Relationship Advice

[Godsgirl4life]

 
I have so much going on right now....I will try to give the"Reader's Digest" version... 10 years ago I broke up w/ a wonderful guy who I really like and respected. The only problem was we were diff. denominations...but we actually believed the same things the Bible taught...anyway, the elders at the church I attended convinced me to date this other "christian" guy...and we ended up getting married..only to find out he was not what he portrayed himself to be. After 10 yrs. of verbal/emotional abuse and issues w/pornography I have left w/ our 2 girls (8yrs. old/19 mos.) and have filed for a divorce. I have thought about this other guy over the years as he has been a source of calm during my storm and I also discovered that he never dated anyone else after I broke up w/him.... it made me think he might still have some feelings for me? I figured he would be empathetic b/c his sisters have both gone through divorce/bad marriage - So, I wrote a long apology letter and tried to connect w/him via facebook. I made several attempts and have even sent him a friend request. It has been a few months and I have not had any response from him. I still run into his friends and they say that they do not know what is wrong w/him... I figured he would at least respond and say something...anything....but the silence has left me confused. He hasn't blocked me ( which is what I would do if I did not want anything to do w/someone who kept sending me messages). He is a nice - sweet Christian guy.(42yrs.) never married and enjoys his freedom... some of my friends have suggested that I consider that he might be gay...but I cannot even begin to think that....I have tried to make it clear that I just really need a good friend right now and that we used to be good friends... I asked for his forgiveness..... but I am left w/nothing? I know as Christians we are to forgive and help others...but am I expecting to much...am I being unrealistic? Should I give up hope that we could ever connect or talk again? Does he hate me? Is he still so hurt he can't even acknowledge me? Is he just over me and doesn't want anything to do with me? I really wish I knew how he felt.... I have connected w/ old friends & boyfriends just to chat and touch base so to speak...and then there's this guy...the one who I would love to hear from more than anyone else...and he won't give me the time of day? Should I be bold and just call him instead of being timid through facebook? Should I forget about him and move on....(don't want to...)....Any Christian/spiritual advice, guidance and thoughts would be appreciated.... thank you =)

[chosenone]

Hi godsgirl4life
I think that you may need to accept that he doesn't want to hear from you, and that you may never know the reason why. It maybe that he was so hurt by what happened, that he cant trust you again, or it may be that he knows that you are still married(which you are). You have written, and also tried to get him to respond to you on facebook, and you need to respect his wishes not to respond to you.It could be also that he doesn't think that he could consider taking on a woman with children or something, or a lady who is divorced. He may have just moved on and doesn't want to dig up the past. It may be that he feels that now your marriage hasnt worked out, you have gone running back to him, and he doesnt want that

Maybe when you are divorced you can tell him and see what happens, but if he again ignores the contact then you will have to let it go.
Your friend may be right. It would be unusual for a 42 year old Christian man not to have dated anyone in 10 years, especially because there are so many single women in the church, and so few men, so he may have had a lot of opportunities.(unless he is from a tiny church with only old people or something).

By the way, those elders were way off the mark. Its no business of theirs who you choose to go out with or marry. I would never let church leaders tell me who to marry.

[comfy]

Are you still with those elders? If you are still with them, this can mean to him that you choose to accept their authority; and since they did not want him, he may understand that associating with you would be going against their authority which you still accept by staying with them.