Sooo confused: Relationships, Sex, Alcohol etc.

[hgchrisfor]

Note: Sorry for the length. But please read all of his to get the whole picture.

I was transferred to Chicago for work earlier this year. There I met a Christian girl that I have been hanging out with for about 6-months. She is great and we seem to be a good fit, however, she is not a virgin and admitted she had two sexual partners in the past. But she has not had sex for three years and was recently baptized.

I have had to be very strong to maintain being a virgin and was hoping to marry another to make sure I get to Heaven. - Will marrying a non-virgin affect me getting into Heaven? Should I stop talking with this girl and find a new potential life partner?

It seems in the Bible that sex before marriage is the worst sin, such as "1 Corninthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? qYou are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

But then Paul also says (but he clearly says him not the Lord) in 1 Corinthians 7:12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. iOtherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy." - This makes me think that there were a lot of relationships with virgin and non-virgins, as most non-believers would probably not be virgins.

I am just soooo confused right now. - I thought this girl was literally the girl of my dreams. She is so great: so sweet, smart, funny, beautiful and we have a lot in common. But it comes out that she has had sex before. - Also she drinks alcohol occasionally and may even get drunk. And once mentioned she would like to try a drug just to experience it.

These three things have really thrown me off. - I think we would be great together and could work together to never drink or even think about any drugs (yes I have tried drinking and pot in high school but have been totally "clean" for about ten years). I think we can work that out as we progress, but I am mostly concerned that she is a non-virgin.

I feel like I have put so much time and money into pursing this the past 6-months - and truly thought she was the perfect girl of my dreams, because she is great.

But I don't want to get caught up in things of this world. I know Heaven should be my number one goal. - I have no idea how to proceed. Should I continue on or should I move on?


To finish, I felt God giving me strong, strong signs to pursue her. So I did. - Now I don't know if it was to actually get to a point where we marry, or to learn not to jump into things too fast, spend too much money and/or not ask the right questions up front right away. Don't assume.


I am just sooo confused. This girl is great, I thought she was my dream girl (so sweet, smart, beautiful) but I don't want to fall into a trap and/or temptation, or get caught up in things of this world. - I don't know if this is a test from God, and I should pull-out. If maybe we are meant to be and I can help her and she can help me. I have no idea what to do and don't want my salvation affected.

I think I could continue forward. I just don't know if that's what God wants me to do...

[Lively Stone]

As for getting into heaven:

John 3:3
Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.

[hgchrisfor]

I feel like I was led to her, but maybe I just made that up in my mind...

And what if I was led to her to learn a lesson to not jump into things too fast?

And I not concerned about forgiving. I can forgive her. I just want to make sure I get to Heaven and want to make sure she can get to Heaven.

And what happens if I am tempted to have sex with her before marriage to see if we are sexually compatible, since she was had sex before?

[JohnDB]

As far as alcohol consumption goes the pharisees called Jesus a drunk for a reason...he drank wine.

One other thing.
God forgives sin & the Earth doesn't. Are you going to be "of the Earth" or since likely God has forgiven her are you going to as well?

[TJW]

I don't know, brother, three years of not having sex seems to me this girl is pretty serious about her obedience.   That she chose to be baptized is itself an act of obedience.   But let me speak to a few other things first.

To finish, I felt God giving me strong, strong signs to pursue her.

No sir, I don't believe that.  I don't believe in "signs".  I believe in God's WORD.  As contained in THE BIBLE.  I believe that 95% of everything God has ever said, and is ever going to say to man, is in there.

I believe that 95% of the "leading" of God has already been given to us in the bible.  The bible does not say that God "picks" marital partners for us, except in a couple of isolated circumstances where He had a purpose for picking.

I am just sooo confused.

Yes sir, you are.  And mainly because you are seeking "signs" and "tests" and "supernatural" things for your guidance.

This girl is great, I thought she was my dream girl

Whether she is your dream girl or not, I cannot say.  You say she is great.  So why do you second guess your own opinion?

I don't want to fall into a trap and/or temptation, or get caught up in things of this world. -

I don't know if this is a test from God

No sir, it is not a "test from God".  You have met a young woman based upon random distribution in a world full of women.  Whether you should marry this young woman depends upon her character, whether her attributes please you, and whether she shares an interest in marrying you and being your wife for the rest of your lives.

If maybe we are meant to be

No sir, you are not "meant to be" any more than you are "meant to be" another woman's husband.  You are "meant to be" a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ who has a CHOICE whether to marry, or not to marry, and a CHOICE regarding whom you marry, if you do.

and I can help her and she can help me.

Helping her, she helping you, now that IS the plan of God for both of you.  That is stated to be so in the bible.  This is what we as christians are to do.

I have no idea what to do

Do what you want to do.  It's your choice.  If she is pretty and nice and wants to be your wife as much as you want to be hers?  Go for it.

and don't want my salvation affected.

Your salvation will not be affected in the slightest way by your marriage, or by this young woman, by her past, her habits, what she says or does, none of that is even relevant.   Your salvation is provided you by God through His Son The Lord Jesus Christ and has nothing to do with any other person other than you and Him.

I just don't know if that's what God wants me to do...

What God wants you to do is quite clear in the bible.  He wants you to love HIM with all of your heart, your mind, and your soul, and to love your neighbor, one of which is this fair young woman, as yourself.  And, He wants you to "go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature".  Whether you are married or single, this is His "will" for you as expressed in the bible.

Do yourself a big favor.  Whatever God tells you IN THE BIBLE to do, do it.   Whatever God tells you IN THE BIBLE to not do, don't do it.  And whatever God is silent about IN THE BIBLE, do whatever you want to do, but try your best to follow general guidance FROM THE BIBLE when you do it, or not.

Now.

I am mostly concerned that she is a non-virgin.

Tell us why, and we'll help you with this.

My DW was not a virgin when we married, in fact, both of us were married before.  She was divorced in the early 1970s and I have been widowed twice.
However, we have a wonderful, loving marriage and great sex and none of this affects us.  We have both done things in our past that we are not proud of, but because of God's grace, and His forgiveness, those things are as far from us as the east is from the west.

If I had demanded a "virgin", I would have missed the most wonderful woman any man could ever have as his wife.

[IAMOK]

What he said!! Very good advice..As always..

[Lively Stone]

I feel like I was led to her, but maybe I just made that up in my mind...

And what if I was led to her to learn a lesson to not jump into things too fast?

And I not concerned about forgiving. I can forgive her. I just want to make sure I get to Heaven and want to make sure she can get to Heaven.

And what happens if I am tempted to have sex with her before marriage to see if we are sexually compatible, since she was had sex before?

There is no sin in the temptation, but there is sin in the act. If she is seductive, then you need to step away from her, as her character is not revealing Christ, what with the drinking to drunkenness and her open admission that she desires illicit drugs.

God doesn't lead people in the path of people who would lead them astray. That is Satan's doing.

[hgchrisfor]

It's not about forgiveness, I can forgive her. I just don't know if God would want me to pursue her. - She does not get drunk a lot, but the fact that she doesn't have a problem with drinking and has or had the thought of trying a hard drug (after she has been baptized) is interesting.

Plus now maybe I am a little freaked out we won't be able to experience the pleasure between couples for the first time - and that I won't be able to give her pleasure like her past experiences. - I don't really have much else to offer her either. I don't really know why she likes me, but now I worry about not being able to live up to what she might want and then we get a divorce if we were married.

[Lively Stone]

It's not about forgiveness, I can forgive her. I just don't know if God would want me to pursue her. - She does not get drunk a lot, but the fact that she doesn't have a problem with drinking and has or had the thought of trying a hard drug (after she has been baptized) is interesting.

My dear, it is not interesting. It is ALARMING.

Plus now maybe I am a little freaked out we won't be able to experience the pleasure between couples for the first time - and that I won't be able to give her pleasure like her past experiences. - I don't really have much else to offer her either. I don't really know why she likes me, but now I worry about not being able to live up to what she might want and then we get a divorce if we were married.

Well, you've already married her, failed her and divorced her in your mind. I don't think this is healthy relationship from the very beginning. If God was in it, you would be rejoicing and not asking for advice from strangers.

[Wednesday]

@ TJW, I am honored to give you Manna, your post was beautiful!   Awesome advice and well spoken from the heart, I hope this fellow makes a copy of it!

@ Brother hgchrisfor, the young lady you described sounds a lot like my past, but in all honesty I was probably worse....mostly where the drinking and drugs were concerned but um...well, I'm no angel!  I'm telling you this because of what Jesus has done in my life.  Because of my past worldly experiences I have been able to reach some young ppl and share the good news about Jesus and how He can save us, whereas some other folks they wouldn't give the time of day because the other older folks had not "been there done that" so they really couldn't relate.  What satan has used for evil, Jesus takes it and uses it for good...and Jesus certainly has done that in my life.

Go back and look at the life of Jesus, the men AND women He surrounded Himself with.  I know a lot of fishermen where I live and I can tell you they are not what most would consider the elders of the church type if'en you know what I mean, and Paul spent most of his time as a jail bird ~ and yet Jesus made them His disciples and they wrote the Bible.  Did you know that Jesus is a descendant of Rahab the harlot?  Rahab also saved a lot of Godly people and is a hero!  I'm not saying go out and find a hooker, lol, but are you not being judgmental of this wonderful woman?  So maybe you might have had different sins, but we all are sinful, and I hate to tell you....but buddy, if you are looking for the "perfect" woman out there, well God bless her soul because she will NEVER be able to live up to the standards you have put out there for a woman.  So lets look at it this way, you meet a virgin.....she seems perfect.  Maybe this new woman (goody two shoes) is one hateful bich to her parents.  That would make her breaking one of the ten commandments......nope, not one of the ten commandments say not to fornicate, but the bible does say it is a sin.  So now I'm asking you, which women is the biggest sinner?  The one that had sex before marriage, or the woman that does not respect her parents?

Son, you need to get down on your knees and thank Jesus every day for this woman for you are truly blessed.  And stop being so judgmental.......it runs folks off and you will not be any use to Jesus if people stay away from you from fear of being judged!

May God bless you, keep you, and that lovely lady that you were blessed to meet! 

[TJW]

Plus now maybe I am a little freaked out we won't be able to experience the pleasure between couples for the first time

Well sir, all I can tell you is this.  I have had sex outside of my marriage.  I am not proud of it, and I regret it.  For me, my DW is the BEST. I can love her with no guilt, with no conviction (except the conviction that I love her with all of my heart).  I wouldn't trade her for a thousand concubines.  Not even if they were Miss America candidates.  Marital sex is NOTHING like illicit sex.  I don't even think about those women anymore.  They are complete non-issues to me.  Yes, I remember, but those memories are just something else that happened to me, like the time when I went to the state fair or something.  A memory that invokes no emotion.

- and that I won't be able to give her pleasure like her past experiences. -

Now, we're getting real.  Thanks.  You are afraid you won't "measure up" to those other guys.  But pleasing your wife sexually is a LEARNED skill.  None of us "come out of the box" with great sexual abilities.  There's a period in which things don't work so well, it's awkward, like learning to ride a bike.  Unnatural, requiring different abilities than you've called upon before.

I don't really have much else to offer her either. I don't really know why she likes me, but now I worry about not being able to live up to what she might want and then we get a divorce if we were married.

What you are saying in your last sentence is like saying, "well, today, I will refuse to enjoy myself, because tomorrow I might die".  But, the real problem is that you have a low sense of self-worth.  And, if you avoid marriage because of this, it will get lower.  This is something you will have to work out with time together, like you mention about alcohol use (if this is even a problem.  The bible does not teach that we are to abstain from it, only that we should not be
decieved about it being a "mocker").

I want to tell you this:  I am pushing 60 years old.  I have been married for a grand total of 35 years.  Widowed twice, married for the third time.  And, I still wake up once in a while with angina from having a dream in which my wife tells me that some other guy she had in the past was better.  I think this
is just something we guys are born into and doesn't go away.

However, when I get awake, and look around me, and look at that beautiful woman who chose to spend her life with me asleep there next to me, I recognize that this, like other dreams I have, is IRRATIONAL and SPURIOUS, having nothing to do with reality at all.  However, the time will come again
when I will be gripped in my fear and the dream will awake me to chest pain.

This is, BTW, the same thing which prompts you to look for "signs" and to regard circumstances in your life as "tests" and to look for "God's leading" in other ways than to seek HIS WORD.  Fear.

I want to tell you what the old preacher said:   God can redeem your failure, but not your fear.

Marrying is something we shouldn't do quickly.  We should think long and hard about it, and pray about it, and let God's wisdom guide us about it.  However, don't reject her out of fear.  If she wants to be your wife, believe her.  She is choosing you and wanting to be with you.  She obviously sees something in you which indicates that you will become a terrific husband for her.

[chosenone]

My advise is to take your time on this. You don't say how old you both are, but give it much longer before you even think of marriage.
6 months isn't long and if you are having doubts then wait and pray and see what God says. See how this girls faith develops in the next year or so. Did she have sex with these other guys before she was a believer? Maybe she has only really come to God in the last 3 years or so.

My husband and I have both been married before and therefore are not our spouses first sexual partners. However now it is as if we are the first partners each have had, and neither of us feel that we have even been married to anyone else, what we have is so special.

However I can understand where you are coming from, because it was very important to me to marry a guy who had very high moral standards and who hadn't had sex outside marriage(especially after my first husband), and only you can decide if you can cope with marrying a girl who isn't a virgin and who sometimes gets drunk, and who speaks of trying drugs etc. However she has been forgiven and washed clean if she has repented and is now determined to now stay away from sex till marriage.It would seem sad to loose a girl who God may have bought into your life just because you cant get past this, but wait  and pray is my advise. I am sure that given time God will make it clear whether she is the one for you or not.

[Debrah]

please go back and read Wednesdays advice, very mature wisdom.  Then go and speak to your girlfriend all that you shared here.  Always keep an open honest communication in your relationship, never keep your feelings hidden, that is when Satan starts getting involved, you already show signs of anxiety about scenarios that have not even happened.

now go talk in love, share your heart and concerns.

[comfy]

Hi, hgchrisfor . . . I'm Bill . . . glad to meet you >

Will marrying a non-virgin affect me getting into Heaven?

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17) So, if she has given herself to Jesus, she is clear of her past.

But if she is into things not right, she can bring you down.

So, we need to be honest about if you are strong enough to deal with her while she could bring you down.

May be you both need more relating in groups with more mature Christian people.

I think your issue about her immoral past can be a decoy problem to keep your attention away from what you need to deal with, now.

So, God bless you, prayer for you

[lovie dovie]

       hi hgchrisfor   I have read in some relationship advice that during the first 6 months people are drawn to each other because at that time the people are still in a euphoria state. This is the reason why the people involved don't seem to notice the flaws and the imperfections of the person. The excitement released a hormone responsible for this state.
       I'm not saying that you are in this state but making you aware of this will make you be self conscious and not to make hasty decisions. Time is an important element to find out more and to weigh things out.
       I can see that your questions regarding if marrying a non virgin will affect you getting into heaven have been answered by many and I commend them for explaining well  
       Having you doubt about many things about her can be a sign that you need to take things slowly.  This reflects that you are even unsure of yourself. It would be great to start by praying and seeking God more so there is guidance in every decision to make. The bible gives us guidance on what to look for in a woman. Here are some that will be helpful, I offer  

          Proverbs 31:30 - - - "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."

         1 Pet 3:3-4 - - - "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the
           wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a
               gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

          After making an in-depth analysis of oneself and finding out what is true about the person - - - and still the answer is you still love the person - - - 1 Pet 4:8 says, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." So, we can still have hope for people but this would not be an easy task I guarantee.  

[John 10:10]

Since you are in the Chicago area, get in touch with this person ASAP!  I know him personally, and he will give you good advice.

Mark Simpson @ http://www.riveroflifeministries.com/

River of Life Revival Ministries
P.O. Box 2035
Bolingbrook, IL  60440-2035
Phone: (630) 621-0592

[hgchrisfor]

It's not about me not being able to forgive. I am just worried about salvation.

We are both baptized now, but what if we decide we are good for one another but want to make sure we are sexually compatible and have sex before we get married. And then actually get married.

Are we forgiven for this? I wouldn't want us to get married and then the intimacy be horrible and we get divorced over it.

And why shouldn't I just go out and sleep with lots of girls now and experiment if I can be forgiven?

I just want to find a great wife like this girl and be able to please her and make her happy in all aspects of life; and also please God and get to Heaven.

[Wednesday]

It's not about me not being able to forgive. I am just worried about salvation.

We are both baptized now, but what if we decide we are good for one another but want to make sure we are sexually compatible and have sex before we get married. And then actually get married.

Are we forgiven for this? I wouldn't want us to get married and then the intimacy be horrible and we get divorced over it.

And why shouldn't I just go out and sleep with lots of girls now and experiment if I can be forgiven?

I just want to find a great wife like this girl and be able to please her and make her happy in all aspects of life; and also please God and get to Heaven.

I hope I'm wrong, but if you have come here to get permission or an ok to have sex before marriage you have come to the wrong place.  What is it?  She did so you need to to make it equal?  Are you just curious about sex?  I don't know, but maybe you need to take this to the "Mens Forum" on this site if this question is of a sexual nature....just a suggestion!

[Lively Stone]

It's not about me not being able to forgive. I am just worried about salvation.

We are both baptized now, but what if we decide we are good for one another but want to make sure we are sexually compatible and have sex before we get married. And then actually get married.

You need to obey God. There is no reason to create a reason to argue with God about having premarital sex. There will be dire consequences for purposely choosing to fornicate.

Are we forgiven for this? I wouldn't want us to get married and then the intimacy be horrible and we get divorced over it.

You would be forgiven if you have Godly sorrow over it, but will you? Is it worth the chance you take with your future and someone else's?

And why shouldn't I just go out and sleep with lots of girls now and experiment if I can be forgiven?

Do you not know Jesus Christ? Ask Him about it, if you do. If you don't know Jesus personally, then you don't have to adhere to His righteous standard.

I just want to find a great wife like this girl and be able to please her and make her happy in all aspects of life; and also please God and get to Heaven.

Please God first and get right with God through salvation in Jesus Christ. Live pure and then ask God to provide you with a wife of HIS CHOOSING FOR YOU...NOT YOURS.

[Wednesday]

Lively Stone did a much better job of answering you than I did.  What about contacting the man that John10:10 suggested?  Do what God tells you to do, you can never go wrong and He will never lead you astray.

[John 10:10]

It's not about me not being able to forgive. I am just worried about salvation.

We are both baptized now, but what if we decide we are good for one another but want to make sure we are sexually compatible and have sex before we get married. And then actually get married.

Are we forgiven for this? I wouldn't want us to get married and then the intimacy be horrible and we get divorced over it.

And why shouldn't I just go out and sleep with lots of girls now and experiment if I can be forgiven?

I just want to find a great wife like this girl and be able to please her and make her happy in all aspects of life; and also please God and get to Heaven. 

Sounds like your glands are getting excited, and you are the one having trouble controlling your passions.  She has been able to turn her life around, remaining sexually pure for 3 years.  You also seem to be worried about your sexual inexperience with someone who has more than you.  Sexual intimacy is reserved for those who are married, not for those who desire to be married.  Those that desire to enter in marraige must first develop compatibility in their friendship, interests, spirituality, families, worldviews, etc.  Once you have developed compatibilities in these areas of your lives, determining that God desires you be joined as husband & wife, sexual intimacy will follow as you learn to become one flesh.

You need counseling regarding what the Christian life is about.  Contact Mark Simpson as I have suggested.  Tell him Joe in the Nashville area recommended that you talk with him.

Blessings

[TJW]

why shouldn't I just go out and sleep with lots of girls now and experiment if I can be forgiven?

Let me use this analogy.  A guy cuts off my right arm.  He goes to prison.  I forgive him.  But, he doesn't get out of prison because I forgave him.

Come, let us reason together.  If we choose the behaviour, we choose the consequences, too.

God is not some kind of cosmic killjoy who sits in heaven giving us commands to spoil our fun.  And, you can go forth today and screw 1000 women in the next 3 years, basically one new one each day, and God is still going to be God, and every bit God He was before you started.  He is not going to be hurt, diminished, lose money, or sell far below market value because you do this.

So, then, there is only ONE reason why God makes laws.  And that is, TO PROTECT YOU.  Because the one who is going to be hurt, is YOU.

Most likely, if you do this, you will die of AIDS.  You will have about 15 illegitimate sons and daughters who will grow up with no dad.  You will get a dose of the clap from every 30th woman you tap.

And, you will RUIN ANY CHANCE YOU HAVE of having a good marriage.

When people have premarital sex, the average thing which happens is that they have trouble then having marital sex.  Sex is one of those things which is "trained" into a person.  It involves not only the physical realms of the body, but the emotional realms as well.  There is a necessary psychological component of sex without which, it will be a miserable failure.

When people are extramaritally involved, even if it is with each other, their responses become trained to illictness.  Then, they get married, and find the psychological component which used to provide attraction for them is GONE.

Sometimes, they find the guilt they live with over having not "saved themselves" for marriage is now a huge stumbling block to sex for them.

We are both baptized now, but what if we decide ....

A person is not "saved" through baptism.   At least, not by being dunked in a tub of water.  Baptism is a RITUAL, a sacrament, like the eucharist.  Drinking a cup of grape juice or eating a piece of a cracker or a crouton doesn't save anybody, either.  These are SYMBOLS.  Physical representations of what happens on a HEART level INSIDE the person.

I just want to find a great wife like this girl and be able to please her and make her happy in all aspects of life;

Then, the very best chance you have at doing that is to keep yourself a virgin until you are married.

I've been on the Way for 29 years.  I have counseled lots of people with marital problems.  I have NEVER counseled one person who had any problem that was caused by the fact that he/she arrived at marriage a virgin.  However, I have counseled MANY who have problems because they didn't.

[comfy]

It's not about me not being able to forgive. I am just worried about salvation.

If you belong with her, God knows this. It is about what God knows, not about what you know about her past. And He says, "old things have passed away", in 2 Corinthians 5:17.

We are both baptized now, but what if we decide we are good for one another but want to make sure we are sexually compatible and have sex before we get married. And then actually get married.

Well, you have stated that very clearly; so you are quite capable of understanding English and such an idea. So, I am sure you understand how we have been told that sex before marriage is wrong. However, the reason to stay pure is not only a moral issue or in order to not lose our salvation; but the reason, in you, needs to be because you love God and want to please Him, not just worrying about what will happen to you.

I have worried about marrying a woman with sexual experience, worrying that she might be judging me by if I was as good with her as her guys before were. So, maybe this is what you are concerned about. I'd say trust God about this . . . really this simple. Love in Jesus will make your sex life better than whatever she could get with a child of the devil; I will offer you, that whatever a child of Satan could give her is no competition!

In case you mean you want to make sure she is good enough for you > please consider the concern that our ladies, here, can have, knowing how men have used them in their past. Using her is not loving her; what if you are the only one who decides your sexual relating isn't good enough This would be cruel to her, not loving.

For that matter, what if either of you got seriously sick or injured so you could not live as you can, now? Are you really about love with each other? If not having sexual pleasure is enough to break your relationship, there are people who would say you do not really love her, if that could be such a problem. But if you are now immature or not a Christian, really, God is able to make you become real in His love so that later you won't be so concerned about things like this.

How about how Jesus talks about people who are "choked with cares", in Luke 8:14? Do not let "cares of this life" (Luke 21:34) choke you from loving. But, as I offer, any of us can grow and do better, so that what is bothering us, now, will evaporate. So, don't stay stuck with how you are, now. Jesus calls to "all", with His hope for us all >

"'Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Matthew 11:29) We all need to learn how to love, learning with Jesus. We all need to grow more and learn even better. So, God bless you, too

[Lively Stone]

why shouldn't I just go out and sleep with lots of girls now and experiment if I can be forgiven?

Let me use this analogy.  A guy cuts off my right arm.  He goes to prison.  I forgive him.  But, he doesn't get out of prison because I forgave him.

Come, let us reason together.  If we choose the behaviour, we choose the consequences, too.

God is not some kind of cosmic killjoy who sits in heaven giving us commands to spoil our fun.  And, you can go forth today and screw 1000 women in the next 3 years, basically one new one each day, and God is still going to be God, and every bit God He was before you started.  He is not going to be hurt, diminished, lose money, or sell far below market value because you do this.

So, then, there is only ONE reason why God makes laws.  And that is, TO PROTECT YOU.  Because the one who is going to be hurt, is YOU.

Most likely, if you do this, you will die of AIDS.  You will have about 15 illegitimate sons and daughters who will grow up with no dad.  You will get a dose of the clap from every 30th woman you tap.

And, you will RUIN ANY CHANCE YOU HAVE of having a good marriage.

When people have premarital sex, the average thing which happens is that they have trouble then having marital sex.  Sex is one of those things which is "trained" into a person.  It involves not only the physical realms of the body, but the emotional realms as well.  There is a necessary psychological component of sex without which, it will be a miserable failure.

When people are extramaritally involved, even if it is with each other, their responses become trained to illictness.  Then, they get married, and find the psychological component which used to provide attraction for them is GONE.

Sometimes, they find the guilt they live with over having not "saved themselves" for marriage is now a huge stumbling block to sex for them.

We are both baptized now, but what if we decide ....

A person is not "saved" through baptism.   At least, not by being dunked in a tub of water.  Baptism is a RITUAL, a sacrament, like the eucharist.  Drinking a cup of grape juice or eating a piece of a cracker or a crouton doesn't save anybody, either.  These are SYMBOLS.  Physical representations of what happens on a HEART level INSIDE the person.

I just want to find a great wife like this girl and be able to please her and make her happy in all aspects of life;

Then, the very best chance you have at doing that is to keep yourself a virgin until you are married.

I've been on the Way for 29 years.  I have counseled lots of people with marital problems.  I have NEVER counseled one person who had any problem that was caused by the fact that he/she arrived at marriage a virgin.  However, I have counseled MANY who have problems because they didn't.

Amen, and manna goes to you for your spiritually wise words!