Involved with a much younger man

[ChildofChrist]

I am currently involved with a Christian man 10 years younger and I don't feel comfortable about it.  Is it Biblical?  Is it sinful to marry a man 10 years younger?  I'm Anglican and he's Presbyterian but we don't mind the denominational difference and I am willing to join his church if we get married. We love each other and get along very well, but am wondering what the Bible has to say about age gaps in marriage. Will it work out? What are the challenges I am expected to face if we decide to get married?  Are they any guys in this forum that have older wives or beaus ? Or any women with younger men?  Any regrets marrying them?  Thanks in advance for your responses ...

[chosenone]

I would say that a lot depends on how old you both are. For example, if you are 30 and he is 20 I would be very wary as we all do a lot of growing up in those 10 years. If you are 45 and he is 35, then maybe not such an issue. If you are both mature and realise that age gaps do bring some problems, (such as you will age earlirer than him and you may have different interests and friends etc) then if it is what God wants then why not. However you will need to ask God for clear guidance as to whether this man is right for you. I do know a couple of marriages where the women is about 7 years older than the man and they seem fine.

Derek Prince married a women who was 20 years older than him and they were happy but of couse he was still quite young when she died  I cant see that it is a sin at all, as long as he is a mature and godly man and not too young, then pray and ask God for Hs guidance.

[rachelliott]

If you love someone then age shouldn't be an issue, maybe its another underlying issue which is making it not feel right? I don't think there is anything in the Bible which says age differences should be considered when entering a relationship. If God means for you to be together then you will be, and if not then he will make that clear too. Trust him for the future even though its hard. 

[vonny]

One thing to consider in larger age differences is that you may not go through the same life stages as one another and sex drives can differ. I would agree with the statement Chosenone made that it probably depends on your ages. I married a man almost 13 years older than me, but that isn't usually an issue at the moment. Perhaps it may be in other ways down the road, but I couldn't say yet (I'm 32 this year, he's just turned 44)...LOL, my husband just told me that his father (84) was doing handstands and touching his toes yesterday(he's a funny guy). I was remarking, cheekily, that hubby is not far away from 50, he-he...so he told me that, laughing, in response.

[JohnDB]

I don't think that the Bible has anything to say on the subject.

I know in the story of Ruth.....Boaz and Naomi were close to the same age....but Ruth herself was very young.

As usual there is a double standard. When men marry a younger woman it is considered to be a great score...

When women marry a younger man it is called cougaring.

But....

I say whatever floats your boat....

and if you can put up with some of his seemingly immature ways...enjoy the relationship.

[son of God]

If you don't feel comfortable with it, why are you yet doing it?

Or just what's that still, small voice?  A loud trumpet?  Or clear statements in the Word about it?

Or a small prompting that one can easily ignore when giving in to the passions and desires of the flesh that war against the soul.

Whatever floats your boat.


Or sinks it.

[JohnDB]

Whatever floats your boat.


Or sinks it.

we all shoot ourselves in the foot to some degree...

some use a BB gun and others use a 155 mm Howitzer.

all a matter of preference

[IamStefanie]

I have not read the entire Bible  yet, but I haven't read anything that mentions age gaps. We all know you should not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. So if he is not that, then the age gap is not a sin. Given the fact that he is an adult, don't worry about that. However, if you are uncomfortable with it, then is his age really the only issue. What bothers YOU about the fact his is 10 years younger than you?

[comfy]

Hi, Stefanie . . . I am Bill . . . good to meet you . . . I'm pretty sure the Bible says nothing about age difference. But "the husband is head of the wife," we do have in Ephesians 5:23; so I would want to make sure about if God has the younger man growing to become the older woman's "head", or if she is controlling. I think it can be that a much younger guy can start at least like an older woman's little brother. And then they can get involved, but with him *not* becoming her "head". And *possibly* a much older woman can be wanting someone young so she has control and/or to make her feel young. So, no we would not want to judge by the outward age thing, but it might be good to make sure about what is really going on.

I have read that while the earlier Europeans came to settle in America, it was not unusual for married couples coming here to be older women married to younger men. I don't remember it saying why this was. But I have noticed, nowadays, that a number of husbands die rather soon before their wives; so I can see the advantage of a woman having a younger guy, so they would be together for their full lives. And if an older woman wanted to settle, here, it might not work to marry a guy her age who might not be in as good shape for the gruelling work needed to settle land, here. Plus, maybe the men in colonial days could work so hard, that they would wear out and die, leaving their wives widowed for at least ten years; so women and guys could have wanted to adjust their ages so neither would die too much sooner than the other.

But I would think they should have mutual trust and mutual dependence, not the older woman totally managing over the young guy, and however God means for the man to be her "head". How *He* means this is good.

[full4glory]

what are you in love with, the fact that he is a younger man and that seems exciting.  or do you love the person for their qualities?  if its real love, then you should know how hard that is to find and nothing will stop you from fulfilling that love.  but if your hesitant, then you have to ask yourself, is it real love.

[EmbsComputerArt]

There is absolutely NO verse in the Bible that I have ever found that condemns large age differences in marriage except for in one specific circumstance.  That is if a girl has not "flowered" a man is not supposed to marry her.

1 Cor 7:36
36   But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.
(KJV)

10 years ain't nothing hun, I've seen much larger differences in age work wonderfully.  If he's a good guy snatch him up.

[777]

I wouldn't worry about the age gap......look at all the things Anna Nicole and her husband had in common.