what makes a good

[AshleighNA]

What makes a good guy or girl in a relationship?

Of course I'm only interested in guys but guys give your opinions on girls too! If you wish :)

Examples: Christian :P

[celine]

Being a true Christian covers a lot of the bases in terms of character and principles. I think an ability to listen to others and  to empathise would be important. I guess I would want someone who was educated and informed, who was drawn to the arts, and who had a lively sense of humour.  I think a healthy self-esteem without arrogance is very attractive.My parents would also have to like him.

[JohnDB]

She has to be a completely "sold out" / hard core Christian...farther than just speaking about it all the time or in using funky little expressions all the time or even farther than wishing to be in Heaven all the time.

Then...she has to be self supportive...meaning no debts, not living off of child support checks and not having a job. I actually want her to have a career. Some kind of education to support her career...a whole group of skills is best. I want her to want me...not financially need me to pay all of her debts and bills.

Self sufficient.
Meaning she doesn't need me to raise her kids. Make her happy. build her self confidence Keep her out of the doldrums. or any other number of mental health issues she might want a man to do for her.

She must be intelligent. Granted...I love to come across on a level of a dumb teenager or dumb country hick at times...but in truth it is an act...I am no where near that dumb or ignorant. Gentle as doves but with the wisdom of a serpent. At home the mask is off and I like to relax and just be normal...and sometimes that means that I am gonna discuss things that require someone to actually have a brain to be able to follow along and engage as well as challenge me in conversation above the level of the weather.  (It isn't as easy as it sounds)

Social Graces are a must.
I may be an extrovert...she being one isn't necessary but...she needs to have some kind of social graces for getting around in social circles. Having only friends that all have major social interaction issues and mental health problems is going to put you in that "friend" column in a heartbeat.

Other than that...no: Lawyers, Doctors, Nurses, Schoolteachers, Police Women, Accountants or professional Musicians. (It isn't that we can't be friends...Just don't want to date any of them)

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Pretty good list John.  I wholeheartedly second your sentiment about a gal who wants me, but doesn't necessarily need me.

I wonder what you have against schoolteachers and accountants?  Those aren't "married to your job" careers...

Jarrod

[chosenone]

A Christian
High moral standards.
Heaps of integrity and honesty.
Patience
Kindness
Contentment
Low maintainance
Easy to please. 

Actually this sounds just like my husband

[celine]

A Christian
High moral standards.
Heaps of integrity and honesty.
Patience
Kindness
Contentment
Low maintainance
Easy to please. 

Actually this sounds just like my husband

I'm sure he'd say the same about you !

[chosenone]

A Christian
High moral standards.
Heaps of integrity and honesty.
Patience
Kindness
Contentment
Low maintainance
Easy to please. 

Actually this sounds just like my husband

I'm sure he'd say the same about you !

Thank you celine, I hope so but I'm not as laid back as him (remember he is Australian and they do tend to be very relaxed and laid back. as in "she'll be right mate"lol)
I also get more passionate about things and feel very strongly about things(which sometimes gets me into trouble here. lol,) so that can cause a few sparks    

[yesult]

Look for someone you can respect. And will still love even if they get old and fat.

(A good test I've always given myself is to picture the person in 30 years. If you don't get turned off, it's a good sign.)

In otherwords who are they? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with that?

If not, don't even begin.

[Cally]

A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction. 

[chosenone]

A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction. 

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman?

[Cally]

A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction. 

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman?

Yer killin' me, C1!

As for Proverbs 31: search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true! 

[Hot Ice]

A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction. 

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman?

Now THAT shocks me!!!

[chosenone]

A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction. 

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman?

Now THAT shocks me!!!

  hehe. Well I guess if I had all of her servants and wealth, I would have more time to work on being perfect...... No, I like people in the Bible who have imperfections.....like........like..... well like everyone in the Bible actually,  except for Jesus of course.
The proverbs woman isnt real after all.   

[Cally]

A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction. 

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman?

Now THAT shocks me!!!

  hehe. Well I guess if I had all of her servants and wealth, I would have more time to work on being perfect...... No, I like people in the Bible who have imperfections.....like........like..... well like everyone in the Bible actually,  except for Jesus of course.
The proverbs woman isnt real after all.   

I think the imagery of that passage mostly sums up a really, really hard-working woman who takes care of home base (the husband was out).

[phoebe]

A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction. 

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman?

Yer killin' me, C1!

As for Proverbs 31: search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true! 

Thanks for sharing your cynicism about wives and marriage with us again, cally.  You never cease to brighten our days, lift our spirits, and encourage us to be better Christ-followers.

It will be a great day, a day worth celebrating, when you see that Scripture is not a rule book for women.

[yesult]

Actually I love the proverbs 31 woman, unlike the way she's often portrayed, she was a woman who her husband allowed to have a life and run what was most important, the business and home front.

How many men will happily give a woman that much power?

The proverbs 31 woman has too often been modelled as someone who should work hard to serve her husband, but if you look at it more closely, it isn't that at all. It's a woman who's allowed to run everything (including trade to make the family wealthy) while her husband sits at the gate.

Now why is her husband sitting at the gate? Because he's lazy? No. Because the gate was like the town centre, the place where the elders sat and watched who went in and out of the city. That's where business was transacted (read Ruth) and important matters discussed. To be able to sit in the gate put your finger on the pulse.

So if the family is rich (because the woman is running the show well) and the man is sitting in the gate with the elders and business transactions - what does that do for the couple at large? Make them influential.

Not a bad combination.

But for a woman to have that much freedom in the first place - the man has to be willing to get behind her and support her in it and release her to do it.

It's actually a scripture of liberty, not oppression, but unfortunatly some men have tried to twist it into what it's not and too often the church has suffered as a result.

[yesult]

PS. And in case, Cally, you or someone else are now going to quote the end of the chapter -
'such a woman, who can find' -


please keep in mind that this was in the days when men sometimes had several wives and even concubines.

Now if you were a woman, married to a man who was just going to trade you in for a younger model when you had a few children, or was getting rich so he could buy a couple of concubines to add to the happy family home, would you work that hard?

You'd be an idiot.

I wouldn't.

I might also add that this proverb was written by king solomon himself. You know, the man who had 1000 wives and concubines. The one who died a heathen from worshipping his wives gods.

You know. The one who was such an expert on matrimonial happiness. 


It's best to really look at the scriptures sometimes. All of them.

[Cally]

First of all, I perceived Chosenone was poking fun at my first comment, so I just intended to poke a little fun back. I really hope it didn't come across to her as anything more than that.

Otherwise, it's clear that the woman in that passage is not meant to be applied in superficial ways--being rich with servant girls is not a prerequisite for being a good wife. There are stand-alone statements in that passage apart from the imagery which I believe are more important.

[chosenone]

First of all, I perceived Chosenone was poking fun at my first comment, so I just intended to poke a little fun back. I really hope it didn't come across to her as anything more than that.

Otherwise, it's clear that the woman in that passage is not meant to be applied in superficial ways--being rich with servant girls is not a prerequisite for being a good wife. There are stand-alone statements in that passage apart from the imagery which I believe are more important.

Cally I realised that you were poking fun and thats how I took it, and thats how I replied to it.

The reason that I dont see her in a  positive way,is that she is portrayed as perfect and the implication is that we all have to be like her. I wish I was as wealthy as her, but I HATE dress making lol. (and I definetly dont get up before anyone else in the house,especially now My kids are grown up).I dont try to be like her but I like the way God made ME.

[chosenone]

A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction. 

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman?

Yer killin' me, C1!

As for Proverbs 31: search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true! 

[chosenone]

A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction. 

What, do you mean like the negative reaction I get when I read about the proverbs 31 woman?

Yer killin' me, C1!

As for Proverbs 31: search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true! 

Thanks for sharing your cynicism about wives and marriage with us again, cally.  You never cease to brighten our days, lift our spirits, and encourage us to be better Christ-followers.

It will be a great day, a day worth celebrating, when you see that Scripture is not a rule book for women.

Phoebe, Cally and I were jesting. It wasnt meant to be serious.

[yesult]

A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.

I didn't find anything funny about his statement, particularly in the way that cally has used them in the past.

And my point, cally, was that the whole chapter needs to be taken in context. Not certain parts picked out and used to make women feel like they arn't succeeding or doing their job properly.

The perfect example of why chosenone commented the way she did.

[Cally]

A good start might be seeing if she can read all of the passages describing what constitutes a good woman/wife in scripture without any kind of negative reaction.

I didn't find anything funny about his statement, particularly in the way that cally has used them in the past.

And my point, cally, was that the whole chapter needs to be taken in context. Not certain parts picked out and used to make women feel like they arn't succeeding or doing their job properly.

The perfect example of why chosenone commented the way she did.

The OP was just about what makes a good man/woman. My comment is extremely sensible in that light. In either case, someone would want a "Christian" and generally agreeable to scripture regardless. But the question of what makes "a good guy or girl in a relationship" (and others had no trouble coming up with their own lists), noting the scriptures pertaining to the matter is extremely logical.

Scripture is meant to be applied, is it not? If a man is trying to find a good woman, I would think that would be a really good time (for a man) to apply them.

Furthermore, there's a difference between someone who aspires to doing something written and someone who sticks his/her nose up at it. Even if the former isn't entirely succeeding, in my mind there's something to work with. Again, I simply answered the OP here the way others did.

[phoebe]

...

Scripture is meant to be applied, is it not?

...

Nope.  Not all of it.  Much of it is simply an historical accounting.  When Judas hanged himself, you don't apply that to yourself, do you?  I know I don't!

[phoebe]

Actually I love the proverbs 31 woman, unlike the way she's often portrayed, she was a woman who her husband allowed to have a life and run what was most important, the business and home front.

How many men will happily give a woman that much power?

The proverbs 31 woman has too often been modelled as someone who should work hard to serve her husband, but if you look at it more closely, it isn't that at all. It's a woman who's allowed to run everything (including trade to make the family wealthy) while her husband sits at the gate.

Now why is her husband sitting at the gate? Because he's lazy? No. Because the gate was like the town centre, the place where the elders sat and watched who went in and out of the city. That's where business was transacted (read Ruth) and important matters discussed. To be able to sit in the gate put your finger on the pulse.

So if the family is rich (because the woman is running the show well) and the man is sitting in the gate with the elders and business transactions - what does that do for the couple at large? Make them influential.

Not a bad combination.

But for a woman to have that much freedom in the first place - the man has to be willing to get behind her and support her in it and release her to do it.

It's actually a scripture of liberty, not oppression, but unfortunatly some men have tried to twist it into what it's not and too often the church has suffered as a result.

Really good.  Manna.

[chosenone]

...

Scripture is meant to be applied, is it not?

...

Nope.  Not all of it.  Much of it is simply an historical accounting.  When Judas hanged himself, you don't apply that to yourself, do you?  I know I don't!

God gives specific instructions to men and women, to husbands and to wives. Its up to us if we ignore Him or not.

[walker starr]

   Proverbs 31 is a praise and a tribute to WOMEN.  (ALSO AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT MAKES A GOOD WIFE.)
   I was blessed with such.  Thank you JESUS,amen.

[Cally]

...

Scripture is meant to be applied, is it not?

...

Nope.  Not all of it.  Much of it is simply an historical accounting.  When Judas hanged himself, you don't apply that to yourself, do you?  I know I don't!

Historical accounting is applicable by examples. Judas passed judgment on himself rather than repent. Don't do it.

If a man is looking for a good woman, he is well-advised to FIND a woman fitting what Proverbs describes as good ("woman of noble character"), avoiding the bad (the "contentious woman" referenced four separate times). Everything outside of Proverbs also.

By the way, yesult, Solomon did not "die a heathen." He wrote Proverbs firstly, apparently he knew what he was doing in "Song of Songs," and then he wrote Ecclesiastes which chronicled his hit or miss lifetime and concluded: obey God and keep his commands, for this is the entire duty of man. He married crazy women who got him to build shrines to foreign gods--he gave in to the women, though there's no reason to believe he actually worshiped those gods.

Moreover, I have heard plenty of "rules" and judgments and criticisms for men from Phoebe and yesult, only you don't have any scripture to back yourselves up.

[JohnDB]

WOW Cally,
Now that is phariseeical.

I'm with them in that a "proverbs 31" woman is more of an explanation of the Bride of Christ than a real person.

But in the meantime can you tone it down a notch?  I know nothing is more irritating than family but there is nothing better (aside from God) either. K?

[Cally]

WOW Cally,
Now that is phariseeical.

I'm with them in that a "proverbs 31" woman is more of an explanation of the Bride of Christ than a real person.

But in the meantime can you tone it down a notch?  I know nothing is more irritating than family but there is nothing better (aside from God) either. K?

What? It's "phariseeical" (interesting term) to say a good woman agrees with the sort of good woman described in scripture? I already provided that the situational aspects are examples, like how she's married to a rich husband with servant girls and such? Proverbs 31 is written not for being used?

[JohnDB]

Jesus never once told someone who was a regular person that they "didn't measure up". The one ones He ever said anything like that to were the ones(pharisees) who told the common person that they "didn't measure up".
I thought you didn't want to go down that path.
Edifying is much better than destroying & degrading; especially when it involves someone else's servant/wife.

[Cally]

Jesus never once told someone who was a regular person that they "didn't measure up". The one ones He ever said anything like that to were the ones(pharisees) who told the common person that they "didn't measure up".
I thought you didn't want to go down that path.
Edifying is much better than destroying & degrading; especially when it involves someone else's servant/wife.

The OP was: "what makes a good" (man or woman)

You can see lists and descriptions for men and women here. You gave one for women yourself.

But there's something terribly wrong with me saying that the answer is what the Bible says? What's more, I already said (and provided) that my comment was not about someone being absolutely perfect but at least being en route, as it were, just as everyone is in all other areas of life.

[JohnDB]

The Pharisees used a lot of scripture too. They also were there at the Temple on the Day of Atonement too.

How is your behavior being any different than theirs?   

[Cally]

The Pharisees used a lot of scripture too. They also were there at the Temple on the Day of Atonement too.

How is your behavior being any different than theirs?   

I don't follow at all, John. I think you are imagining things. Do you have an example of a time a Pharisee said something similar that you'd like to use for comparison?

You made a list of qualities that you think constitute a good woman. If I were to make my own personal description, it may bear a striking resemblance to what's found in scripture. Or, a "good start" would be agreeableness to said list: i.e. I have qualities that I think make a "good woman" in mind, but a "good start" would be "yeah that sounds good."

Would you have preferred that I just listed qualities like you did, rather than say for brevity's sake "it's in scripture"?

[JohnDB]

There are many ways to "skin a cat". (To borrow an expression)

What we are talking about is the method you used today to get your desires across.