Dating Non-Christians (advice pleeaasee) :)

[ecg90]

I recently have gotten involved with one of my friends I've known for about a year. We've grown really close and are pretty much together. However, I'm feeling really conflicted since he is not a christian. He is actually muslim, but I dont feel as though he's really deep within his faith. I guess im really confused as to if it goes against God even to date this guy. I mean I dont know what the future holds, perhaps I could be someone who helps introduce him to God or something. I dont know, but the more I think about it the more confused I become. I know he completely respects my beliefs, but I dont know if its right going into a relationship if im not even considering the idea of marriage. I mean, this is the first person I've ever been involved with and I just dont know if I'm just thinking about this too much or whether I need to let this relationship take its course? Is anticipating complications with marriage thinking too far ahead? I'm only 19 and I've never even had a boyfriend before now, but I dont know, does this somehow go against God??

Any comments would be extremely helpful

Emily :)

[yesult]

You're risking your faith. The whole purpose of dating is to find out if someone is suitable for marriage. Otherwise you're just using them. Unless you want to marry a muslim then don't date one.

[Joel, the Son of Pethuel]

My advice (you can take it or leave it) is to not get involved (by that I mean anything beyond friendship) with anyone that you couldn't marry exactly as he is right now.  If he, right now, is not a christian, then I would suggest not dating him unless he were to become a christian.  And not only with respect to his faith.

My wife (we're going through a divorce) and I didn't marry each other for who we ARE.  We both married each other for who we thought the other would BECOME.  If either party needs to change for the other, then the two aren't ready to be together.

[Brasee]

The Bible asks, in Amos 3:3, "Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" And of course the answer is, No! =P

Think about it -- Jesus is (or ought to be) the very most important thing in the world to you. Your boyfriend should be someone who loves Jesus just as much! It is not enough for him to "respect your beliefs", he needs to love Jesus and be saved and changed by him. If this has not happened, you will never really agree on the direction you're walking.

With your brothers-in-Christ, you share the same Spirit and Savior and Father. You are spiritual siblings forever! That's a kind of closeness that you will never have with a non-Christian guy, even if you marry him. That's why it is so awesome to date a Christian who really loves God -- because your romantic relationship can be built on top of a brother-and-sister-in-Christ relationship, which itself is built upon your individual relationships with Jesus. This means that Jesus Christ is the foundation for your WHOLE relationship, and you are BOTH depending on Him!

On a more personal note...you deserve a guy who can show you Jesus' love. You deserve a guy who can lead you spiritually! That is the husband's role (and it is good for a boyfriend to practice, too). You should have a guy that you can pray with, study the Bible with, et cetera. Because dating really IS about marriage (otherwise it's pointless entertainment and kinda selfish). And your future kids should have a father who will teach them to follow the Lord!

Since you are my sister-in-Christ, I naturally want you to have a boyfriend who is able to bless your heart and help you grow as a Christian! No matter how nice or cool or excellent this guy seems, please please hold out for God's best in your life. Wait for a courageous Christian who knows what Love means, and who treats you respectfully like a sister even before anything romancey happens (and who treats ALL girls respectfully!). Then you will have someone you can connect with on a spiritual level. No matter how close you get to a non-believer emotionally or mentally or phsyically, you will never be able to connect with him spiritually, and that'd be a tragedy.

As for hoping to convert a guy by dating him, I think that's dangerous for you and not very effective as an evangelism tool either. But instead of writing a bunch about that, I will refer you to the article that first got me thinking about it:

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0000290.cfm

(this is the second of a two-part article, the "missionary dating" discussion starts a little ways into it)

Thanks for listening =) More importantly than all of the advice that anyone could give you is this -- pray to God and ask to know what He desires for you! Read His Word and commit to loving Him with all your heart! :)

[Lifesaver]

I recently have gotten involved with one of my friends I've known for about a year. We've grown really close and are pretty much together. However, I'm feeling really conflicted since he is not a christian. He is actually muslim, but I dont feel as though he's really deep within his faith. I guess im really confused as to if it goes against God even to date this guy. I mean I dont ..........   I'm only 19 and I've never even had a boyfriend before now, but I dont know, does this somehow go against God??

Any comments would be extremely helpful

Emily :)

Emily, you would have been clearer about everything if you had sincerely evangelised him at the outset and sought to bring him to God, jesusChrist, without any intention of dating him.    What happened next would depend on whether or no he became truly convered to accepting Jesus, and if he did, whether you were still looking for a husband by then.

Let this be your future evangelistic strategy!

[brouije]

2Corinthians 6:14 commands us not to become unevenly yoked with unbelievers. The operative word is "command" not a suggestion. This is for our protection so as not to endanger our relationship with God. Jer: 17:9 speaks of "the heart being deceitful". If we don't guard it, we can convince ourselves that we somehow can escape the consequences of disobeying God.

[gdr19]

Marriages with different can be successful but does need a lot of work.They may have to marry twice.Actually you may eventually face the fact that  if he plans to marry again he can without needing a reason to do so.He could even be married as we speak and have wife and children.If he strong financialy he might support you but if not then just ignores you.
Pray to Jesus and God to guide you.
Be blessed

[IamStefanie]

I've been in a similar relationship. From what I know, Muslims believe in one God, and they believe that Jesus existed, but only as a prophet, not as the Son of God.
Although he may not be deep in his faith, the two of you don't agree on something that should be very important and evident in your life. In my opinion, it's ok to be friends with him. You should talk with him about your beliefs. But if you don't have any intention of marriage AND he is not a believer, keep him at friendship status. Anything else is risking your faith and peace with God.

[chosenone]

Dont go there. it is wrong according to the Bible and God says that we arent to do it for a very good reaosn.
Allah isnt  God. Jesus isnt their Lord. You have nothing in common.
Save yourself a lot of heartache by staying away.

[miracles83]

I do think that it is risky.. He might be a non-practicing muslim but that doesn't mean he is strongly committed. I've known many people who were just vanilla in their faith until something serious like marriage or children start to arise. They then get very active within their own faith.


and about the whole marriage issue.. I think its going a little overboard. This will be her first boyfriend and she is only 19. You can have relationships without searching for a marriage partner. You might not be ready for marriage in your life situation but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to find someone that you can get close too and find comfort with.


The issue of dating outside the faith is something that I'm struggling with. I know that I should focus on finding someone who shares similar beliefs and values as me, but it can be hard. You really are limiting the # of people you can date, especially when you live in a smaller town.

and it doesn't help that I'm attracted to crazy girls 

[walker starr]

         Dear Miracles several years ago the daughter of one of my friends married a Muslim.  After two children were born the
family moved to the village of her husbands birth.  She was kept a virtual prisoner and after a couple of months he sent her back to the States but kept the children.  Untold thousands of dollars were spent on legal fees, attempted bribes etc but to no avail.
the last I heard the children were still in Yemen and were being raised Muslim.  The mother's and grandparents were heartbroken.It's been many years so I can't give any update but I seriously doubt that there was a happy ending to this story.
My point is that the whole tragedy began by a young christian girl dating a young male Muslim.
                                                                                                                                                     Walker
                                                                                                                                                           

[miracles83]

Yeh, I agree Walker.

If you are female, you definitely should be concerned when considering to date a muslim for just this reason. I don't like to make scary statements but your livelihood could be in danger when dating one. Its a harsh generalization and doesn't apply to every muslim, but it is definitely something that you should look out for.

[SoConfused]

The whole Muslim thing is kind of insignificant.  It's the fact that they aren't a Christian that should bother you.  Atheist, Agnostic, Buddhist, Muslim... meh.  None of it is what you should be looking for.  (Though honestly Muslim is probably closest to the Christian faith because they basically believe all that Christians do but then add another prophet and the Quran that supercedes the Bible etc... but morals will at least be similar). 

Basically, you know where the path leads to, so you shouldn't even begin walking down it because for every step you take down that path that is one more step that you're going to have to take to get back to where you should be.  If you can't agree on the most important thing in your life, then you have NO foundation on which to build a life together.  Heck, I don't even care what your worldview is... if 2 people date with completely different worldviews then they are going to run into all sorts of crap once they are in a relationship longer than the infatuation stage.

[Ramy]

Remember if you love anyone or anything more than Jesus, then you wouldn't Deserve Jesus.
Becuase he loved you more than himself !

He could've stay away, but he let bad people crossify him for your sake.
As an example for the many differences between Islam and christianity
A koran verse number 17 the table chapter says ( لَّقَدْ كَفَرَ الَّذِينَ قَآلُواْ إِنَّ اللّهَ هُوَ الْمَسِيحُ ابْنُ مَرْيَمَ قُلْ فَمَن يَمْلِكُ مِنَ اللّهِ شَيْئاً إِنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُهْلِكَ الْمَسِيحَ ابْنَ مَرْيَمَ وَأُمَّهُ وَمَن فِي الأَرْضِ جَمِيعاً وَلِلّهِ مُلْكُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا يَخْلُقُ مَا يَشَاءُ وَاللّهُ عَلَى كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ [ المائدة الآية 17]
and the translation is " they commited infidelity those who said the The God is Jesus the Christ son of Mary, so say who owns anything from the God,when he (the God) wants to annihilate the Christ the son of Mary and his mother and all those on Earth, and to the God belongs the heavens and earth and what between them, (and he) creates what he wants and God is all mighty"

I translated letterly.
and so many other verses with the same meaning and more harder meanings.

Well, Jesus wouldn't deny you for any thing on earth and heavens and he admits you as his daughter infront of his angels and his Mother Vergin Mary, so don't you unite your body and soul with someone who denies Jesus and consider you infidel.
We love muslims because we must love everyone, but we mustn't do wrong things for personal needs, and if you think you can change him why don't you do it now, why after marriage?
when Jesus wanted to deliver us he did it immediately and didn't wait till we die and leave this world because he could, so if you really can change or deliver him why after marriage, why not now.
Believe me there is too much differences between us and it's better to search for a soulmate through your soul-lover "Jesus the Christ son of Mary"

[Huscarl]

Do you know why Muslim men are allowed to date non-muslim women, but muslim women are not allowed to date non-muslim men?  It's because it's expected that women submit to their husbands, and it is not okay for a muslim to submit to a non-muslim.  He may not be very active in his faith, but I've read a lot of the Koran and I've read about Islamic relationships, and don't think he won't expect to be in charge

If things get serious and marriage and kids are involved, he WILL NOT allow them to be raised Christian.  He will pull you away from Christ slowly, it's inevitable. 

I'm struggling with a similar issue myself having fallen in love with a girl who has no faith in any God.  So I know how much it hurts, but if you are to stay close with Christ, you have to have your priorities straight.  It's hard, but being Christian was never supposed to be easy

I hope we can both live up to it

[TracyLove]

The question is about dating non Christians, not marring them.  While I agree you need to be careful about anyone you get seriously involved with, dating is a different story.  You should date a lot of people, Christians and non-Christians.  Dating builds your confidence and communication skills...those things are important in a Christian marriage.  There is a lot of growth which happens from getting out of your comfort zone and normal circle of friends.

So I'm completely contrary to some of the other posts, I would encourage you to date non-Christians.  It will help you have a bigger view of the world around you, improve your communication and conflict resolution abilities.  It will help you be a better leader for your church, a better husband, and parent.  Lighten-up about religious differences and date a lot of people.

-Tracy Love

[Bon Voyage]

The question is about dating non Christians, not marring them.  While I agree you need to be careful about anyone you get seriously involved with, dating is a different story.  You should date a lot of people, Christians and non-Christians.  Dating builds your confidence and communication skills...those things are important in a Christian marriage.  There is a lot of growth which happens from getting out of your comfort zone and normal circle of friends.

So I'm completely contrary to some of the other posts, I would encourage you to date non-Christians.  It will help you have a bigger view of the world around you, improve your communication and conflict resolution abilities.  It will help you be a better leader for your church, a better husband, and parent.  Lighten-up about religious differences and date a lot of people.

-Tracy Love

To be blunt, advising others to date non-Christians is not only horrible advice, but contrary to God's Word.

[TracyLove]

To be blunt, advising others to date non-Christians is not only horrible advice, but contrary to God's Word.

You're better at being blunt than you are at teaching God's Word.  Which scriptures are you referring too?

-Tracy Love

[vmand]

The "classic, standard" answer is:

KJV
2 Cor 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, 18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.


NET
Do not become partners with those who do not believe, for what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship does light have with darkness? 15 And what agreement does Christ have with Beliar? Or what does a believer share in common with an unbeliever? 16 And what mutual agreement does the temple of God have with idols? For we are the temple of the living God, just as God said, "I will live in them and will walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.

[TracyLove]

I appreciate your knowledge of the scriptures, but you are using a few in a questionable way and it seems you have been mistaught, I hope I can be of help.

2 Cor 6:14 Being Unequally Yoked is a warning about the types of Pastor you choose to follow, read the entire chapter up till then.  Marriage is never discussed within the entire book of 2nd Corinthians

Further, you don't seem to even understand the purpose of the 2nd Corinthian letter.  2 Corinthians is a complete retraction of the harshness of 1 Corinthians because Paul was forced to write many of those things under threat of death.  This situation is clearly explained in  2 Cor 1:8-10.  Paul is setting the record straight now that he is free to do so.  2 Cor 1:13.

To me, being "Unequally Yoked" would be following the kind of Pastor who preaches the harshness of 1 Corinthians without ever mentioning retractions of 2nd Corinthians.

-Tracy Love

[vmand]

Tracy

"unequaly yoked" is a general, elegant or discrete, command and warning ! I use it here in the context of your question but  I agree is not limited to. It is short of a "rhule of thumb" in dealing with other people in case of marriage, trade, business, companionships of any kind etc. A powerful relationship it is, cause even Jesus said "if two agree about something...". Two agreeing about something is powerful thing and can be either for the glory of God or for the glory of the... "other" !

Vangelis

[vmand]

Allso this "Do not be unequaly yoked" is the header or title or label of a smal essay starting in verse 14 to the end of the chapter verse 18. the meaning always the same. We have got nothing to do with un/non-believers.
We MUST/OUGHT dicern the differents.

Having worked for almost 10 years in Saudi Arabia, I could tell many stories about Muslims. The way they see us etc. We are "unclean" for them, and they to us, not because I say it, but the Bible says it!

[vmand]

Is worth quoting an event from those years. Most of our entairtenment was chasing Saudia  airline hostesses and watching MTV. I had a Jordanian friend at that time, who liked G.Michael, Michael Jackson etc. Were chasing girls together, as I didnt speak Arabic.Now Lebanese and Jordanians to Muslims is similar to Laodicean type Christians.
Once were debating the issue of "couple living together unmarried" in order to... "know each other" before they got married. He was against. And I asked,
-How would you solve problems in marriage with your wife if you havent  lived together in order to find out what she thinks, her ideas etc.
the answer was shocking !
-I would ask her to check and see what SHE HAS DONE WRONG, repent, apologise and thats it !
It has been 15+ years now ,but I vividly remember this and is very representative of Muslim male way of thinking !
The position of an infallible male !! wow !!! Up till then have never expressed anything like that !

So this is another warning for girls who are attracted to "sweet" muslims ! Sin is always sweet at first !


 

[vmand]

Tracy
quoting from you post above:
"Lighten-up about religious differences and date a lot of people."
These differences are underlined in God's Word and Himself has alway tried to widen the gap, create a buffer or gap between His holly=(separated from the rest) and the infidels.
Who are we, to try to "iron" things out with "ecumenism" ? We either agree and follow or dont. No middle ground !

[vmand]

And a part of my testimony here...

Back in 1999, I met a Kenyan / Somali muslim, and a very beautiful girl, with features similar to Sade or Naomi Cambel. I was crazy about her and I wanted to marry her. At that time I was merely believing God's existence (as in James 2:19).
So we arranged for a cheap, quiet, 'convenient' marriage the muslim way. On the way to a family friend Imam's house for the ceremony, she was preparing me as to what my responses should be to his queries "do you love her" etc.
But, I got stuck with something ! She said I must admit "God is one" - and well up to here - and mohamed is his only(sic) prophet !!! it doesnt realy matters !
I thought for a moment, we are now in the car driving towards the imam, it does not matter, for actually there is only one God and in any case I believe the "God" of Christians, so I could lie, cheat, pretent, in order to make HER, not God, happy !!!
Does this ring a bell ie (1 Kings 11:2-9)  ??
Also refer to "from your words you will be justified or not.." Mat. 12:37.
See in contrast Mat 10:32 "Whoever, then, acknowledges me before people, I will acknowledge before my Father in heaven. 33 But whoever denies me before people, I will deny him also before my Father in heaven."
I prefer "confess" to "acknoledge" as much stronger Greek word !  

Now see how the Holly Spirit works...

From that time till reaching the imam's house an internal, firey battle started on mental, emotional, spiritual level. My guts, I felt were "playing drums" and gradually a strong sense of guilt overtook me !
I knew then, this is not going to happen, for God is having other plans for me, and is clearly pointing to HERE and NOW !!

So we started fighting, because I refused, to submit - even if cheating was in my heart - to foreign gods "who cant eat, think or save!!" - Amen, and that marked my road to baptism, rebirth and salvation (in any order - if you like).

I saw, felt the presence and the power of God that day, like I never have before or after. The prayers of my mother and the church contributed I believe. Praised be His Holly Name, forever and ever.

that relationship struggled and fainted away, few years later, but His mercy and grace and love for me ever remained !!! Amen

[chosenone]

The question is about dating non Christians, not marring them.  While I agree you need to be careful about anyone you get seriously involved with, dating is a different story.  You should date a lot of people, Christians and non-Christians.  Dating builds your confidence and communication skills...those things are important in a Christian marriage.  There is a lot of growth which happens from getting out of your comfort zone and normal circle of friends.

So I'm completely contrary to some of the other posts, I would encourage you to date non-Christians.  It will help you have a bigger view of the world around you, improve your communication and conflict resolution abilities.  It will help you be a better leader for your church, a better husband, and parent.  Lighten-up about religious differences and date a lot of people.

-Tracy Love

The problem with a Christian dating a non Christian is that they may well fall in love and then what? The Christians will have to choose whether to marry that person against Gods will or break up with them.   The Bibe says "what has light to do with darkness?"
Those who are Christians are walking in the light and those who arent are in the darkness. They cannot mix whether they are dating or marrying. Dating is something that is done to see if that person is to be our future marriage partner. If they arent a christian they cannot be. so there is no point in dating them.
Also non Christians in the main have very different morals than Christians and that can cause major problems with for example, sex before marriage.