What can I do now?

[Lostnowfound]

Hi everyone I have been struggling some time now over my current situation in my marriage. I have recently been married to my husband this past April we have been together for about 3 yrs now. My husband is a truck driver and because of this he is often gone for long periods of time. This has always been going on even when we were dating and I knew this going into the relationship. I have been dealing with it as best I can but I feel that I can no longer take the stress and heartache that comes with knowing that my husband doesn't spend enough time at home and even that I may have made a mistake in marrying him altogether.  I have approached him about getting a local job so that he can be home with my and my kids but every time I bring it up he just says that he cannot leave his job for a local job because then he would not make enough money. The way I feel about it is that I rarely have a husband because we don't get enough time together and he is unwilling to make any sacrifice in order to nurture and take care of this marriage. I have spoken to the pastor who married us and he feels that I should kick him out of the house until he is willing to make this marriage a priority in his life instead of his job or finances. I just don't know what to do anymore I have been praying about this for a long time and every time that I approach him he just wont' see things my way and will not compromise. My husband also does not have a relationship with God. He says he believes in him but I don't feel that that makes you a Christian at all, and so I feel like I may have made a mistake in marrying him. I don't want to go and get a Divorce because I have made a Covenant before God and I plan on keeping it. So I am really at my wits end about this situation and I need for him to make a change because I cannot continue to live this way any longer.

Any Prayers and Ideas as what I should do will be appreciated.

[chosenone]

You have only just got married. You knew that he was not a christian, you knew that he was a truck driver and you married him anyway. You knew him for ages before marriage so none of it was a surprise to you.Why do people think that is Ok to marry a person and then think they can go about trying to change them?You married him as he is and NOT as YOU want him to be.

The pastor gave APPALLING advice, you have absolutely NO reason to throw him out of the house, he has done absolutely nothing wrong. Also what are you doing running to your pastor anyway?
You complain that he wont see things YOUR way, well maybe you need to see things HIS way. This is his job, you married him knowing that, and you need to accept it and stop complaining. You have no reason to even be mentioning divorce, so stop doing that and be a good wife and mum and support him in his job.So he is away for quite a while? So are many other people such as those in the armed forces. You knew that it would be this way.You accepted it before so what has changed?

Oh and think VERY carefully about changing churches. With a pastor like that in charge, I have to wonder what other rubbish he teaches.

It is not up to you to change anything, your job is to accept your husband as he is, and keep your marriage vows that you have ONLY JUST made. You are the one who needs to change and not him.  Pray for him to know Christ and leave the rest to God. Love and respect him AS HE IS.

[Mac]

Hi everyone I have been struggling some time now over my current situation in my marriage. I have recently been married to my husband this past April we have been together for about 3 yrs now. My husband is a truck driver and because of this he is often gone for long periods of time. This has always been going on even when we were dating and I knew this going into the relationship. I have been dealing with it as best I can but I feel that I can no longer take the stress and heartache that comes with knowing that my husband doesn't spend enough time at home and even that I may have made a mistake in marrying him altogether.  I have approached him about getting a local job so that he can be home with my and my kids but every time I bring it up he just says that he cannot leave his job for a local job because then he would not make enough money. The way I feel about it is that I rarely have a husband because we don't get enough time together and he is unwilling to make any sacrifice in order to nurture and take care of this marriage. I have spoken to the pastor who married us and he feels that I should kick him out of the house until he is willing to make this marriage a priority in his life instead of his job or finances. I just don't know what to do anymore I have been praying about this for a long time and every time that I approach him he just wont' see things my way and will not compromise. My husband also does not have a relationship with God. He says he believes in him but I don't feel that that makes you a Christian at all, and so I feel like I may have made a mistake in marrying him. I don't want to go and get a Divorce because I have made a Covenant before God and I plan on keeping it. So I am really at my wits end about this situation and I need for him to make a change because I cannot continue to live this way any longer.

Any Prayers and Ideas as what I should do will be appreciated.

Well, your pastor is WRONG.. That is HORRIBLE advice..

You knew going into the marriage that your husband was an over the road trucker... You didn't have issue with it then, and you shouldn't now...  I know it is difficult at times, but you do not get to change the rules in the middle of the game...

Prayer is what you need. Pray for the Lord Will to be done in this situation.. Pray specifically for the Lord to open doors to opportunities for a good job at home if it is in His will. The Lord knows your needs... He knows your desires and cares.... If you lay it at the Lords feet, if it is His will for your husbands life, the doors will be opened for him...

Do not follow the advice set forth by your pastor... You even may need to consider finding a new counselor... If not a new pastor all together...

[HRoberson]

Your pastor is an idiot.

Your husband is doing what he thinks he ought to do - for the marriage - he's making money so you can eat.

Who's standard are you using to determine that your husband isn't willing to do what's necessary? Is it simply that you don't agree?

Find something to do while he's gone.

[lightshineon]

 Hi, well my thinking is your a Christian, so your standards of marriage should be those of Christ. You, must be good to him, and show him what Christianity is, as to sanctify your husband, so maybe he will turn to the Lord. As the Christian, you must endure, and go by the word of God. God is always right, and in obedience to God you can never go wrong. Read what he Say's in his word, and live by it. Pray and ask the Lord to provide opportunities for other employment, and for your husband to be willing to leave present vocation.

[son of God]

Listen to what everyone has said.  I think that they are all correct, and that you will find what they say in the Word.  Go to a different church, for Pete's sake.  The pastor has shown his true colors -- dump HIM, not your husband!

And then get out of your self pitty: you made your bed, so learn to adapt to it, or as the Word says in Proverbs, you are tearing down your own house!

Go run after your man and keep him!  Run, baby, run.  Never let him go, or give him cause to doubt.  Is that not what you want from him?  It is more blessed to give, than to receive.  And when you have given and learned to give from your heart, your husband will most likely do that for you.  No, he shouldn't wait, but then again, should you?!  Go get 'im, girl!

[chosenone]

To add to what I said earlier, the Bible does tell wives to adapt themselves to their husbands. Loads of wives have husbands who work away some of the time. Thank God for a man who is willing to work hard for you,and thank God daily for his good qualities and for the reasons you fell in love with him and married him.Love and adore him and THANK him for his hard work for you and your children.Be grateful for what you DO have, instead of complaining about what YOU don't like. Did you marry him with the intention of changing him after wards, cos is doesn't work that way. it is not up to you to change him (if he needs changing)

Yes and I also repeat DITCH the pastor and maybe even the church, he is a total fool, and he isn't going by what the Bible says,and I would NOT go to him for any future advice EVER.
. The Bible tells us not to separate and you have absolutely NO reason to do so. He has not changed, you have. Suddenly from wanting to marry him you don't like what he is doing. Actually your post comes over as VERY selfish. maybe try reading it again and see what you think? It is ALL what YOU want and what YOU think, and what YOU want him to do. How about HIM and what HE thinks and HE wants. For a man to have a nagging, dissatisfied wife is horrible and he has done NOTHING AT ALL wrong. Poor man.

Thank God for your husband., and tell your husband that you love him and are grateful for him daily. it will work WONDERS for your marriage.make it Worth his while to come home.Don't talk to him about the things you don't like but the things you do. Who knows he may even get a local job eventually if you make his home life wonderful. The more than you nag him the less he will want to be at home.

[Lostnowfound]

Thank you to everyone that has responded. I guess I just let my emotions get the best of me I know that I have been selfish only thinking of my needs and focusing on my wants. There are days that I am ok with him and his job but for me this is extremely difficult to deal with overall. He is a good man but when he comes home sometimes he doesn't spend enough time with me and if I try to speak to him about anything he will just shut down or get upset with me about trying to communicate with him. I will stop complaining and be a good wife to him and just pray as much as possible, that is all I can do right? He also has an alcohol problem which he refuses to deal with. I know that only god can help him and me so that we will be able to change and heal. We had been through premarital counseling and he wasn't too enthusiastic to go to that. The pastor thought he was taking his vows too lightly.There are others issues at hand in our relationship besides him being gone all the time. He has had previous communications with 2 of his exes in which he was flirting with them and I have caught him in multiple lies as well as finding photos of other women that he had on his phone. I found these while i was looking for a picture of my son on his phone. When I confronted him he acted like he didn't know how they got there. That is his answer for everything. He doesn't know what he texted to his ex girlfriend or how he made a phone call late at night. I realize that no on is perfect and I am not trying to paint a bad picture of my Husband at all. I just feel that these kinds of things can continue to happen. What am I supposed to do? All I can do is pray.

[chosenone]

lostnowfound, You have a teachable spirit and that is very good.
The books on prayer by Stromie Omartian may help. There is one called "The power of a praying wife" and there is another one now about prayers for your marriage that may well be really good for you. God Bless.

[lightshineon]

 OK, the ex photos would not be OK with me. If he is cheating find out, because that is completely unacceptable.

[yesult]

As above. Ask God to reveal what's really going on. If he's flirting with adultery, it might be only a matter of time before he actually does it. You might very well be right about having made a mistake in marrying him.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to go against the general thread consensus and back your pastors advice. It actually might be the only thing that saves your marriage.