I'm moving on ...but I still love him

[mind boggled]

 ::prayinghard::I meditated & God revealed to me that my fiancee isnt ready to hear....so I guess he cant change right now...but hes still going to counselor to try & cahnge....the counselor told me to give back ring cause fiancee is si indesive & negative about everything...he says maybe hed be happier married...maybe not...maybe I'd be better without him....maybe not....this is constant...theres no security in this relationship....only heartbreak & negativity....the last time I talked to him he said he was still trying & I said well counselor told me to move on ....so I asked what do you want me to do? he said I want ya to wait...I asked for how long he said it wont be wrong...the counselor is a Christian....he knows how emotionally I am being abused...not intentionally...cause like my son says my fiancee is damaged goods....he is letting his fears overcome his love fro me...& clouding his rationality...guess hes like what bible says...doubleminded...& double tongued.....the counselor said he wuold drive me crazy with his constant uncertainty ....& he does...so why do I luv him so much? Why do I want him to just turn around someday & say I cant live without you .....I've put 1 year &1/2...in this so I miss him...but he does hurt me....emotionally...I know God can do miracles ....anyone out there think he  could possibly turn around...or is this hopeless....should I go on & leave him to God....I'm on dating sites but I just am so tired of it...& I thought I was getting married in october...my fiancee kept telling me he come out of it by then....I just dont know what to do....to me its black or white...he either wants to get married or he dont....would I be miserable? or is having a man that would always be there...never cheat on me.....& wouldnt lie on purpose...althuogh I've thuoght he did before...but he just cant express his self very well & I have to fish for the truth....everyone has faults ...should I just except his negative cynical indesisive personality & get married cause I luv him...& accept him fro who he is....the counselor is making him read pint man to see how a man can be a leader....he told him he wasnt fit to be a husband right now...my fiancee does need some shock therapy....will htis do it...The counselor told him we were not to see each other & not talk only 15 minutes a week....so am I to wait or datew ...& tell him if he ever gets happy bout wanting to marry me then let me know & if I'm available I might give it another go...or should I let it go...If I didnt luv him so much I'd know hte answer...someone out there please respond & I will listen to all Christian advice..I appreciate you all...& God bless you!

[chosenone]

Do you really think you should have to settle for his 'negative cynical indesisive personality?' A man who is so afriad of marriage that he cant committ?
Going by what you have written here and before, I think you need to have no contact. I cant see the point of talking for 15 minutes a week, isnt that just opening up the wound?I think you need to seperate totally for a long time,and allow God to heal you.

I also think that the worst thing you can do at this point is date anyone else, as you say that you still love this man, so its hardly fair to meet anyone else when you still love him. You need a recovery time to get over him and then think about dating again when you have moved on. The fact that you are thinking of dating again already is rather concerning, as that shows that maybe you are a little bit desperate to find a man?Sorry dont mean at all to sound bad)   Keep praying and trust God that He will tell you if anything changes.

[JohnDB]

Yeah...breaking your own heart sucks.

I done it before too....

But sometimes it is for the best. And you know that too.

BUT...if you simply enjoy being around others as friends for a bit...you will find another "special" friend.

[comfy]

God's love makes us strong so wrong people can't get the better of us. So, get with God in His love. "And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good?" (1 Peter 3:13)

And get with people who are good for you, who help you get wise to your own self, who can see through you.

But it is not enough to have people who can be so good at telling us how we are wrong  A person may be so smart at pointing out how we are wrong; but this does not mean the person is fit to show us what is really right.

So, we all need to share with ones who can see through us but also tell us what we need, "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

My opinion is that if a guy really belongs with you, God will have him discovering the ones who are good for you, and sharing with these people so they are good for him, too. And he has people who have so helped him to become for real as a loving person of God; so he will be making sure you meet and share with these people, too, so they can be good for you along with him.

It's like how candy can feel so good and be so sweet, but it is not the balanced diet that a child of God needs. Getting a little candy with your boyfriend may not be exactly the balanced love diet that you need. You need to discover and stay with ones who are really good for you, ministering for you to love any and all people the way Jesus wants: "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

[IamStefanie]

:) Good post OP,
Yes, God can do miracles. If he can change me, he can change ANYBODY. There are people in my family whose lives have turned completely around - they were pimps, whores, drug users, liars, fornicators, all of that. And they are completely different people now. Yes, God can do miracles.

As far as this guy, he is no exception. However, he may need time alone to see what's important. And you need time alone too. He needs to get himself together away from so you won't have to go through the heartache right now. Of course, this is all my opinion. I will tell you more than anything, let God direct you.

Don't date right now. And because you put a 1 1/2 years in in now doesn't mean it's over. But dude needs to decide what he wants to do. And if you still love him, give him time, but LIVE YOUR LIFE, please!!! Don't wait on this man, but dont' give up on hope either. I hope that made sense...

[yesult]

Ask yourself if you want to have a son like this man, and your daughters husbands to treat them the way he treats you.

That should give you some kind of indication about whether you want to marry him.

[arleigh]

It reads to me ,like neither of you want to comit, and that in it's self should tell you to back off, and spend some serious time before the Lord.
Delight your self in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.(David)
I know being alone is tough, (ahem)
But God finds ways to fiil the time and space if we listen and obey. Give your burdons back to Jesus and leave them at HIs feet. Find your pleasure in His presents always warm and sweet.
Your loving father wants to bless you , blessings will unfold, you must realize this life's a test to do the things your told.
  The more attention I give God the more attention he gives me.

[ela]

I wrote a message for you on your other thread....

[mind boggled]

 ::saint::I replied to ya on the other thread too...