Advice on my relationship

[Feldew]

I met my current boyfriend about two years ago. I was having a hard time dealing with being single, and even though I knew he wasn't a Christian anymore I still really wanted a boyfriend. Over the years of living together and stuff, we've grown quite attached, but it's hard for me to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have a relationship with God. But I feel like I can't just break up with him: for one thing, we live together and I would need to make some money before I could live on my own, and another I would feel so guilty. It was my fault for getting into a relationship God couldn't be a part of, and I would feel a huge amount of responsibility for tearing his heart out of him. D:


I love him very much and I pray for him to open his heart to God, but I don't know. I'm his third girlfriend, and his mom is convinced that third time's a charm and we're gonna get married, and that puts pressure on me and makes me feel nervous. I don't think I could or should marry him until he is on the same place as I am with God, but what if he did propose? Would it really crush him if I said no? I have prayed that God either open his heart to Him or have him find another girl... at least then I wouldn't be responsible for hurting him in any way.

I know that if we parted ways I would make an improvement in what I look for in a potential husband. To be honest, I wasn't in that motivation when I met my boyfriend. I just wanted affection and someone to be with and didn't think it would last as long as it had. It's also hard to watch my friends marry Christians all around me. I feel like I've let myself be left behind.

Still, I love him because he's there for me even at my worst and I for him, takes care of me and lets me take care of him, and he respects my religious views. He believes in God but doesn't tie that to a religion. I love to take care of him, right now since I don't work he's been paying both of our bills and I've been cooking our meals and cleaning up around the apartment. And to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure how well I'd get over not seeing him every day. :/ And we work together in that we always seem to make eachother feel better when we're down, make up for one another's faults, support each other, and cuter things like finish each other's sentences and have some of the funniest conversations. We also have the same interests.


I talked to him about it, and he was very upset at my Christian friends because he doesn't like the idea that people want to take his girlfriend from him because he's different from them. It's the same thing that pushed him away from the church in the first place, and he would have been very upset if he lost another girlfriend over something he couldn't control. Then again, if I ever have kids I would want to have a solid Christian partnership and, really, I think that partnership would help me in a lot more than just rearing children. Advice?

[chosenone]

Hi Feldew welcome to the forum.
I sort of think you know what you need to do.
There are two things here that are wrong for you as a Christian. The first is that you are sinning by having sex with a man outside marriage, and the second is that The Bible does say that we are not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

You say that you have prayed that he finds another girlfriend, but God is saying to you that YOU need to do what HE has said first.

You need to live apart, then you can pray for him, but if he doesnt become a christian then you need to let him go, and THEN he may eventually find another girlfriend and you are free to meet a christian guy.
You didnthe wrong thing by firstly getting too close to a non Christian guy, and secondly by having sex and moving in with him. This is why I would never advise anyone to go out with a non Christian. You both fall in love and then the Christian has to chose God or them. I know it isnt easy, but the only one who can right the wrongs here is you.

YOu may have to live with a friend or relative at first until you can find a job, but I cant see any other way.

[Feldew]

Hi Feldew welcome to the forum.
I sort of think you know what you need to do.
There are two things here that are wrong for you as a Christian. The first is that you are sinning by having sex with a man outside marriage, and the second is that The Bible does say that we are not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

You say that you have prayed that he finds another girlfriend, but God is saying to you that YOU need to do what HE has said first.

You need to live apart, then you can pray for him, but if he doesnt become a christian then you need to let him go, and THEN he may eventually find another girlfriend and you are free to meet a christian guy.
You didnthe wrong thing by firstly getting too close to a non Christian guy, and secondly by having sex and moving in with him. This is why I would never advise anyone to go out with a non Christian. You both fall in love and then the Christian has to chose God or them. I know it isnt easy, but the only one who can right the wrongs here is you.

YOu may have to live with a friend or relative at first until you can find a job, but I cant see any other way.

That would be really hard to do. D: He's already had 2 girlfriends leave him for things he can't control... it just isn't fair to him. I don't deserve to just leave to make things easier for me, because it isn't his fault and it would hurt him more than it should. I want him to find another girl so he can break away with as little pain as possible: I'm the one who deserves pain because it's all my fault.

[chosenone]

Hi Feldew welcome to the forum.
I sort of think you know what you need to do.
There are two things here that are wrong for you as a Christian. The first is that you are sinning by having sex with a man outside marriage, and the second is that The Bible does say that we are not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

You say that you have prayed that he finds another girlfriend, but God is saying to you that YOU need to do what HE has said first.

You need to live apart, then you can pray for him, but if he doesnt become a christian then you need to let him go, and THEN he may eventually find another girlfriend and you are free to meet a christian guy.
You didnthe wrong thing by firstly getting too close to a non Christian guy, and secondly by having sex and moving in with him. This is why I would never advise anyone to go out with a non Christian. You both fall in love and then the Christian has to chose God or them. I know it isnt easy, but the only one who can right the wrongs here is you.

YOu may have to live with a friend or relative at first until you can find a job, but I cant see any other way.

That would be really hard to do. D: He's already had 2 girlfriends leave him for things he can't control... it just isn't fair to him. I don't deserve to just leave to make things easier for me, because it isn't his fault and it would hurt him more than it should. I want him to find another girl so he can break away with as little pain as possible: I'm the one who deserves pain because it's all my fault.

  Feldew when it comes down to it the decision is yours. Your boyfriend or God. He will eventyually get over it and then he will have the chance to find another girl. While you are there, he wont find anyone.While you are there God cannot bless you.

[Feldew]

Hi Feldew welcome to the forum.
I sort of think you know what you need to do.
There are two things here that are wrong for you as a Christian. The first is that you are sinning by having sex with a man outside marriage, and the second is that The Bible does say that we are not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

You say that you have prayed that he finds another girlfriend, but God is saying to you that YOU need to do what HE has said first.

You need to live apart, then you can pray for him, but if he doesnt become a christian then you need to let him go, and THEN he may eventually find another girlfriend and you are free to meet a christian guy.
You didnthe wrong thing by firstly getting too close to a non Christian guy, and secondly by having sex and moving in with him. This is why I would never advise anyone to go out with a non Christian. You both fall in love and then the Christian has to chose God or them. I know it isnt easy, but the only one who can right the wrongs here is you.

YOu may have to live with a friend or relative at first until you can find a job, but I cant see any other way.

That would be really hard to do. D: He's already had 2 girlfriends leave him for things he can't control... it just isn't fair to him. I don't deserve to just leave to make things easier for me, because it isn't his fault and it would hurt him more than it should. I want him to find another girl so he can break away with as little pain as possible: I'm the one who deserves pain because it's all my fault.

 Feldew when it comes down to it the decision is yours. Your boyfriend or God. He will eventyually get over it and then he will have the chance to find another girl. While you are there, he wont find anyone.While you are there God cannot bless you.

You're right, but I don't think you understand how hard this is for me. I have a good relationship with him and his parents and... I don't think he understands what it means to be a Christian and be in a relationship with another Christian.  I guess I need support more than advice... I feel weak saying it, but it's the truth. D:

[chosenone]

Could you go to your pastor and ask for his advise on what the next step should be?. Does he know that you are living with this man? YOu will need to explain to your boyfriend what The Bible says about sex and about not being with an unbeliever. No he wont understand but then that doesnt mean that you shouldnt do it.
Ask God for forgiveness for going your own way, and ask Him to help you get out of it. He will help you if you truly want to do the right thing. No of course I realise it isnt easy. When we stray there are always consequenses sadly but in your case it isnt too late. You arent married and you have no children to worry about.

My sister in law has been living with another man for 4 years. She has recently come back to God, and through a series of events she decided to seperate from this man who isnt a believer. God was definately in the seperation. She then panicked as she hates living alone and convinced herself that God wants her to go back to him even though he refuses to marry her. I have told her that she needs to stay away but she wont listen. I have told her that she is sinning by living with this man and by being with a unbeliever but she refuses to take any notice as she wants to go back to him. Of course its her choice but I know she will regret it one day.

[Feldew]

Could you go to your pastor and ask for his advise on what the next step should be?. Does he know that you are living with this man? YOu will need to explain to your boyfriend what The Bible says about sex and about not being with an unbeliever. No he wont understand but then that doesnt mean that you shouldnt do it.
Ask God for forgiveness for going your own way, and ask Him to help you get out of it. He will help you if you truly want to do the right thing. No of course I realise it isnt easy. When we stray there are always consequenses sadly but in your case it isnt too late. You arent married and you have no children to worry about.

My sister in law has been living with another man for 4 years. She has recently come back to God, and through a series of events she decided to seperate from this man who isnt a believer. God was definately in the seperation. She then panicked as she hates living alone and convinced herself that God wants her to go back to him even though he refuses to marry her. I have told her that she needs to stay away but she wont listen. I have told her that she is sinning by living with this man and by being with a unbeliever but she refuses to take any notice as she wants to go back to him. Of course its her choice but I know she will regret it one day.

Yeah, I understand. I don't have a church anymore because I moved and don't know the area. But if I pray for the right things, God will provide. And maybe I won't deal with being lonely like i did before--jumping for a nonChristian because I was so lonely. Being single is tough. D:

[comfy]

Hi, Feldew . . . if he is wrong, he will do what is wrong if you leave him. And he will do what is wrong, if you stay. If you have sound love, together, you two can do what is right and deal with how it will be. But if your love is selfish, of course he will be nice about you staying, since he is getting to *use* you for the charming things and pleasures he wants. And likely you also are staying because of how you can *use* him. This is not loving, to use any person. God does not want us to just *use* any person, but personally care for every person.

And if I am in a relationship of *boasting in* some one person and our relationship, this is not putting God above all else, plus it is not loving any and all people, including esteeming and appreciating those Christians who are more real in Jesus than we are, Feldew. How can we love only some one person who is like us, and love this person more than ones who are more pleasing to God and more real and mature than we are, sister? This is favoritistic and using love, loving what we want, instead of appreciating those who are more like Jesus, than we are. God's love would have me loving Him, first, dearly and sweetly and intimately, then those who are His seasoned and reasoned examples, instead of just someone with some things and dreams in common with me. That is merely self love that has me boasting in some one person because she is more like me and what I want.

And the *addiction* of this to what I want can get deeper and more treacherous, as I keep getting more into it. You will get more deeply weak and ruined so you can suffer even more withdrawal, if you continue to play with this "drug". And I was with a lady who said if I dropped her, she could kill herself or go back on the street. Our relating got worse. Then she broke down, anyway, and went on the street. I helped her get weaker, like that; even though I did what she insisted, she still could be getting deeply weaker. If I had dropped her while she was more sensible, she could have sought God and the help of more real brothers and sisters. So, going along with her helped her to get more degraded.

That stuff holding your peace hostage, so you meet its demands, is not love. It is Satan's terrorism holding your so-called happiness and love hostage, in order to coerce you to meet his demands. If he is wrong, you can not negotiate with him. He got himself into that situation. How, ever, did he manage to get with a number of girlfriends he did not stay with? With God, we can get with the right people, in the right things. And I offer we need to not put so many emotional eggs into one basket, but invest in sharing with various really Christian people, so we can have well-rounded and balanced love life with God and His Family, and not just some one favorite person who is a drug, of sorts. Look at how even more mature Christians get into an addiction of being too close with just one person appeasing them, then when things get a little troublesome or one dies, the person can be so devastated and/or viciously reacting and in withdrawal, because of becoming addicted. Only God's love can give us soundness and sense. "And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment." (Philippians 1:9)

So, this is my way of agreeing with Chosen One As I'm showing, you're not the only one who needs to get wise to a thing or two. And if we deal with how we need to get more really with God in love, then we can help others. "He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2) You can get straightened out and help others; there are others beside your boyfriend, who need you to think of them, and how they need to learn to live better so they don't suffer. Your boyfriend isn't the only one who can get hurt; if I am threatening to be hurt, instead of encouraging you that God is able, this is psychological terrorism holding your consience hostage in order to get my demands met; we Christians in love do not demand anything in return for our loving, do we? So, find how God makes the way in your heart and mind and circumstances; if you offer yourself to Him, He will surprise you, sister with how well He will take care of this.

I am so better off, after that wrong relationship. But it has so helped me to first be seeking to be Family, not only to try to isolate myself with one special person. All of Jesus Christ's brothers and sisters are special to *Him*; so with Him, in His love, I am finding they *all* are so special and essential for me to get real and genuine and honest and right in God's love in the Holy Spirit.

[Feldew]

Uhm, I'm definitely not using him, nor is he using me. I find it frustrating that as soon as I tell people he doesn't go to church they assume that there must be something bad going on between us, that one or both of us have negative motives for being together. I really think you all are taking this too far. I mean, if they only thing that can be said about my relationship is that he doesn't go to church, I think we're very solid.

I think its excessive for you to assume that my emotions are 'held hostage' or in some way untrue for the same reasons. He has never forced me to do anything, and the only reason his other girlfriends didn't work out was because one cheated on him and the other got a superiority complex and left him. He's only ever been anything but good to me in the two years we've lived together, and if you part with someone you love, yeah, it's going to hurt. That doesn't mean that it's an addiction.

[comfy]

Well, Feldew, I see that you are still here. I'm glad to see you, and thank you for taking the time to actually read all that and feed back.

I do understand that if a couple is not both Christians, that this can work out. And, of course, I should not assume you are doing anything immoral; so if I did make such an assumption when you aren't, then I am wrong. But you brought this to people who do not know what is really going on with you, and generally, I think we know, any of us can justify ourselves in order to have what we want, which could be good, somehow, but not at good as God wants.

If you have real Christian people in a church that you are sharing with, it can be very good for you two to share with these people. I mean, that we all need our more mature and experienced senior Christians who have learned how to make their marriages work and how to bring up their kids. The Bible says we're "members of one another," in Romans 12:5 and in Ephesians 4:25. As members of each other, God has us so we do need our other brothers and sisters, and not only certain ones we may especially like who are more like ourselves.

In saying this, I am coming from how in my church we have various couples and singles who I would say know God and the Bible and are very good examples for me, of how I need to become in relating with other people. And we do things together, and they help me get more with God and draw me out to serve and minister with interest in everyone, and not only favoritistic attention to certain ones.

So, how are you doing for family sharing with a church?

[Feldew]

Haha, I'm usually pretty busy on the weekends. <3

By family sharing with a church do you mean having relationships with other Christians? If so, then yes, in fact I just went out with a friend of mine who was back from China for a few weeks. She also suggested I try to find a good small group in my new area--as I've moved--because I seem to do very well in those. And I really think I can move Chris' heart to the Lord. You know, he doesn't have to be drug to church to be close to God, if he just started getting into the word and/or praying he'd be hitting the ground running. I just pray for him to give God a chance, not His followers: His followers easily make a mess of things and aren't the ones we should be looking to.

[comfy]

Well, obviously I'm not the same as you . . . me being 62 and never married and it might be a surprise if it works out that I do. But I have understood Jesus wants me to love any and all Christians, though ones may mess things, as you say (there's a reason why God says to relate with other Christians, "with longsuffering", (in Ephesians 4:2). I got the challenge that God wants me go to the church He has me go to, and be ready to love others there even if they don't treat me so great. Paul, himself, had to deal with some pretty not-really-with-it people, and he shares, "And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved." (2 Corinthians 12:15) So, I could see God does not want me to depend on others to love me the way I want, before I will love them, but be ready to be the first and example to others (1 Peter 5:3). So, then, Feldew, I got involved with a church right in my own town, and I was like, nah they're not so great. So, I'm thinking I need to pray for God to make me more honest and real in love so I can connect with whoever the real Christians are in town. And I'd say God made me, myself, more real; then I'm finding these same people are really Christian people, even good example for me of how I need to be better. So, that was an interesting switch, that if I got more with God, then I discovered people who could help me do even better. And the love with them has been better for me, than what I have ever had even with any special ladies I have shared with. So, I'm thinking this sharing with these people can get me more in the way of love I would need to be in for marriage. But how God works with you and Chris will likely be creative, not a copy of how He does things with me God bless you prayer for you . . . Bill

[Feldew]

Yeah, we're all supposed to live our lives differently. And thinking about it, I have always stood out from any group I'm in. I feel that, as odd and out there as my relationship may seem (and probably is) it does definitely fit the profile of my life. haha

[comfy]

But we are "members of one another" (Romans 12:5, Ephesians 4:25). So, we do need the different Christians to help us to get with who we belong with in marriage, and help us get ready. And I think that in order to get married right, we need to do this as one with the others who are real Jesus love people, and not on our own.

But I have heard about how churches and even pastors have encouraged people to get together and they did not belong in marriage with each other. A minister can measure his church's success and love, by if people are getting married, so then he can push to keep up the image of his church.

So, also it is not a good idea to just be conforming. But I would offer, that while we may be different, it needs to be obedient.

"Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for our souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you." (Hebrews 13:17)

Yeah, this is in the Bible. Gulp. I have not been one to want to be getting told what to do, by a church leader. But this means Jesus does have pastors and other leaders who He trusts. But these are ones who obey 1 Peter 5:3 which says, "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." So, I understand God expects us to trust Him to make us able to be able to tell the difference about who He has us to trust and who we need to be wise to.

But, with my group, I can see that even though there are ones I trust, like this, still I need to be prayerfully watching out for however they can be imperfect about things. But, mostly, I find God taking me the way they are leading, and they do not push or pressure; they encourage us to go according to how we are growing in Jesus. And the main special thing about this is how we can be enjoying the LORD and sharing in love, together, while we are doing things as one. So, I think this would go for marriage in the Body of Jesus: we would have the best love, by sharing with all the others, and finding out, together, who we belong with and have help with finding out how to relate with our spouses while also sharing in love with all the others in our Family, not getting isolated mainly with just one person or just certain people.

[seanross223]

Being a new Christian I would like to offer some advice. Reading your first post about this it sounds as though he may be turned off from becoming a Christian because of being judged by you or possibly your friends. Yes the Bible says that we should not get involved with someone that is not a Christian but then again what are you doing to bring him closer to becoming one?

Instead of showing how much Christ brings to your life and how you are fulfilled through God's grace you pass judgment on him and express doubts about him. Don't you think that makes a difference in how he views our God? Why would anyone want part of our God when we can't show the love and acceptance we preach that He has?

I have a personal experience with this, I lived with my wife before we were married. It caused a rift with her parents that will probably never be fully healed. My wife's mother is a Christian in name only. She is a judgmental hypocrite and always made me feel like an outsider. I was to the point of being physically ill days or weeks before family functions because I could not stand to be around her. It eventually led to my wife and my separation.

After we separated I decided that I needed God in my life and decided to become a Christian. Not because of anything my wife or her family did but because of the love and kindness that I experienced from a friend at work. I have known him a long time and finally decided that I wanted what he had. I wanted a good marriage, a happy life, and knowing that I could put anything and everything in God's hands.

My wife's judgmental family drove me away from God, if being one with God made me like them I did not want any part of it. When finally realizing God's true nature through my friend I finally woke up and saw what I was missing and what I needed. Because of this my wife and I are working on reconciling and our relationship is better than it has ever been.

Yes the Bible is very specific concerning your situation. I am surprised at the responses from others to leave him, move on, find a Christian man. I would think that those people would leave the judging to God and just be supportive to you. It sounds as if you have a nice man, he is not Christian right now but through love and prayer I bet he can become one. It does not sound as if you want to change your living situation other than being married and him becoming a Christian. So how about this? Instead of leaving him because he is not a Christian, boost him up, show him what Christianity brings to your life, help him to understand.

Don't throw a soul away, help bring him to God. Isn't that what we are supposed to do? 

[chosenone]

seanross
However we may need to love and accept others, God stills says not to live together before marriage or to marry a non Christian. yes that can and should be explained nicely to him, but in the end, does she disobey Good or stay with him? The ideal would be for him to get to Know Jesus but that may never happen, and that is why she needs to make that decision.
God gives us these rules for our own good, so that we can be blessed and have peace.

[seanross223]

I am pretty sure she knows that and that is probably why she is mixed up. To me it sounds like she does not want to leave.

It is true that he may never become a Christian and when she comes to that realization maybe it will be time to move on, it does not sound to me like she is there yet.

So instead of beating her over the head with God's law, which she fully knows, I thought I might offer some advice that may help her bring him to Christ. Maybe try to take something that is wrong and with God's help make it right.

[chosenone]

I am pretty sure she knows that and that is probably why she is mixed up. To me it sounds like she does not want to leave.

It is true that he may never become a Christian and when she comes to that realization maybe it will be time to move on, it does not sound to me like she is there yet.

So instead of beating her over the head with God's law, which she fully knows, I thought I might offer some advice that may help her bring him to Christ. Maybe try to take something that is wrong and with God's help make it right.

So is telling someone what the Bible says beating them over the head? Also not every Christian seems to know what The Bible says about no sex before marriage, you would be surprised. Or maybe they do know, but dont want to know, if you see what I mean.
Either way, she needs to move on for the time being and see what happens.

[seanross223]

Well Chosenone if she did not know before I am sure she knows now. We both know it bothers her but I am sure she is not ready to give up. To tell you the truth I hope she doesn't, I would rather her bring someone to Christ and His ways than walk out on a perfectly good soul.

It sounds like he is a pretty good person and just needs some guidance and acceptance. From what she said maybe he is afraid of becoming a Christian because of all the judgmental people he has come in contact with. I can completely identify with that. As a matter of fact your black and white perspective on the whole matter turns me off. You judge and tell her what to do according to the Bible but we both know you do not have that authority, do you?

To the original poster, if you are not ready to walk out please don't. You know that the situation you are in is not what God wants but I am sure God would not want you to walk out on a soul that sounds so close to being where he should be. I can tell you from experience that someone you care deeply about walking out on you is crushing. I have had my mother, father, spouses neglect me and it is a terrible feeling. It sent me in to a death spiral.

I know now that all I needed to get through that is God and living through Him. I just needed someone to show me what a difference God could make in my life. I had a lot of people beat me over the head with God but it took seeing how happy and fulfilled my friend was to make me want what he had. My friend urged me but did not beat me over the head with it, he let me seek Christ by his actions.

Don't give up on this guy, make him understand through your actions and words that he is the one for you but you need him to become a Christian. Do not give him ultimatums just steer him to where he needs to be. To be honest with you, with you saying that one of the reasons you don't leave is because of the financial situation, he can sense that. Nothing hurts a man more than knowing he is being used for money, living, etc. It does not sound like that is all you are there for but if it is in your mind he can see it. No man wants to be viewed as a paycheck. We love providing for our spouses We want to take care of our spouses but if we are viewed as just money we will be terribly hurt.

You sound like you have a good and caring man, don't let anyone come between you and bring him to Christ. If you have a good relationship now think of what you will have when he becomes a Christian. Give him a chance.

[chosenone]

Of course it is hard for a person to break up with a partner, and that is exactly why God does tell us not to get involved with a non believer, just to save us this painful situation that the OP is in. He does all that He can to protect us from just such difficulties.
The thing is that on many issues,The Bible is black and white.This is one of them.
God loves us, but he is also clear in the way we need to live.My experience of life is that he cant bless us if we are disobeying Him, but He longs to bless us so He wants us to go His way. It would be far from loving if I saw someone in a situation that was so wrong and damaging and didn't warn them.

I don't know which Christians you have known in your life, but the Christians that I have known in my 38 years of being a christian have been anything but judgmental, and my present church is so loving and accepting but at the same time sticks to the Bible and what it teaches.
My close Christian friends are so lovely and godly, and we love each other as we are, while at the same time are not afraid to say it like it is if a person is going off the right track, That is what a loving friend does. A loving friend warns and challenges as well as loves and respects.

I hope that the OP finds the right way and listens to what God wants to say to her, in the meantime she needs to separate until things become clearer. If he becomes a christian at some point then that is brilliant, they can then marry if that is what God leads them to do, but he may and he may not. Only God knows that, which is why she needs to listen to Him for guidance. God does warn us, but we can still choose to do what we want to anyway, that is our choice.  The OP needs to get close to God, live His way, and God will take care of her no matter what happens. He has a good future for her whether it includes this guy or not, but she does need to put God first.

[comfy]

Yes, we do need to hold to what the Bible says. And here we have readers who may not know the Bible says not to get married with an unbeliever. And we are to be moral. So, even if the person who asked for our counsel knows these things, we have guest readers who may benefit from reading what the OP may already know. And, still, after all this, we might have ones who don't know what we are talking about. So, 2 Corinthians 6:14 says,

"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.
For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness?
And what communion has light with darkness?"

Ones understand this means that a Christian must not get married to someone who is an unbeliever.

So, if a person has started in doing what is wrong with someone, the person needs to discontinue whatever is wrong. For example, if I am a Christian who has gotten involved with a lady who is an unbeliever and I have agreed to marry her, I am wrong. I need to stop shacking with her, if I am shacking with her. And if I agreed to marry her while she is still an unbeliever, I need to discontinue this agreement, because it is an agreement to do what the Bible says not to do.

And then, I would say, I still can offer to communicate with the lady and see how we develop, and invite her to meet and share with people I trust. If she says she has had bad experiences with Christians, I can offer to her that I am a Christian and has she or has she not been trusting *me*? And I can offer I would be bringing her to people who *I* trust. And if she really appreciates me because I am a Christian, I'd suppose she would also very much appreciate getting to know the people who have helped me become a person whom she feels is desirable for holy matrimony. So, if she's only caring for me and not interested in my own Jesus brothers and sisters who have been so good for me, then there's something wrong with this picture, including how she does not trust me about who I recommend for friendship and help. That is not nice, but divisive if she is helping to produce a conflict between me and my Jesus Family; this is not what a loving and very nice person does.

[Feldew]

Comfy, that just seems like a bad way to do it. "I'll be with you but first you have to _____________." Where's the love in that? I mean from a lot of what I'm seeing in feedback, I would be disobeying God even worsely (is worsely a word?) if I broke up with him than I am by dating him. I mean if I made a mistake by dating him, I honestly feel that the best way to 'make up' for it is to do my best to care for him, not leave him and find a new guy. (He's not some toy I can throw out when I'm bored, there are consequences to messing with a person's heart like that).

Being a new Christian I would like to offer some advice. Reading your first post about this it sounds as though he may be turned off from becoming a Christian because of being judged by you or possibly your friends. Yes the Bible says that we should not get involved with someone that is not a Christian but then again what are you doing to bring him closer to becoming one?

Instead of showing how much Christ brings to your life and how you are fulfilled through God's grace you pass judgment on him and express doubts about him. Don't you think that makes a difference in how he views our God? Why would anyone want part of our God when we can't show the love and acceptance we preach that He has?

I have a personal experience with this, I lived with my wife before we were married. It caused a rift with her parents that will probably never be fully healed. My wife's mother is a Christian in name only. She is a judgmental hypocrite and always made me feel like an outsider. I was to the point of being physically ill days or weeks before family functions because I could not stand to be around her. It eventually led to my wife and my separation.

After we separated I decided that I needed God in my life and decided to become a Christian. Not because of anything my wife or her family did but because of the love and kindness that I experienced from a friend at work. I have known him a long time and finally decided that I wanted what he had. I wanted a good marriage, a happy life, and knowing that I could put anything and everything in God's hands.

My wife's judgmental family drove me away from God, if being one with God made me like them I did not want any part of it. When finally realizing God's true nature through my friend I finally woke up and saw what I was missing and what I needed. Because of this my wife and I are working on reconciling and our relationship is better than it has ever been.

Yes the Bible is very specific concerning your situation. I am surprised at the responses from others to leave him, move on, find a Christian man. I would think that those people would leave the judging to God and just be supportive to you. It sounds as if you have a nice man, he is not Christian right now but through love and prayer I bet he can become one. It does not sound as if you want to change your living situation other than being married and him becoming a Christian. So how about this? Instead of leaving him because he is not a Christian, boost him up, show him what Christianity brings to your life, help him to understand.

Don't throw a soul away, help bring him to God. Isn't that what we are supposed to do?  

I never judge(d) him, only worried that I may be doing him harm by being with him. However after talking to him, I realized that I'd do more harm to him by leaving him. I don't know what exactly turned him off from Christianity, as he does believe in a higher power as he says it, I really have no idea. Now that I know I'm doing good by being with him, I just continue to love and support him unconditionally. What else can I do to show him to God? We're supposed to lead by example, not bible thumping, which I bet you're well aware of.

I saw your other post too. Sorry, I have a lot of thick posts to read since I last came here. But thank you. I don't know if I can bring him to Christ because half the task is him opening his heart to God, but I love him so much I think it's worth it. Heck, honestly if I left him I would wonder for the rest of my life if someone else took care of him and brought him to know God. And if they didn't, I'd feel responsible as someone who loves him deeply for ditching him.

You sound like you have a good and caring man, don't let anyone come between you and bring him to Christ. If you have a good relationship now think of what you will have when he becomes a Christian. Give him a chance.

You're right, it boggles my mind to think of his potential. Besides, he's done a lot to help me: I came into our relationship with a lot of baggage, and he's never loved me any less for it. You know, I'm a little confused, because I'm being told so much that I've made a bad choice by dating him (as he is not a Christian) but I feel that God has blessed me abundantly since we've been together--blessed the both of us, and I feel that I've been blessed just to have the guy. So I dunno. Maybe God wants me with him for the purpose of changing his heart, maybe God has someone else out there that he'd rather me be with. But I know that I love this guy, so I want to stay with him and do everything I can for him. So I guess this is good news for at least you. xD;

[JohnDB]

Time for me to be the "different answer".

I ain't nearly so much a legalist as these others are.

I am one to believe that even without the paperwork and legal recourse in God's eyes you actually are already married to this guy. So leaving would be just like a divorce...and divorce sucks. It is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. So...don't do that. As Christians we are commanded to love and divorce is about all kinds of things...none of which has anything to do with love.

So you can't leave him.

And I can fully appreciate why he wants nothing to do with the church. From his perspective they don't accept him and only want to keep him away from doing what he sees as something good. This one is going to be all up to you as far as getting him to understand what it means to be a Christian. He loves you too just like you love him. And your task is to get him to understand that all the good things about you that he loves are because you are a Christian. Those good qualities inside of you come directly from your relationship with Christ.

Then, Slowly but steadily over the years begin to share the scriptures with him...don't quote them to him...tell him what they mean in relating to him what and how they are important to you. He obviously has a heart or else he wouldn't be involved with you to begin with. But when the legalists get a going and people get "preachey" well...they sure do sound unloving don't they? So don't do that to him either. But when people see how good God really is they always want to be a part of the God/Jesus team.

[k-pappy]

I met my current boyfriend about two years ago. I was having a hard time dealing with being single, and even though I knew he wasn't a Christian anymore I still really wanted a boyfriend. Over the years of living together and stuff, we've grown quite attached, but it's hard for me to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have a relationship with God. But I feel like I can't just break up with him: for one thing, we live together and I would need to make some money before I could live on my own, and another I would feel so guilty. It was my fault for getting into a relationship God couldn't be a part of, and I would feel a huge amount of responsibility for tearing his heart out of him. D:


I love him very much and I pray for him to open his heart to God, but I don't know. I'm his third girlfriend, and his mom is convinced that third time's a charm and we're gonna get married, and that puts pressure on me and makes me feel nervous. I don't think I could or should marry him until he is on the same place as I am with God, but what if he did propose? Would it really crush him if I said no? I have prayed that God either open his heart to Him or have him find another girl... at least then I wouldn't be responsible for hurting him in any way.

I know that if we parted ways I would make an improvement in what I look for in a potential husband. To be honest, I wasn't in that motivation when I met my boyfriend. I just wanted affection and someone to be with and didn't think it would last as long as it had. It's also hard to watch my friends marry Christians all around me. I feel like I've let myself be left behind.

Still, I love him because he's there for me even at my worst and I for him, takes care of me and lets me take care of him, and he respects my religious views. He believes in God but doesn't tie that to a religion. I love to take care of him, right now since I don't work he's been paying both of our bills and I've been cooking our meals and cleaning up around the apartment. And to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure how well I'd get over not seeing him every day. :/ And we work together in that we always seem to make eachother feel better when we're down, make up for one another's faults, support each other, and cuter things like finish each other's sentences and have some of the funniest conversations. We also have the same interests.


I talked to him about it, and he was very upset at my Christian friends because he doesn't like the idea that people want to take his girlfriend from him because he's different from them. It's the same thing that pushed him away from the church in the first place, and he would have been very upset if he lost another girlfriend over something he couldn't control. Then again, if I ever have kids I would want to have a solid Christian partnership and, really, I think that partnership would help me in a lot more than just rearing children. Advice?

Feldew, you will have to pardon my being blunt, but the only way to fix this is to leave the relationship.  I suspect you know that but are simply unwilling to do so.  There is no justification and no ratiolization.  You need to end it.  Whether you realize it or not, your relationship with this man is harming your relationship with God.  So you are faced with a choice:  grow closer to this man and further from God or grow closer to God and further from this man.  If you choose to grow closer to God, it will adversely affect your relationship with the man.  If you choose to grow closer to the man, it will further adversely affect your relationship with God.

The only solution is to end the relationship with the man.

Bond

[Feldew]

Time for me to be the "different answer".

I ain't nearly so much a legalist as these others are.

I am one to believe that even without the paperwork and legal recourse in God's eyes you actually are already married to this guy. So leaving would be just like a divorce...and divorce sucks. It is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. So...don't do that. As Christians we are commanded to love and divorce is about all kinds of things...none of which has anything to do with love.

So you can't leave him.

And I can fully appreciate why he wants nothing to do with the church. From his perspective they don't accept him and only want to keep him away from doing what he sees as something good. This one is going to be all up to you as far as getting him to understand what it means to be a Christian. He loves you too just like you love him. And your task is to get him to understand that all the good things about you that he loves are because you are a Christian. Those good qualities inside of you come directly from your relationship with Christ.

Then, Slowly but steadily over the years begin to share the scriptures with him...don't quote them to him...tell him what they mean in relating to him what and how they are important to you. He obviously has a heart or else he wouldn't be involved with you to begin with. But when the legalists get a going and people get "preachey" well...they sure do sound unloving don't they? So don't do that to him either. But when people see how good God really is they always want to be a part of the God/Jesus team.

Exactly. Jesus didn't get followers by judging and lecturing them. And you're right about the whole marriage thing. We basically are, it's just that if we broke up we wouldn't have to deal with divorce papers. That's really it, though. xD

[k-pappy]

Jesus didn't get followers by judging and lecturing them.

Actually, He did.  The thing is, His followers considered Him more important then their own families, their jobs, everything.

bond

[4Jesus]

Jesus told the woman caught in adultery "Go and sin no more" and say the same to you:  Go and sin no more.

[lonegreywolf20]

Let me give you my story as it relates to you. I, like your boyfriend was a non-believer. I was once Catholic when I was younger, but hit my teen years, rebelled and only went to Church sometimes on Christmas and for my grandparent's funerals. Reading the news about organized religion turned me away from it even more.

Fast forward to May 2009. I go on a blind date with a 27 year old girl who is Christian. I knew she was Christian by her Myspace page and her decleration on it. Plus the mutual friend who brought us together also had said something to me. I meet her and we hit it off very well. She didn't want to meet me to begin with, but that's a different story and has nothing to do with her being a Christian. We start spending lots of time together. I ended up moving in with her within the first month. We started talking about religion pretty much from the start. I told her what I believed and she respected it. She told me what she believed and I respected what she had to say. I decided to go to Church with her either on a Wednesday night or Sunday, I don't remember which. I decided to give religion a try and since her Church is non-denominational I figured that it couldn't hurt. I would go with her almost for a month straight, both on Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings, but then I started to feel very uncomfortable in her Church because of the things that were being done there. Again, that is another story and one that isn't really relevant to what I'm trying to say. So I start going off and on, rather than consistently.

I also start having doubts and start questioning her and her faith. These were my insecurities coming out and me projecting them onto her. I would say things against God in the midst of an argument meant to hurt her, even if I didn't mean them. This would go on for a while. I was the typical non-believer. She could have left me anytime she wanted, but she chose to stay with me. Why? Because she felt that I was a good man, but a little misguided and didn't understand things, so she would stick by me and show me what God has done in her life and show me what kind of things are possible in my own life.

Had she left me, I'm not sure where I would be today. I do know it would be much worse than where I am now. Yes, we have our issues as a couple threads of mine have shown, but I am thankful that she is in my life and is now my wife. I was saved back in December of 2009. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. It took her kicking me out of the apartment after a knock down drag out fight, and me feeling as I have hit rock bottom for me to do it, but that seems to be where most people are when they give their lives to Jesus. She didn't end our relationship. What she did was put God first. Something she had stopped doing for a while.


1 Corinthians 7:12-16 (New International Version)

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Matthew 22:37-40 (New International Version)

37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[a] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (New International Version)

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
       and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
       and he will make your paths straight.[a]

Footnotes:

   a. Proverbs 3:6 Or will direct your paths

I believe that what you're doing does fulfill the passeges above. It may come down to you leaving him, as in not living with him anymore, but do not leave the relationship. My wife didn't give up on me by leaving the relationship. She put God first and allowed him to do with me what needed to be done. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or a perfect Christian. I am still considered a baby Christian and I still doubt and question. I always question everything as is the person that I am.

So I say put God first and it may be that your boyfriend will open his heart to the Lord. As you can see it doesn't always end badly for a Christian that is together with a non-Christian. My story is the perfect example of that. It can work out.

[Feldew]

Let me give you my story as it relates to you. I, like your boyfriend was a non-believer. I was once Catholic when I was younger, but hit my teen years, rebelled and only went to Church sometimes on Christmas and for my grandparent's funerals. Reading the news about organized religion turned me away from it even more.

Fast forward to May 2009. I go on a blind date with a 27 year old girl who is Christian. I knew she was Christian by her Myspace page and her decleration on it. Plus the mutual friend who brought us together also had said something to me. I meet her and we hit it off very well. She didn't want to meet me to begin with, but that's a different story and has nothing to do with her being a Christian. We start spending lots of time together. I ended up moving in with her within the first month. We started talking about religion pretty much from the start. I told her what I believed and she respected it. She told me what she believed and I respected what she had to say. I decided to go to Church with her either on a Wednesday night or Sunday, I don't remember which. I decided to give religion a try and since her Church is non-denominational I figured that it couldn't hurt. I would go with her almost for a month straight, both on Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings, but then I started to feel very uncomfortable in her Church because of the things that were being done there. Again, that is another story and one that isn't really relevant to what I'm trying to say. So I start going off and on, rather than consistently.

I also start having doubts and start questioning her and her faith. These were my insecurities coming out and me projecting them onto her. I would say things against God in the midst of an argument meant to hurt her, even if I didn't mean them. This would go on for a while. I was the typical non-believer. She could have left me anytime she wanted, but she chose to stay with me. Why? Because she felt that I was a good man, but a little misguided and didn't understand things, so she would stick by me and show me what God has done in her life and show me what kind of things are possible in my own life.

Had she left me, I'm not sure where I would be today. I do know it would be much worse than where I am now. Yes, we have our issues as a couple threads of mine have shown, but I am thankful that she is in my life and is now my wife. I was saved back in December of 2009. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. It took her kicking me out of the apartment after a knock down drag out fight, and me feeling as I have hit rock bottom for me to do it, but that seems to be where most people are when they give their lives to Jesus. She didn't end our relationship. What she did was put God first. Something she had stopped doing for a while.


1 Corinthians 7:12-16 (New International Version)

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Matthew 22:37-40 (New International Version)

37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[a] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (New International Version)

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
       and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
       and he will make your paths straight.[a]

Footnotes:

   a. Proverbs 3:6 Or will direct your paths

I believe that what you're doing does fulfill the passeges above. It may come down to you leaving him, as in not living with him anymore, but do not leave the relationship. My wife didn't give up on me by leaving the relationship. She put God first and allowed him to do with me what needed to be done. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or a perfect Christian. I am still considered a baby Christian and I still doubt and question. I always question everything as is the person that I am.

So I say put God first and it may be that your boyfriend will open his heart to the Lord. As you can see it doesn't always end badly for a Christian that is together with a non-Christian. My story is the perfect example of that. It can work out.

Wow that's awesome.  See everyone else? It can work, and accusing me of sinning for wanting to stay with my boyfriend and show him God's love through mine is sort of crappy.

Anyway, that's great. Chris says he doesn't want to go to church with me and I respect that, but I do hope and pray that he changes his mind one day. ♥

[k-pappy]

feldew, why did you come here?

You have been sleeping with this man who you are not married to for two years...are you claiming that is NOT sinful?

Are you going to carry on living with this man and sleeping with him?

You claim I am being judgmental, but that is not my intent.  I would like to share a passage from ezekiel:

18 When I say to a wicked man, 'You will surely die,' and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for [a] his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. 19 But if you do warn the wicked man and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his evil ways, he will die for his sin; but you will have saved yourself.   20 "Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before him, he will die. Since you did not warn him, he will die for his sin. The righteous things he did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. 21 But if you do warn the righteous man not to sin and he does not sin, he will surely live because he took warning, and you will have saved yourself."

You can accuse me of being "crappy" but sin keeps us from God, and right now, you are willfully living in sin.  I am sorry, you can put all the romance and what ifs in that you want, but the bottom line is right now you are in a sinful relationship, and my goal is to save you from that.

NOBODY was ever won to Christ through sin.  If you truly want this man to be saved, then you need to stop livin with AND sleeping with him.

4Jesus stated things perfectly.  When the woman was caught in adultery, Jesus did not judge her, but he did not condone her sin.  He called it what it was:  sin.  He also told her "now go and leave you life of sin."

I would tell you the same thing:  Go now and leave your life of sin.

bond

[lonegreywolf20]

Let me give you my story as it relates to you. I, like your boyfriend was a non-believer. I was once Catholic when I was younger, but hit my teen years, rebelled and only went to Church sometimes on Christmas and for my grandparent's funerals. Reading the news about organized religion turned me away from it even more.

Fast forward to May 2009. I go on a blind date with a 27 year old girl who is Christian. I knew she was Christian by her Myspace page and her decleration on it. Plus the mutual friend who brought us together also had said something to me. I meet her and we hit it off very well. She didn't want to meet me to begin with, but that's a different story and has nothing to do with her being a Christian. We start spending lots of time together. I ended up moving in with her within the first month. We started talking about religion pretty much from the start. I told her what I believed and she respected it. She told me what she believed and I respected what she had to say. I decided to go to Church with her either on a Wednesday night or Sunday, I don't remember which. I decided to give religion a try and since her Church is non-denominational I figured that it couldn't hurt. I would go with her almost for a month straight, both on Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings, but then I started to feel very uncomfortable in her Church because of the things that were being done there. Again, that is another story and one that isn't really relevant to what I'm trying to say. So I start going off and on, rather than consistently.

I also start having doubts and start questioning her and her faith. These were my insecurities coming out and me projecting them onto her. I would say things against God in the midst of an argument meant to hurt her, even if I didn't mean them. This would go on for a while. I was the typical non-believer. She could have left me anytime she wanted, but she chose to stay with me. Why? Because she felt that I was a good man, but a little misguided and didn't understand things, so she would stick by me and show me what God has done in her life and show me what kind of things are possible in my own life.

Had she left me, I'm not sure where I would be today. I do know it would be much worse than where I am now. Yes, we have our issues as a couple threads of mine have shown, but I am thankful that she is in my life and is now my wife. I was saved back in December of 2009. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. It took her kicking me out of the apartment after a knock down drag out fight, and me feeling as I have hit rock bottom for me to do it, but that seems to be where most people are when they give their lives to Jesus. She didn't end our relationship. What she did was put God first. Something she had stopped doing for a while.


1 Corinthians 7:12-16 (New International Version)

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Matthew 22:37-40 (New International Version)

37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[a] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (New International Version)

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
       and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
       and he will make your paths straight.[a]

Footnotes:

   a. Proverbs 3:6 Or will direct your paths

I believe that what you're doing does fulfill the passeges above. It may come down to you leaving him, as in not living with him anymore, but do not leave the relationship. My wife didn't give up on me by leaving the relationship. She put God first and allowed him to do with me what needed to be done. I'm not saying that I'm perfect or a perfect Christian. I am still considered a baby Christian and I still doubt and question. I always question everything as is the person that I am.

So I say put God first and it may be that your boyfriend will open his heart to the Lord. As you can see it doesn't always end badly for a Christian that is together with a non-Christian. My story is the perfect example of that. It can work out.

Wow that's awesome.  See everyone else? It can work, and accusing me of sinning for wanting to stay with my boyfriend and show him God's love through mine is sort of crappy.

Anyway, that's great. Chris says he doesn't want to go to church with me and I respect that, but I do hope and pray that he changes his mind one day. ♥

I'm going to clarify my post.

You're right it can work, but she did kick me out (save for one night I had to stay over because the heat in my mom's house had died and I was sick with the flu), but I didn't stay over any other night. She stopped all sexual relations with me and said it wasn't going to happen till she got married. I was out of the apartment for 1 1/2 months and than we got married and in that time when I felt I had nothing left, I accepted Jesus in my life.

I won't agree that no one comes to Christ through sin as it's because of sin that we come to Christ.

It can work, but something will have to happen through the relationship more than likely for him to come to Christianity.

You can't keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results. You're going to have to make changes and it won't be easy, my wife just said that as well as she's sitting right next to me. It was hard for her to do what she did to me, but she knew it was for the best and her prayers were answered because she put God first.

[Feldew]

I can't exactly do that, LGW. I don't have my license or a car yet, and my boyfriend and I rely on each other's income, I rely on his more than he relies on mine. (It's pretty hard to have a lot of money coming in when you don't have a license or car of your own to get there.)

You know, I totally understand where you all are coming from, but I like to think of it as this saying: "you made your bed, now you need to lie in it". Look, I decided to move in with him, I made these decisions, and it would be irresponsible for me to just leave. Or kick him out of his own home, as here is his home as much as mine. I mean, you're right that it would be best if we did not live together (or you know, at least didn't have sex), but either one of us leaving this apartment right now is just not possible. It would be great, though, if in the next six months or so (yeah, it's gonna be a while), I could get everything I need together and...live somewhere else. Even if it is just next door (because I can't stand the idea of not seeing him every day), I'm QUITE aware of the fact that it would be best for him (and him getting to know The Lord especially!!) that it happens.

But right now? Again, it's about my responsibility to lie in the bed that I've made. I'm sinning by sleeping with him and such (and honestly that's something I tried to cut off once and I pray to find another way to bring that up again so that we can commit to it until we can live in different places), which is something I can change RIGHT NOW. But as for moving out? My income takes care of the rent. He works two jobs so that my credit card bill and my phone bill can be paid, so I can eat every day... Having a relationship that God can smile upon is something I want, but right now understand that we're financially incapable of living in two different apartments.

I'm sorry that you probably think I'm ignoring everything you all are saying, but I'm not, I'm really not. Right now certain things just have to happen before I can make other changes in my life.


By the way, on a more positive note, I got my permit on Saturday and took the back roads home from the grocery store. Chris, my boyfriend, said I did a really great job, so I should be able to get my license soon! :D I won't be able to get a car until September, but I WILL at least be able to drive myself to work and it's still progress, right?

edit Oh, on another note. I'm a really honest **cough**blunt**cough** person. Sooo. Okay, about going to Chris about not having sex again until marriage... I can't just go "well, we can have sex because I want to be closer to God and I want you to be closer to knowing God" cuz that's basically the same as... you know, stuffing God down his throat. But if I say "I think it'll be good for us" his first response will be "yeah, but it's said that sex relieves stress, and isn't stress relief great?" He also likes sex because he sees it as a way to show how much he loves me and he'd be unhappy to not have that expression of love for me for whatever that time may be. So what do I say, or do? Scripture would be good, personal experience and such would be good too, though.

[k-pappy]

Honestly, there is no way to bring it up without God.  

The world is all for fornication at any time, any place with any person.  

God has called us out of that.  If you try to stop without God or by hiding the Godly part, you will not succeed.

Plus, you need to be honest with him and then reject his sexual advances.  Then be honest about why you are rejecting his sexual advances.

There is no easy way to do it.  Pray...pray for strength for yourself and understanding for Chris.

I'll be praying for you as well.

Bond

[Feldew]

Curses. >.>;

I just hate hurting him, and I worry that he's gonna think I came up with this idea out of panicked fear and not wanna support it because of that. I mean, it's hard to say that you're doing something to benefit someone when it hurts them so much. I think at some point--when I'm financially capable and able to get myself a car--I'll have to just say "look, I'm leaving. Not breaking up, just moving to a different place" and either have that cause a schism between us or bring us closer ultimately, hoping he comes to know God in that time. (And what do I do if, in that time, he doesn't? Since that would have been the point of us not living together anymore. That and not sinning, but not sinning is always a priority.)

EDIT: Hey thanks. I'll need all the prayer I can get, especially to find a way to support myself. I haven't been able to do that in years.

[lonegreywolf20]

I can't exactly do that, LGW. I don't have my license or a car yet, and my boyfriend and I rely on each other's income, I rely on his more than he relies on mine. (It's pretty hard to have a lot of money coming in when you don't have a license or car of your own to get there.)

You know, I totally understand where you all are coming from, but I like to think of it as this saying: "you made your bed, now you need to lie in it". Look, I decided to move in with him, I made these decisions, and it would be irresponsible for me to just leave. Or kick him out of his own home, as here is his home as much as mine. I mean, you're right that it would be best if we did not live together (or you know, at least didn't have sex), but either one of us leaving this apartment right now is just not possible. It would be great, though, if in the next six months or so (yeah, it's gonna be a while), I could get everything I need together and...live somewhere else. Even if it is just next door (because I can't stand the idea of not seeing him every day), I'm QUITE aware of the fact that it would be best for him (and him getting to know The Lord especially!!) that it happens.

But right now? Again, it's about my responsibility to lie in the bed that I've made. I'm sinning by sleeping with him and such (and honestly that's something I tried to cut off once and I pray to find another way to bring that up again so that we can commit to it until we can live in different places), which is something I can change RIGHT NOW. But as for moving out? My income takes care of the rent. He works two jobs so that my credit card bill and my phone bill can be paid, so I can eat every day... Having a relationship that God can smile upon is something I want, but right now understand that we're financially incapable of living in two different apartments.

I'm sorry that you probably think I'm ignoring everything you all are saying, but I'm not, I'm really not. Right now certain things just have to happen before I can make other changes in my life.


By the way, on a more positive note, I got my permit on Saturday and took the back roads home from the grocery store. Chris, my boyfriend, said I did a really great job, so I should be able to get my license soon! :D I won't be able to get a car until September, but I WILL at least be able to drive myself to work and it's still progress, right?

edit Oh, on another note. I'm a really honest **cough**blunt**cough** person. Sooo. Okay, about going to Chris about not having sex again until marriage... I can't just go "well, we can have sex because I want to be closer to God and I want you to be closer to knowing God" cuz that's basically the same as... you know, stuffing God down his throat. But if I say "I think it'll be good for us" his first response will be "yeah, but it's said that sex relieves stress, and isn't stress relief great?" He also likes sex because he sees it as a way to show how much he loves me and he'd be unhappy to not have that expression of love for me for whatever that time may be. So what do I say, or do? Scripture would be good, personal experience and such would be good too, though.

I'm not sure what to tell you about your financial situation as ours isn't the greatest either, but we trust in the Lord and that he'll see us through.

As for your edit, I can give you personal experience. Truth does hurt and it may hurt him. My wife when we were dating as I said cut sex off from me to put God first. She was straight forward and said exactly why she was doing it. I used all the same lines your boyfriend did and I took it a step more. Having recently learned from the "Five Love Languages" that my primary love language is physical touch. So when I told my wife (girlfriend at the time) that for me sex is something that shows me that you love me and keeps me from feeling rejected and getting depressed was true, but that still doesn't mean that I was in the right.

We can give all the excuses that we want for why we want sex before marriage, but that is all it is, an excuse.

I would say that at the very least, stop sexual relations and ask for forgiveness for that. Then ask God in prayer for the strength to keep telling him no if he intiates sexual contact. If you must, sleep on the couch.

As much as you want to protect him, you're doing him a disservice in a way by protecting him. Tell him the truth, explain to him why you will not have sex with him and pray to do it in such a way that it will hurt him the least possible.