Feeling duped into marrying Hubby. Help?

[dallasapple]

Oh and to add..You woudl be judging me for something besides my  "character" that I will throw up if you blow snot across the room.YOu will be judging me if I gag because you fart and I run out of the room to get away from the setnch because it makes me physiclly ill.YOu will be judging something besides my "character" if I dont want to rub bodies with someoen with a contagious yeast infection or fungus from intentionally not bathing.

So how far are you going to take this "judging" crap over basic hygiene?

Judge your physician by his character not his hygeine when he comes comes from an examining room examining someone with no gloves on and then enters the room to examine you with no gloves on.Let a doctor who hasnt bathed in a week who is blowing snot all over the room and farting give you a prostrate and colon exam.Its all about his character isnt it?

Dont judge him unfairly and be "shallow".

Love

Dallas

[lightshineon]

Men, really stink, without a bath. I know their are stinky females, but, gag men. I cannot imagine her wanting to be intimate with a rancid man. I would hold out to until he washed his nasty behind. I would not even sleep in the same bed with him.

Right its not even about "personal prefernce"..If it stinks it stinks ..remember your thread about the bleach?

No one even had to mention they cant stand the smell of a person who doesnt bathe..or "bad breath" or someone passing gas.I think thats "assumed".

And its obvious that it would be a huge turn of ..a major distraction to have to rub around naked with someone who smells like that.

Besides would you want to be intimate with your husband while he is gagging over how bad you stink? I would personally be humiliated.

Love

Dallas
[/quote




maybe he needs a bath with a cup of bleach in the water. What day does Daniel bless your house with a shower?

[JohnDB]

  Alright, well I was finally able to review all of your responses without interruption from my 3 yr old son & I've been laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes! Why is reading about body funk, farts, & snot-rockets so amusing to me when I'm bombarded by them on a daily basis? I dunno. One of life's mysteries, I suppose.

  Well, just to let you all know, Daniel doesn't abuse drugs or alcohol & he isn't depressed. I suspect that, like most of you suggested in so many words, he's reverting back to the immaturity & laziness of his youth. Some may disagree, but I feel that no matter what the cause is, there must be something spiritually wrong with him & I think our Lord wants me to climb outside of myself --outside of how hurt & offended I am-- so that I'll see my husband as one who actually needs to be ministered to & prayed for.
 
  I mean, Christ's love not only compels us to inwardly consider one another but to be faithful in even the "smallest of things" & act in ways that sacrifice our self-interests. As "sunny" a person Daniel is, his stubbornness, laziness, & denial are in defiance of that love... so something must be going on. I just believe, now, that all of this time I should have been more concerned with my husband's spiritual state than the way his physical state makes me feel about our marriage. It's strange how such a "small offense" produces such a big battle!

  Anyway, I'll keep you all posted (when I can!) & I really, really do thank all of you for taking the time to offer your thoughts & suggestions. God bless!

I have heard of this before from a friend of mine who has gone through something similar. She feels so robbed of her husband it isn't funny. She had, at one time, a wonderful husband just like you describe. What she said happened was an emotional disorder that is somewhat similar to autism. No one knows exactly what triggered it but in her case her husband (who was brilliant and still is) quit his job, took up with a "trailer park" girl and has been living with her since. His girlfriend is supporting him. (or her father is)

Many of the behaviors you describe are right exactly in line with what she experienced. Except with her the rude behavior was much worse. They did divorce.

You can take him to a psychologist (if he will go) and maybe some of them can get addressed. Maybe a psychiatrist but...I seriously doubt that he will have anything that can do much for him. Dunno...I ain't a doc nor do I play one on the internet. I pretend to be an electrician on the internet and I am one in real life. LOL

If he begins to be abusive...take prudent steps. In fact I would now get a small private checking account and a few other things to keep life somewhat normal so you won't have to scramble if he does something really insane.

[dallasapple]

  Alright, well I was finally able to review all of your responses without interruption from my 3 yr old son & I've been laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes! Why is reading about body funk, farts, & snot-rockets so amusing to me when I'm bombarded by them on a daily basis? I dunno. One of life's mysteries, I suppose.

  Well, just to let you all know, Daniel doesn't abuse drugs or alcohol & he isn't depressed. I suspect that, like most of you suggested in so many words, he's reverting back to the immaturity & laziness of his youth. Some may disagree, but I feel that no matter what the cause is, there must be something spiritually wrong with him & I think our Lord wants me to climb outside of myself --outside of how hurt & offended I am-- so that I'll see my husband as one who actually needs to be ministered to & prayed for.
 
  I mean, Christ's love not only compels us to inwardly consider one another but to be faithful in even the "smallest of things" & act in ways that sacrifice our self-interests. As "sunny" a person Daniel is, his stubbornness, laziness, & denial are in defiance of that love... so something must be going on. I just believe, now, that all of this time I should have been more concerned with my husband's spiritual state than the way his physical state makes me feel about our marriage. It's strange how such a "small offense" produces such a big battle!

  Anyway, I'll keep you all posted (when I can!) & I really, really do thank all of you for taking the time to offer your thoughts & suggestions. God bless!

I have heard of this before from a friend of mine who has gone through something similar. She feels so robbed of her husband it isn't funny. She had, at one time, a wonderful husband just like you describe. What she said happened was an emotional disorder that is somewhat similar to autism. No one knows exactly what triggered it but in her case her husband (who was brilliant and still is) quit his job, took up with a "trailer park" girl and has been living with her since. His girlfriend is supporting him. (or her father is)

Many of the behaviors you describe are right exactly in line with what she experienced. Except with her the rude behavior was much worse. They did divorce.

You can take him to a psychologist (if he will go) and maybe some of them can get addressed. Maybe a psychiatrist but...I seriously doubt that he will have anything that can do much for him. Dunno...I ain't a doc nor do I play one on the internet. I pretend to be an electrician on the internet and I am one in real life. LOL

If he begins to be abusive...take prudent steps. In fact I would now get a small private checking account and a few other things to keep life somewhat normal so you won't have to scramble if he does something really insane.

Really? YOu mean some sort of adult onset autism?

You know what comes to mind when you bring this up is Howard Hughes.He was functional and "normal" and then basically became severe OCD later in life.So afraid of bacteria he wouldnt even bathe.

I hope and pray her husband is "only" being stubborn and thinking he is funny and doestn have a serious mental disease and Im sorry for your freind too.That soudns really sad.

Love

Dallas

[dallasapple]

Also I would just like to add.Men arent the only ones who stink without a bath.Men arent the only ones that have "gas"  that if blown all over all the time repulse people..Men arent the only ones that would disgust people if they blew their nose (with no tissue) would be considered rude and offensive.

And I think its insulting to men that some men woudl say thats part of "being a man".Men have no greater need to fart whenever they feel like it or neglect to shower or to blow their nose.

Love

Dalas

[JohnDB]

yes this sounds like a real disorder. It is medical in nature but there is no cure. I can't remember everything she said about it all.

I liked her and met with her a couple of times. She was rather quiet yet kind; struggling like most of us singles do.

She described his behavior and all of those disgusting things deliberately done to be offensive to her. And that is precisely why he is doing it. He is deliberately trying to be offensive to her...not humorous. Big difference. It isn't funny if you are the only one in a room laughing.

Stuff happens. People get upset stomachs and have gas issues. Trying to rip the air and in a group of guys is something men sometimes do for laughs. Doing such to your wife has never been cool or funny..accidents happen but...

shooting snot in the house on plants or walls or something along those lines is something akin to showing disrespect or trying to be disgusting. He wants to be ostracised and unloved for some reason. This is abnormal behavior.  Normal people want to be liked and loved.

Something is up and...yeah...just see about his mental health issues.

[lightshineon]

 I will tell you this, I would never have another house plant, I would at least spare myself from gagging at that, There would be no sex either none whatsoever, except on shower days. There is no excuse for him acting like a he ape.

[Bon Voyage]

There is so much "shallow" it is unreal.

[lightshineon]

There is so much "shallow" it is unreal.

Hi Bo, are you talking about me? I am not shallow, and this Good woman who loves her husband despite the offense. That takes a dear woman of the Lord. I would not have booger houseplants, the thought makes me want to gag. If that is shallow, I am sorry, but since my houseplants die,anyway that would not be a problem. As far as sexual, I am sorry, but it would be limited to shower night.

[Bon Voyage]

There is so much "shallow" it is unreal.

Hi Bo, are you talking about me? I am not shallow, and this Good woman who loves her husband despite the offense. That takes a dear woman of the Lord. I would not have booger houseplants, the thought makes me want to gag. If that is shallow, I am sorry, but since my houseplants die,anyway that would not be a problem. As far as sexual, I am sorry, but it would be limited to shower night.

1 Samuel 16

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

[lightshineon]

There is so much "shallow" it is unreal.

Hi Bo, are you talking about me? I am not shallow, and this Good woman who loves her husband despite the offense. That takes a dear woman of the Lord. I would not have booger houseplants, the thought makes me want to gag. If that is shallow, I am sorry, but since my houseplants die,anyway that would not be a problem. As far as sexual, I am sorry, but it would be limited to shower night.

1 Samuel 16

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Out of context it says nothing about not smelling rotten rear ends, and pretending like you do not notice gross. Now that scripture would, be good for the woman forty pounds overweight thread, don't you think?

[Bon Voyage]

There is so much "shallow" it is unreal.

Hi Bo, are you talking about me? I am not shallow, and this Good woman who loves her husband despite the offense. That takes a dear woman of the Lord. I would not have booger houseplants, the thought makes me want to gag. If that is shallow, I am sorry, but since my houseplants die,anyway that would not be a problem. As far as sexual, I am sorry, but it would be limited to shower night.

1 Samuel 16

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Out of context it says nothing about not smelling rotten rear ends, and pretending like you do not notice gross.

It says God looks at the heart, in spit of our smelliness or whether or not we are a fatso.

[lightshineon]

There is so much "shallow" it is unreal.

Hi Bo, are you talking about me? I am not shallow, and this Good woman who loves her husband despite the offense. That takes a dear woman of the Lord. I would not have booger houseplants, the thought makes me want to gag. If that is shallow, I am sorry, but since my houseplants die,anyway that would not be a problem. As far as sexual, I am sorry, but it would be limited to shower night.

1 Samuel 16

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Out of context it says nothing about not smelling rotten rear ends, and pretending like you do not notice gross.

It says God looks at the heart, in spit of our smelliness or whether or not we are a fatso.

I do not understand the spit part, but, he wants Christians to present themselves in a decent manner. I take no offense at the fatso, I am not fat, or smelly. My husband appreciates I do not stink, because I ask him.

[dallasapple]

Being physically repulsed by foul odors and mucous flying across the room has nothing to do with not looking at the persons heart.Unless your willing to admit that its heartless to intentionally not take a shower and to blow snot across the room making another person physically ill then I dont see the connection.

I gag and have actually thrown up before for instance when my kids have thrown up and I had to clean them up and smell it.That is not a rejection of them its a natural reaction that I can not help.

Love

Dallas

[dallasapple]

There is so much "shallow" it is unreal.

Hi Bo, are you talking about me? I am not shallow, and this Good woman who loves her husband despite the offense. That takes a dear woman of the Lord. I would not have booger houseplants, the thought makes me want to gag. If that is shallow, I am sorry, but since my houseplants die,anyway that would not be a problem. As far as sexual, I am sorry, but it would be limited to shower night.

1 Samuel 16

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Out of context it says nothing about not smelling rotten rear ends, and pretending like you do not notice gross. Now that scripture would, be good for the woman forty pounds overweight thread, don't you think?

I cant even pretend not to notice I GAG.

Love

Dallas