How much work should a relationship take?

[Girl for God]

Deleting because I'm getting hateful messages from people on this board.

[chosenone]

I honestly think that you need to spend more time together in person, to see if you really can get along. After only 9 months of seeing each other maybe only 2 weekends a month, you already have a lot of concerns and worries and that may be quite telling.
Spending more time together will, I feel, enable you you to see if there is any chance of it working.

Of course you do need to adjust and compromise in any new relationship, but at the beginning especially, it should also be enjoyable and fun and a time to enjoy getting to know each other. You already seem cautious about several things and that may be a warning that you need to go carefully.

Someone who is nearly 40 and never been married may well be set in his ways, but it depends on whether he is willing to change and adapt to new things and to consider another persons wants and likes and ideas as well as his own.Is it possible that he has never married because he is too set in his ways, or hasnt been able to adapt to anyone else? Something to think about.
You will only find this out the more time you spend together.

[lonegreywolf20]

Deleting because I'm getting hateful messages from people on this board.

I never did get to see the OP, so I am unable to comment on it. However I will comment on the hateful messages portion.

If the messages were from someone named coffeespiller, he is not representative of the forums as a whole. I don't know who you were getting messages from, but if it was him/her, please do not put any stock in what he/she said. This person has been kicked many times from the forum for the hateful, judging and condemning messages that he/she posts.

If you read this, please post your original post again and know that true Christians will give you advice and help.

[chosenone]

Deleting because I'm getting hateful messages from people on this board.

What??? Hope you have reported them to the moderators. if you havent do so now please.

Girl for God, many of us here have been having awful messages from a person here so please dont take it personally, Anyone who does this is disturbed and evil, but the rest of us are OK, honest.

[comfy]

Even without your post, I think your title question is worthwhile. I think of how maybe you have gotten into difficulty with some one guy. This can happen because of getting too involved with just one person. We need to love any and all people. So, getting isolated with just one person could, I think, have us not really in God's love which makes us *all*-loving; and so, in our picky and choosy and even judgmental loving, we are going to be weak enough to get in emotional and other trouble, plus not have the light of God's love to see people right and choose reliably.

"And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment." (Philippians 1:9)

In God's love, we have His "knowledge and all discernment" to know what we're doing. But this love is *all*-loving; so by getting choosy and picky and isolated we can be in the dark. And it's good not to put all our emotional eggs into one basket, but get into sharing with various good Christians who are good examples feeding us how to love and relate and communicate. Then, once you have gotten acquainted with how Jesus people love and share, you can tell if a guy is like Jesus, or not exactly, instead of being just "charmed".

So, yes it takes a lot of time working on a relationship; but there's a catch I'm offering to this: the time mainly needs to be spent with mature and sound Christian singles and couples who are helping you get more with God, then see if some guy is helping you to do even better in this, and whether he can freely enjoy and benefit from sharing with the ones who have been so good for you; plus, I would say if he's a real Jesus person, he has some very good people who have helped him and he will share these with you so you can benefit from them, too. And these more mature people can help you to get wise to yourselves and each other

So, the relationship would not be just with him.

I have had women who have seemed to turn out to be no-shows . . . very charming and smart Bible talking, at first, but with no one who could see through them, whom they wanted to also share with me to help me, plus no or little interest in being involved with whoever has been so good for me. And I think of Ephesians 4:2 which says, "with all lowliness and gentleness,

                                    with longsuffering,

                                                                bearing with one another in love,"

[notmyown2010]

Deleting because I'm getting hateful messages from people on this board.

Yeah, that particular person has been on the board with various screen names. Once one gets deleted he simply makes another. I read on particular post in which that user actually came out and said that they didn't believe in God at all. Their messages will be marked with perhaps some kind of condemning statement and/or 'something that God had told them to tell you'. I have had several encounters with this person. Best bet is to report them, because they are not here at all for any good advice or conversation, but are here to stir things up negatively. That person is what other boards refer to as a 'troll'.

The majority of people on this board are not like that at all. Granted, some can be a bit loopy at times, but the majority are level headed, in my opinion.
As per your original question, I do not know what it was other than the title. All I can tell you is that my relationship for the past 3 months has taken loads of work and even now I have no idea what is going to happen.

So, as to how much work should a relationship take? As much as you can give.

[Girl for God]

Thanks for all the encouragement. The messages were from Coffeespiller... thanks for letting me know. I'll give this one more shot. I'll post a new message.

[comfy]

Hi, Girl for God . . . you can edit the first post back so it has something for us to read, that has to do with what you were wanting to talk about.

Also, I think of how, at times, I might find that a "troll" is misrepresenting me, etc. Or someone is just not showing correct understanding of what I offer, and then is disagreeing with what I didn't even mean. And I see that trying to use words to explain can mean more and more confusion of what this word meant and that word, etc. etc.

So, instead of fighting with the one who is not communicating, we can share what is clear and good, so the others reading can benefit If you have something good to share, stay; God can use what you offer, that is right; He can have the good work, no matter how people do their messing. Jesus just kept on blessing

[Gladdy]

There is no specific time for how long it should take.. The longer the better because you get to know each other better. But don't rush just take your time.