Single with a purpose

[ilFantoccioYoshimine]

These days it's everywhere in the media: "Chastity, celibacy doesn't work, it serves no purpose, it's just 'religious nonsense,' it can't be done, so lets all just forget it, 'get real,' and move on."

Ever since men and women have TRIED being celebate or chaste, other people have ridiculed it, been dead set against it, and tried everything they could to point to the weak and frail as "proof" that it doesn't work, or that it CAN'T work.

I thought I'd take a moment to remind everybody out there of one very important fact: These people are WRONG. Completely, simply, and actually... they are wrong.

When the good Lord created man, He endowed us with this wonderful feature called a free will. On the first place, we're to use it to get ourselves to heaven rather than to hell. It's a wonderful thing, because, since we CHOOSE to love Him, our love actually has meaning or value. Our choices actually have merit. But the part that most people would rather forget is the unpleasant truth about what ELSE that free will gives us: not only a choice, but RESPONSIBILITY for our choices.

The devil's (and the mainstream media's) dirty little secret, is that while temptations may be strong... while they may be very strong... while they may be very, VERY strong... there is no temptation that takes away our ability to choose. That is to say, in the final moment, it is WE who chose, not the temptation that "overcomes" us. To say the devil made you do it, then, is like the bank robber saying that the money came to him, and he doesn't know what happened.

Don't get me wrong. Temptations can be almost overwhelming. But I say ALMOST. Why? Because the Bible tells us that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can resist. Which means when we make the stupid choices we make out of weakness... it is still US that made them, not the temptation that somehow took away our free will.

Bear with me, here... the good part is coming!

The adversaries against celibacy and chastity would like us all to think that "we can't help it." But here's the key. We can. But if we BELIEVE we can't, or if we allow ourselves to make excuses in our heads that "the temptation is too strong" (which is to say, my free will had nothing to do with it... which isn't true), then we much more easily give in to those temptations. Telling yourself that there is such a thing as a temptation you have no choice but to give in to, is like going into the battle thinking to yourself that not only have you already lost, but that it's literally impossible for you to win! Of course you'll loose! You willfully surrendered before the battle had even started!

These are lies, plain and simple. We know for a fact that God gave man the free will that man uses to choose between heaven or hell. How do we choose? By our moment-to-moment thoughts, words and actions. There's no gameshow moment at the end of our lives where after a pointless existence, we get a drum roll and then we get to just pick. We've been picking since we were born where we wanted to go. How do I know this?

"So faith also, if it have not works, is dead in itself. But some man will say: Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without works; and I will shew thee, by works, my faith. Thou believest that there is one God. Thou dost well: the devils also believe and tremble. But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead? "  (- The Bible)

And as for temptation... "And God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able: but will make also with temptation issue, that you may be able to bear it."

Uh oh... Sounds like it's on us if we fall. Looks like excuses for giving up in the moment just aren't going to cut it...  

How many people of any Christian denomination have ever heard before the expression "this life is a battlefield"? Hate to break it to people but... that's not just a nifty saying that makes people sound cool.

The concept of battle is perfect to describe this life. In the moment of temptation we are at war. We are to fight that war, not just throw our weapons over our shoulders and suck face with the enemy because the enemy is hot. And while the rest of the time that person may be your best friend, we are all capable of becoming the enemies of one another's souls, and tempting one another to do things that are against God. Now if all we want is to spend eternity with THAT person... we might be spending it in the wrong place. If we want to spend it with GOD... then we'd better get serious and start fighting on HIS side, even when the enemy wears the faces of our friends.

[ilFantoccioYoshimine]

Oh, and while I'm at it, let me through out a few other things the enemies of your souls hope you forget all about, or never hear.

1) Chastity is NOT just for the single!

"Huh?!"

Yeah, that's right. Chastity is a virtue of holy purity. Even married people are called to this aspect of perfection, as they are called to every other aspect of perfection (to paraphrase, "be ye perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect").

Chastity does not mean refraining from... you know. To refrain from something is called abstinence. Chastity, while it INCLUDES abstinence for the single, also means that all of us, without exception, must conduct ourselves with purity and holiness at all times. Even married people! So it is just as sinful for married people to do unnatural or evil things as it is for single people to do them. Marriage is for procreation... not for perversion.


2) Part of chastity is MODESTY.

Women AND men need to observe this. So men wearing skin tight shirts that show off every ripple... uh-uh....

Likewise, if the women are already halfway undressed, or if the clothing they do have on is practically spray painted, or doesn't cover up anything anyway, I don't think anybody needs to be too surprised to find out where that may lead. Running around practically naked and then being surprised when you get yourself into a position you shouldn't be in, is kind of like throwing a lot of gas on some really dry logs, and setting a burning match on top of it, and then pretending innocence when the whole thing blows up in your face. "Gee... didn't see THAT coming."

Oddly enough, women cry "SEXIST!" whenever anybody, men or women, say this. But how much dignity are you really getting when every male you pass is looking at you like a free issue of a girlie magazine?

Then they say it's the men's fault for looking. Like God didn't include certain tendencies in the very nature of a man to make sure that they found out how to fill up this beautiful world. Ladies... if men could look at a woman who is dressed practically like the day she was born, and feel nothing, and have no instincts there whatsoever... I don't think any of us would be here right now.

Now... I'm all for women. I'm all for men, too. But I'm all for them conducting themselves in such a way that if the Lord Himself or His holy Mother walked by, they wouldn't have to hide in the bushes like Adam and Eve did.


3) Chastity and celibacy are NOT pointless!

Aside from the obvious fact that they keep us out of sins we shouldn't be committing if we want to see God some day, there are even other reasons for these things so obvious that even people of other religions have realized them.

The Bible says that those who DO sin, are the SERVANTS of sin. Well, turns out that wasn't ENTIRELY metaphoric. Since most sins carry with them the attraction of some apparent gain or pleasure in the moment, they act on us like drugs or alcohol do. The more you do them, the more you WANT to do them. And pretty soon, if you (with your free will) give up the fight enough, you make such a habit of giving up, that you become a veritable slave to your vice. Because we have a free will even then, it is POSSIBLE to get out of a vice. But as long as your HEART is in that vice, you can bet your body will be doing it.

Like drugs and alcohol, vices also can take over our lives. They can become the focus of all our thoughts, words and actions. They can become something we think about, and that makes us think about practically nothing else. This is as much an addiction as drugs can be. If you don't recognize that there's a problem, and ABSTAIN from that vice, you, like the drug addicts, are going to ruin a very large part of your life doing it. Drugs can kill. So can diseases.

Vices also (for the same reasons) have very real effects on your MIND. If you're thinking about girls (or guys) all day, then you are NOT thinking about God, behaving yourself, doing good, treating your neighbor with respect, setting a good example, fulfilling your duties, etc.. In fact, you are also not thinking about exploring your talents, learning new things, picking up some new and good idea and implementing it, etc.. If you wake up, live for the opposite sex (even if it's just your significant other), and then go to sleep... you are WASTING YOUR LIFE. You are wasting your life, wasting your gifts, and probably blowing off all of your family and other friends and hurting a lot of feelings doing it. And you don't care. (Wake-up call anyone?)

Human beings have always realized this (or at least some of them have) throughout all history. That mysterious fact that if you're preoccupied with the other sex, you're probably not thinking about God, or anything or anyone else. Thus, if I remember correctly, I believe I've heard that the Greeks before their games would abstain to focus themselves. Or in various cultures, the soldiers or fighting men would sometimes abstain before a battle. Men who devoted themselves to learning sometimes did, and of course, holy men would adopt lifelong celibacy so that they could focus on nothing outside of God.

So much for it being useless, pointless and meaningless, even in THIS life. Which brings us to the last point I want to make...


4) If you're celibate, you can do things with your life married and dating people cannot, from the way you serve God, to your life in this world.

"He that is without a wife, is solicitous for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please God. But he that is with a wife, is solicitous for the things of the world, how he may please his wife: and he is divided. And the unmarried woman and the virgin thinketh on the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she that is married thinketh on the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your profit: not to cast a snare upon you; but for that which is decent, and which may give you power to attend upon the Lord, without impediment. "

While obviously some people are called to marriage (otherwise humanity couldn't go on), the merits of virginity, or even lifelong celibacy, are illustrated here. Those who have no commitment, or no intentions of making one, with the opposite sex, have their whole lives to fill up with something else. Preferably God, on the first place. On the second place, because they will never have the duties of married people, they are free of obligations that would keep a married person, in justice, from doing things with their lives that would force married people to abandon or unjustly neglect their families. A single person MAY go off to a strange country and serve the poor if they want. A married person would be guilty of neglecting their duties to their family, corporal and spiritual.

Being a career person doesn't usually count. If you give up a calling to marriage because you like money better, you have NOT done a good thing. But today there is another (unfortunate) facet of this whole question. Today, we have ever increasing mental illness or psychological disorders among people worldwide. These people, chances are, are not going to be ABLE to fulfill the duties and obligations of marriage in such a way as to have and raise healthy, normal, well-cared for children. Now God may allow such things to happen to people for His reasons, but we also have to be responsible in our choices, given the hand that God has allowed life to deal to us.

God may make it possible for some of them to have perfectly normal married lives, but others may be tempted to choose the married life, regardless of KNOWING they can't fulfill the duties of it, just because they don't want to suffer the alternative. But then there's this: Which is right? Swearing before God that you're going to do a job you know darn well you can't possibly do? Or carrying one of the heaviest crosses in the world as the alternative, because you love God too much to lie to His face in a solemn vow that you know HE knows is totally false, and that you know darn well you're absolutely going to break, even before you make it?

If I am a quadriplegic... chances are, I will never run an olympic marathon. Even if I want to. Even if I want to with all of my heart, and have really great Faith. God allows what He allows for a reason. But if I have certain dysfunctions or disorders in my life that might prevent me from being a good spouse and parent, God may mean for me to do something important and meaningful in life that married people, because of their obligations, simply should not be doing, or could not do, even if they were irresponsible enough to want to.

Vocation is not a word that simply means "priest, nun or brother." A vocation is a calling. It refers to WHATEVER God wants you to do with your life. Usually your circumstances and your talents will be pretty much geared in that direction.

Last thing we have to consider here is, if I have talents, I also have to consider whether or not I am MORALLY able to carry out the work proposed. That is, if I'm a painter, and all I want to paint are bad pictures... I'm better off finding something else to do with my life, than risking leading people into sin. If I'm a writer, and I write without paying attention to whether or not what I write will influence people badly, lead people into error, disrespect God, ridicule authority, encourage bad behavior and so forth... I probably should not be a writer. (And "the bad guy getting his" at the end of a long, bad novel, does not excuse the long, bad novel itself! The devil is nothing if not subtle, and the devil, when it comes to writing, is almost ALWAYS in the subtle nuances of the work, not necessarily in hollywoods glaring mistakes. And your own flesh isn't going to help you any, either.)

We are, ultimately, responsible for what we do with our lives, and how we effect other people doing it, to some extent. We have to consider, in everything, how qualified we are, how prepared we are, how morally able we are to live up to the dangers of any path of life. And then, rather than thinking that we're greater than we are, or that down the road we'll get all kinds of miraculous strength and virtue (the sin of presuming upon God to give you things... that is, acting in such a way that you're practically DEMANDING it, without allowing for the possibility of God saying 'no' if it's better for you), we need to acknowledge the weaknesses we have, the greatness we haven't got, the faults we're all so full of, and the things we know honestly we simply could not do, and then make an honest, humble choice to walk the path we are best suited for, and able to walk, of course with the grace of God. But pride goeth before the fall, so let's just be honest with ourselves up front about what that path realistically should be. God will help us, yes. But if I throw myself off a building, chances are, God will not stop me from splattering, because I was essentially trying to FORCE Him to work a miracle for me. So if we know we're not fit to marry, let's be realistic, and not go there. If I can paint, but know I'm apt to paint sinful garbage, I should be honest and not go there. But somewhere lies a path that IS Good, for which I AM suited, and that is the path I am meant to walk with God's help.


So to wrap it up...

The point I wanted to make here is mainly that there are vocations that would consume most of a person's time and income, that would simply not be possible for a married person. And if someone looks at themselves and their lives and thinks that they may not be fit for marriage, then living a holy, meaningful life doing good things married people CAN'T do may be God's plan for that person. Some may even have the very humble vocation of simply living with and looking after their parents (which, contrary to today's stigma, is NOT equal to being a looser, if the person helps out around the house, pays rent if they can and so forth).

Parents may be glad to get rid of their kids when they're 18... but when the house is empty for many years, and one or both parents find themselves sitting in it alone, I'm sure lots of them wish they had at least one of their kids back again, if nothing else than to have help doing the things that are getting harder and harder for them to do for themselves. Nobody lives forever, and having your own kids take care of you when you're old has got to be a million times better than having them shove you into a nursing home like they're trying to get rid of you.

Getting married (including the dating that goes beforehand, that is to no other reasonable purpose), is not the only path in life. Chastity is required by all of us, but celibacy helps some of us to avoid making bigger disasters of our lives than we have to (trying to marry if we shouldn't), or allows them to make greater sacrifices than most people can make, given their responsibilities. These things help people stay focused on the hereafter, and fill tough positions in this life that will require all of our time, energy and strength.

Chastity and celibacy HAVE purpose, we CAN do them, we HAVE a choice.

I know someone who was about 12 or 13 when they realized that they would never have what it takes to fulfill the duties required by marriage. That person promised themselves at that time to God for life (something I would definitely NOT recommend anyone do, without living it for a while first and understanding just how heavy that cross IS as the years roll by and you are alone). It was an unusual case, but that person had the clarity of vision to understand that marriage is not a game, it's a JOB, and one that we promise to God Himself that we CAN and WILL do. That person knew it was wrong to lie to God to His face, and so they chose the only choice they knew they could make. To carry that cross with the help of His grace, because they knew these things would never change for them. That person is now 28, has been single the whole time, and while they have had a very hard and painful road to follow, that person does not regret doing the RIGHT thing, even if it was the HARD thing. The pain of being alone may be hard, but the pains of hell, I expect, would be much harder.

How will we answer God if we get married knowing we're not fit, have children we then raise badly, and then have to answer for the fact that we knew we were not fit before we had those souls that later went to hell because we could not do our duty, and we KNEW we could not? Actions have consequences. But it is the souls of the children that will suffer for irresponsible people trying to do a job they're not qualified to do, just because they didn't want to have to control their passions forever.

Our Lord Jesus Christ was alone on HIS cross. What's our excuse? We're not EVEN alone on ours.

All that's left is to be honest with ourselves about our own flaws, and the possibilities that are open to us, and to choose the one that fits best (thinking of how it will effect us and those around us), and that seems to be what God wants (and not just what we and our egos want).

Hope this helps clears up all that bologna out there about how none of this stuff is possible, or really matters...

[EmbsComputerArt]

This is a good post, chastity is very important.

[IamStefanie]

That was  LONG post, LOL. But I got your point and I agree. Chastity and celibacy are NOT pointless. They are necessary, and needed and God will give us the strength and has given us His word to be celibate and chaste.

Amen.