Porn

[phoebe]

.  Those are for the gals.

Not necessarily. THe huge majority of my time with porn was spent with written words rather than graphic pictures.

Men CAN read you know. 

It follows the lines of a learning preference.  Go figure.

My first husband that brought porn in to my home was also very into reading the stories.  Actually, he was into everything.  Nothing was off limits to him.

[zoonance]

.  Those are for the gals.

Not necessarily. THe huge majority of my time with porn was spent with written words rather than graphic pictures.

Men CAN read you know. 

It follows the lines of a learning preference.  Go figure.

My first husband that brought porn in to my home was also very into reading the stories.  Actually, he was into everything.  Nothing was off limits to him.

I am!

[chosenone]

phoebe I dont think anyone has said that there arent women who are addicted to porn, just that it is far more common for men. Men in general are far more turned on by the physical body of a women than a women is by the mans body. It is generally  the mans personality and character and the way he treats her that makes him attractive to her.

And I'm saying it is far more common among women than you seem to think.

Women are equally turned on by women's bodies.  And it has nothing to do with lesbianism.  Is that news for everyone here??  

and some men are turned on by other mens bodies.

No, you don't quite get it.  And that's OK, because that means it isn't an issue for you.  But don't keep your head in the sand about it.

Women look at those same mags their hubbies bring home.  Those mags are not just pics of beautiful, sensuous women, but have stories in them, too.  Not your Harlequinn kind, either, but graphically detailed.  Those are for the gals.  Smart editors.  Women are just as appreciative, as well as turned on by, these beautiful, sensuous women.  Sure, there are some real rag mags out there, and some equally raggy movies, but the majority are not raggy.  The internet brought these mags to our computers and into our homes in a major way and on a daily basis for some.  Access is unbelievable.  There is no end - except by choosing right.  Choose not to look.  Choose to close your eyes.   Movies.  Seemingly innocent enough if they are in an "R" rated theater.  But they aren't innocent.  Movies like "Body Heat", "Original Sin",  and "Mr & Mrs. Smith" are a huge turn-on for women.  Even if it isn't showing genitalia, it's still pornography.  Choose.  Don't watch those movies.

Satan knows what we like.  Has known it since the first man and woman knew they were naked, and how that would affect humankind.  Satan glories in pornography.  It is his best work.  It is HIS addiction first.  I choose not to support Satan and his addiction as my own anymore.  I implore anyone else with this issue to do same.  Even if no one else knows, it hurts you and the one on whom you gaze.  And if you're married, it hurts your spouse, deeply.

The human body is beautiful, but not when it is Somebody's Daughter and Somebody's Son on display for selfish pleasure or monetary gain.  

http://www.somebodysdaughter.org/

I think I get more than you realise but you need to get that your experience in your marriage are not the same as everyone elses. You say that women look at porn mags that their husbands bring home. Where do you get that from?  The women that I have known whose husbands have looked at porn never looked at it and didnt want to. They hated it and hated that their husbands did it. Read the different forums with the countless women writing in about their husbands porn use and the destruction it causes. Read the mens threads about their struggles with porn. None of them say their wives look as well.
Yes there are women who do get addicted to porn, but far fewer than men.

As for burying my head in the sand, I have seen and experienced far too much to be able to do that unfortunately.

yes Satan does love porn, he uses it it destroy people and marriages and ministries.Sadly it makes very good money.

[phoebe]

The more you write, the more I can see that you don't understand and don't believe me, chosenone.  If you understood, you would not say the things you say.  I never said my experience was everyone's.  I am saying it's far more than recognized, and certainly way far more than you are willing to acknowledge.  You don't know who struggles with this because they are too ashamed to ever admit to anyone this kind of behavior.  I know that I am surprised that I have bared myself here.  And women, incl. your friends,  will lie about it rather than be humiliated by a confession.  I only speak here now because I have never actually met anyone on this board, and with a very few exception do any know where I live or what church I am part of.  I am nearly anonymous here.

I am one of those who write about the destruction of pornography.  I hated it when my husband brought it home, I hated it when he used it for his purposes, I hated it when he brought it into our intimate relationship.  I hated it when his mags became my private choice of reading.  He never knew.  I would never have told him.  I have always hated it.  I still hate it.  The fact that I know it intimately only gives me reason (and right) to hate it all the more.  I understand the betrayal women feel when their husbands turn to pornography, preferring it, even.  Doesn't mean that I am not drawn to it.  I am like an alcoholic staring at the bittersweet bottle, knowing I can remove the cap and partake, that it will feel good for a few minutes, but when it is empty, so am I.  Tears fall.  It isn't about fulfillment in a marriage.  Anyone who tells you that is lying, possibly lying to themselves.  It's about the intense high of the forbidden fruit.

I'm standing by what I've written.  Women are far more involved in pornography and all those things that go with it than most people realize.  Who do you think is in those "girlie" mags?  Women.  And they are up to their eyeballs in it's grip, too.

Women are silent about their involvement, and in denial about their addiction,  as was I for so many years.  Which is why I chose now to speak.  How can they be released from it's grip if it isn't recognized for what it is?  That it isn't just a man's problem, but a humankind problem?  How will they know that the "cure" is a daily choice?  How will they know that the choice is self or Christ?  How will they know that it is OK to release the guilt?  How will they know that if they commit for Christ, they can choose right?


I think I've said all I'm going to say on this.  I feel like I've been more transparent than I should have been, more transparent than most will ever be.  But maybe someone, male or female, will have the courage to choose right today because of my experience.

[chaz345]

On the whole  who uses porn more point, does it really matter? Yes men probably do it more, but the number of women doing it is growing and would surprise many here. Some estimates suggest that 1/3 of all porn is bought and consumed by women.  And that likely doesn't include romance novels and the like, which many will vehemently claim are not the same thing, but which undeniably have similar effects.

[janman345]

Why is it that as soon as something is desirable and releases pleasurable hormones its of satan?

[k-pappy]

Why is it that as soon as something is desirable and releases pleasurable hormones its of satan?

That is an incorrect statement.  Chocolate and running both release pleasurable hormones, they are not of satan.  Sex itself is not of satan...rather satan is twisting something good and Godly into something sinful and degenerate.

The thing is, satan is pretty smart and he knows where to hit us.  He doesn't want to tempt us with easy stuff; he wants to get us and get us good, so it makes sense that he takes somthing good and pleasurable and twists it for his own evil purposes.

Bond

[vonny]

The problem is that, something like porn when it causes the release of pleasurable hormones and the like, is that it often means that some wife or husband is left without the benefit of having that pleasurable release of hormones they are entitled to within marriage, because their spouse is getting satisfaction from porn.

Eating chocolate doesn't deprive my spouse of any marital rights, getting my sexual thrills at best would reduce intimacy between my spouse and I, and also could destroy the trust in the relationship.

Porn is not a bit of light entertainment, fun, or harmless pleasure. It has a knock on effect in marriages, the self esteem of the user, and the level of desire they may have to make love, without guile, to their spouse.I agree also with those who say porn is an issue for women as well as men. Women are very sexual, just like men, and they love descriptions, innuendoes, and, yes, sexual images and sounds just as much as men. In fact, for women it could be worse because sex is so emotionally charged for her, so any emotional type trigger can be a snare, such as those romance novels, or similar.

[lightshineon]

   Thank all for openness, and honesty, about this very taboo subject. I have learned much, from every post.  You know how a song gets stuck in your head. Well a little children's song is stuck in my head. You know the one about be careful little eyes what you see, oh be careful little ears what you hear, be careful little hands what you do. you. For there is a Father up above looking, down on you with love. da, da, da,. You all probably all remember the song.

Once a visiting pastor at our church admitted to porn use, and how the church is judgmental, so therefore everyone remains silent. This is not just a men's issue, it is women's, children's, and families. If a woman is not involved with porn, I guarantee she has been touched, hurt, crushed, or bitter about it.

Chaz thank you, what insight and courage you have, about your challenges, your wife's reaction. I am wondering, do you feel, that one way you are accountable, is that you do not want your wife to find out, and be angry, or leave? I heard Kirk Franklin's, Steven Curtis Chapman's wife say they had enough, after many chances, and gave their husband an ultimatum. Wife's or husbands who have been hurt by porn use, not by their own hand, have difficult emotions to deal with too. I think, a woman's, maybe even a husband's who self esteem is torn down. It is like " wow am I not pretty enough.", "am I lacking in so intimate way?" " Does he love me." Then when people come together as man and wife, in an intimate way, the woman, or man, thinks " Are they thinking about, someone else."

This is something women in the church, who have been hurt by this behavior, have no place to go either. It goes back to exposing someone you may be angry at, but love. It maybe that a woman does not want others to know these things are going on, and afraid of judgment that she was not good enough.

Children, will find out usually, not always, but, they know something is wrong. They lose respect, or think that it is OK, to use this behavior. It is just a lose, lose, situation, I think driven by demonic forces. The roaring lion knows our weakness, and that is what he will devour us with.

I think, this is just my opinion, how a woman and man build trust, after porn, which is IMHO, adultery, well according to Jesus also, is total transparency, between the two of them. I think one of the most damaging things, between a couple with this problem is trust. Once some has been deceitful, that usually comes as a shock to someones partner, so, even when one fails, they need to be honest with their mate. I would think deceitfulness, is the most damaging things about pornography.

Cally please do not make this a man woman issue, this is a issue that involves so many people, so many emotions, and so much hurt in the church, between husbands, and wives, and children, and ministries. Remember judgment starts in the house of God first. Jesus, is returning, and the Bride is unclean, not, just from this but, this is the subject.

I  was watching something on the "E" channel about Bob Crane, and his porn issues. he was murdered over it. The verse came to my head about when has become full blown then. comes death. I was reading commentaries the word " death", in some of these commentaries means physical, some spiritual. I believe with porn, will come emotional, and or, physical affairs.
 
When the naked photos do not fill the emotional need, then someone might look up someone that made them fill good twenty years ago in highschool, on a social network.  My whole point is divorce is just, about statistically the same, as in the world. Please, I am not putting Christians down who have for various reasons, had a breakup, for reasons beyond their control. I am talking about things like this. This strikes me as odd, because, in Ephesians, it talks about a man loving his wife as Christ loves the church, giving himself for her.............. It also talks about a woman honoring her husband, which in so many ways women themselves could do a better job at, but, for a different post I suppose. Just want to make my point about destruction, and roaming in satans territory, and think everything will be ok.

BTW, I am not a man hater, and Ed, I apologize to you for my rudeness, I told you have an anger problem as of late, where I say things, that are wrong to other, with no boundaries. Again Ed, I ask for forgiveness, and hopefully you will.

[phoebe]

You know that song is taken directly from Scripture?

[lightshineon]

You know that song is taken directly from Scripture?

Yes, LOL I have thought of that. I like that song stuck in my head, simple as it is what a reminder.

[KellyM.]

This whole porn posting has brought up a lot of issues in my marriage. My husband and I both used to enjoy porn a LOT.  Even being Christian. We kept it a secret for a long time. It is not like we were gonna talk out loud about it, were we? Porn watching is a dirty little secret. But it is still enjoyed even when you know it is wrong and shameful. We made up our minds to trust our Father with the annointing of the Holy Spirit to lift off this dirty thing from us. Temptations do come up to look and watch an xxx movie. There is one of those shops in our town. We have chosen Not to go there anymore. This issue effects both sexes. Women get just as turned on by another woman, like men, but it is still a problem with both.

[lightshineon]

This whole porn posting has brought up a lot of issues in my marriage. My husband and I both used to enjoy porn a LOT.  Even being Christian. We kept it a secret for a long time. It is not like we were gonna talk out loud about it, were we? Porn watching is a dirty little secret. But it is still enjoyed even when you know it is wrong and shameful. We made up our minds to trust our Father with the annointing of the Holy Spirit to lift off this dirty thing from us. Temptations do come up to look and watch an xxx movie. There is one of those shops in our town. We have chosen Not to go there anymore. This issue effects both sexes. Women get just as turned on by another woman, like men, but it is still a problem with both.

Kelly, I prayed with my whole heart, that my posting this would help at least one person. i heard a saying once it is never wrong to do the right thing, or right to do the wrong thing. I am praying asking God to help you pull down the strong holds, for you and your husband, bringing every thought captive, to the obedience in Christ. porn is never victimless, never good, never right. Chaz, who has overcome, suggested the word. The sword, and the Spirit, the full armor of God. These days are wicked, and temptation comes at us all in different forms. Stay Strong in the Lord.
                                       God bless you and your husband.

[Ed B]

 
BTW, I am not a man hater, and Ed, I apologize to you for my rudeness, I told you have an anger problem as of late, where I say things, that are wrong to other, with no boundaries. Again Ed, I ask for forgiveness, and hopefully you will.

LSO

Thank you, but I owe you an apology.  I misread the intent and direction of your post and I made comments that were unhelpful and unfairly judgmental.  The irony being that I incorrectly perceived a judgmental tone to the original question, yet I was the one who was guilty of being judgmental.  I certainly accept your apology and I hope you will accept mine.

Ed B

[KellyM.]

Thank you lightshineon! I appreciate all you said to me. It means a lot. I have read a lot of your posts and see that you are strong in Our Father. I am too, except for this issue at times. I know for a fact that I have been thououghly forgiven in and out when I was forgiven many years ago. Keep encouraging everyone around you- because you really do lightshineon!

[Daddy Long Legs]

I am a male who has struggled off and on with pornography for many years.  I guess that my first experience with it was when I was a child and found and deck of pornographic cards.  Periodically I would pick up magazines and look at them though it was not a regular occurrence.  While in the Military I visited a strip club and looked at pornographic materials that the older soldiers had.  When the Internet became available it began a struggle that I have been engaged in for many years now. Although I have always believed in God for many years I chose not to serve Him with my life.  In the mid 90's I rededicated my life to God. Shortly thereafter I found myself tempted with the internet popups and links that I kept running across.  The Internet makes it so accessible with the click of a button and the temptation comes easily, sneaky like.  Yet the truth of the matter is that God says that he will make a way of escape from temptation and HE has.  Almost in every instance I thought of the Lord and of the fact that I was sinning against Him.  Yet I chose to do it anyway. One each occasion in which I chose to participate in viewing pornography my wife has found out about it.  It has causes great distress in our marriage over the years.   It had been six years until recently that I had any involvement with pornography.   Six years ago my wife found out about it and was devastated.  I promised her that I would not do it anymore.  I kept that promise until the last month or so.  A couple of weeks ago she told me that the Lord had put it into her heart to ask if I was having a problem with it.  I denied it at first, then after her questioning my integrity I admitted it.  I made everything extremely difficult for her.  She had to pull every bit of information out of me.
As a result she no longer trusts me.  She has considered leaving me and as far as I know she is still considering it.  I have once again devastated the one who I promised to love as Christ loved the Church.  And for what?  A look at some girl who is not much older than my own daughters.  These people who are involved in pornography are lost and hurting.  Most having been taken advantage of during their lives.  Here I am facilitating more hurt and sin into their lives.  What was I thinking?  My wife has asked me time and time again what I thought that I was doing?  She says that I chose it over her and therefore I cannot love her.  I argue with her and stress that I love her.  That she has always been the only one I have loved, yet I don't have a good answer for her when she asks me why.  The truth, I really don't know why.  Other than just being sinful and fooling myself that by looking at this garbage that somehow it enhances my self-worth.  It is all so stupid.  It has ruined my life and I wish from the bottom of my heart that I had never become involved with it.  I never want to be involved with it again.  I feel sick to my stomach at the fact that it has cost me so many things,   As a Christian I am supposed to put God, my wife and kids first.  Yet they are the very ones that I hurt the most.  I feel so low.  I know that if I repent and turn away that God will forgive me, but I loath myself for having to come before Him once again to ask for His forgiveness.  I wretch at the thought that my wife of almost twenty-five years is once again hurt and made to feel insecure and less-than by me.  I hate the fact that my kids, who though the world of their day, know of my dirty little secret.

So here I am.  Exposed, embarrassed,  untrustworthy.  My wife told me the other night that my daughter referred to me as the Porn King.  It devastated me.   I thought that my wife and I had a better week this week and in fact I thought that we were getting along really well until yesterday when she asked me about something which I had totally forgotten about.  I first denied it, and then promptly admitted it, trying to honor my promise of transparency to her.  I have promised to be transparent to her going forward.  I am glad that she has asked this of me.  I want to be transparent, for I am sick of lies and deceit.  I am sick of my own actions.  I want to prove to her that I can be trusted.  I want to prove to her that I love her as Christ loves the Church.  I want to honor God and I want to honor my children.  At any rate once I admitted to what she asked me it has brought about all the mistrust and hurt once again.  I was angered by the fact that we were going through all of this again, when I had already been through it.  It is stressful and exhausting mentally and emotionally. 
After church today I realized this.  First, that I created all of this.  No one else.  I am responsible for loving my wife and lifting her up and loving her as Christ teaches.  I may have done a lousy job thus far, but that does not mean that I cannot begin and go forward.  I cannot control my wife and whether she trusts me or loves me.  What I can do is love her.  I can repent (which I have) and go forward with honoring God.  I have prayed that He will change my wife's heart over time.  I have prayed that she will see my tree bear fruit over time so that she will know who I am.
I cannot control her, but I can control me.  Still I have to have someone to be accountable to.  I am sure that sure that temptation will once again come.  In fact I have no doubt of it.  I just know that the price of what I have paid to pollute my eyes is far too high.  I pray that God will leave me escape and give me strength to do that which is right.  I pray that I can be transparent with my wife.
Pray for me.  I can use your prayers.  For those of you who are involved in pornography, repent.   Turn away quickly and run from sin for it shall surely lead to death either physically or spiritually.  Do not go as far as I have gone.  Turn away now.  Love your mate as God intended.  Love yourself as God intended.  Love others  as God intended.

[lightshineon]

 
BTW, I am not a man hater, and Ed, I apologize to you for my rudeness, I told you have an anger problem as of late, where I say things, that are wrong to other, with no boundaries. Again Ed, I ask for forgiveness, and hopefully you will.

LSO

Thank you, but I owe you an apology.  I misread the intent and direction of your post and I made comments that were unhelpful and unfairly judgmental.  The irony being that I incorrectly perceived a judgmental tone to the original question, yet I was the one who was guilty of being judgmental.  I certainly accept your apology and I hope you will accept mine.

Ed B

Ed,  thank you for this post, and for also accepting my apology.

[lightshineon]

Thank you lightshineon! I appreciate all you said to me. It means a lot. I have read a lot of your posts and see that you are strong in Our Father. I am too, except for this issue at times. I know for a fact that I have been thououghly forgiven in and out when I was forgiven many years ago. Keep encouraging everyone around you- because you really do lightshineon!

Thank You Kelly, Oh I do struggle lately with other issues. I want us all in the body, just, as sure as you desire, that we represent Christ, in these last days. Funny, my pastor preached on getting our own land clean( meaning the church).  I am wondering Kelly if somebody will use the scripture where Paul say's all things are permissible in the marriage bed? We both know that, means Godly things though. I know the Lord wants to pour his blessings upon the church, and when we are refined by his fire, and lay down these things, not just porn (LOL) he will pour blessing out, bigger than the oil spill gushes. I know you are strong in the Lord, because, you just laid it down,probably stronger than I am right now. Like I have said, it is be careful little Mouth what you say with me.
                                         Love in Jesus, Rhonda

[Ed B]

Daddy Long Legs here are a few practical thoughts for your immediate problem of being accountable and earning back the trust of your wife and kids.  These are just simple things so I hope they don't come off as insulting, but I think they are practical for the whole family.

(1st)  Going forward the computer stays in the common rooms of the house.  If you or any other member of the family wants or needs to use the computer you do it in the family room, dining room, etc, preferably with the screen in full view of the rest of the room but at least accessible to anyone.  (transparency)

(2nd) If you wife doesn't know how, show her how to review browsing history, temporary internet files and how those things can be cleaned.  Then agree with her that you don't get to clean out history or temporary internet files until she has had the chance to review them.  Show her how to navigate history to see every page that anyone has viewed in the past n days – depending on your settings.   It should help, and it will help you both monitor the browsing habits of your kids.   Maybe she alreay knows this, I don't know - but if not it may be helpful.   (transparency)

I am sure there are other, better suggestions, but these come to mind at the moment. 

I hate to read that your daughter knows about this, but since she does she needs to see that your repentance is real.  I don't have good advice for how to do that, but as a father you still have a responsibility to raise your children and love your wife, so you can't forfeit that responsibility even if it just became much harder.  But the best thing about having one's sins exposed is it can be dealt with more directly. 

You and your family have my prayers. 

[lightshineon]

 DDL, do you love your wife? I know this is a personal question, and forgive me for asking, but, wondering why it is so hard to be honest, and transparent with her. Maybe some men on here, or women can minister to you better than I can. I want to, but, feel very unqualified, and confused myself on the subject.

I am sure you are a decent man, maybe even a good man, but, seems like being an honest man, somewhere was lost along the way.  Truthfully trust comes from transparency. I am sure your wife, feels like she never really knew you. Is your wife a good wife? Has she been faithful? Was there a problem with her?

What about emotional affairs, if you do not mind me asking? Did it come to that? If it did why? What about your wife was not enough? Is she unattractive, or mean to you?  What could she have done in a different way, to keep you from falling into these sins.

Forgive my questions, but, I really need to know the answear. I know each situation is different, but, I am trying to gain knowledge. I am not being judgmental, I feel sorry for you and your family, and do not mean to offend,or be nosey.


I do appreciate, your honesty, and vulnerability, and I hope people hear your story, and really listen. I am praying for you,your wife, and daughters. I hope some men, and women who know more, about this situation can minister to you. I hope God blesses you, and restores your heart back to your Lord, and wife, and family, and your families heart back to you.

[chaz345]

   Chaz thank you, what insight and courage you have, about your challenges, your wife's reaction. I am wondering, do you feel, that one way you are accountable, is that you do not want your wife to find out, and be angry, or leave? I heard Kirk Franklin's, Steven Curtis Chapman's wife say they had enough, after many chances, and gave their husband an ultimatum. Wife's or husbands who have been hurt by porn use, not by their own hand, have difficult emotions to deal with too. I think, a woman's, maybe even a husband's who self esteem is torn down. It is like " wow am I not pretty enough.", "am I lacking in so intimate way?" " Does he love me." Then when people come together as man and wife, in an intimate way, the woman, or man, thinks " Are they thinking about, someone else."

For a while in the beginning of my recovery process it was not wanting to hurt/anger my wife that was motivating me. Even more than not wanting to hurt/disappoint God. That, of course is not the right way to look at it though. No fear in me of her leaving though, there was never a hint of any of the typical  threats or ultimatums.

And yes it is very typical for the wife of a porn user to blame themself. To think that they aren't pretty/sexy/available enough.  All I can say to those women, and I realize that hearing it from me probably doesn't help much is that his porn use isn't really about you. And as strange as this may seem, it isn't even really about sex.

[chaz345]

DDL, do you love your wife? I know this is a personal question, and forgive me for asking, but, wondering why it is so hard to be honest, and transparent with her. Maybe some men on here, or women can minister to you better than I can. I want to, but, feel very unqualified, and confused myself on the subject.

I am sure you are a decent man, maybe even a good man, but, seems like being an honest man, somewhere was lost along the way.  Truthfully trust comes from transparency. I am sure your wife, feels like she never really knew you. Is your wife a good wife? Has she been faithful? Was there a problem with her?

What about emotional affairs, if you do not mind me asking? Did it come to that? If it did why? What about your wife was not enough? Is she unattractive, or mean to you?  What could she have done in a different way, to keep you from falling into these sins.

Forgive my questions, but, I really need to know the answear. I know each situation is different, but, I am trying to gain knowledge. I am not being judgmental, I feel sorry for you and your family, and do not mean to offend,or be nosey.


I do appreciate, your honesty, and vulnerability, and I hope people hear your story, and really listen. I am praying for you,your wife, and daughters. I hope some men, and women who know more, about this situation can minister to you. I hope God blesses you, and restores your heart back to your Lord, and wife, and family, and your families heart back to you.

Just thought I'd point out that not being able to be honest and transparent with someone really doesn't necessarily have much to do with wether or not you love them. There's all sorts of reasons that one may have difficulty in being open and honest with someone they love.

Would you even stop and ask the question about loving if we were, for example, talking about a woman who had been sexually abused who has difficulty having or enjoying sex with her husband?

Most addicted porn users have something similarly destructive in their past.

[EmbsComputerArt]

There's nothing unreasonable about this question but I understand that most men would feel uncomfortable discussing it in an open forum.  Even in small group studies these sorts of subjects can be touchy.  Avoiding the question doesn't help however and the Biblical truth dealing with the subject should be quickly examined as to provide a defense against it.

Pornography is not a new sin, and not one that is new to the church.  Only the availability of it has increased because of the internet and the level of secrecy with which it can be obtained has also increased.  Home video tape did the same thing to a lesser extent.

The word loosely means graphic or depicted (examples include the words graph, graphy, graphics, calligraphy, graphics, graffiti, with variations translated as writing, scripture, scribe, and so on) images of sex (pornos being a fornicator, whore, or harlot, etc.).  Pornography has existed in every culture in every age whether carved in stone, drawn on paper, painted on walls or canvas, photographed, or filmed.  The same tools the devil has used from the beginning are present today.  All sins can be categorized as either being lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, or the pride of life or any combination of the three.

I Jn 2:15-17
15   Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
16   For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
17   And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.
(KJV)


Pornography is lust of the eyes and masturbation lust of the flesh.  It is a temptation women deal with as well proven first by Eve's desire for the fruit in the garden that she saw with her eyes and desired for her flesh and mind.  Just as Eve saw the fruit as something to be desired men regularly see women as being desirable.  This was true to such an extent that Adam gave up eternal life for Eve after she offered him the fruit.  The devil uses the same tricks he always has.

Gen 3:6-13
6   And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
7   And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.
8   And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden.
9   And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?
10   And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.
11   And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?
12   And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.
13   And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.
(KJV)

1 Tim 2:14
14   And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
(KJV)

John 8:44
44   Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.
(KJV)

Men are drawn to images of sex because of their own lusts.  The image is not where the desire originates.  The mind itself plays a major role in the temptation.  This is particularly important when one considers that women are often drawn into this temptation less often by images than by words written in erotic stories called "romance novels."

James 1:12-16
12   Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
13   Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
14   But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
15   Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
16   Do not err, my beloved brethren.
(KJV)

Eph 2:3
3   Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
(KJV)

Pornography does not satisfy a man's lust and will continue to draw a man away time and again no matter the amount of exposure to it.

Prov 27:20
20   Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.
(KJV)

It is a form of adultery that involves both the eyes and the hands.

Matt 5:27-30
27   Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
28   But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
29   And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
30   And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
(KJV)

It stems from another sin called covetousness, that is, desiring something that does not belong to you such as another woman.

Rom 7:7
7   What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet.
(KJV)

AND

Matt 5:28
28   But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
(KJV)

Being related to covetousness it is related to idolatry, which is the worship of IMAGES!  All verses that relate to idolatry and covetousness can be applied to pornography.

Col 3:5
5   Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:
(KJV)

It results in bondage as all sin does.

John 8:33-34
33   They answered him, We be Abraham's seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free?
34   Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.
(KJV)

Rom 6:11-14
11   Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
12   Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.
13   Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.
14   For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.
(KJV) ... etc through that chapter

2 Pet 2:18-19
18   For when they speak great swelling words of vanity, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through much wantonness, those that were clean escaped from them who live in error.
19   While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption: for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage.
(KJV)

Men openly recognize it as sin for they secretly hide it.

John 3:19-21
19   And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
20   For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.
21   But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.
(KJV)

1 Tim 5:24
24   Some men's sins are open beforehand, going before to judgment; and some men they follow after.
(KJV)

Jude 1:18-19
18   How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.
19   These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.
(KJV)

It can strangle a Christian's fruitfulness.

Mark 4:18-19
18   And these are they which are sown among thorns; such as hear the word,
19   And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.
(KJV)

1 Tim 6:9
9   But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.
(KJV)

1 Pet 2:11
11   Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;
(KJV)

It is common to man, but still can be resisted effectively.

1 Cor 10:13-14
13   There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
14   Wherefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry.
(KJV)

Rom 13:14
14   But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.
(KJV)

Gal 5:16-25
16   This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
17   For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18   But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19   Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20   Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21   Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22   But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23   Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24   And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25   If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
(KJV)

Eph 4:22-24
22   That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;
23   And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
24   And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.
(KJV)

2 Tim 2:22
22   Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
(KJV)

Titus 2:11-12
11   For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,
12   Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;
(KJV)

I could go on making further points but this is quite a collection of truths about pornography from the Bible, now that wasn't a hard study was it?  Feel free to use this set of verses and points in a study for your group.

[tennman]

Hello All,
I would like to start by saying, MEN ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES WHO FIND THEMSELVES ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY. I know a lot of us women have a tendency to assume it's a man thing. But it's not. I am a woman who had an issue with pornography (and other sexual sins for that matter). And the sin does not come directly from watching pornography, the act of the sin comes from LUST. Wanting something that is not good for you. And I'm sure there are other sins that can make us go that route, but for me, that's what it was. And being single, it has been hard. I could get into details, but no need. I know this, I felt TERRIBLE the last time I viewed it. I felt stupid and dirty. And most of all, I felt weak and that I disappointed God; like I feel into temptation without any thought. But I let it go, and I know God forgives me. But with His forgiveness, I had to repent. And repentence is a daily thing. So, I work on that. And I don't have a desire to watch it (porn). It's not for me, and when I am feeling tempted, I know I NEED to go to God in prayer and remember the peace I have with Him before I do something that will interefere with the peace I have received from God.

Yeah, I get tired of women acting like men are the only ones who like to look at the opposite sex naked...ya know, cause women are just so awesome and all.

I know women who are way into porn. Most of them are young 20s but they forward links and pictures to each. I knew girls who did that in college. It doesn't help matters when women act like they are just so amazing to look at and we men can't help ourselves. Some of us are put together pretty well too and plenty of women fall to the temptation of taking a peak as well.

[lightshineon]

 The woman- woman thing really shocked me, I am serious, not making light of it, or saying I am little miss perfect, it just never entered my mind. My dad, before salvation, and I was at home had Playboy's dating back to the seventies, it did not turn me on.  I just do not struggle with this, but Lord help me in other areas.

[AvrilNYC]

Hmmm let's see why do men like porn?

a) they like to look at pretty naked women

b) with porn, they can do that without committing adultery (a much worse sin)

c) free and easily accessible

d) an easy, healthy (no chance to contract a disease) way to relieve tension!!

I actually do think it's a bad thing - but in the big scheme of things.....

[chosenone]

Hmmm let's see why do men like porn?

a) they like to look at pretty naked women

b) with porn, they can do that without committing adultery (a much worse sin)

c) free and easily accessible

d) an easy, healthy (no chance to contract a disease) way to relieve tension!!

I actually do think it's a bad thing - but in the big scheme of things.....

 So you dont agree with Jesus when he says that looking at a woman with lust is adultery of the heart?
 Also I really cant agree that it is healthy. It does incredible damage both emotionally and spiritually to the person doing it, those that are involed in making it, and marriages that are damaged by it (some to the point of divorce).It can also be very addictive and is very hard to get free from.

 I guess if you knew a person whose marriage ended through her husbands porn use(he was frequently looking at porn with his small children playing round his feet while she was out) you may feel a bit differently. He also lost his wife and only has supervised access to his kids one morning a week.(The judge ruled that). Not very healthy for him or her or the kids really.

[k-pappy]

Hmmm let's see why do men like porn?

a) they like to look at pretty naked women

b) with porn, they can do that without committing adultery (a much worse sin)

c) free and easily accessible

d) an easy, healthy (no chance to contract a disease) way to relieve tension!!

I actually do think it's a bad thing - but in the big scheme of things.....

[vonny]

I guess if you knew a person whose marriage ended through her husbands porn use(he was frequently looking at porn with his small children playing round his feet while she was out) you may feel a bit differently. He also lost his wife and only has supervised access to his kids one morning a week.(The judge ruled that). Not very healthy for him or her or the kids really.

Exactly.

Porn takes away the urgency and desire in a spouse for their husband or wife, and often it is damaging to children who stumble upon it. I myself was exposed to it as a child, in magazines 'hidden' where kids like to go snooping. That damaaged me and I was sexually aware too young...without going into all that.

I think porn use where kids live is akin to negligence, as children are indirectly exposed to sexual abuse from seeing what they should not see. I do have strong views about it, obviously.

[chosenone]

I guess if you knew a person whose marriage ended through her husbands porn use(he was frequently looking at porn with his small children playing round his feet while she was out) you may feel a bit differently. He also lost his wife and only has supervised access to his kids one morning a week.(The judge ruled that). Not very healthy for him or her or the kids really.

Exactly.

Porn takes away the urgency and desire in a spouse for their husband or wife, and often it is damaging to children who stumble upon it. I myself was exposed to it as a child, in magazines 'hidden' where kids like to go snooping. That damaaged me and I was sexually aware too young...without going into all that.

I think porn use where kids live is akin to negligence, as children are indirectly exposed to sexual abuse from seeing what they should not see. I do have strong views about it, obviously.

That is why the judge made sure he wasnt going to be alone with the children again. Some may think it was a very high price to pay but he clearly couldnt be trusted. He paid a very high price for what he did, but so did his wife and kids who were innocent.  I think we also need to remember that it is disobeying God, pure and simple.

My dad also had porn mags around. Dont know why my mum put up with it, I wouldnt. I also saw them at quite a young age, not good.
He then had an affair for many years.The slippery slope.

[AvrilNYC]

Hmmm let's see why do men like porn?

a) they like to look at pretty naked women

b) with porn, they can do that without committing adultery (a much worse sin)

c) free and easily accessible

d) an easy, healthy (no chance to contract a disease) way to relieve tension!!

I actually do think it's a bad thing - but in the big scheme of things.....

 So you dont agree with Jesus when he says that looking at a woman with lust is adultery of the heart?
 Also I really cant agree that it is healthy. It does incredible damage both emotionally and spiritually to the person doing it, those that are involed in making it, and marriages that are damaged by it (some to the point of divorce).It can also be very addictive and is very hard to get free from.

 I guess if you knew a person whose marriage ended through her husbands porn use(he was frequently looking at porn with his small children playing round his feet while she was out) you may feel a bit differently. He also lost his wife and only has supervised access to his kids one morning a week.(The judge ruled that). Not very healthy for him or her or the kids really.

My post tried to explain "why" it happens, not whether it is sinful or not. Yes I do agree with Jesus that "looking at a woman with lust is adultery of the heart"...but I hate actual adultery so much (have seen friends' marriages destroyed) that if a sinful man has a choice between the two I would say that "imaginery" adultery is better than "actual".

Now some of the posters raised the issue of "addiction" to pornography. That's terrible and if anyone has it they should seek counceling. I had no idea that men can be so negligent as to expose their kids to porn. That's terrible

I guess I tried to give a funny answer to serious subject. If I inadvertently offended anyone I apologize

[chosenone]

No offense taken on my part, and I do agree about adultery. Practically every marriage in my family has been destroyed by adultery, includuding my husbands previous marriage, my parents marriage, and my brothers 2 marriages, but I dont think it is a choice between one or the other. Both are very wrong and very damaging.

I have heard more than one women say that they would rather their husband had had a physical affair than be addicted to porn,as then they would have only had one women to fight instead of hundreds, so that sort of shows the damage it can do to the spouse.

[AvrilNYC]

I guess people are shaped by their experiences. I have never met or heard of anyone who was addicted to porn, but I know many whose lives were ruined by actual adultery. 

I'm honestly surprised that there are parents that are so negligent as to expose their kids to that stuff. That goes to a much more serious sin "if anyone causes one of the little ones to sin"

[phoebe]

Hmmm let's see why do men like porn?

a) they like to look at pretty naked women

b) with porn, they can do that without committing adultery (a much worse sin)

c) free and easily accessible

d) an easy, healthy (no chance to contract a disease) way to relieve tension!!

I actually do think it's a bad thing - but in the big scheme of things.....

  So you dont agree with Jesus when he says that looking at a woman with lust is adultery of the heart?
  Also I really cant agree that it is healthy. It does incredible damage both emotionally and spiritually to the person doing it, those that are involed in making it, and marriages that are damaged by it (some to the point of divorce).It can also be very addictive and is very hard to get free from.

  I guess if you knew a person whose marriage ended through her husbands porn use(he was frequently looking at porn with his small children playing round his feet while she was out) you may feel a bit differently. He also lost his wife and only has supervised access to his kids one morning a week.(The judge ruled that). Not very healthy for him or her or the kids really.

My post tried to explain "why" it happens, not whether it is sinful or not. Yes I do agree with Jesus that "looking at a woman with lust is adultery of the heart"...but I hate actual adultery so much (have seen friends' marriages destroyed) that if a sinful man has a choice between the two I would say that "imaginery" adultery is better than "actual".

Now some of the posters raised the issue of "addiction" to pornography. That's terrible and if anyone has it they should seek counceling. I had no idea that men can be so negligent as to expose their kids to porn. That's terrible

I guess I tried to give a funny answer to serious subject. If I inadvertently offended anyone I apologize

I dealt with both issues with my first husband.

No, "imaginary" adultery is equally as bad as literal.  We need to recognize the power of addiction in both.  The only real difference is that a spouse might leave you for another human being, but as long as you are tolerant of it, won't leave you for porn.  But, for the life of me, I can't imagine why one would want to stay married to someone who was obsessed with self-pleasuring.

It isn't a choice anyone should be making.  "Neither"  is the correct - and only - choice.

[phoebe]

Hmmm let's see why do men like porn?

a) they like to look at pretty naked women

b) with porn, they can do that without committing adultery (a much worse sin)

c) free and easily accessible

d) an easy, healthy (no chance to contract a disease) way to relieve tension!!

I actually do think it's a bad thing - but in the big scheme of things.....

I'm guessing you're pretty young.

What's wrong with your statements:

a)  The women viewed in porn are not always or necessarily "pretty women".  That is a fallacy.

b)  Adultery begins in the heart with the first lust.  The physical act is simply the completing of that lust.  Just like masturbating with porn.  No diff.

c)  I'll give ya "c".  It is certainly easily accessible, but a lot of moolah is dropped into the porn market.

d)  What you deem as "healthy" quickly becomes an obsessive compulsion, an addiction. 


I don't see one good thing that comes out of it.  It certainly is not an act of purity.  Does not glorify God.  Does not do good for another.  And degrades someone's daughter.