"just friends"?

[musicmajor]

I have been dating this guy for about 5 months. We get along amazingly and have a lot in common and we both really understand each other. I've never been so happy. We are both Christians, although he has a past that is not the best. About 2 months ago, I could really feel him distancing himself from me. He hardly ever called, and never got online to talk (he has been 120 miles away at school until 2 weeks ago), and when he did text me it was never about anything really. He used to send me random texts and phone calls throughout the day just to say "I love you", and all this just stopped. I didn't really know what to think. Well, when he finaly came home for the summer I thought it would get better, but it didn't and I only saw him once in an entire week of him being home. He never even made an effort to get together, even when I invited him to go somewhere with me.
I finally had enough and asked him to have lunch with me and we talked about it. He said he realizes that he was pulling away. He said that he wanted this relationship to be different from the rest and he kinda felt like he jumped into it without God's say so. He also said that recently, a lot of stuff from his past (pretty much all of them I know about) has been coming back up and it's made him realize that he hasn't delt with it. He told me that he would like to stop dating right now, and just be friends. He said that what he needs now is a friend and that our friendship means a lot to him and he doesn't want to lose it. At the time I said 'yes', but now....I"m not so sure.
I"m having a really hard time with this. Because I still love him deeply. He said that he loved me too, but if he truly does, then why would he treat me that way? Why would he shut me out like he did? It also really hurts when he said that our friendship is the most important to him. Friendship is more important than our love?!
Currently we are not talking right now, cause I told him that I need time to adjust to this and keeping our distance I believe, will give me time to think and pray.
Sorry this is so long, but I'm at a loss. I have no idea what the right thing is and I'm looking for all the advice I can get.
Oh, and he also said that he wants to work on our friendship, on growing it and stuff, right now. He also said that he does want us to work out eventually, but after he deals with this stuff.
Dunno if it's relevent, but I'm 20 and he's 21. This is my first relationship, but not his. He's had some girlfriends and one that he actually slept with, though he knows it was wrong and is sorry for it.

Edit: Another thing is that he said that basicly things will not change, other than the fact that we won't actually be dating. He still wants to hang out and be over at each others house and talk and stuff. but the more I think about it, the more I don't see how I can do that, simply because I still love him. another thing that bothers me is that he told me that, through all this if I find someone else that I shouldn't feel like I have to wait on him to get things together. Basicaly he is freeing me up to date other people, which makes me feel like he doesn't actually want us to work out at all.

[Huscarl]

While he should have handled it better and been open and honest about how he felt instead of waiting for you to confront him, his act could easily be seen as an act of love.  If he is truly not ready for your relationship than he would be doing you no favors by pretending otherwise, and you will both be better off in the long run if you recognize that it's not the time.

As for staying friends...usually it's unrealistic with exes.  A little while ago a girl I had been dating and I decided not to see each other anymore because our values and morals were simply too different for a solid foundation of a relationship, after I drove the hour and a half to get home I deleted her number from my phone and de-friended her on facebook (that part must sound silly, but it is 2010! haha).  If either of us were to move on when we both knew we had feelings for each other than separation was the only way.  Although I recognize that the situations are different because our breakup was fairly mutual whereas yours is not.  Still, I think only in rare circumstances can two exes really be good friends after they stop seeing each other.  You will always be reminded of what you had and it will gnaw at you and hurt your ability to see other potential guys to date who would be better for you and ready for a relationship.  It would serve more as a distraction from finding someone to really love and if you were still friends with him when you did start seeing someone else you'd always end up comparing that person to your idealized past with your ex because you still have feelings for him.

That's just my take, I don't know your situation enough to say much more, but it might be best to let him go.  He was doing okay without you when he pulled away, he will be okay if you do the same, and then you can both move on and heal.

Oh, and when a guy says things will not change and he doesn't want a relationship, then that means things will not change and he will never want a relationship.  Don't think you can change him, you won't.

[JohnDB]

OK..you love him...

but get over that..and I know it is easier said than done but you must.

Look....yawl are both young and distanced a far piece away from each other.

You needn't get tied down yet to anyone at this time. And neither should he. Yes the two of you can be friends...I am friends with many women I used to date...and by that I mean real friends. I took things as they came and didn't try to make a mountain out of what I had. I enjoyed today...for that is all I know I have.

As time marches on and things change...well...the two of you might end up back together sometime....or you will look at him in five years and go, "whew...I am so glad he broke up with me".

Facebook is a great way to look back at some old high school flames and many have gotten back together...sadly some of them break up current marriages to do that. But Time heals old wounds.

Give it some time...eventually you will feel better about the whole scenario. And possibly there is another guy around the bend looking for his opportunity to date you that you might even like better than the last one.

[musicmajor]

Thanks for the advice so far. I appreciate it. I actually talked to him today cause there was a lot of stuff that I wanted answers from before I felt I could move forward, whatever direction that might be. I asked him straight up when he started feeling this way and what made him feel that way. He said he didn't know when it began or even really what it is. He just said that he feels...something. I told him that he hurt me in what he did and that he should have talked to me, regardless of what he thought. He said he isn't good at expressing his feelings and he didn't want to talk until he knew exactly what it is he is feeling.
He also said that he does realize that he is that way, in that he shuts people out when he is dealing with stuff, and that is one reason that he feels like we should back off some. He says he doesn't want me to get hurt any further while he is trying to figure stuff out. And by 'stuff' he says that he is trying to figure out if he should change, or try to change how he handles things. Which, to me, is dumb....I think (and told him) that he can't go through life that way and keep treating people that way and still expect to have relationships with people. No one will want to be with him. And he also said that is something he has been wondering....and I do believe that some people aren't meant to be married.
Anyway, there was some other stuff but that is the sum of it. We ended by me saying that I don't know that I will be able to handle being friends right now. Maybe in time, but for now, I told him that I think we should keep things the way they are, no contact to speak of.
I'm sorry to keep harping on this. I know I should let everything go. I do know that if we are meant to be together then God will bring us back. It's just hard, because I keep feeling like this if just a dream, like none of this, or even the past 5 months or so happend....