x fiancee

[mind boggled]

::cryingtears::I was doing better after 5 months or so of sending my engagement back to my passive agressive fiancee...but I keep having setbacks. I just couldnt go out with my friends tonight & I just cant seem to have much intrest in guys...I seem to have a lot of walls up.....I dont want to have...I want to move on now....I've prayed God will send me my compatible lifetime mate ....I want to be happily married so badly...I ran across the suitcases he gave me last year.....He made it like abig suprise ...knowing that i thought i was gettting my engagement ring....he even said...I know ya thought it was going to be your engagement ring ...so why did he do it like that? He is passive aggressive & that was a great example....making it seem like he was giving me this wonderful suprise I was waiting for...when he could have just let me unwrap it..like the other gifts....I just want to put the suitcases on his doorstep with his stupid stuffed animal he gave me that looks like him (I gave it his name)...& attatch a note telling him to give them to his next victim...& also tell him he is sadistic & cruel)...I don't know why I luv him still......& I cant believe I'm still hurting this much..i keep praying that God gives him the desire to change & know him......so why do I still have this hurt & anger....Will it go away when I find mr. perfect God has for me....I tryed to talk myself into going out tonight but I just couldnt.....appreciate prayers & advice....if it would help him I would totally do the porch & note thing. it would help me feel better..I know that!..any advice....luv ya bothers & sisters...God bless mind boggled

[comfy]

I need to pray about this, in order to find out what to do and think; and this is what you need to do. I offer, that if we pray, we can find out how God makes us clear, in His peace.

One thing . . . I would say not to spend time trying to think of what to do to control him and what he thinks, and how to make him "get it". But I need how God gets through to me

You are still hung up on him, maybe we could say. If this has such power over you, I'd say you can't, at the same time, be relating right and well with someone you belong with . . . with your friends or Mr. Right or whoever. But first I would say you need to change with God so this guy does not have such power and effect over you. Totally forgiving him is what this means, so that he becomes the same as any other poor person in need of prayer, and no more.

Possibly, he can still have such effect because he represented things you wanted, though he could not deliver. And possibly your desiring those things is your real and main problem which keeps you down so you are weak enough to keep on being bothered about him. It may be you need to dump those fantasies, and find out what you really need to be seeking.

But what if you desire to get with a really right man and God does want this? Well, still, you may be the wrong way about this, so you could get with the wrong person and fool yourself so much, in evaluating who you got into a relationship with. You're still relating with this guy; you can't connect well with a really right person while still you can keep on being under the power of this. And while you are able to be confused like this, you now could just get with some other person like him; so you need to be changed, corrected, healed, first. "'But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.'" (Matthew 6:33) You can not connect right with a right person, until you first get free of this stuff that is getting the better of you. Or you could merely get charmed and harmed by some more of the same-o with someone else.

What has helped me with ones I don't belong with is I look most of all at how I can be attracted to such no-shows. I'm the problem, not the ones I get attracted to. So, I do well to offer myself to God for how You, only, can correct me, LORD, and get me into Your peace with clear thinking and feelings and enjoying You and obeying You. Then see what You have me doing with You in Your peace.

Please give her honesty and peace so she can give herself first to You, then discover with You. If this prayer is pleasing to You, please prove this to her, and we ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

Also, Mind Boggled, God has mature examples for you to get to know personally, so you can discover and feed on how they relate and love in their marriages and with other people. So, please make an effort to find these people, instead of just hanging out with pals more your own level and your own speed. "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

[chosenone]

5 months is very soon. You need go to through the grieving process at what you lost, and dont rush things. I am not surprised that you arent yet interested in other men, it takes a lot of time. I think you need to heal far more before you think about meeting anyone else. I know that I had been married for 23 years when it suddenely ended,  but it took me 4 years before I was interested in anyone else. You will know when you are ready I am sure, but it isnt yet. So many people just jump into another relationship far too soon out of neediness, and that is a mistake.
God Bless

[777]

I would grieve for 10 years, then think about dating someone for 2, date for 3, then get married.  So........you're 15 years out from ever being married anyway.  Why do women think so much?  Analyze so much?

Seriously though, a woman's mind is MUCH more complex than a guy's.  They start to see things in their relationship that aren't there & conjure up feelings that don't exist.  Don't mean to sound critical, but I see posts like this everywhere.  When in doubt, choose the most simplistic route.  We don't get caught up in the mushy stuff.........even though we tell you we do.  lol  Marry the man!!!!

[chosenone]

I would grieve for 10 years, then think about dating someone for 2, date for 3, then get married.  So........you're 15 years out from ever being married anyway.  Why do women think so much?  Analyze so much?

Seriously though, a woman's mind is MUCH more complex than a guy's.  They start to see things in their relationship that aren't there & conjure up feelings that don't exist.  Don't mean to sound critical, but I see posts like this everywhere.  When in doubt, choose the most simplistic route.  We don't get caught up in the mushy stuff.........even though we tell you we do.  lol  Marry the man!!!!

The whole point is that he wont marry her. He has serious committment issues.