Can a True Christian Really Commit Adultery? What Are the Consequences?

[Bitter Sweet]

Adultery does have devastating effects on the family. My father cheated on my mother for years and after 20 years of it she left him. At least she stayed with him while us kids were in the house, but honestly it would have been much more pleasant if my mother didn't take out her resentment on me. She is still faithful to my dad (more so than she has ever been to me), she never remarried. She was a virgin when she did marry him and is adamant about never remarrying or being with another man.

That is just my personal experience however Jesus teaches us to forgive those that sin against us, 490x's to say the least. If the adulterer can be forgiven, who are we to not forgive a cheating spouse? Although I know the bible gives us permission to leave the marriage but I suppose a Christian that does leave is only as far in their walk with Christ as the adulterer is since they can't forgive.

[Bitter Sweet]

All sins are not equal. Some are worse than others. Adultery is one of the worst sins a person can commit.

Not according to God, only blasphemy won't be forgiven because that is the worst sin a person can commit. See it in the bible for yourself.

[chosenone]

Adultery does have devastating effects on the family. My father cheated on my mother for years and after 20 years of it she left him. At least she stayed with him while us kids were in the house, but honestly it would have been much more pleasant if my mother didn't take out her resentment on me. She is still faithful to my dad (more so than she has ever been to me), she never remarried. She was a virgin when she did marry him and is adamant about never remarrying or being with another man.

That is just my personal experience however Jesus teaches us to forgive those that sin against us, 490x's to say the least. If the adulterer can be forgiven, who are we to not forgive a cheating spouse? Although I know the bible gives us permission to leave the marriage but I suppose a Christian that does leave is only as far in their walk with Christ as the adulterer is since they can't forgive.

Bittersweet that is a very strange thing to say. There is a BIG difference between forgiving and reconciling. No where in the Bible does God tell the spouse of an adulterer that they have to stay with them. Remember that in the OT times, adulterers would be stoned to death, and thus the innocent spouse would not need to make that decision. God allows divorce for adultery because he knows how incredibly serious it is, how deep the betrayal is, and how much it destroys the trust.
My mother put up with my fathers affair for years, and then she got very depressed and killed herself. No, God does not tell us to stay with an adulterer, but he does tell us that we need to forgive them. Thats the difference.

[Bitter Sweet]

No, God does not tell us to stay with an adulterer, but he does tell us that we need to forgive them. Thats the difference.

It's not a commandment to leave the spouse that cheated. Jesus died for everyone's sins, including the adulterers and we should be able to forgive them and continue loving them the way Jesus did. Like I said, some people are just on different parts on their walk. I would find it in my heart to keep my family together, I would never let some strange woman have that much power over the love of my family.

That's just me though, I suppose I just don't consider sex to be an emotional bond between people, that's not the glue that holds a marriage together but some people make that the most important, love comes after for some but love always comes first for me. If I didn't have children them maybe I would see it differently but when a full blown family is involved, no way, the love of God overcomes everything, even a cheating spouse.

Can everyone handle this, no because of where they are at with their walk with Christ. Without love, there truly is nothing but devastated families.

[chosenone]

No, God does not tell us to stay with an adulterer, but he does tell us that we need to forgive them. Thats the difference.

It's not a commandment to leave the spouse that cheated. Jesus died for everyone's sins, including the adulterers and we should be able to forgive them and continue loving them the way Jesus did. Like I said, some people are just on different parts on their walk. I would find it in my heart to keep my family together, I would never let some strange woman have that much power over the love of my family.

That's just me though, I suppose I just don't consider sex to be an emotional bond between people, that's not the glue that holds a marriage together but some people make that the most important, love comes after for some but love always comes first for me. If I didn't have children them maybe I would see it differently but when a full blown family is involved, no way, the love of God overcomes everything, even a cheating spouse.

Can everyone handle this, no because of where they are at with their walk with Christ. Without love, there truly is nothing but devastated families.

This  has nothing to with anyones walk with Christ. Sex is for the married couple only and it does bind 2 people together. Sex with someone outside the marriage destroys the very essence of the marriage and all of the promises made. I know several people(very strong believers) who God clearly led to divorce their spouses after their huisband/wives affairs. God allows divorce because of the very serious nature of the sin and that it destroys the marriage covenant.
As I already said we are told to forgive, but we are not told that we have to stay with an adulterer. Maybe if your husband were to have a long affair, or several long affairs, you may just change your mind.

To imply that only those whose walk with Jesus isnt strong will end that marriage is very insulting to many here. It takes great courage and strength to stand up to serious sin and end a marriage. I wish that My mother had done so, she may still be alive now.

[Bitter Sweet]

This  has nothing to with anyones walk with Christ. Sex is for the married couple only and it does bind 2 people together.

I could have sworn you said it was the love that is most important in another post after I said marriage was designed for sex and children.

I don't understand, is sex more important than love to you? Forget about the cheaters for a moment and try to answer that question.

I think forgiveness and love have everything to do with a person's walk with Christ. Love is the foundation of it.

[chosenone]

Sex love companionship and many other things are all part of marriage, but sex is incredibly important and should never be shared with any other, because it is such an imtimate act. According to the Bible, sex seals the marriage covenant. Besides that, whatever you or I may think, to God adultery is extreemly serious and was punishable by death.
Do you think that Gods love is wishy washy?  His love is sometimes tough, and that is what our love needs to be sometimes. Adultery may not be that serious to you but it is to God. Is it the worst betrayal that anyone can do to their husband or wife.
We also need to remember that it is the adultery that destroys the marriage, and not the person who may divorce the other after they have done this. That is just making legal what the other has already done in a sense.

[Bitter Sweet]

Sex love companionship and many other things are all part of marriage, but sex is incredibly important and should never be shared with any other, because it is such an imtimate act.

I think a lot of people that walk in the flesh will agree with you on the sex being an important part. My husband married me because he wanted children, so we based our marriage on children as opposed to just sex.

Are you past your child bearing years and got married for sex? That is what marriage is also designed for, people that can't control their lusts. He and I don't have desires to relieve ourselves through masturbation, let alone other people! Even though we are married, we based it on children, not fleshy desires. We choose to walk in the spirit, sex takes less than a minute out of our week. The rest of my time is devoted to God.

According to the Bible, sex seals the marriage covenant. Besides that, whatever you or I may think, to God adultery is extreemly serious and was punishable by death.

You don't think Jesus died for our sins? There are many adulterous people that Jesus loved in the bible and forgave. We should follow his example, love first and forgiveness is so easy after that.

Do you think that Gods love is wishy washy?

Heavens no! Only people that don't have God's love are wishy washy. Do you think God still punishes people with death for adultery?

His love is sometimes tough, and that is what our love needs to be sometimes. Adultery may not be that serious to you but it is to God. Is it the worst betrayal that anyone can do to their husband or wife.

I don't think God's love is tough at all. His burden is light and the yoke is easy. The bible say's blasphemy is the only unforgivable sin. I think betrayal against the holy spirit is the worse than the desires of the flesh. I'll take God's word over yours. I don't let the devil, fleshy desires, destroy the love God has given in my life. God is more powerful than that and I will never hand that power over to the flesh!

We also need to remember that it is the adultery that destroys the marriage, and not the person who may divorce the other after they have done this. That is just making legal what the other has already done in a sense.

Sure it causes problems but with God's love we can overcome everything. I believe in all of God's promises, he has kept his word for me and I trust every word he promises.

Without love, we have nothing.

[tallat]

I just stumbled across this thread and do not have time to read all the posts on here, but I did read the initial several, and I want to give my two-cents worth because I think I have a unique view on the subject of being a Christian and struggling with adultery.

I have been in a loveless, sexless marriage for 14 years (I have a thread on here by the title "Living in a Loveless, Sexless Marriage).  My marriage is not only sexless, but also without any kind of affection. For over a decade, I have cried out to my husband, telling him that I need to be held, kissed, touched....even if it doesn't lead to actual intercourse. Years ago, I told him that I was willing to live without sex, but had to have affection.

Still....I get absolutely nothing. He won't even hold me when I cry.

I cannot begin to express the agony that a married person can go through - especially as a Christian - when you are a very affectionate being, and yet you know that the only way you are ever going to get held or kissed again is to either divorce or commit adultery.

Now, it is even more agonizing when your born-again Christian spouse tells you that he doesn't care if you sleep with someone else. He has communicated this to me for several years now. There was a point in our marriage when I was seriously considering this. My husband was willing to pay for me to get my tubes tied so I wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant, and he even put a lock on the door so I could have more privacy if I wanted to talk to men on the internet. I never did have my tubes tied, but my husband wouldn't have cared if I did.

It's been several years now, but I battle this every day. I want a man...period! I want to be touched, kissed, held, wanted and desired. But yet, if I pursue those desires, I'm a wicked sinner and an adulterous. To be honest, the only thing that keeps me from having an affair is because I know that I want a true relationship...not just sex. And I know that I can't get that as long as I'm married. So it's a lose-lose proposition for me. I lose in my  marriage, and I lose if I have an affair.

But it's NOT because I'm not saved, and it's NOT because I'm not capable and it's NOT because I haven't considered it hundreds of times over the past several years. Christians sin every day. Gluttony is a sin and yet most Christians overeat and are overweight. Many Christians watch ungodly programs on TV and at theatres, or look at porn. Why would it even be a question as to whether a Christian could commit adultery or not? Of course, a Christian could. The real question is how long a true Christian can CONTINUE in a sinful lifestyle - of any kind. That is the true test of a Christian...not the sin itself. The true mark is the guilt and the repentance that committing sin naturally brings. If there is none, then the odds are the person is not saved based off of the Bible. And if his or her heart is so calloused that they no longer hear the voice of the Holy Spirit's conviction, then chastisement will come upon their life. If there is no guilt, conviction, repentance or chastisement for the Christian living in sin, then they are not truly saved.

Yeah, I've rambled...sorry. But this is a sore subject for me. My husband - by most people's standards and especially at church - would be considered a godly man...a good man. And yet, he has a wife (me) who he keeps in this torturous state and doesn't seem to be bothered at all. If he doesn't have sex with me, or touch me, it may be considered weird, but not sinful. But if I go out and get my needs met, I'm sinning. My husband can have an affair with the TV and sports, but no one would consider it sin. But if I have an affair with a man, then I'm wrong.

It just sucks!

[chosenone]

tallat a sad story. Of course what your husband is doing is wrong. God tells us not to deprive each other of sex.

[DaveW]

His love is sometimes tough, and that is what our love needs to be sometimes. Adultery may not be that serious to you but it is to God. Is it the worst betrayal that anyone can do to their husband or wife.

I don't think God's love is tough at all. His burden is light and the yoke is easy. The bible say's blasphemy is the only unforgivable sin. I think betrayal against the holy spirit is the worse than the desires of the flesh. I'll take God's word over yours. I don't let the devil, fleshy desires, destroy the love God has given in my life. God is more powerful than that and I will never hand that power over to the flesh!

Did you forget this passage?

Heb 12.3 For consider him who has endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, that you don't grow weary, fainting in your souls.
4 You have not yet resisted to blood, striving against sin;
5 and you have forgotten the exhortation which reasons with you as with children,
"My son, don't take lightly the chastening of the Lord,
nor faint when you are reproved by him;
6 For whom the Lord loves, he chastens,
and scourges every son whom he receives.

[chosenone]

Bittersweet we arent talking about the unforgiveable sin here, we are talking about adultery. As dave says, God disciplines us when we go wrong. What sort of parents would we be if we just let our children do what they liked without any consequenses? There are always serious consequenses to adultery, one of them being that we risk loosing our spouses. Its the choice that those who committ this sin make. God sees it as very very serious.
Gods love can be very tough, and sometimes ours needs to be as well, and the more we love someone the tougher it can be to love them in the right way, and not in an enabling way.

[lonegreywolf20]

Sex love companionship and many other things are all part of marriage, but sex is incredibly important and should never be shared with any other, because it is such an imtimate act.

I think a lot of people that walk in the flesh will agree with you on the sex being an important part. My husband married me because he wanted children, so we based our marriage on children as opposed to just sex.

Are you past your child bearing years and got married for sex? That is what marriage is also designed for, people that can't control their lusts. He and I don't have desires to relieve ourselves through masturbation, let alone other people! Even though we are married, we based it on children, not fleshy desires. We choose to walk in the spirit, sex takes less than a minute out of our week. The rest of my time is devoted to God.

According to the Bible, sex seals the marriage covenant. Besides that, whatever you or I may think, to God adultery is extreemly serious and was punishable by death.

You don't think Jesus died for our sins? There are many adulterous people that Jesus loved in the bible and forgave. We should follow his example, love first and forgiveness is so easy after that.

Do you think that Gods love is wishy washy?

Heavens no! Only people that don't have God's love are wishy washy. Do you think God still punishes people with death for adultery?

His love is sometimes tough, and that is what our love needs to be sometimes. Adultery may not be that serious to you but it is to God. Is it the worst betrayal that anyone can do to their husband or wife.

I don't think God's love is tough at all. His burden is light and the yoke is easy. The bible say's blasphemy is the only unforgivable sin. I think betrayal against the holy spirit is the worse than the desires of the flesh. I'll take God's word over yours. I don't let the devil, fleshy desires, destroy the love God has given in my life. God is more powerful than that and I will never hand that power over to the flesh!

We also need to remember that it is the adultery that destroys the marriage, and not the person who may divorce the other after they have done this. That is just making legal what the other has already done in a sense.

Sure it causes problems but with God's love we can overcome everything. I believe in all of God's promises, he has kept his word for me and I trust every word he promises.

Without love, we have nothing.

So you take what's true in your marriage and then tell everyone else that because they desire their spouse sexually it's just a fleshly desire?

You do know that for the majority of men, sex is where they truly feel that they are bonding to their wives spiritually, physically and emotionally? I know that it holds true for me.

Just because sex isn't an important facet of your marriage doesn't make it so for every other marriage, nor does it automatically turn it into a fleshly desire. The marriage bed is Holy and undefiled and pretty much leaves the whole fleshly desire thing out of the equation.

From what you have said, it almost sounds like you grew up around a denomination that has proclaimed all sex is dirty and bad and should only be used when you want to have a child.

[chosenone]

Sex is a good and normal and a very important thing in marriage. It is blessed and after all, God invented sex!!
Lonegreywolf, I agree that for men it is a chance to connect emotionally with their wife as well as physically and spiritually. It is a good and blessed part of marriage, but when it happens outside marriage in adultery, it cause incredible damage. It destroys all that the marriage holds dear, like faithfullness, trust, and intimacy.
I can totally understand why God allows divorce for cheating. The marriage will never be the same again, and in many cases it needs to end because the damage is too great.
We need to forgive for our own sakes, but that's a seperate issue.  

[Sinead]

Sex love companionship and many other things are all part of marriage, but sex is incredibly important and should never be shared with any other, because it is such an imtimate act.

I think a lot of people that walk in the flesh will agree with you on the sex being an important part. My husband married me because he wanted children, so we based our marriage on children as opposed to just sex.

Are you past your child bearing years and got married for sex? That is what marriage is also designed for, people that can't control their lusts. He and I don't have desires to relieve ourselves through masturbation, let alone other people! Even though we are married, we based it on children, not fleshy desires. We choose to walk in the spirit, sex takes less than a minute out of our week. The rest of my time is devoted to God.

According to the Bible, sex seals the marriage covenant. Besides that, whatever you or I may think, to God adultery is extreemly serious and was punishable by death.

You don't think Jesus died for our sins? There are many adulterous people that Jesus loved in the bible and forgave. We should follow his example, love first and forgiveness is so easy after that.

Do you think that Gods love is wishy washy?

Heavens no! Only people that don't have God's love are wishy washy. Do you think God still punishes people with death for adultery?

His love is sometimes tough, and that is what our love needs to be sometimes. Adultery may not be that serious to you but it is to God. Is it the worst betrayal that anyone can do to their husband or wife.

I don't think God's love is tough at all. His burden is light and the yoke is easy. The bible say's blasphemy is the only unforgivable sin. I think betrayal against the holy spirit is the worse than the desires of the flesh. I'll take God's word over yours. I don't let the devil, fleshy desires, destroy the love God has given in my life. God is more powerful than that and I will never hand that power over to the flesh!

We also need to remember that it is the adultery that destroys the marriage, and not the person who may divorce the other after they have done this. That is just making legal what the other has already done in a sense.

Sure it causes problems but with God's love we can overcome everything. I believe in all of God's promises, he has kept his word for me and I trust every word he promises.

Without love, we have nothing.

Sex was created for marriage and marriage alone. There is nothing lustful about it.
NOT having sex with your spouse is a sin.
The only time sex is wrong is when it is with someone other than your spouse.
There is nothing fleshly or sinful about it. Only a person with a dirty mind would think so.

[Sinead]

Sex love companionship and many other things are all part of marriage, but sex is incredibly important and should never be shared with any other, because it is such an imtimate act.

I think a lot of people that walk in the flesh will agree with you on the sex being an important part. My husband married me because he wanted children, so we based our marriage on children as opposed to just sex.

Are you past your child bearing years and got married for sex? That is what marriage is also designed for, people that can't control their lusts. He and I don't have desires to relieve ourselves through masturbation, let alone other people! Even though we are married, we based it on children, not fleshy desires. We choose to walk in the spirit, sex takes less than a minute out of our week. The rest of my time is devoted to God.

According to the Bible, sex seals the marriage covenant. Besides that, whatever you or I may think, to God adultery is extreemly serious and was punishable by death.

You don't think Jesus died for our sins? There are many adulterous people that Jesus loved in the bible and forgave. We should follow his example, love first and forgiveness is so easy after that.

Do you think that Gods love is wishy washy?

Heavens no! Only people that don't have God's love are wishy washy. Do you think God still punishes people with death for adultery?

His love is sometimes tough, and that is what our love needs to be sometimes. Adultery may not be that serious to you but it is to God. Is it the worst betrayal that anyone can do to their husband or wife.

I don't think God's love is tough at all. His burden is light and the yoke is easy. The bible say's blasphemy is the only unforgivable sin. I think betrayal against the holy spirit is the worse than the desires of the flesh. I'll take God's word over yours. I don't let the devil, fleshy desires, destroy the love God has given in my life. God is more powerful than that and I will never hand that power over to the flesh!

We also need to remember that it is the adultery that destroys the marriage, and not the person who may divorce the other after they have done this. That is just making legal what the other has already done in a sense.

Sure it causes problems but with God's love we can overcome everything. I believe in all of God's promises, he has kept his word for me and I trust every word he promises.

Without love, we have nothing.

So you take what's true in your marriage and then tell everyone else that because they desire their spouse sexually it's just a fleshly desire?

You do know that for the majority of men, sex is where they truly feel that they are bonding to their wives spiritually, physically and emotionally? I know that it holds true for me.

Just because sex isn't an important facet of your marriage doesn't make it so for every other marriage, nor does it automatically turn it into a fleshly desire. The marriage bed is Holy and undefiled and pretty much leaves the whole fleshly desire thing out of the equation.

From what you have said, it almost sounds like you grew up around a denomination that has proclaimed all sex is dirty and bad and should only be used when you want to have a child.

[Bitter Sweet]

Did you forget this passage?

Heb 12.3 For consider him who has endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, that you don't grow weary, fainting in your souls.
4 You have not yet resisted to blood, striving against sin;
5 and you have forgotten the exhortation which reasons with you as with children,
"My son, don't take lightly the chastening of the Lord,
nor faint when you are reproved by him;
6 For whom the Lord loves, he chastens,
and scourges every son whom he receives.

[2KnowHim]

While searching the web regarding loveless, sexless marriages - I came upon this forum and your post.
My first thought - there are two sides to this story, yours and his.  I too struggle with my loveless, sexless marriage - but I do not absolve myself as part of the problem, from why my marriage has reached this point.

As a Christian - adultery is not an option although I have concerned it.  However, the more I look at my own faults, my role in my marriage - the more I come to understand having an affair is only temporal, and is no solution.  I've also  resolved that I love God more.  If your husband has agreed to you having an affair - I think your issue is he's gay.

[Adamski]

1) Can a person be a true Christian and commit adultery? If so, then how do they assuage their conscience? If they're truly saved, can they have any peace from God? (I can't even begin to imagine commiting adultery against my spouse.)


Acording to the (rcc) which I am member of this would be a mortal sin (1 John 5. 16-17). And unless she repented this would create her soul to be in jeopardy.   She must repent and this repentance must lead to a change of life and a recommitment to Christ.   One the other hand by her past actions. (many marriages, young and sexually active). She may have been abused or have a mental disorder and also need treatment of some sort.  Only god can judge her heart