Intimacy before marriage / sexual immorality?

[hgchrisfor]

What is sexual immorality? What is the proper level of intimacy before marriage and/or what is acceptable to God?

I am not asking this for myself or for selfish reasons. I think all too often people jump into marriage to experience sexual intimacy only to realize they rushed in and were not right for one another. I have only seen this first hand with one couple, but have heard many stories.

I've been saving myself for marriage and plan to hold firm on this, inclusive of oral.

If you are with a girl that you think you want to marry, but don't want disobey God, what can you do to love another and show intimacy, without rushing into anything?

What is sexual immorality in the Bible? Would a full body massage be sexual immorality? Kissing, comforting etc?

I'm not talking about any type of sex, oral or otherwise. I'm talking about touching, stimulating, kissing etc. Are there ways I could show my love to my future wife and be intimate, without sex/oral that is not sexually immoral?

Maybe i'll be specific and just start with something like a massage. A full body massage.

[Seva]

Good question.

I'm thinking that the people who rush into marriage or think that they did because they don't mesh sexually may have misconceived ideas that they should have picked someone else to marry.

I feel just because you wait and do it God's way won't guarantee that you'll enjoy each other all of the time. But remember, God works all things for your good because you are in Christ Jesus. I think we are called to be obediant even though it may not be fun to our flesh.

[Wednesday]

Hgchrisfor, is this the same girl you have been talking about in your past EIGHT post?  The same girl that is a Christian?  The same girl you are worried about getting to close too?  Just a thought......but if it is, I'm sure a full body massage before marriage would probably turn her off.  If it's another girl and the other one is already out of your life, well, your last post were in June so don't you think this might be a bit soon to be doing full body massages with somebody new that you are not even married to?  I think you just might be doing some leg pulling.......you can pull my finger if you really want my heartfelt answer.

Just my thoughts.....

[chosenone]

I would have though that a full body massage is a bad idea. Surely seeing/touching each others bodies(all over) isnt going to help resist temptation? Its only my personal opinion here, but stick to holding hands and kissing and you wont go wrong. Dont do anything that may lead to more.

[larry2]

Matthew 5:27    Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

Matthew 5:28    But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

What thoughts enter your mind during intimacy? I think you are guilty as I would be.

[Lively Stone]

What is sexual immorality? What is the proper level of intimacy before marriage and/or what is acceptable to God?

I am not asking this for myself or for selfish reasons. I think all too often people jump into marriage to experience sexual intimacy only to realize they rushed in and were not right for one another. I have only seen this first hand with one couple, but have heard many stories.

I've been saving myself for marriage and plan to hold firm on this, inclusive of oral.

If you are with a girl that you think you want to marry, but don't want disobey God, what can you do to love another and show intimacy, without rushing into anything?

What is sexual immorality in the Bible? Would a full body massage be sexual immorality? Kissing, comforting etc?

I'm not talking about any type of sex, oral or otherwise. I'm talking about touching, stimulating, kissing etc. Are there ways I could show my love to my future wife and be intimate, without sex/oral that is not sexually immoral?

Maybe i'll be specific and just start with something like a massage. A full body massage.

Hands off the merchandise until marriage, where it becomes yours legally, and in which God approves.

[FireSword]

If you know you both want to marry and spend the rest of your lives together, then intimacy is marriage. The public marriage is simply a public announcement.

[DaveW]

What is sexual immorality? What is the proper level of intimacy before marriage and/or what is acceptable to God?

I am hearing a somewhat different question (or maybe the same question just worded more directly):  How far can we go and still be ok with God?

IMO that question is wrong headed to begin with.  IT is not about what we can get away with; but how we can more honor Him and our (future) spouse.

That said, I do not think there is a one size fits all answer; it varies somewhat with each couple and individual.

The clinical definition of masturbation is self stimulation to maintain or increase sexual arousal. If we take that to the couple level, if what you are doing is generating or maintaining arousal, IMO it is going too far. 

IOW, if you are giving her a "full body massage" and when your hands get near certain places, does it arouse you?  Does it arouse her? If so - don't do it.

Arousal without release is bad for you and bad for her.  Aside from just feeling very frustrated (angry perhaps) the physical process of blood congestion in those areas that is not flushed out in orgasm can do tissue damage.  With men it is mostly in the prostate and in women it is in the uterus. Dr Ed Wheat (christian obgyn) said it is a common reason for hysterectomies later in life.

[DaveW]

If you know you both want to marry and spend the rest of your lives together, then intimacy is marriage. The public marriage is simply a public announcement.

No it is not.  THis answer shows a shocking lack of understanding of how a covenant works.  It is not just a public announcement of an already existing covenant, it is the establishment and beginning of that covenant.

[JohnDB70X7]

No chuppi no shtuppi.

What is sexual immorality? What is the proper level of intimacy before marriage and/or what is acceptable to God?

I am not asking this for myself or for selfish reasons. I think all too often people jump into marriage to experience sexual intimacy only to realize they rushed in and were not right for one another. I have only seen this first hand with one couple, but have heard many stories.

I've been saving myself for marriage and plan to hold firm on this, inclusive of oral.

If you are with a girl that you think you want to marry, but don't want disobey God, what can you do to love another and show intimacy, without rushing into anything?

What is sexual immorality in the Bible? Would a full body massage be sexual immorality? Kissing, comforting etc?

I'm not talking about any type of sex, oral or otherwise. I'm talking about touching, stimulating, kissing etc. Are there ways I could show my love to my future wife and be intimate, without sex/oral that is not sexually immoral?

Maybe i'll be specific and just start with something like a massage. A full body massage.

[Deborah4God]

I think kissing is okay. I don't think 'feeling up' etc is okay. Giving a full body massage to someone you're dating is not a good idea. There's my opinion!

[kensington]

anything below the neck is petting, and it's not okay to God.

Keep in mind that if something happens and you don't end up married, then what ever you do with someone you are doing with someone elses spouse. Do you want your spouse to come to you all "Felt" up, "rubbed" and fondled or slept with?

Then don't do it with someone who might be someone else's intended spouse.

Until you say "I Do' You can't know for sure that you will.  Don't fondle anyone except your own wife. That is all.

[alberta_girl]

If only I could say what was or wasn't okay with God! Unfortunatley it isn't outlined explicitly in the Bible, but oh how I wish it was!! I really believe that intercourse is to be saved for marriage, so as far as what other physical contact is "okay", I would say that it should be reserved to activities that don't make you want to cross that line into intercourse. I know how ridiculously hard that is! Sometimes all you have to do is think about the other person and you want to sleep with them! I would say it is better to be safe than sorry - if there is a question in your mind about wether or not something is okay, don't do it. If you live that way until you are married, you don't have to have regrets. As someone who did not wait until marriage, please believe me that it is worth it to wait. I didn't wait and now there are issues in my sexual relationship with my husband that we have to deal with because I messed up. He has to deal with pain because of my mistakes. I feel horrible about that, so my recommendation is to avoid physical contact that makes you want to cross that line.