Looking for advice

[searching117]

So I have a difficult situation going on in my life and I would like some advice from a Christian perspective. Normally I am against asking for help on the Internet, but I figure it can't do any harm.

I am a male college student. I have a friend who I have not seen in a long time. We have known each other since high school and were in the same class. We currently go to the same school. She is one of my closer friends and I have shared stuff with her that most people don't know and she has been a big encouragement in my Christian walk.

Anyway, we have been good friends since high school. We hung out a lot and I always felt very comfortable around her. When we got to college we still remained good friends, but we didn't see each other as much because we have different majors. Mid way through Freshman year I started to have feelings for her. It is hard to describe, I liked her as a friend but it was different than that, I wanted something more from our relationship. She was interested in someone else at the time so I didn't do anything about it and I wasn't really sure how I felt about her. That summer she was a counselor at a church summer camp so I really didn't get to see her very much. The next school year she was a student missionary in Africa. We kept in touch through email, but I didn't talk with her more than I talked with any other of my friends who were SMs. While she was gone I thought about her a lot and my feelings for her grew. I really like her and I know that now.

She got back from being a student missionary last spring. Some of her friends had a welcome back party for her and I tried to go but was unable to. I didn't see or hear from her all summer. School started last Sunday and I signed up for a service club. Our first club get together was Friday night and she was in the club too. That was the first time I had seen her in over a year, and it was really good to see her but I also felt kind of awkward. When I saw her I felt the same as the first time I saw the girl I liked in high school. We talked and did some catching up and it was nice. She acted like she had before she left and we had a lot of fun. But while we were talking she mentioned that she is going to a school in the South after this quarter.

Anyway, I am sitting here not knowing what to do. I really like this girl and I would like to do something about it, but I don't know what to do or what to tell her. I worry that I might say or do something wrong and ruin our friendship. I haven't seen her in a long time so I really don't know what is going on in her life and where she is at. I have never been particularly good with girls and I don't want things to turn out like they have in the past, but I don't want to look back and regret not doing anything. The worst part is that I have between now and Christmas break to do something, after that I probably won't see her until next summer at the earliest. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.

[UtahDad]

I guess my question would be, what do you think is really going to change if you say anything right now?  Do you think she is going to drop her plans to be around you?  Are you willing to take the risk that if things don't work out after she decided to stay around, you were the one who messed up her plans for the other school?  If she does say yes, are you going to be ok with her moving off to the other college and not seeing her except odd times? 

It's a tough call, you have a lot to lose and a lot to gain depending on how things go.  If you can't stomach that she might turn you down flat and then lose your friendship over this it might be better to just enjoy what you have with her for now.  At this point in her life she may not be interested in anything more but as her life progresses and she settles down, that might be a better time to talk about your feelings.

You're in a tough spot, good luck and God bless.

P.

[yesult]

You could always step out and ask her (not too abruptly maybe but put it out there) and if she returns the interest, she might be willing for a long distance relationship if things don't get more concrete before then.

She can't turn you down if you don't ask though. (And might have secretly liked you for a while as well but didn't let on.) You'd really regret it if you met again years down the track and she'd actually been interested but had no idea it was mutual.

[wolflet7]

Wow, first off, I have to say that God works in many ways...

A situation like this has occurred in my life (although it was another guy friend).  Last year he moved into my town from Canada and we were really good buddies.  When summer started, one of my other friends was getting kind of harsh on me, so I backed off and let him hang out with my Canadian friend for awhile.  Tonight, I had a talk with my Canadian friend and he agrees that we should set things straight and hang out more...

I cannot begin to describe to you the anger at myself for letting someone who doesn't deserve my friend making my friend into a contestable relationship against me. 

Finally, my advice is that you should grab the bull by the horn.  Tell her your feelings when you two have a chance alone to talk, with nobody around.  Trust me, brother in Christ!  God is faithful and I don't want to wake up knowing that another soul has gone through what I've gone through.  I've actually thought about killing myself!!!  Tell her your feelings soon and I mean very soon!!!!!

[JohnDB]

Leave the situation be...

This girl likes to stay on the move...

Both of you are young...you have as yet to move around a lot and seem to be the one to stay put into an environment without moving at all.

Roots are a big thing to some people and to satify this woman you would have to give up all that you have in order to meet her needs in this fashion in her life at this point.

Let the situation develop naturally...if she is all that infatuated with you in return she will come back...and she is very capable of saying something equally to the effect that she thinks more of you than as simply a friend. Likely bold enough to do it as well.

There are a few "unspoken" clues that a woman will give off if she is attracted to you...ie playing with her hair or some other such nonsense...there is a list of them but I can't remember them all at the moment. If she hasn't done any of these things then I wouldn't worry about her at all. She is a friend...I have one that I have had since high School...she is firmly planted into "friend territory" and that is all...no romance whatsoever...especially all these years later. Both of us realize that too. We have our lives and the two weren't designed to go together at all.

Finish your educations...then see what happens. If she comes back then...hey..start going out on "friend" dates until you can't stand it and give her a kiss.

[wolflet7]

DON'T let you feelings go to waste!  Tell her!  Relationships depend on trust and sharing.