I hate being single

[blackstyle]

There! I said it!! I really don't enjoy being single. But it feels like, if you say that you don't like being single, there's something wrong with you. You're acting desperate, or needy -  or somehow being ungrateful because "you should enjoy your singleness". I do believe singleness is a calling. I believe there are some people who were created to be single, and others who weren't. Unfortunately, in today's society, more people will end up being single than wants to be.

The thing is, I have a great life. Paul said - in whatever state you find yourself in, to be content. And I do believe I am content. I love my job, I love my family life. I'm very active in church and I have a load of friends who I can hang out and chill with, but it doesn't take away from the fact that I want to be married, and I want to start a family. I don't know why, but it's been something that I've wanted since I was a little girl - not the fairytale ending, but just being able to share my life with somebody who loves me as much as I love him.

I know there's not much that can really be said on this, because at the end of the day, it's just a case of waiting on God and if He sees fit to provide me a husband, then that's great! If not, I'll have to find a way to deal with it. But I just wanted to say that there's nothing wrong with wanting to be married, or disliking your singleness. If people love it then that's great! (I'm praying that I become more like that) But there are people out there who don't enjoy this season!!

Blessings!

[chosenone]

I dont like being single either. I married frist time at 19, I always wanted to marry and have kids.
When my marriage ended after 25 years I was then a single mum for 6 years. At that age, in my 40's I had to face the fact that I may never marry again cos available Christian guys in their 40's and 50's are practically non existant. If one does become availaible they are usually snapped up immediatly.
I am now married again, for well over 4 years now,and I love being married. Some people are just happier married and I am one of them and you probably are as well. I believe that most of us have a God given desire for that semeone special in our lives, so you are perfectly normal.
I hate it when people say that when you become content and happy on your own, God will find you someone special. I think that is rubbish.
I never liked being unmarried, however I would never have married just anyone just to be married. A bad marriage is worse that being single. God Bless.

[blackstyle]

Thanks so much Chosen!!  That's so encouraging! And I'm the same, just because I want to get married doesn't mean I'll marry just ANYBODY. I'd much prefer to be single than in a bad marriage!

[JohnDB]

It is about priorities and tastes now isn't it?

And where you would like to either blame or thank God for those...you really can't now can you?

(I personally would like to blame him for those...but I know better)

My Relationship with God does shape those desires though. I do want a partner of my life to share in the full relationship with God that I have.


I won't settle for less.  Anyone can say it but I demand that they live it...that doesn't mean living one step away from sinnless perfection...that is what grace is for. And any partner of mine must somehow be able to use grace, mercy, forgiveness well. The Good Lord knows I always need a bunch.

[comfy]

I have never been married, but since I became a Christian I have always had the perfect woman or women to help me and share with me. And in God's love we are in the best of love that there is, for beauty and intimacy; so while we are single, we already have the very best of all there can be in marriage, by living in this love.

But if we are just hanging out with ones our own spiritual age, we can miss out on this. We need to be sharing with the much more mature Christian couples and our seniors in the faith, so that these can feed us their example of how to be with God and how to relate in marriage, so we are ready.

People our own spiritual age are not going to bring us to being more mature, like our seniors can. And if we really appreciate Jesus more than all others, we "might" like our Jesus Family people who are more maturely like Jesus, more than we like even our own spouses who are maybe more like us And with these more mature people, we can learn better how to relate so we do better in our marriage. So, you can do this, now

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Wanting to be married isn't needy.  Needy is when you insist on someone paying attention to you every second.

Go find a fellow and get married.  Assuming that's your picture, you shouldn't have trouble finding someone who'll give you a chance to know them.

[JohnDB]

Wanting to be married isn't needy.  Needy is when you insist on someone paying attention to you every second.

Go find a fellow and get married.  Assuming that's your picture, you shouldn't have trouble finding someone who'll give you a chance to know them.

Agreed....she is a "cute lil thang".

Guys are likely buzzin about her like flies do around pancakes with syrup left outside.

[chosenone]

Wanting to be married isn't needy.  Needy is when you insist on someone paying attention to you every second.

Go find a fellow and get married.  Assuming that's your picture, you shouldn't have trouble finding someone who'll give you a chance to know them.

Agreed....she is a "cute lil thang".

Guys are likely buzzin about her like flies do around pancakes with syrup left outside.

No good having loads of flies, it has to be the right fly...........

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Guys are likely buzzin about her like flies do around pancakes with syrup left outside.

Well that was creepy.

No offense, John.  It just didn't work across the Internet.

[JohnDB]

Ok. I'm creepy. Lol. I guess unless you think Southern accent & manners it would be creepy.

I really mean no harm by it. Just a compliment.

[pppp]

HI,
I agree with chosenone
when she wrote......
I never liked being unmarried, however I would never have married just anyone just to be married. A bad marriage is worse that being single. God Bless.''


how very right,
its much better to be single than to be in a bad marriage,
so one should choose wisely,
pray to GOD,  ask friends,
before getting into marriage,
i've heard of numerous splits,
& most of them, coz people like to rush into marriage,


yes, marriage is a lovely thing,
& people like to get married,
but ask God, if you are marrying the right person,


Also,
here at this forum,  everyone gives good advise to others,


hope you find a nice person,
Sincerely,
Becky.

[Hot Ice]

Thanks so much Chosen!!  That's so encouraging! And I'm the same, just because I want to get married doesn't mean I'll marry just ANYBODY. I'd much prefer to be single than in a bad marriage!

I hear this.  But what's stumped most of us is the SCARY question "Why is that the only option that I've been presented with for so long, while it seems that it's NOT the only option that others have?"

1.  Bad marriage
2. Single and lonely
3..........Is there no other option?

There are plenty of well-meaning people who come to the rescue.  But we all admit that we have no guarantee of any other option ever coming into anyone's life.

So it's OK to meanwhile express the frustration--sometimes anguish--over the "limbo time"!

[chosenone]

Thanks so much Chosen!!  That's so encouraging! And I'm the same, just because I want to get married doesn't mean I'll marry just ANYBODY. I'd much prefer to be single than in a bad marriage!

I hear this.  But what's stumped most of us is the SCARY question "Why is that the only option that I've been presented with for so long, while it seems that it's NOT the only option that others have?"

1.  Bad marriage
2. Single and lonely
3..........Is there no other option?

There are plenty of well-meaning people who come to the rescue.  But we all admit that we have no guarantee of any other option ever coming into anyone's life.

So it's OK to meanwhile express the frustration--sometimes anguish--over the "limbo time"!

No you are right. When I became unexpectedly single again in my 40's, the statistical likelihood of me ever even meeting an available Christian guy of that sort of age, let alone one who was interested in me, was extreemly poor. I did know that, and after being on internet sites for some time, I realised that the chances may be worse than I thought, because many men in their 40's hadnt been married and they wanted a younger women who could have children. Well I had three kids then, the youngest nearly an adult, and so I was no good.

I also worked out that on the internet sites I was on, there were about 4 women for every man in their 40's and these figures got worse in the 50's age group. Despite this I always hoped and prayed that I would meet a man, and God can do miracles. Yes I do know women who have been divorced/widowed for many many years and may well never meet anyone now, but believe me, if it happened to me it can happen to anyone.

Hotice the third alternative IS a happy marriage. It does happen. Maybe God has blessed me with this second chance because of the years of hell I went through caused by my former husband, I dont know. Also my kids were desperately in need of a good male Father figure after their own dad hurt them so much (they never see him at all), so part of Gods plan was to give them a brilliant step dad who they love.

My middle child, a daughter, is 29. She would love to meet a nice Christian guy and I pray for her often that this will happen.She has just done a degree and is now going on to train to be a childrens pyschotherapist,along with working full time, so she isnt sitting around waiting, but I know she gets lonely. She has an active life and knows many people, but I believe that nearly all of us want and need that special someone in our lives.
Its even harder for her as her younger sister has a long term boyfriend, and her older brother is getting married next year. 

I do sympathise, and understand, I have been there.

God Bless

[janine]

Speaking as one (relatively) successfully married for almost 30 years, I definitely admit that there are times one is intensely grateful for that sharing and that shoulder to lean on; there are times when one is grateful to BE the one providing the shoulder; and there are times one remembers fondly the days when one was accountable to no one but God and self.  All of life is a mixed bag like that.

I do definitely understand just simply not liking singlehood, though.  All we can do while waiting for the longed-for spouse is simply to be ourselves, develop ourselves, love the ones we do have around us, and see what happens.

But, really, that's all us married folk can do, too.  "Be yourself, develop yourself, and love" would be good marching orders for anybody any time.

[walker starr]

  When I first lost my wife I was almost panic stricken at the thought
  of being alone.  I desperately tried to replace her.  Replace her with anyone
  I didn't care with whom.  I just had to have a warm body and a gentle voice
  in my house.  I made some grevious errors in that rush for fulfilment.
  I have come to realize how foolish that was.  I learned that I never was alone.
   JESUS was always with me even though I had no real knowledge of HIM.  I am
 
 
  grateful to two women who,rhough one was not aware , for leading my
  Consciousness to our SAVIOR.
  I am comfortable in my current situation.  Should our LORD see fit to change it
  I will thank HIM just as I thank HIM for every day for every thing.
  GOD bless.

[Hot Ice]

Thanks so much Chosen!!  That's so encouraging! And I'm the same, just because I want to get married doesn't mean I'll marry just ANYBODY. I'd much prefer to be single than in a bad marriage!

I hear this.  But what's stumped most of us is the SCARY question "Why is that the only option that I've been presented with for so long, while it seems that it's NOT the only option that others have?"

1.  Bad marriage
2. Single and lonely
3..........Is there no other option?

There are plenty of well-meaning people who come to the rescue.  But we all admit that we have no guarantee of any other option ever coming into anyone's life.

So it's OK to meanwhile express the frustration--sometimes anguish--over the "limbo time"!

No you are right. When I became unexpectedly single again in my 40's, the statistical likelihood of me ever even meeting an available Christian guy of that sort of age, let alone one who was interested in me, was extreemly poor. I did know that, and after being on internet sites for some time, I realised that the chances may be worse than I thought, because many men in their 40's hadnt been married and they wanted a younger women who could have children. Well I had three kids then, the youngest nearly an adult, and so I was no good.

I also worked out that on the internet sites I was on, there were about 4 women for every man in their 40's and these figures got worse in the 50's age group. Despite this I always hoped and prayed that I would meet a man, and God can do miracles. Yes I do know women who have been divorced/widowed for many many years and may well never meet anyone now, but believe me, if it happened to me it can happen to anyone.

Hotice the third alternative IS a happy marriage. It does happen. Maybe God has blessed me with this second chance because of the years of hell I went through caused by my former husband, I dont know. Also my kids were desperately in need of a good male Father figure after their own dad hurt them so much (they never see him at all), so part of Gods plan was to give them a brilliant step dad who they love.

My middle child, a daughter, is 29. She would love to meet a nice Christian guy and I pray for her often that this will happen.She has just done a degree and is now going on to train to be a childrens pyschotherapist,along with working full time, so she isnt sitting around waiting, but I know she gets lonely. She has an active life and knows many people, but I believe that nearly all of us want and need that special someone in our lives.
Its even harder for her as her younger sister has a long term boyfriend, and her older brother is getting married next year. 

I do sympathise, and understand, I have been there.

God Bless

Thank you, C.O.

[EmbsComputerArt]

I also hate being single. 

Gen 2:18
18   And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
(KJV)

So there's no reason to feel bad about wanting a wife or husband, God said it's not good to be alone.  Paul told us,

1 Cor 7:27-28
27   Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.

This is because discontent is bad.

1 Tim 6:8
8   And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.
(KJV)


Phil 4:11
11   Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
(KJV)

But it's also true that having a wife can be a blessing.  Wives are called "good things" in Proverbs.


Prov 18:22
22   Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
(KJV)

So single Christians are caught between a rock and a hard place.  We want companionship and desire spouses, but we also know we should be content with what we have which is fellowship with God alone.  There's no shame in wanting a spouse, we just have to make sure it doesn't become an obsession.