Premarital sex

[Jpalm0987]

I am not a new Christian, although I have very recently come back to it. I was raised in a very Christ centered home, and like most kids, as soon as I got out on my own I went crazy with everything. I am 23 now and have a son with the woman I am with. We will be getting married next year. We have been together for three years now, and have been having sex since a few months into our relationship. Although I am not new to Christianity, I have not spent a lot of time in the Bible or in church. I know the Bible teaches against premarital sex, but at this point, we have been having it for three years. We have both talked about abstaining from sex from this point on, but it never fails that the same night we talk about it, we end up having sex. I really feel at this point like I can't live without it.

Is there anyone else here that has been through the same thing, or at least can shed the light on my situation, I would really appreciate it, thank you.

On a second note, does anyone know of the bible talks about oral sex. 

[JohnDB]

Are you living with her in the same house/apartment? Or do you just drop by for a visit?

You actually are a form of Common Law married...but a civil marriage will serve her and you both very well...especially your son will be served by your marriage.

Your son needs his daddy more than anything at this point in his life. A stable Daddy is a big thing in the world of a toddler...it is the foundations and pillar of his whole world.

My own son may be taller and bigger than me but still looks up to me for everything...simply because I have been there no matter what for him. He needs me and I love him. It is a normal parent/child relationship.

[Jpalm0987]

At the moment we are not living together. We did for the first couple years, but then I lost my job, and she moved in with her mom, and I am living with a friend right now. Although when we are married next year in May, we have the money for a house, so we will be living together again then. And I know what you mean about a stable father. I am actually in college now for that reason, I just didn't feel I could raise my son on 8 dollers an hour in the factory anymore, espcially after I was laid off, and started collecting unemployment.

[JohnDB]

My wife and I had a similar discussion last night.

When we are single we have and own a very self-centered view about everything. We try non-stop to improve ourselves in order to gain a life partner and have a lifestyle ideal to offer that we think is attractive.  We try to wear clothes that accent our positive physical features and try to gain careers within our skill sets that make us financially secure.

When in all reality we are attracted to the person and not their talents and abilities.

My son loves me simply because I am daddy...not that I am an electrician or that I am a four star chef or that I have made the furniture and lamps in his room. He loves me for who I am and not the stuff that I can give him.

Your girlfriend, if she is a Christian, will do the same thing to you...she loves you and not some ideal of you that you think will provide for her and your son.

For her, (and most likely you as well) the sex is just a natural expression of that love.


But more to the point.
No one can succeed in negative behavior. You can find success by focusing on positive behavior that has a side benefit of abstaining from an unwanted behavior.

For example if I had a problem with lusting after other women I can't succeed in stopping the lust by focusing on not lusting...I have to focus on loving my wife more...then I am so busy loving my wife that I simply don't lust after other women.  The other way around is just futile behavior and is very self defeating.  In trying to stop having sex with your girl friend you are doing that very thing...very self defeating behavior. Re-enforcing to yourself that you are some kind of failure. 

But the truth is that you are working towards finishing an education that you believe will pay off in the end. (which is a good thing)

Why not instead work even harder and try to find a way to succeed at putting your split apart family together...all in the same residence. Then sex with the woman that loves you is not an issue, your son that loves you, and you that love the two of them can all be together working together towards loving each other even more and sharing more of your lives with each other.

[Jpalm0987]

I have never thought of it that way, but you are right. My number one goal right now is to put our family back together in one place. It really sucks not being able to be in the same household as my son and fiance, even though I can drive to see them whenever I want to, its not at all the same.

I really appreciate your answer, it has given me a new view on something I wasn't sure about just a few hours ago, so I would like to say thank you for that.

[blu]

I am not a new Christian, although I have very recently come back to it. I was raised in a very Christ centered home, and like most kids, as soon as I got out on my own I went crazy with everything. I am 23 now and have a son with the woman I am with. We will be getting married next year. We have been together for three years now, and have been having sex since a few months into our relationship. Although I am not new to Christianity, I have not spent a lot of time in the Bible or in church. I know the Bible teaches against premarital sex, but at this point, we have been having it for three years. We have both talked about abstaining from sex from this point on, but it never fails that the same night we talk about it, we end up having sex. I really feel at this point like I can't live without it.

Is there anyone else here that has been through the same thing, or at least can shed the light on my situation, I would really appreciate it, thank you.

On a second note, does anyone know of the bible talks about oral sex. 

If you are really thinking of doing the right thing, get separate bedrooms, or get married tomorrow and throw yourself on the mercies of God, then make sure of your salvation. REPENT MEANS TO TURN ABOUT!

2Cor 12:21  [And] lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and [that] I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed.

1Thes 4:3  For this is the will of God, [even] your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:

Col 3:5  Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:

Eph 5:3  But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
I AM ASKING THE SAME QUESTION ABOUT ORAL SEX, BUT SO FAR I THINK IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, IT MAY FALL UNDER LUST OF THE FLESH. AND THE BIBLE SPEAKS NOT ON THE SUBJECT.  Do not procrastinate!!!

[mark s]

FWIW . . . I agree very much with John.  A civil marriage can be performed quickly and easily, and will satisfy your conscience and solidify your relationship.

You can even go back later and have the big church ceremony, and honeymoon, and all.  But in the meantime, you've begun to make this right.

Blessings to you both!

Love in Christ,
Mark