Porn

[lightshineon]

 I am a female, and just do not understand it. Why do men get involved with it, especially men that love Jesus? what is the pay off? Do you men think it is the woman's fault? is it? Do you feel bad when you look at it, in a spiritual sense? is it a hard thing to get the images out of you mind when you pray? Are you embarrassed to admit to porn use? What does you wife feel, or would she feel if she found out? have you overcame this, and how? I am not bashing, and anyone an talk in third person, I am not trying to dig dirt on anyone, judge anyone. I just am very curious about it. I want to know does it go further for most men. I hope even if your not, or never have been involved with pornography, as men, you can give insight to this. Women have you ever been touched by porn? what did it do to you trust, or self worth? This is a real problem in the Church today, and there are temptations we all struggle with, but, as with most women something i do not understand. look, no one be mean or judgemental to anyone, just, read, and respond with wisdom. Thanks

[k-pappy]

I had started to reply, but ther are some very judgmental women on this forum, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that to address your questions would set myself up for a vicious assault.  Not by you, but by some others who are quite active in this section.

sorry,
bond

[JohnDB]

Yeah...what bond said...


Usually it comes originally from feelings of inadequacy to begin with...and for guys to admit those kind of feelings...well...

I got way too much testosterone to ever admit that....even if I did look at porn...which actually I don't. My father set up a great role model in this respect...

There was a time when as a part of my regular delivery schedule I had a strip club that I was to make deliveries too. One day my father came along and rode with me as I made deliveries.

Both he and I went to the sound booth to look at the sound/AVR system that they had...it was fantastic. We both run AVR for our prospective churches.

Kinda odd I know...but...hey it is us.

[Ed B]

I am a female, and just do not understand it. Why do men get involved with it, especially men that love Jesus? what is the pay off? Do you men think it is the woman's fault? is it? Do you feel bad when you look at it, in a spiritual sense?

You are asking personal questions to men (plural) as if we represent a singular experience when it comes to this sin.  That is the first problem with your series of questions... questions that come off like you are looking for a fight.

You admit you don't understand anyone's interest in pornography.  You won't understand no matter how many responses you get.

Pornography is sinful and can lead to further sin.   It is not the only sin; it is not the worst of sins; it is just sin like any other.  I believe you can read the first chapter of James and get the only answer that matters.  What else do you really need to know?

Your time might be better spent praying about the sins that so easily beset YOU.

[lightshineon]

I am a female, and just do not understand it. Why do men get involved with it, especially men that love Jesus? what is the pay off? Do you men think it is the woman's fault? is it? Do you feel bad when you look at it, in a spiritual sense?

You are asking personal questions to men (plural) as if we represent a singular experience when it comes to this sin.  That is the first problem with your series of questions... questions that come off like you are looking for a fight.

You admit you don't understand anyone's interest in pornography.  You won't understand no matter how many responses you get.

Pornography is sinful and can lead to further sin.   It is not the only sin; it is not the worst of sins; it is just sin like any other.  I believe you can read the first chapter of James and get the only answer that matters.  What else do you really need to know?

Your time might be better spent praying about the sins that so easily beset YOU.

Did I hit a sore spot or what? I have every right to ask these questions, and ed if you have a problem with it tough toenails.

[Ed B]

You have a right to ask and I have a right to repond as I did. 

The sore spot you hit with me is the fairly common practice of many Christians to see someone else's sin as more vile than their our own sins.   This isn't unique to porn.  You could ask why do some people steal?  I don't get it.  Is it always the fault of the people who have things you need or want?... Any attempted to explain why a person struggles with any particular sin can easily slip into justification for the sin.  I am uncomfortable with that. 

I don't have a particular problem with porn, but I certainly have things I am convicted of and need to pray about. 

[lightshineon]

You have a right to ask and I have a right to repond as I did. 

The sore spot you hit with me is the fairly common practice of many Christians to see someone else's sin as more vile than their our own sins.   This isn't unique to porn.  You could ask why do some people steal?  I don't get it.  Is it always the fault of the people who have things you need or want?... Any attempted to explain why a person struggles with any particular sin can easily slip into justification for the sin.  I am uncomfortable with that. 

I don't have a particular problem with porn, but I certainly have things I am convicted of and need to pray about. 

Would you just get over your self righteous self Mr Ed? Do not worry about why I am curious, it is none of your business. maybe I should start a post on why people are busy bodies. You think? I do not care if you have a porn problem or not, just do not reply if you do not like the subject. You know ignorance is one of satans most effective tools.

[chosenone]

I can understand why men in particular are attracted to porn, but I cant understand why anyone would risk loosing their their faith, their wife and their children over it.
Satan just loves it of course, as it is so damaging for the one doing it and their spouses and marriage. Also for those who are incolved in the porn industry, it does great damage.

As a wife I dont think men understand how it makes the wife feel. I have heard it said that it is worse then if he had an affair, as at least there is only one woman to fight then and not hundreds and thousands.I can see that myself.

My husband would say, just dont go there, it isnt worth it.

[IamStefanie]

Hello All,
I would like to start by saying, MEN ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES WHO FIND THEMSELVES ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY. I know a lot of us women have a tendency to assume it's a man thing. But it's not. I am a woman who had an issue with pornography (and other sexual sins for that matter). And the sin does not come directly from watching pornography, the act of the sin comes from LUST. Wanting something that is not good for you. And I'm sure there are other sins that can make us go that route, but for me, that's what it was. And being single, it has been hard. I could get into details, but no need. I know this, I felt TERRIBLE the last time I viewed it. I felt stupid and dirty. And most of all, I felt weak and that I disappointed God; like I feel into temptation without any thought. But I let it go, and I know God forgives me. But with His forgiveness, I had to repent. And repentence is a daily thing. So, I work on that. And I don't have a desire to watch it (porn). It's not for me, and when I am feeling tempted, I know I NEED to go to God in prayer and remember the peace I have with Him before I do something that will interefere with the peace I have received from God.

[walker starr]

   Thank you Stephanie.  GOD bless you.  You have just confirmed what
    have long believed to be the case.  Keep trusting in the HOLY SPIRIT.

[chosenone]

Stephanie, I know there are women who do look at porn but men are far more commonly addicted to porn than women are. There are those over the years who have tried to bring out porn mags etc for women. but they have failed because in general women are more interested in such things as romance books and films and such like than porn.

If you look at forums such as this, there are countless threads from women whose husbands look at porn and I have never seen one from a man whose wife does.

In general, men are more visually turned on by women than women are by men. Of course there are exceptions but that is the norm.

 

[lightshineon]

 While it is rare, I am sure many women struggle with porn, Stephanie, I thank you fr your honesty, courage, and witness. Porn, is destructive no matter the gender, or marital status. I think it is really a hidden thing for women, so Stephanie, I am so amazed, at your honesty. May the Lord keep you on the straight and narrow. I think why porn is so destructive to those in a relationship, is the selfworth of a mate is just shattered. We women, always fight the ghost of never being pretty, smart, thin, or attractive enough. I also think sin goes on and on, and will not stop at pornography, but, lust will take over to an emotional, and/or physical affair. The church is filled with this sin, and as we know judgment starts in the house of God first. I am not saying I am with out sin, I am so tempermental as of late, which in these tantrums, I say, and do things, I never thought I could or would do. Lust, has not been an issue of mine, but I understand I am still under construction myself. The apostle Paul said the same thing, that, he was glad this was not an issue for him either.  I am supposing though, he knew it was for most. I think the internet, in the past few years has played a part in the growth of porn. I also wonder about, some people, on social networks, really technology  in general just think technology such as sexting, have added to the growth in pornography.

I feel men, women, all church members need to talk about this issue, which seems to cause so much shame, hurt, and destruction in the body of Christ. Everyone thinks, they will be judged by another, who is most, likely having the same struggles. I also think wives need a ministry that have been devastated by porn. Everyone it is time for secret keeping to stop, and for me members to be able to share struggles without fear of commendation, or shame. The only shame, is when marriages, children, and most of all relationships with the Lord are destroyed, which is the most important thing of all. Stephanie manna to you for fighting the good fight of faith, and being vulnerable.

[phoebe]

I have said many times here that it is not an issue exclusive to men. 

The answer is the same:  Choose Jesus.  Choose Jesus today.  And then choose Jesus again tomorrow.  And choose Jesus again the day after that. 

Every time we look, we choose.

We don't need to talk about it.  We just need to stop doing it.  Make a conscious decision not to look anymore.  Just like alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, controlling.  It really is that simple.  Hard to do, but a simple formula.  Just stop.  No replacement needed like gum, or a patch, or a support group.  Just a simple commitment between you and the One Who died for you that you won't look anymore.

Please notice the use of my pronouns.  I understand the addiction of looking and all that goes with it.  I don't look anymore.

And that is WAY more than I ever wanted to say publicly.  No one in my family knows.  It began when my first husband introduced it to me with that "anything is OK behind closed doors if both of you agree with it", only my part was not my free will.  It took years and years to recognize it as an addiction that kept a wall between me and my God, and then to commit to a life of purity for Him.  (Doesn't mean one lives celibate.  I am married...)

We can blame the internet for easy availability, but no one makes us look.  That monkey belongs to the looker.

[lightshineon]

I have said many times here that it is not an issue exclusive to men. 

The answer is the same:  Choose Jesus.  Choose Jesus today.  And then choose Jesus again tomorrow.  And choose Jesus again the day after that. 

Every time we look, we choose.

We don't need to talk about it.  We just need to stop doing it.  Make a conscious decision not to look anymore.  Just like alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, controlling.  It really is that simple.  Hard to do, but a simple formula.  Just stop.  No replacement needed like gum, or a patch, or a support group.  Just a simple commitment between you and the One Who died for you that you won't look anymore.

Please notice the use of my pronouns.  I understand the addiction of looking and all that goes with it.  I don't look anymore.

And that is WAY more than I ever wanted to say publicly.  No one in my family knows.  It began when my first husband introduced it to me with that "anything is OK behind closed doors if both of you agree with it", only my part was not my free will.  It took years and years to recognize it as an addiction that kept a wall between me and my God, and then to commit to a life of purity for Him.  (Doesn't mean one lives celibate.  I am married...)

We can blame the internet for easy availability, but no one makes us look.  That monkey belongs to the looker.

While I disagree, it needs exposed, and that, keeping secrets is one of the destructive attributes of pornography.  Phoebe thanks for your honesty, in your past. I never realized that women struggled, as much as they apparently do. I think with men, the temptation is everywhere.  Pop ups on the web, nearly naked women on TV, but, I guess I am learning it is a struggle for both sexes.

[janine]

Pictures in a magazine or on a computer screen or in a film -- yes, sure, that's typical porn and more men than women fall prey to it.

What people don't realize is, it's the endorphins and other chemical compounds the body produces in reaction to viewing the porn -- that's where the addictions or at least the attractions lie.

Because it's not the photo or video that's the trouble, because it's the rush of pleasant hormones and other chemicals in our bodies and brains, produced by our own bodies -- That, to me, means that a lot more IS porn than what we want to narrowly define as porn.

Some of those romance novels are porn, plain and simple. 

I have a couple of book series that I really like a lot, and will pick up the latest novel with delight -- but I know in advance that there will be a few pages I don't want to read.  I just skip 'em, not sitting there like some tight-jawed prissy prude, but simply because I don't want to go there.  Jean Auel and Charlaine Harries are the authors.  Probably my favorite author overall is C.J. Cherryh; there are a couple of situations in her various series where you might notice the attraction between characters but there's no dodging off in the corner for a detailed anatomical description of anything.  I really appreciate that.

One of the reasons the Twilight books and movies are so popular is the waiting and the restraint, the unrequited longing.  I figure young women, especially, but all of us in general, are quite ready for a story driven by, you know, plot, and not so much by sex-sex-sex and skimpy clothing.  ( They have made one of the boys in the Twilight series go shirtless a lot... Hollywood always tries to put its twist on a book-to-movie deal...)

I figure just as many women as men get snagged by porn, when you broaden the definition to include all things that cause that same reaction -- the endorphin and oxytocin rush.

[k-pappy]

Stephanie, I know there are women who do look at porn but men are far more commonly addicted to porn than women are. There are those over the years who have tried to bring out porn mags etc for women. but they have failed because in general women are more interested in such things as romance books and films and such like than porn.

If you look at forums such as this, there are countless threads from women whose husbands look at porn and I have never seen one from a man whose wife does.

In general, men are more visually turned on by women than women are by men. Of course there are exceptions but that is the norm.

Wow...is there no limit to your hatred of men?   Why are you so judgmental?

Guess what?  Those romance books are porn.  They stimulate women the same way men are stimulated by images.

So no, porn is not more of a man thing.  Men and women are equally snared and men and women equally sin.

I know you will disagree and I know you will use one of your personal experiences as fact.  I will not go round and round with you.  I will let you have the last word, but I will not respond on this thread.

bond

[Cally]

I had started to reply, but ther are some very judgmental women on this forum, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that to address your questions would set myself up for a vicious assault.  Not by you, but by some others who are quite active in this section.

sorry,
bond

I'm really interested in your thoughts, Bond. Maybe the Men's section would be a safe place?

I have quite a few of my own. Maybe I'll change my mind about posting here . . .

[byGrace]

To respond to the OP, I used to view porn quite a bit before the Lord found me. After that it was one of the things that the Lord helped me overcome. Now over the last 4 years about only a hand full of images have crossed my path. Like links and what not on the net. I am quick to excape and close out. I don't want those images in my head because yes they do bother me and my walk. I don't want the bad things to come in and desire what God has told me in not good for me. I can't have darkness and light fellowshipping together. God will not be glorifed and he will not bless me. So It was a real struggle then and can be at times now but I must try and flee from it to stay away from it. If not it will and can lead me back to sin and give birth to sin. (james)

[chosenone]

Stephanie, I know there are women who do look at porn but men are far more commonly addicted to porn than women are. There are those over the years who have tried to bring out porn mags etc for women. but they have failed because in general women are more interested in such things as romance books and films and such like than porn.

If you look at forums such as this, there are countless threads from women whose husbands look at porn and I have never seen one from a man whose wife does.

In general, men are more visually turned on by women than women are by men. Of course there are exceptions but that is the norm.

Wow...is there no limit to your hatred of men?   Why are you so judgmental?

Guess what?  Those romance books are porn.  They stimulate women the same way men are stimulated by images.

So no, porn is not more of a man thing.  Men and women are equally snared and men and women equally sin.

I know you will disagree and I know you will use one of your personal experiences as fact.  I will not go round and round with you.  I will let you have the last word, but I will not respond on this thread.

bond

 Bond it is a well known fact that men are far more tempted by porn than women are. Read this and other forums to see that.
I actually love men, not hate them, and I have no idea where you got that idea from. I have the best husband ever, three great sons, 2 brothers and many good male friends.
Women have their own temptations and weaknesses but in general they can be different from those that men struggle with,and yes I agree that there are erotic romance novels and films that women can be addicted to that are also very damaging, but LSO asked about porn.  

  If I say that women in general gossip more than men am I then a women hater? We can be realistic without being accused of hating anyone cant we?

[chosenone]

I had started to reply, but ther are some very judgmental women on this forum, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that to address your questions would set myself up for a vicious assault.  Not by you, but by some others who are quite active in this section.

sorry,
bond

I'm really interested in your thoughts, Bond. Maybe the Men's section would be a safe place?

I have quite a few of my own. Maybe I'll change my mind about posting here . . .

Porn is something that affects us all Cally. Women can be addicted to porn but it just isnt as common as for men. Many women are badly affected by their husbands looking at porn also, therefore it is a problems that affects very many women and men. I havent seen any women here being judgemental about anyone looking at porn, just realistic.

[phoebe]

I had started to reply, but ther are some very judgmental women on this forum, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that to address your questions would set myself up for a vicious assault.  Not by you, but by some others who are quite active in this section.

sorry,
bond

I'm really interested in your thoughts, Bond. Maybe the Men's section would be a safe place?

I have quite a few of my own. Maybe I'll change my mind about posting here . . .

Porn is something that affects us all Cally. Women can be addicted to porn but it just isnt as common as for men. Many women are badly affected by their husbands looking at porn also, therefore it is a problems that affects very many women and men. I havent seen any women here being judgemental about anyone looking at porn, just realistic.

I think women just hide it better.  The fact that few recognize it's power over women and refuse to acknowledge it results in less help and recovery for women than for men.  Women themselves don't recognize and acknowledge it's grip on them.  The running jokes about women and their racey novels isn't funny.  Most women's porn begins with words, graphic descriptions.  It's their equivalent of porn, and it leads to porn.  The two combined, words and pics that move on to moving pics, are powerful controllers.  This idea that women aren't susceptible to its grip only adds to opportunity to do so.

It is just as hard for women to break that addiction as for men.  We all must choose every day.  Today I choose Jesus.

[chosenone]

phoebe I dont think anyone has said that there arent women who are addicted to porn, just that it is far more common for men. Men in general are far more turned on by the physical body of a women than a women is by the mans body. It is generally  the mans personality and character and the way he treats her that makes him attractive to her.

[k-pappy]

I think women just hide it better.  The fact that few recognize it's power over women and refuse to acknowledge it results in less help and recovery for women than for men.  Women themselves don't recognize and acknowledge it's grip on them.  The running jokes about women and their racey novels isn't funny.  Most women's porn begins with words, graphic descriptions.  It's their equivalent of porn, and it leads to porn.  The two combined, words and pics that move on to moving pics, are powerful controllers.  This idea that women aren't susceptible to its grip only adds to opportunity to do so.

It is just as hard for women to break that addiction as for men.  We all must choose every day.  Today I choose Jesus.

Pheobe you are absolutely right.  In addition studies have shown that woman tend to be more visual than the old wives tales would lead you to believe.

bond

[phoebe]

phoebe I dont think anyone has said that there arent women who are addicted to porn, just that it is far more common for men. Men in general are far more turned on by the physical body of a women than a women is by the mans body. It is generally  the mans personality and character and the way he treats her that makes him attractive to her.

And I'm saying it is far more common among women than you seem to think.

Women are equally turned on by women's bodies.  And it has nothing to do with lesbianism.  Is that news for everyone here??   

[marie69]

     I truly believe women are addicted as equally as men. Women's porn comes in a different package though. Just in the last year I have had 5 coworkers that have had "toy" parties. Surely everyone knows what I mean. I live in a small community and if its that prevalent here, I can't imagine how many parties they have in the bigger areas. A lot of the women that sell these products quit their regular jobs because they make so much money on commission. These parties are geared strictly for women. Men are not allowed (at least the ones that my coworkers had they weren't). This is big business!!!!!!

[chaz345]

     I truly believe women are addicted as equally as men. Women's porn comes in a different package though. Just in the last year I have had 5 coworkers that have had "toy" parties. Surely everyone knows what I mean. I live in a small community and if its that prevalent here, I can't imagine how many parties they have in the bigger areas. A lot of the women that sell these products quit their regular jobs because they make so much money on commission. These parties are geared strictly for women. Men are not allowed (at least the ones that my coworkers had they weren't). This is big business!!!!!!

Those sorts of things are an entirely different matter than porn though. Not saying that they are necessarily right, and they most certainly can be used in a way that is wrong, but it's just a completely different ballgame than porn is.

[chaz345]

Speaking as a man who has been there, done that, and as one who really couldn't care less about any judgement by people here, allow me to try to help you understand a little more.

I am a female, and just do not understand it. Why do men get involved with it, especially men that love Jesus?

Most get started long before comming to know Christ. The mechanism of initial involvement is usually tied in to the developing of their interest in sex, usually between 11 and 13 although it's getting younger every year.

what is the pay off?

What is the pay off with an alcoholic drinking? It's about avoiding or escaping something painful that they don't want to deal with.

quote author=lightshineon link=topic=45007.msg795692#msg795692 date=1275156664]Do you men think it is the woman's fault? is it?[/quote]
Many, when caught will try to say "well if she just put out more I wouldn't need porn" but even in the middle of saying it most men know, on some level that that is just a lame blameshift.  No no it's not her fault.

Do you feel bad when you look at it, in a spiritual sense?

Yes. Interestingly even men who aren't Christians(me included at the time) on some level feel that what they are doing is wrong. In some cases that's just because of the social stigma around masturbation, but since I was raised in a family where that was basically considered normal and fine, my sense that it was somehow wrong must have come from somewhere else.

is it a hard thing to get the images out of you mind when you pray?

Yes, absolutely.

Are you embarrassed to admit to porn use?

Yes, but's that's largely because, within the church, porn users are often considered to be one step away from being rapists or child molestors.

What does you wife feel, or would she feel if she found out?

Hurt and sad more that angry in my wife's case. Although my wife didn't feel this too much, most women blame themself on some level. They feel they aren't whatever enough for him.

have you overcame this, and how?

Overcome which, the porn use itself or my wife's feelings on it?  In terms of my wife's feelings I can only credit her ability to let God's love and understanding flow through her. Incredibly short (3 weeks) recovery time for her. In terms of overcomming the porn use, it's all about finding a group of guys that can help hold me accountable. People I can share anything with. Actually no that's not what it's all about. The real key is in comming to a true heat felt understanding of who I am in Christ. Funny how that's the key to a lot things ins't it.

[Seva]

It does not have to be porn. A man with a lustful heart can use his imagination. Next time you see a pretty woman walking down the street, look around and see who else notices her. It's one thing to notice, but see who is starring. The problem is a lustful heart. Even, a husband can make love with someone else in mind.
You have a very special man if he has never done any of these things.

Porn is easier and less noticeable than going out and getting a prostitute or having an affair. I was able to justify it in my mind that at least I was not doing that. Looking at porn and being a christian was very hard for me. I knew better deep down. It was very embarrassing when my exwife found out.

[chosenone]

     I truly believe women are addicted as equally as men. Women's porn comes in a different package though. Just in the last year I have had 5 coworkers that have had "toy" parties. Surely everyone knows what I mean. I live in a small community and if its that prevalent here, I can't imagine how many parties they have in the bigger areas. A lot of the women that sell these products quit their regular jobs because they make so much money on commission. These parties are geared strictly for women. Men are not allowed (at least the ones that my coworkers had they weren't). This is big business!!!!!!

  /quote]

It does not have to be porn. A man with a lustful heart can use his imagination. Next time you see a pretty woman walking down the street, look around and see who else notices her. It's one thing to notice, but see who is starring. The problem is a lustful heart. Even, a husband can make love with someone else in mind.
You have a very special man if he has never done any of these things.

Porn is easier and less noticeable than going out and getting a prostitute or having an affair. I was able to justify it in my mind that at least I was not doing that. Looking at porn and being a christian was very hard for me. I knew better deep down. It was very embarrassing when my exwife found out.

I do have a very special man,and I am very grateful believe me.

I do however think that anyone who believes that women are just as much addicted to porn as men are, isnt living in the real world. You only have to look around and see the adverts and films and magazines that are almost all aimed at men. If money was to be made in porn specifically aimed at women dont you think that people would be making money out of it? 

There is a Christian ministry and teaching centre near me that among other things, runs a course about the dangers of porn and sexual addiction and provides prayer and ministry to help set people free. Guess what, those that go are nearly all men.

Those who go to strip clubs are nearly all men, and lap dancing clubs and pole dancing clubs and those who go to prostitutes etc are nearly all men. Porn mags are aimed at men. The x channels on tv are aimed at men. Girls of the playboy mansion, guess what? That is amed at men. As are numerous other programmes that are on.

[chosenone]

     I truly believe women are addicted as equally as men. Women's porn comes in a different package though. Just in the last year I have had 5 coworkers that have had "toy" parties. Surely everyone knows what I mean. I live in a small community and if its that prevalent here, I can't imagine how many parties they have in the bigger areas. A lot of the women that sell these products quit their regular jobs because they make so much money on commission. These parties are geared strictly for women. Men are not allowed (at least the ones that my coworkers had they weren't). This is big business!!!!!!

Those sorts of things are an entirely different matter than porn though. Not saying that they are necessarily right, and they most certainly can be used in a way that is wrong, but it's just a completely different ballgame than porn is.

I have to agree, and it is porn that we are talking about here.

[chosenone]

phoebe I dont think anyone has said that there arent women who are addicted to porn, just that it is far more common for men. Men in general are far more turned on by the physical body of a women than a women is by the mans body. It is generally  the mans personality and character and the way he treats her that makes him attractive to her.

And I'm saying it is far more common among women than you seem to think.

Women are equally turned on by women's bodies.  And it has nothing to do with lesbianism.  Is that news for everyone here??   

and some men are turned on by other mens bodies.

[k-pappy]

sigh...I was going to ignore your post...proabably should have, but you are being mean to a sister in Christ and I cannot sit idly by...

I do however think that anyone who believes that women are just as much addicted to porn as men are, isnt living in the real world.

That's just plain mean.  I posted a study that contradicts your claim, but everyone who disagrees with you is "no living in the real world?"  Very mean, indeed.

You only have to look around and see the adverts and films and magazines that are almost all aimed at men. If money was to be made in porn specifically aimed at women dont you think that people would be making money out of it? 

It's called Harlequin...a multi-billion dollar industry.  Just because you do not believe that it is porn does not make it a reality.  Women get the same stimulation, same rise in hormones that men get from looking at a sexy picture.  It is the same thing, and holds the same addiction and same danger.   You can disagree all you want, but that facts remain the same.

bond

[phoebe]

phoebe I dont think anyone has said that there arent women who are addicted to porn, just that it is far more common for men. Men in general are far more turned on by the physical body of a women than a women is by the mans body. It is generally  the mans personality and character and the way he treats her that makes him attractive to her.

And I'm saying it is far more common among women than you seem to think.

Women are equally turned on by women's bodies.  And it has nothing to do with lesbianism.  Is that news for everyone here??   

and some men are turned on by other mens bodies.

No, you don't quite get it.  And that's OK, because that means it isn't an issue for you.  But don't keep your head in the sand about it.

Women look at those same mags their hubbies bring home.  Those mags are not just pics of beautiful, sensuous women, but have stories in them, too.  Not your Harlequinn kind, either, but graphically detailed.  Those are for the gals.  Smart editors.  Women are just as appreciative, as well as turned on by, these beautiful, sensuous women.  Sure, there are some real rag mags out there, and some equally raggy movies, but the majority are not raggy.  The internet brought these mags to our computers and into our homes in a major way and on a daily basis for some.  Access is unbelievable.  There is no end - except by choosing right.  Choose not to look.  Choose to close your eyes.   Movies.  Seemingly innocent enough if they are in an "R" rated theater.  But they aren't innocent.  Movies like "Body Heat", "Original Sin",  and "Mr & Mrs. Smith" are a huge turn-on for women.  Even if it isn't showing genitalia, it's still pornography.  Choose.  Don't watch those movies.

Satan knows what we like.  Has known it since the first man and woman knew they were naked, and how that would affect humankind.  Satan glories in pornography.  It is his best work.  It is HIS addiction first.  I choose not to support Satan and his addiction as my own anymore.  I implore anyone else with this issue to do same.  Even if no one else knows, it hurts you and the one on whom you gaze.  And if you're married, it hurts your spouse, deeply.

The human body is beautiful, but not when it is Somebody's Daughter and Somebody's Son on display for selfish pleasure or monetary gain. 

http://www.somebodysdaughter.org/

[chaz345]

.  Those are for the gals.

Not necessarily. THe huge majority of my time with porn was spent with written words rather than graphic pictures.

Men CAN read you know. 

[leewood777]

In response being on church staff for years, men generally more visually designed by God.  The enemy is well aware of our weaknesses.  One thing I have observed that helps men with this problem is open communication, "if possible" with their wifes.  Your wife or husband is a help mate given by God. We should walk in what God has laid out for the marriage.  Unfortunately, if some men or women are honest with their sickness or sin being addicted to porn their wives or husbands will leave or abandon them, so fear rules over honesty. It should not be that way, their should be freedom to be honest in a marriage without fear of someones sickness ending that marriage.
 Porn, once given ground in a persons spirit and mind, demands fuel to keep kindled.  Lust is exactly the same.. Lust is hateful, it covets everything, demands food, it is very selfish. Lust is a "monster" all on its own, that is why God warns us to rid ourselves of it pointed out in Colossians, Chapter 3 verse 5-.    

My issues with porn ended when I fell in love with Jesus and turned my entire life over to God.  It was years after being a christian and struggling with porn that the Lord helped me to a point of finally giving Him all of my life, heart, mind, soul and spirit.. I left everything to follow Him, giving up the things of this world and following Jesus. Jesus was truely the Lord of my life for the first time and He taught me that you cannot have intimacy with God without honesty.  He helped me to begin to confess and tell Him about all my desires in my heart, all my sins. I began to confess and repent, but it was through relationship with Him that was by His power and the Holy Spirit, not my own, knowing that my heavenly Father loves and desires to change my heart for Him.  He had me read the books Joshua thru Chronicles learning we cannot leave sin or allow it to be hidden in our hearts because it is like a bad seed that will at some point sprout and add more sin to its fuel.   Dealing with the sin in our hearts is vital.. God continually speaks to us about what is in, hidden, left undone, filled, kept, acting in our hearts.  God wants all of our hearts and does not desire to share us with idols, and pornography is an idol, like many things.  Anything you put or allow between you and your relationship with God is an idol.  John 3:20 explains....  Don't be afraid to come into the light of Christ, because once you come into His light, all the lies, hidden things are exposed and the enemy loses his hold. So walk in Christs truth, even if you fail, there is hope in our Lord Jesus and walking in truth with Him is a good way to start.  God is amazing!!!!!!! He says that whosoever comes unto Him, in no wise will He turn away.   Give all of your life to Jesus, not just some of it.  Allow the Father to take your hand and lead you through His Son.

I would encourage every wife or husband to open up communication with her husband, removing the fear of retaliation, condemnation and divorce, rather providing a foundation for honesty, understanding it might be difficult, but you will create true itimacy and can then begin to really help one another with lifes problems.. That is one reason why God gave you each other, to help one another through sicknesses, ect.  So try to walk in His plan and obedience and remove pointing fingers. We all our guilty of sin in God's sight, that is why He gave us His Son.