Addiction

[hoopz2598]

I've been struggling with a porn and masturbation addiction for 3 years, and, not surprisingly, it has made my life pretty empty. I feel depressed a lot and I have low self-esteem but I understand why. There's no way I can feel good about myself knowing what I'm doing. It's so wrong, and I know this because I'm a Christian (trying to be), and I believe in what the Bible says. I'm 19 years old, and I want to be able to stop this addiction so badly, but it seems impossible unless I get rid of the availability of porn in my house. I've tried installing porn blocking software but that didn't work. Also, I've broke my itouch and my Mom's computer in hopes that this would make it so I can't access porn, but my Mom has bought a new computer.....so now once again I can look at porn with just a few mouse clicks and I can't resist the temptation. I'm desperate to stop destroying myself, and I'd hope that "plucking my eye out because it's causing me to sin",as Jesus said, isn't the only way. That would be like last resort option......Please, if you have any advice, e-mail me or reply.

[hoopz2598]

I've been struggling with a porn and masturbation addiction for 3 years, and, not surprisingly, it has made my life pretty empty. I feel depressed a lot and I have low self-esteem but I understand why. There's no way I can feel good about myself knowing what I'm doing. It's so wrong, and I know this because I'm a Christian (trying to be), and I believe in what the Bible says. I'm 19 years old, and I want to be able to stop this addiction so badly, but it seems impossible unless I get rid of the availability of porn in my house. I've tried installing porn blocking software but that didn't work. Also, I've broke my itouch and my Mom's computer in hopes that this would make it so I can't access porn, but my Mom has bought a new computer.....so now once again I can look at porn with just a few mouse clicks and I can't resist the temptation. I'm desperate to stop destroying myself, and I'd hope that "plucking my eye out because it's causing me to sin",as Jesus said, isn't the only way. That would be like last resort option......Please, if you have any advice, e-mail me or reply.

I know breaking my Mom's computer wasn't good, but it was worth it if it meant freedom from porn.

[JohnDB]

Yep,
Get a job or hobby that consumes your time. Actually get to know some women your age. They aint aliens from another planet to look at. They are people who have the same thoughts as you do.

Fantasy is too perfect & unreal. Nothing in life worth having happens without miss-steps or trouble.

[anx]

Masterbation isn't something that is said to be a sin. It's not directly mentioned in the bible although many aspects of sex are. Lev 15:16 says that an emission makes you unclean in the same way menstruation makes you unclean (lev 15:19).

My personal conviction having fallen to porn many times is to masturbate when I cannot resist porn. Ideally, I think it's best to satisfy sex through marriage, but that's not an option for you now.

I don't think Masterbation is explicitly a sin as its not talked about in the bible, but it's certainly something that can turn into an issue.

Many christians have a hard time agreeing on masturbation, and I certainly will not judge you. My advise to is avoid the porn, and follow your convictions on masturbation. The only way I can resist porn is to masturbate when I know I won't be able to resist porn.

[johndoo]

I agree with anx that masterbation isn't a sin in itself.

I agree with both of you the the porn is a problem and is the result of problems.

The challenge is huge.
Our sexuality is a gift from God and can be a driving force for stability in marriages.
Your body is saying that you need a partner.   Work on yourself and relationships so that you can be a good partner for someone else.

Personal factors such as poor self esteem and depression play a role in addictions.  Issues about our personalities play into why we as individuals are succeptible.  A christian therapist would be a great person to help you.  Therapists are hearing these types of issues every day now as internet addictions are becoming commonplace.

Distractions like staying busy help. Knowing your triggers and patterns helps you to break the cyle.  Having people help you be accountable helps -- but this is hard because it means you will have to open up to someone.  Perhaps this will be a therapist, your mother, a pastor, a friend.  Software like covenent eyes has helped some people.

A well known author says that we are most happy when we live out our values.  It is so true and I keep learning about this.  These conflicts within us tear us apart.  Understanding the issues and working on them and mastering them is fulfilling.  God's grace and mercy are always more than enough for our situations.

[hoopz2598]

Even though the Bible doesn't use the word masturbation and call it a sin, it's still obvious that it's a sin. First off, if it wasn't then I wouldn't feel guilty about doing it. Secondly, the Bible says that God killed a person (I don't remember who) for spilling his seed on the ground because it was wicked. I don't know if you've read that, but that's exactly like masturbation. You're spilling your seed on the ground.......It's not naturally going into a women to whom you're married like it should. Also, doesn't the Bible say if you look at a women with lust that you've already committed adultery in your heart....So if I'm lusting in my mind if I masturbate then I must be committing fornication in my heart....You know, I'm not trying to start a debate or anything, but I'm just saying masturbation IS a sin. No excuses. And that's why I want to be able to stop.

[fish153]

Even though the Bible doesn't use the word masturbation and call it a sin, it's still obvious that it's a sin. First off, if it wasn't then I wouldn't feel guilty about doing it. Secondly, the Bible says that God killed a person (I don't remember who) for spilling his seed on the ground because it was wicked. I don't know if you've read that, but that's exactly like masturbation. You're spilling your seed on the ground.......It's not naturally going into a women to whom you're married like it should. Also, doesn't the Bible say if you look at a women with lust that you've already committed adultery in your heart....So if I'm lusting in my mind if I masturbate then I must be committing fornication in my heart....You know, I'm not trying to start a debate or anything, but I'm just saying masturbation IS a sin. No excuses. And that's why I want to be able to stop.

"Then Judah said to Onan, "Sleep with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your brother.

[anx]

I agree with fish.

Even though the Bible doesn't use the word masturbation and call it a sin, it's still obvious that it's a sin. First off, if it wasn't then I wouldn't feel guilty about doing it.

I would be VERY careful when saying its obvious that something is a sin despite it not being said that in the bible.

The guilt you feel could be from you and not from God OR could be to to lust.

It is possible to masterbate without lust. If when you are masterbating you are lusting about the porn that you watched days ago, that could very likely be the source of your guilt.

Also, doesn't the Bible say if you look at a women with lust that you've already committed adultery in your heart....So if I'm lusting in my mind if I masturbate then I must be committing fornication in my heart....You know, I'm not trying to start a debate or anything, but I'm just saying masturbation IS a sin. No excuses. And that's why I want to be able to stop.

Spend some time googling and reading what christians think about masterbation.

If you want to completely give up both, I wish you the best. Its not something I was able to do when young. I certainly would suggest considering masterbation over porn.

Blessings.

[cs80918]

I think masturbation is a sin.  It is a lack of self control.

It controls you, you don't control it.

If you can not say no to it, then it controls you.

What would Jesus do?

[happypromises]

Simple, tell your mom that you do not want to be tempted by 'stuff on the internet' (you don't have to tell her that you have a problem with it) and ask if you can install the software but allow her to set the password.    

She's a mom, she'll understand!   And then instead of an iPod, get yourself a good old fashioned mp3 player with no internet access, get a phone with no internet access, close every single door into your life and then ask God to come and heal you.  Accountability is the best way too...find a pastor or a friend who won't tell and ask them to keep checks on you.   This is SUCH a common problem...it's a huge problem and you are so NOT alone.  

Deleted per rules 3.1 and 3.3.

[winston]

Hi i feel sorry for you but i think i have a solution to set you free first believe in christ saving power then become prayerful person even when you feel defiled it may take a while but (the habi)t will soon wither i was a victim for 8yrs but now i'm a free man.hope this will help

[DaveW]

I agree with fish.

Even though the Bible doesn't use the word masturbation and call it a sin, it's still obvious that it's a sin. First off, if it wasn't then I wouldn't feel guilty about doing it.

I would be VERY careful when saying its obvious that something is a sin despite it not being said that in the bible.

The guilt you feel could be from you and not from God OR could be to to lust.

I also agree with fish.

As to the "guilt" felt from M, I would submit that it is NOT guilt at all.  Rather, it is a misintrepretation of something else that the devil has duped us into thinking it is guilt.

For an example - I used to be a regular on a forum for christian sexual issues (www.themarriagebed.com).  Paul, the list owner, was presented with a situation in his home church of a young HS couple. 

The girl had a very strong drive and masturbated frequently, but experienced crippling guilt just after finishing up every time.  She had tried to stop but the drive was too strong.  So she talked her boyfriend into doing it for her (manually getting her off)  and VOILA!! No more guilt feelings.  Had this been any REAL guilt from either God or self, it should have INCREASED since now there was someone else involved in the sin. Paul's pastor became aware of the situation when the guy felt convicted of being sexually intimate with his gf and confessed.  At that point the pastor involved Paul.

As we discussed it on the list, we came to the realization that since sex is supposed to be an activity that joins 2 people together; having sexual stimulation and orgasm ALONE leaves that joining unaccomplished which is an incredibly lonely experience.

Now we know from scripture that the devil a liar and the accuser of the bretheren.  So when we feel that lonliness, he lies in our ear that it is condemnation from God. He accuses us of all sorts of sexual sins.

So - do we believe the bible which NEVER says M is a sin, or the devil which accuses us?

[Efb1019]

I completely agree. One of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians  6:12 "Everything is permissible for me" - but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me" - but I will not be mastered by anything. If it is something that you cannot control and constantly have to have it would that not be idolatry? I am a recovering porn addict. Almost 32 years and I watched everything I had, two marriages, losing my daughter, losing jobs, seperating myself from my parents and sisters and ending up homeless and suicidal because of no control and having no remorse to what I did or how it affected others. I understand the destructiveness of it and the guilt and shame I suffered because of my compulsive behavior. The bottom line is if I do it, how does it edify God?

[okiebornheavenbound]

Have you ever noticed that pornography has a very definte and violent direction.... It goes toward hurting people.

How often does it become full of hate-filled words? How often Does it degenerate into pure violent acts?

Read 2nd Samuel 13. What happened to Tamar was a scenario that cold of been imagined by a pornographer. The results were not good. That is the lie in pornography. Amnon let his sexual desires loose and Tamar got hurt... Amnon's desire for Tamar became hate. Then a series of men got hurt. Absolom, Tamar's brother commited murder and then sedition and then rape of 10 of King David's women before being killed himself as a result of What Amnon did to Tamar.

But look back and you will see that what Amnon did was a result of What kind David did with Bathsheba.

Satan twists the beautiful loving relationship between a husband and wife into a hate-filled exchange between people and calls it sex. Is this what you want for any woman that you want to love?

[bebe]

I have a little advice for you.  You are so young to be struggling with this.  I think if you went to a therapist and told them what is going on, I know it won't be easy to tell this to a doctor, it is awkward I am sure, but I feel like you can benefit and heal and be at peace with yourself.  It is normal to have sexual feelings, and there is nothing shameful about it.  I think you will do more damage to yourself by not confronting it and finding a solution.  I know there is one, and you can lead a perfectly happy life with a nice girl.  Just please don't keep this inside because then it will grow into a deep dark secret and hurt your self-image and self-esteem and cause you to have a lot of shame, which is very destructive and , also, gives the devil a way to mess with you.  Wish you all the luck.