Christian relationship PLEASE PLEASE HELP :(

[123]

Just over 2 years ago I met a guy like no other, he is a Christian and he opened my eyes to amazing faith. I have not been raised religiously but have always believed in God, just never known enough about Christianity to call myself a Christian. Since seeing the enthusiam, hope and happiness God gives him I attended church events and started to learn a lot more, even started going weekly now. I feel I can now say I am Christian. I need to get it straight though that I converted because of him, not for him. Its for myself.
Along the way, we both fell deeply in love and can both see ourselves being married one day. I am only 18, him 19, but I don't believe there is anyone else out there for me. However, the problem comes in that we both lost our virginity to each other and although we know it was out of love, we know it was wrong and sinful and so have decided to break up and just be friends in order to build a stronger relationship with God in the hope that we do not fall into sin again. Matthew 6:33 "Seek Ye First The Kingdom Of God and All Other Things Shall Be Added Unto You.'' We are praying for forgiveness, and are just very good friends now. We go out to the cinema and will hold hands/cuddle but not kiss or anything more.
I honestly feel that we could get back together and have a clean christian relationship, without sin of fornication. However, since he is a pastors kid his parents are very strict and do not allow him a girlfriend whatsoever, so in this sense it would still be sinning because 'thou shalt honour thy father and mother.' Right??? So we can't be together?? If we were to have a clean christian relationship with intentions of marriage one day, probably after university, would God still punish us because he is disobeying his parents by secretly having a relationship?
It is just so hard, loving each other so much but not being able to be together. I pray so hard that if its meant to be God will make it happen when the time is right, but I don't know what else to do :(

[JohnDB]

Honor thy Father and Mother isn't meaning what you are thinking it is meaning.

In the Hebrew Language there is no word for relationships like grandfather or great grandfather.

The reference also doesn't say "obey" like most infer that it says...it says to honor.

All of this stems back from the patriarchs who actually had their own personal relationship with God. As an "Old Covenant" person the only way you could join in the grand worship of God properly was to act and behave like your fore fathers did with their relationship to God.

IOW this was a call to actually follow all aspects of the Law and the heart conditions that it was supposed to instill in a person. This was the royal law and the promise that they would occupy the Land until the day came that God could not recognize his own people by the actions they took resembling the rest of the world instead of the patriarchs.

A disobedient child was taken to the gates of any city and stoned to death.
That pretty much kept the kids in line.

Sooo

Now that I have given you a sermonette on the right meaning of the Law. LOL...one of my penchants...

No, you don't need to sleep with this boy but being a friend of his is not outside the role that you can have with him.

[123]

Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply, I didnt think anyone ever would! I am just going to pray to God that things will work out in the end.. If we were meant to be together, God will bring us together in time.
Maybe when we are strong enough to not fall to sexual temptations we can have a proper christian relationship, as girlfriend and boyfriend, but until then i guess he is right that we should just be friends.
I really can see myself marrying him one day which makes it so hard to have to be apart.

[Seriousseeker]

No one can answer the question for you whether your friend is the "right one" for you.  Stay close to God and ask Him to make it clear in His time.  You should at least keep in touch with your friend, though you may not spend much time together.

I have a paper on marital preparation and courtship, which you might like to see.  You can write me if interested.

- Seriousseeker

[Seriousseeker]

No one can answer the question for you whether your friend is the "right one" for you.  Stay close to God and ask Him to make it clear in His time.  You should at least keep in touch with your friend, though you may not spend much time together.

I have a paper on marital preparation and courtship, which you might like to see.  You can write me if interested.

- Seriousseeker

[123]

No one can answer the question for you whether your friend is the "right one" for you.  Stay close to God and ask Him to make it clear in His time.  You should at least keep in touch with your friend, though you may not spend much time together.

I have a paper on marital preparation and courtship, which you might like to see.  You can write me if interested.

- Seriousseeker

Thankyou :)

[comfy]

If you could give in to fornication, you still may not be as mature as you need to be so you can make the best decision. So, grow more and then see how you are, how you see things (Philippians 1:9). Also, something that I think can help is to see if and how well you are helping each other to get more with God; he needs someone who is his helpmate who can help him get correction and healing that he needs, and to become stronger as a Jesus person and husband, and you need someone who is helping you do better and better and who supports you to help him.

And if his father is a pastor, have you been staying in his church and getting ministered to by him? How much has he obviously been helping you? This would be important, so you know how much you and your friend would need to be trusting his father. The Bible does say, "Obey those who rule over you," in Hebrews 13:17; God does have leaders who He approves and He trusts to lead us; so if God trusts someone, I am sure He expects us to trust whoever He trusts. So, if he is a real pastor whom God approves, I'd say we are expected to trust him and obey how he leads people.

But this is especially by feeding on his good example > "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) So, this would take time to get to know him, not only to be interested in his son, and his wife and how they relate in their marriage so you can gain from this for how you need to be and relate in marriage > there are more mature people you need to spend time with, not just with a special guy

[Jon]

I would suggest the Apostle Paul gave an answer to this situation. I seldom quote Eugene Peterson's "The Message", but this seems appropriate here.

"Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.

[chosenone]

If this is Gods will then it will happen in time.He will find a way to get you together.
This thing of the parents is a hard one, because you are both adults now and as such you need to be making your own decisions. When are his parents going to let go and allow him to be a man? I see over protective parents all the time who wont let their children grow up, make some decisions on their own, and be adults. I was engaged at 18 and married at 19, so do find it hard to believe that at 19 he isnt even allowed to have a girlfriend . At some point he will presumably go to college or leave home, and they will no longer be able to tell him what to do all the time. 
I am sure they only want the best for him, but he isnt a little boy any more, and they need to realise that.

[snowflake8877]

Wow... I suggest spending some time on yourself and less on this boy.   You are so young.  Have you started to think about college or a career?

I suggest reading a book called "Lady in Waiting" written by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones.

If it is meant to happen it will. GOD is awesome about opening doors when you need them and closing them when you don't. 

[123]

Wow I didn't realise how many replies I had!! Thank you so much everybody for your time and advice it is really appreciated.

'Comfy' - I don't think sinning means you are less mature as we are all sinners and anyone can make mistakes whatever age they are, and I think it was very mature of us to take the decision to break up and have time apart as a result of our sin. After 2 months of being friends and concentrating on God we have really learnt from our mistake and have got back together for a God centered relationship. However, I respect your opinion and I do think your advice is great. I do attend the same church and pay a lot of attention to his parents, I respect them a lot which was also a big influence on our decision to split in the first place since they don't approve of him having relationships. That is the only big problem for us now really.... Yes, both his family, and him bring me closer to God, and God is my main focus right now, I'm feeling much more content with everything since I wrote this post! What will be will be, I just have to trust the will of God :) Thankyou for your response Comfy. God bless you x

'Jon' - I have studied and studied Pauls scripture and asked for God to speak to me about it so many times. Although I think me and him are much more mature than most couples our age and we are certain our relationship is heading for marriage, I do not think it is a suitable time to get married right now. We have to concentrate on our studies for now and are both off to University. Once Uni is over with and we are financially stable etc, I'm pretty sure God will bless us with a beautiful wedding and marriage if that is his will :) If not, I definatly have a friend for life in this guy and I will always thank him for bringing me so close to my heavenly father and Jesus, my savior :) Thanks for your response. God Bless you x

'Chosenone' - As much as I respect his parents and realise they only want the best for him and are telling him he can't have a girlfriend to save him from temptations and distractions etc, I do very much agree that he is now 19 years of age and not a child anymore. Breaking up was good in that it gave us time to reflect on our sin and ask God for forgiveness and Strength to no longer sin, but if you love someone theres no keeping you apart for long is there. To marry someone, you have to have a relationship first and being apart was only making it more of a struggle to concentrate on God because there was all the drama of being apart on our minds. It is much better for us to have a God centered relationship where we can help each other be closer to God, and serve him together. I do feel bad that his parents do not know, but they would only keep us apart if they did so I just pray that God understands our situation and forgives us if we are not honouring thy father and mother, and one day hopefully they will accept us as a couple. Thankyou for your response! God bless you :) x

'Snowflake8877' - I know I am young, but deep in my heart I feel this is right. My grandparents generation always found their lifelong partner young and their marriages usually were lifelong unlike many these days. Nowadays people are so focused on enjoying their youth or getting a great job first etc, but in my opinion if I have found someone I love, who brings me closer to God then that is much more important than purley worldly things. A career is unlikely to bring me closer to God is it!? :P Don't get me wrong though, I have definatly thought about college and a career and am heading off to university next month :) And thank you for the suggested book :) I totally agree that Gods will is the only will and I now trust that fully, whereas at the time of this original post I was probably concentrating more on what I want. I believe God gave us those 2 months apart for us to reflect on our sin, and realise he came first, and now he has reopened the door that has brought us together again. This time we won't let him down! :) Thankyou so much for your response, God bless you! x

[drl]

Hello

I'm new here. Cant say what your feelings are, and would not presume. However I would wait until a "crisis" occurs. Then you will both see what the other is made of. When you can face real difficulties and still keep that yearning love you will know. Thanks Dave

[butterflykisses96]

I have to say you do sound very mature for your age, and I feel you done the right thing by taking time apart to get yourselves together and stronger. I see absolutely nothing wrong or sinful at all with you and this boy dating. He is a young man now and to not allow him to have a girlfriend seems like it would be very emotionally unhealthy at his age. His parents should really let him go and make his own decisions now. Not to say they shouldn't guide him, because he is young, but to not allow him to date seems very wrong to me. Best of luck to you both.
God Bless