Relationship Advice

[NullByte]

Hello everyone, this is my first post, quite frankly I am longing for advice, maybe just to dump some of the bothers of my heart for others to read, maybe to give me some hindsight on my life and daily walk, either way I hope you to hear your thoughts.

I am in my lower 20's, I work full-time at job I've always wanted to have, still working through college, all that good stuff. I have been dating the same girl since I was 16 years old, we have been through rough times, but have always managed to continue on. I made a pretty big mistake when I was 18 and cheated on her. I buried this action down so far hoping it would never resurface. Then 2 years later, my heart started convicting me, my relationship that was growing with Jesus was causing a conflict with what I wanted to do and what I should do. I looked for everyway around not telling my girlfriend. I broke down one day and told her. It went better than expected, considering I expected her to never talk to me again.

We worked through a lot of problems I caused, and slowly moved forward; I knew it would be hard for her to trust me again, and it's going to be a work in progress years to come if our relationship lasts.

We are both believers in Jesus, she from a Pentecostal church, and I am from a Baptist, but we share a lot of the same beliefs.

Here is where the real trouble has began, I started getting convicted of several parts of my life, which has lead me to change, Jesus is working through my life, he is writing a new heart in me. The relationship we have had has been a very sexual one, not as sexual as some, but more than enough to be considered fornication. I started getting really convicted on this, and I told her I wanted to stop doing the sexual things we were doing, because I know that's what God would want, and I didn't want to live with the conviction my heart was baring.

She was hurt, she feels rejected, unattractive. She is not convicted of our sexual relationship. She tells me after I told her that I cheated on her the only thing that made her feel like I was hers was when we were "fooling around

[MrQuietGuy]

She is depending on the physical for her feeling of self-worth. Perhaps this is due to how she was brought up, or things that have happened to her in the past.

I think you need to help her with her self-esteem by showing her that she is also a beautiful person in other respects. Let her know you appreciate her when she does something good by giving her lots of praise. Continually let her know that she has other qualities, whatever they are, such as intelligence, compassion, empathy, values, etc.

Help her to find out if she does have baggage from the past (which she may not even realize herself) and work with her to understand that those things don't define her as a person.

You will be richly rewarded (both by God and by her) if you can participate in making her a whole and happy person, but it will take work for both of you.

Tom M.

[NullByte]

I appreciate your response, and you are correct about things that have happened to her. Not physical just emotional, her dad did not want her as a child. She has never really had a father.

The thing is she realizes these things, she knows what has happened in the past has messed her up in ways.

I will do my best, thank you.