Sex just isn't pleasurable for her because of her multiple sclerosis

[lonegreywolf20]

I guess my wife researched something call Anorgasmia because my wife is unable to have an orgasm. She used to be able to before me met me, but it started before and has progressed after meeting me.

One of the causes is multiple sclerosis, which my wife is diagnosed with. Because MS has to do with the central nervous system and can degrade the peripheral nervous system, this is how it can cause Anorgasmia. Since there is no cure for MS at this time, it's something that her and I have to figure out.

She feels bad, because she pretty much rushes me to get the act done and over with. Since it's not pleasurable to her, she wants it finished as soon as possible. There is nothing that a doctor can do for her. We know because we have asked. It seems to be just the nature of the disease.

I am doing my best to deal with this as I have since before we know what it was. It's extremely hard for me because not only do I have a high sex drive, but my main love language is physical touch. I crave physical touch from my wife. She is very conservative in that area as well.

I guess I'm not looking for any answers. I just wanted to say all this and get it out.

Thanks for reading.

[zoonance]

I have no advise except to focus as much as you can on everything else.  Forcing the issue won't work.  Meeting needs will best occur when meeting needs is mutual.  One will lead to the other.  If her need is understanding, helping around the house, etc etc etc, the odds are greater that she will want to meet yours even if it isn't her need.  Just like "cleaning house" or other honeydos likely isn't yours!  :)

[lonegreywolf20]

I have no advise except to focus as much as you can on everything else.  Forcing the issue won't work.  Meeting needs will best occur when meeting needs is mutual.  One will lead to the other.  If her need is understanding, helping around the house, etc etc etc, the odds are greater that she will want to meet yours even if it isn't her need.  Just like "cleaning house" or other honeydos likely isn't yours!  :)

That has actually never been an issue, me cleaning the house (there really isn't a honeydo list since we live in an apartment and if something breaks in the apartment the maintence guys fix it). I meet her needs as much as I possibly can. Even know that I'm working, I come home at 7pm after leaving at 6am and most times I have cooked dinner for just me or both of us. I still clean-up around the house.

My wife isn't one of those if you meet my needs I will meet yours type of people. She knows that I want sex, and I don't force the issue at all. She says no, I stop. Since it isn't pleasurable for her and because she knows that I can sense that she wants it over with since it's more like a chore to her, she just doesn't want to do it. I can understand how she feels.

I want to be able to help her, but knowing there is nothing that I can do it's frustrating.

[Tandemlady]

I guess my wife researched something call Anorgasmia because my wife is unable to have an orgasm. She used to be able to before me met me, but it started before and has progressed after meeting me.

One of the causes is multiple sclerosis, which my wife is diagnosed with. Because MS has to do with the central nervous system and can degrade the peripheral nervous system, this is how it can cause Anorgasmia. Since there is no cure for MS at this time, it's something that her and I have to figure out.

She feels bad, because she pretty much rushes me to get the act done and over with. Since it's not pleasurable to her, she wants it finished as soon as possible. There is nothing that a doctor can do for her. We know because we have asked. It seems to be just the nature of the disease.

I am doing my best to deal with this as I have since before we know what it was. It's extremely hard for me because not only do I have a high sex drive, but my main love language is physical touch. I crave physical touch from my wife. She is very conservative in that area as well.

I guess I'm not looking for any answers. I just wanted to say all this and get it out.

Thanks for reading.

I highly recommend you and your wife seek counseling to better learn how to meet one another's needs for intimacy (not only sex).  If she will not go, then go alone.  Also, you may want to consult a sex therapist if the marriage counselor's efforts are insufficient.

Blessings!
Tandemlady

[chosenone]

lonegreywolf
This did make me sad because in marriage surely we are there to please our spouses and not just to do what we ourselves want all the time? If she isnt that interested in sex, the fact that you are, should mean that she makes the effort for you to please you and to meet your needs. I would have hoped that it was enjoyable to her just because she sees you enjoying it and having pleasure.To aviod it completely isnt the answer surely, and no matter what God does say not to deprive each other so there isnt temptation to stray. Maybe you two need some outside help on this.   

[Mere Nick]

I will say this, lonegreywolf20.  I admire you for being there for her.  A girl I knew growing up died from lupus.  Her husband pulled bags on her when she was diagnosed.  I know one or two folks with MS but don't know much about it beyond that.  It does seem that the advice from others here to continue to seek outside help is a good idea.   

[lonegreywolf20]

I guess my wife researched something call Anorgasmia because my wife is unable to have an orgasm. She used to be able to before me met me, but it started before and has progressed after meeting me.

One of the causes is multiple sclerosis, which my wife is diagnosed with. Because MS has to do with the central nervous system and can degrade the peripheral nervous system, this is how it can cause Anorgasmia. Since there is no cure for MS at this time, it's something that her and I have to figure out.

She feels bad, because she pretty much rushes me to get the act done and over with. Since it's not pleasurable to her, she wants it finished as soon as possible. There is nothing that a doctor can do for her. We know because we have asked. It seems to be just the nature of the disease.

I am doing my best to deal with this as I have since before we know what it was. It's extremely hard for me because not only do I have a high sex drive, but my main love language is physical touch. I crave physical touch from my wife. She is very conservative in that area as well.

I guess I'm not looking for any answers. I just wanted to say all this and get it out.

Thanks for reading.

I highly recommend you and your wife seek counseling to better learn how to meet one another's needs for intimacy (not only sex).  If she will not go, then go alone.  Also, you may want to consult a sex therapist if the marriage counselor's efforts are insufficient.

Blessings!
Tandemlady

Tandemlady, currently we both see a counselor separately. She wants to do this solo because she says we need to fix ourselves before we can work on our marriage together. She goes once a month as that's what Medicare/Medicaid allow. I see a free one currently, but that will change once my Americorps benefits kick in and they may not pay for it. If that's the case, then I will still see the free one.

Neither counselor is a Christian counselor though. It's very hard to find a Christian counselor it seems that is free. The one that we did find stopped seeing us after they switched offices. That was the only one we could find.

I asked if we could work on ourselves as well as our marriage and she said no because we tried that before and it didn't work.

[lonegreywolf20]

lonegreywolf
This did make me sad because in marriage surely we are there to please our spouses and not just to do what we ourselves want all the time? If she isnt that interested in sex, the fact that you are, should mean that she makes the effort for you to please you and to meet your needs. I would have hoped that it was enjoyable to her just because she sees you enjoying it and having pleasure.To aviod it completely isnt the answer surely, and no matter what God does say not to deprive each other so there isnt temptation to stray. Maybe you two need some outside help on this.   

chosenone, I didn't mean to imply that we never have sex. We have it once a week, sometimes less, but I have never had to wait for more than a month.

She very much sees it as a chore that she has to do because of the fact that she gets nothing from it. With that said, the reason why I do get it when I get it is because she knows that I have a high sex drive. It just saddens me that that's the reason why. For me sex is more than just sex, it's me coming closer to my wife. Last night she gave me a hard time because I wanted to cuddle with her and nothing more. She's not that into cuddling either.

I am starting to wonder if it may have something to do with the fact that we seem to be unable to have children. Maybe in her subconscious she's thinking why have sex when I can't have children?

She is unable to bear children because she is sterile it seems from being infused with novantrone (which is a chemotherapy drug) for her MS. One of the side effects is sterility.

[Nathanael]

I agree with chosenone... husband and wife are to be there for each other. Love means learning to give your partner care and attention in the way that they need it, and if you have a desire for love expressed in cuddles etc, then it is important for your wife to give you that. Its not about her feeling like cuddling, its about serving you in love. The exact same goes for you. Loving her through actions, whatever she needs from you based on her 'love language'.

Obviously its hard to share cuddles etc if there is animosity between you, so any root issues will need to be talked about and addressed, but the underlying principle has to be, in my opinion, the husband and wife honour each other by keeping up the effort to choose to express love in ways each other needs. Perhaps you are already compromising on what you ideally want because you love your wife and know she is not that interested in physical touch. she is making some effort to meet your needs, but it seems the balancing act is not quite there as yet.

I think that waiting until you are both 'sorted' individually is not necessarily the best, the work on your marriage can start immediately, with an act of the will to put each other first, asking God to enable you both to prefer each other above yourselves. I say this to myself, not just you, its key for us all.

[phoebe]

lonegrey - IMO, it most likely has to do with her chemical balance of hormones thrown away with her treatment.  Absence of libido can make any sex, even with someone you deeply love, feel like rape.  Ask her doctor if there is anything that can be done for her in this area.  I'm not a big proponent of tinkering with hormones, but sometimes there is natural therapy that will do the trick.  Inability to have children may be a big emotional factor.  You want to find pleasure with the same act and in the same place that would bring babies.  Counseling may be needed for her.  Or a really good mentor who understands the barren womb.

For you, be extra tender, extra sensitive with her, bringing her along with you ever so slowly.  Physical touch without expectation of sex as the conclusion is important for her every day.  You don't want her to dread your nearness out of fear of some unspoken and possibly wrong expectation.

Folks who have "normal sex lives" don't know enough to really appreciate it.

[chosenone]

Absense of libido doesnt mean that sex with a spouse feels like rape!!!!Goodness me. I am sure that many many people have sex with their spouses even if they feel no sexual desire for whatever reason, whether it be illness, medication, hormones or just that at that time they dont 'feel'' like it, but they can still enjoy giving to their spouse what they need. Sex doesnt have to always just be when both spouses sexually desire it. It can be a giving loving thing to do, and the word rape doesnt come into it. Its just like anything else in marriage, where we give to our spouses what they desire, as well as them giving to us what we do.
  IN most marriages there will be a difference in libido anyway, so one will usually be giving more than the other in that way.
What is 'normal' anyway. All marriages are totally different, and there is really no such thing as 'normal'.

[phoebe]

Chosenone - absence of libido is far more than they "just don't 'feel' like it".  Absence of, not diminished.  Not some natural aging process.  A chemical burning away, stolen libido. 

Life is not always as easy as you'd like it to be.

[zoonance]

Make sure it isn't painful/uncomfortable.  (lubricant for instance)  Feeling nothing is one thing.  Feeling pain is another.  Obviously, I have no idea what she does or doesn't feel!  (I'm sure you are glad I don't!)

[PatientMan]

I would like to include a completely different perspective on this issue, which I believe is the root of the problem.  Lonewolf20, you said that your wife has MS and becasue of that there are other issues (lack of libido, unable to have an orgasm).  It is wonderful that you appear to be very understanding about this and it appears that you care about your wife.  Kudos to you.  May I suggest an additional approach--I am assuming that you are a Christian.

Why not work on getting your wife healed.  God wants her well and I'm sure you do.  I can't go into all of the details in one post.  I believe in divine healing, but probably not the way most people think of it.  I don't believe (any longer) that we pray to God to heal someone and God decides whether to do it or not.  I now believe that God has already provided healing for us and all we have to do is believe.  Jesus died for our sins and our diseases (Matthew 8:17, Acts 10:38, Mark 16:18).  The bible says that God heals all of our diseases (Psalm 1).  Begin to investigate this for your wife's sake.  Here are some sites that I know will help you in this.

www.awmi.net
www.jglm.org
www.cfhunter.org

I pray that your wife's MS would be totally removed from her body.  I pray that she would be healed totally from this moment on.  I pray she be in good health and prosper just as her soul prospsers.

I know this is probably a reply that you did not expect, but in dealing with it I would encourage you to get it removed from your marriage--the MS that is.  I believe in this and have seen it work myself and even through me by Jesus Christ.  Be blessed.

[lonegreywolf20]

I would like to include a completely different perspective on this issue, which I believe is the root of the problem.  Lonewolf20, you said that your wife has MS and becasue of that there are other issues (lack of libido, unable to have an orgasm).  It is wonderful that you appear to be very understanding about this and it appears that you care about your wife.  Kudos to you.  May I suggest an additional approach--I am assuming that you are a Christian.

Why not work on getting your wife healed.  God wants her well and I'm sure you do.  I can't go into all of the details in one post.  I believe in divine healing, but probably not the way most people think of it.  I don't believe (any longer) that we pray to God to heal someone and God decides whether to do it or not.  I now believe that God has already provided healing for us and all we have to do is believe.  Jesus died for our sins and our diseases (Matthew 8:17, Acts 10:38, Mark 16:18).  The bible says that God heals all of our diseases (Psalm 1).  Begin to investigate this for your wife's sake.  Here are some sites that I know will help you in this.

www.awmi.net
www.jglm.org
www.cfhunter.org

I pray that your wife's MS would be totally removed from her body.  I pray that she would be healed totally from this moment on.  I pray she be in good health and prosper just as her soul prospsers.

I know this is probably a reply that you did not expect, but in dealing with it I would encourage you to get it removed from your marriage--the MS that is.  I believe in this and have seen it work myself and even through me by Jesus Christ.  Be blessed.

If you're speaking of laying of hands, that has been done many, many times for her. Both before I met her and after as well.

There are many Christians that have MS and they too have had hands laid on them and still they remain with MS. It's my belief that God will use people in their illness and not allow them to be healed. That is my belief for my wife, that she is one of those people. What He has in store for her I do not know, but it is my belief none-the-less.

Not everyone that has hands laid on them are healed. I too am one of those people with my hand injury. I have had many people lay hands on me as well and yet my injury is still here. So I believe that somehow I will be used by God for something that also will be related to my injury.

Thank you for your reply, but we have been down that avenue before.

[PatientMan]

Hello longreywolf20.  I really didn't expect that answer, though I respect it.  What if you had a virus in your arm and had been seen by the doctors only to be told that there was nothing you could do, but live with it. Now suppose 2 years later I come to you and says "I have the answer for that virus.  You can be healed with this new medical breakthrough--the wonder pill.  Would you like to check it out?"  What would you say?  Would you say, "I'm sorry but the doctors already told me nothing could be done, but thanks" or would you look into it.

Like I said, I respect your belief, though I disagree greatly with it.  However, I was only asking you to take another look.  I don't know what you have been taught about healing or what you know.  That isn't the issue for me.  I'm saying to you, "Check this out."  I've provided some resources.  I think it would be worth it.

Also, I was not speaking about laying on of hands in particular.  I simply believe what the bible says, my friend and consider that I'm only trying to help.  Just check it out.  God does not want anyone sick.  The bible shows us that Jesus healed all that came to him.  There was never a situation or person where Jesus told someone that their sickness was for some purpose.  Jesus said that a house divided cannot stand.  So if Jesus went around healing people and yet God uses sickness to teach us something or for some purpose then even God would be divided.  The bible shows us a loving heavenly Father who wants us well.  He has provided healing for us in the same way that he has provided salvation.  Both are obtained by faith.  However, our doubts and unbelief counter our faith in many areas not just healing.  We really don't learn these things in churches.  Instead the churches teach us that God makes us sick, he uses it to teach us something, etc.  Those are not true.  Would you as a parent in any way wish harm on your children.  So why would we think that our heavenly Father would want harm to come to us?

There is no way that I can tell you what I know about this topic and what I have seen and believe from the word of God.  However, as I respect your belief I ask that you respect mine please and give it another fresh look please.  Not based on what you know, but with a clean slate so to speak.  I'll beg you if I have to.  For your sake and your wife's sake just look at the resources I gave you and then see what you think and believe.  Please.  Look at it from a different perspective.  Please.

God wants you and your wife well.  God loves you.  God does not use sickness for any purpose, which is why Jesus erradicated it from everyone who came to him for help.  The bible says that Jesus took our infirmities and bore our sicknesses (Matt. 8:17).  The bible says that one of the benefits of God is that he heals all of our diseases (Ps 103).  The bible says that by the stripes that Jesus took upon himself we are healed.  God provided everything for us not merely a final destination so to speak.  He wants you blessed not sick.  So again please just look at the resources.  Please. Please. Please.  Don't let this opportunity pass without just checking it out.  That's all I ask.  I'd say it is worth it.

I am going to pray for you and your wife to be totally healed and I am going (and I do) believe that God has already done it.  Keep me posted, my friend. 

[lonegreywolf20]

Hello longreywolf20.  I really didn't expect that answer, though I respect it.  What if you had a virus in your arm and had been seen by the doctors only to be told that there was nothing you could do, but live with it. Now suppose 2 years later I come to you and says "I have the answer for that virus.  You can be healed with this new medical breakthrough--the wonder pill.  Would you like to check it out?"  What would you say?  Would you say, "I'm sorry but the doctors already told me nothing could be done, but thanks" or would you look into it.

Like I said, I respect your belief, though I disagree greatly with it.  However, I was only asking you to take another look.  I don't know what you have been taught about healing or what you know.  That isn't the issue for me.  I'm saying to you, "Check this out."  I've provided some resources.  I think it would be worth it.

Also, I was not speaking about laying on of hands in particular.  I simply believe what the bible says, my friend and consider that I'm only trying to help.  Just check it out.  God does not want anyone sick.  The bible shows us that Jesus healed all that came to him.  There was never a situation or person where Jesus told someone that their sickness was for some purpose.  Jesus said that a house divided cannot stand.  So if Jesus went around healing people and yet God uses sickness to teach us something or for some purpose then even God would be divided.  The bible shows us a loving heavenly Father who wants us well.  He has provided healing for us in the same way that he has provided salvation.  Both are obtained by faith.  However, our doubts and unbelief counter our faith in many areas not just healing.  We really don't learn these things in churches.  Instead the churches teach us that God makes us sick, he uses it to teach us something, etc.  Those are not true.  Would you as a parent in any way wish harm on your children.  So why would we think that our heavenly Father would want harm to come to us?

There is no way that I can tell you what I know about this topic and what I have seen and believe from the word of God.  However, as I respect your belief I ask that you respect mine please and give it another fresh look please.  Not based on what you know, but with a clean slate so to speak.  I'll beg you if I have to.  For your sake and your wife's sake just look at the resources I gave you and then see what you think and believe.  Please.  Look at it from a different perspective.  Please.

God wants you and your wife well.  God loves you.  God does not use sickness for any purpose, which is why Jesus erradicated it from everyone who came to him for help.  The bible says that Jesus took our infirmities and bore our sicknesses (Matt. 8:17).  The bible says that one of the benefits of God is that he heals all of our diseases (Ps 103).  The bible says that by the stripes that Jesus took upon himself we are healed.  God provided everything for us not merely a final destination so to speak.  He wants you blessed not sick.  So again please just look at the resources.  Please. Please. Please.  Don't let this opportunity pass without just checking it out.  That's all I ask.  I'd say it is worth it.

I am going to pray for you and your wife to be totally healed and I am going (and I do) believe that God has already done it.  Keep me posted, my friend. 

I have taken a look at the resources that you provided and I still stand by my belief.

Thank you again.

[PatientMan]

No problem at all.  I was just trying to help.  You want to continue in your belief.  There are hours of video, audio, and reading on those sites and there is no way that you could have gone through them in a few hours.  This says nothing about the resulting bible study that would occur.  However, I did what I had to do.   I do care about you and your wife and was just sharing what I know to be true.  God bless you always.  I won't bother you any longer.

[lonegreywolf20]

No problem at all.  I was just trying to help.  You want to continue in your belief.  There are hours of video, audio, and reading on those sites and there is no way that you could have gone through them in a few hours.  This says nothing about the resulting bible study that would occur.  However, I did what I had to do.   I do care about you and your wife and was just sharing what I know to be true.  God bless you always.  I won't bother you any longer.

The key point is what you know to be true. What I know to be true is what I told you my belief is.

Again, I still thank you for trying and may God bless you as well.

[PatientMan]

I understand, my friend.  However, what I know to be true is merely what the bible says.  Truth isn't a relative thing else everyone would have their own belief and their own truth.  I have lined my beliefs with merely what the bible says.  I used to believe the same thing you believe until I started to read and study the bible without interpreting it the way the church told me (I'm not implying that you are doing that).  I got a Strong's concordance, bible dictionaries, concordances, Greek resources, blah blah.  I then noticed that the bible was "saying" different things then what the church told me.  I found myself saying many times, "But that's not what they said in church."  The bible never said God wants me sick or anyone for that matter.  The bible says that Jesus healed all who came to him.  The bible says that God heals all of our diseases.  The bible shows us that sickness is not of God.  So either the bible was true or it was a lie and I was right.  We both couldn't be right.  I decided that the bible was true and now I live my life that way.  I measure things from the perspective of what the scriptures say and not my experiences.  My experiences do not make the bible right or wrong.  God's word is his word, the bottom line is that we simply do not believe it (myself included).  I saw how much I really didn't believe God or his word.  The resources I provided to you helped me tremendously out of that religious hole.  I was just trying to do the same for you.  Been there, done that.  You sound just like me many years ago.

Can you blame me for trying again!     You may still believe what you believe, but I've planted the seed.  God knows how to get to you.

Have a good one!  It was great "talking" to you!

[terishere]

Hang in there Lone, You're a patient and understanding man when it comes to your wife's MS. Believe me, I've seen some men act like complete selfish jerks when it comnes to their wives having MS. I read many posts from women with MS and I've experienced it myself.

Maybe you and your wife can talk to her Neuro and/or gyno to see if anything can be done....

And, your faith is tremendous! It's one thing to have faith when everything is going well, but in the face of adversity or illness, to still have faith, carries a very strong testimony to non believers.

Don't ever think because there is no healing, that you or your wife is lacking in faith. Look at Paul, he prayed 3 times to have his infrimity taken away, but God didn't do it. Or the 18 that died when the tower of Siloh fell on them, Christ was asked if they were worse sinners....Christ said no. In this world stuff happens to good and bad, sinners and saved ones. Everything is in God's timing....And even if someone is healed...they will still eventually die. We all do....What's important is our spiritual walk, our spiritual life....for in the end, we will be spiritual with our glorious spiritual bodies. These flesh bodies are temperal, though they are amazing bodies, they are not the be all and end all...But our spiriutal bodies are and they are to last forever

[phoebe]

Nice post, Ter.

Lonegrey--an MS support group might be helpful to you and/or hour wife.  I'm sure others struggle with this, too.

[terishere]

Nice post, Ter.

Lonegrey--an MS support group might be helpful to you and/or hour wife.  I'm sure others struggle with this, too.

Thanks Phoebe....

Lone, Phoebe is right, there are support groups for MS. I belong to one. I'm not sure if I can post the link here, but it's called MSworld. There are many sections there....general, kids, parents, women issues, men's issues, relationships.... There are a few women there that discuss the same thing your wife is going through...

If anything, being there with others who understand what you are going through, lightens the load a bit.

[lonegreywolf20]

Thank you phoebe and terishere!

My wife and I go to a MS Support group once a month here in our town. It's an awesome group, but we're the youngest couple that goes... by many years. We don't mind the age difference though and I seem to get along with those that are much older than me compared to those that are my same age. I think that stems from my grandparents and when they would babysit me. A lot of times when they would babysit me, they would take me with them to their friend's houses for get a together and such. I grew up more around older people, than kids my own age.

My wife is funny about internet forums. She really doesn't go to them. She has said to me a few times that I shouldn't be going to them either. Her reasoning is that you get told too many things and you never know which way to go. I keep reminding her that I have been frequenting internet forums for many years before I met her and can discern what information I want to retain and what it is I don't. I'm not that easily influenced by forums.

I will probably be the one that joins the forum, but it can help her through me.

[terishere]

Thank you phoebe and terishere!

My wife and I go to a MS Support group once a month here in our town. It's an awesome group, but we're the youngest couple that goes... by many years. We don't mind the age difference though and I seem to get along with those that are much older than me compared to those that are my same age. I think that stems from my grandparents and when they would babysit me. A lot of times when they would babysit me, they would take me with them to their friend's houses for get a together and such. I grew up more around older people, than kids my own age.

My wife is funny about internet forums. She really doesn't go to them. She has said to me a few times that I shouldn't be going to them either. Her reasoning is that you get told too many things and you never know which way to go. I keep reminding her that I have been frequenting internet forums for many years before I met her and can discern what information I want to retain and what it is I don't. I'm not that easily influenced by forums.

I will probably be the one that joins the forum, but it can help her through me.

You're welcome Lone! At least you both are getting support....that's important.

The MSworld site is also for caregivers/partners of MS patients....It's a great place to vent, if nothing else, for all of us understand where each of us are coming from

[Janice]

I know this is an old thread, but I also know that issues like this are not easily resolved and in fact may get worse over time. To the OP, if you are still around, take a look at this pamphlet.

http://mssociety.ca/en/pdf/MS_Intimacy.pdf

You might find some of it helpful. I attended a conference with a panel of guest speakers (couples where one has MS) on the subject. They said it is a huge challenge in the marriage, but there are ways to work with it. One of those ways is to change the way the partner with MS thinks. Someone else on this board actually mentioned it - it is to change how the partner with MS thinks about sex. Let's just say you enjoy hockey and your wife enjoys opera. Most couples will take at least a minimal interest simply because their partner is interested. I'm sure if you won tickets to your favourite team's hockey, your wife may accompany you to the game and even get swept up in the hooplah; likewise, I'm sure that if your wife's favourite opera was in town, you might want to take her simply because you enjoy pleasing her and are interested in the things she enjoys. That is how the person with MS can learn to think about sex. You are interested in it, and your wife likes to see you receive pleasure. And if intercourse is not going to happen due to lack of physiological response, there are other ways of expressing sexual intimacy. You both might have to do a little creative thinking.

Here is another link that has a lot of very useful information with downloadable pamphlets:

http://mssociety.ca/en/help/booklets.htm

Learn as much as you can, attend workshops, conferences, support groups, and continue to be patient as you and your wife continue to adjust to the changes that come along with MS.

All the best to you and your wife!