Not looking for Marriage

[miracles83]

What is your thoughts on the purpose of dating.. Is it solely for marriage?


Here are my thoughts 

I think the idea can be dangerous when "dating solely for marriage" is the main goal.. especially when you are not ready. This goes beyond the age factor but rests mostly on maturity and knowing who you are (which you aren't fully developed until your mid-twenties anyway) and what type of person really complements you.

If you've never dated someone or just a few people then you can't really expect to know what you need or who best fits you. You might think you do because of what you are attracted to, but that doesn't mean its right. You just might be curious about it.

also, if you're not ready in life circumstances such as that you are still in college/high school and don't have the set up to physically and emotionally support another person then it can be dangerous. I'm not talking about just money either.

I understand that some people in college are ready for marriage and thats good. But I don't think the "dating solely for marriage" should be a universal principle..

Me, personally, I am not ready for marriage. I'm in my last year of school and can barely support myself and my responsibilities. Hopefully in five years I can be ready, but not right now. Does that mean I don't deserve to find someone that I can hang out with and talk to on a more personal level than friendship? I'm not looking for a marriage partner right now, but its nice and reassuring to be with someone when I'm feeling down or want to go do something fun. Someone you can talk to about spiritual issues and personal things... and someone to even hold close while watching a movie.

man that sounded like an ad from an online dating site 

[chosenone]

Why cant you just have close friends to do these things with?Does it have to be an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend thing?

[sedux]

I used to think the same way.  If you haven't dated anyone than how would you even know what to expect or what you want in a mate.  But now I've decided that I don't need to date around in order to find the "one" for me.  Instead, I put my trust in the Lord and know that in His timing, He will provide for all things - including a spouse.

[JohnDB]

IT all depends upon how you go about dating.

Group dating is great so long as you don't mind what the group chooses as an activity.
it also allows you to see how this person that you want to find more about interacts with different people...who their friends are...what their interests are. Everyone pays their own way...there is no pressure to create a chemistry when it really doesn't exist.
Primarily it promotes friendships...not romantic feelings...and it is the best way to keep yourself out of....pressures you don't want to face.

Then there are the intimate private one-on-one dates.
They are the classic dinner and a movie...or whatever. high and very heavy pressure situations can occur...as well as assumptions and allegations which may or may not be true. I highly reccomend only going on one of these when you feel that it is really really ridiculously safe to do so. (unbelievable some of what goes on these days...I remember I got attacked by a woman who wanted something more than a kiss...then later turned the tables around and told my friends and acquaintences that I attacked her and wouldn't take no for an answer...But they are my friends and knew what she was saying wasn't true)

[IamStefanie]

Well, you put a lot of thoughts out there. I would like to repsond with my opinion

Many people (not all, but most), I believe,  date in order to find someone compatible, and if marriage is what the two desire with each other, then it happens. Me personally, for years I dated simply to date - to have someone keep me company and other things. But in the last two years, I have grown to know that I would like to be married. And although I'm single and currently not dating anyone, I'm happy that God made some moves for me to have that alone time and to figure out what I want. I'm almost there.

And if you are not ready for marriage, there is nothing wrong at all with that. Isn't it nice to know that some things can be done when you are ready? On the other hand, there are some young people who are ready. They may not be fully mature, sure but they are prepared and have a good idea of what a marriage entails and know that God must be in it for it to work.

And in regards to your dating idea, like someone else stated, why not find some good close friends to spend time with? All of those things (in regards to the 'holding' ) can be done without having a mate. I believe when you are dealing with someone of the opposite in a very intimate way, it's hard to not have 'other feelings'.

[IamStefanie]

I used to think the same way.  If you haven't dated anyone than how would you even know what to expect or what you want in a mate.  But now I've decided that I don't need to date around in order to find the "one" for me.  Instead, I put my trust in the Lord and know that in His timing, He will provide for all things - including a spouse.

I agree.

[kristinaf]

I think it can be potentially misleading to a Christian guy if you are "dating" him, or even talking to him on an intimate emotional level, and cuddling with him watching a movie, like you mentioned....without the thought of it ending in marriage or going into a situation like that knowing that you have no intentions of getting married anytime soon.

However.  How the heck are you supposed to determine who is right for you if you DON'T date / talk to members of the opposite sex, etc.

It's a tough call. 

I am still trying to figure this out for myself!!! And I am 31 years old.  I recently met a guy on an internet dating site (Christian) go ahead laugh.

But he is really really nice.  I love talking to him.  We get along swimmingly, but his looks leave alot to be desired.  At least for me personally.  this is not something I can settle for.  Looks.  They must be there.  The attraction must be there for me to marry the person.  But the only way I found out all of that was to

Talk to, meet, and socialize with this person.

So, I would highly recommend talking, socializing and meeting guys or gals...this is the only way to know if you would want to marry them. 

But back to origincal topic...if you are NOT looking to get married, you have to be a little careful.  Be up front.  Tell the person:  I am not looking to get married right now at this pt. in my life..etc.

Be honest. 

Kristina

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

I think it can be potentially misleading to a Christian guy if you are "dating" him, or even talking to him on an intimate emotional level, and cuddling with him watching a movie, like you mentioned....without the thought of it ending in marriage or going into a situation like that knowing that you have no intentions of getting married anytime soon.

However.  How the heck are you supposed to determine who is right for you if you DON'T date / talk to members of the opposite sex, etc.

It's a tough call. 

Just tell him that up front.  If they don't want to "waste their time" because they're looking for the future Mrs., then they won't.

As usual, honesty is the best policy.

In fact, I daresay that a relationship starting out with that kind of honesty has a chance to actually flourish and become something more.