange peels or his dirty laundry in the proper receptacles?

Ah, well.  Sigh.  If I leave them where he sets them, they turn into potpourri & make the house smell nice.

(The peelings!  Not the socks!        )
[/quote]

Well, our situation will be more like this I imagine if I ever get to stay home. Since we both work and go to grad school right now, we both pitch in.

Wendy

[janine]

I see \"keeping the house\" as my job, since Mike works as he does so I can be around home & available for church-related work.

I am not a natural homemaker.  It is hard.

But, I would get a kick out of his at least trying not to make my job harder.  I don't go to his shipyard and indiscriminately toss dirty socks around the engine room or orange peels around his luch room.

Can sympathise with \"playing\" to keep your scholarship.  Mike kept us in school with his football scholarship.

[janine]

God bless FLYLady.

If I ever did it perfectly no one would notice 'cause they'd all be dead of a heart attack.

Today I have to vivit ICU, bring a kid to the doctor, bring Mike his lunch & pick up a glider he was given for Christmas by his employer, clean a filthy house, wash a million loads of laundry and every dish I own, mend innumerable work clothes (he burns holes in everything, even his underwear), tour the 'Net finding discounts for Grandma's medicines...

I need a year, today.