New Forum

[admin]

For discussion of marriage relationship happiness, sadness, problems, advice, books, men and women, marriage ministry, relationship roles, and sexuality issues discussed with class and tastefulness.

[janine]

I was all excited until I caught that "with class and tastefulness".  Not my strong point!  :doh:

Good new forum idea though.  Thanks, Lee.

I'll just have to restrain myself.  :angel:

[admin]

So does anyone plan to use this forum?

[janine]

I do, heh heh heh.

Just gathering up my references and stuff- the tasteful ones of course.

[Twiglet]

Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but it seems perhaps more suitable than the other threads.

I have a problem in that i think my partner may be getting into porn - online and through email.  This happened a few years ago - he backed away from me emotionally and physically and visited the sites to satisfy his 'needs'  - and this seems to be happening again.
I'm not a prude and i live in the 'real' world,i know men get off on this stuff but am worried on the way it is affecting him relating (or not) to me.

What should i do? should i just leave it be and hope that its just a phase or should i confront him? I could really use some advice on this,thanks.
:help:

[Booty]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (Twiglet @ Nov. 28 2003,03:34)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but it seems perhaps more suitable than the other threads.

I have a problem in that i think my partner may be getting into porn - online and through email.  This happened a few years ago - he backed away from me emotionally and physically and visited the sites to satisfy his 'needs'  - and this seems to be happening again.
I'm not a prude and i live in the 'real' world,i know men get off on this stuff but am worried on the way it is affecting him relating (or not) to me.

What should i do? should i just leave it be and hope that its just a phase or should i confront him? I could really use some advice on this,thanks.
:help:[/quote]
Curious and would like clarification before commenting. You used the term "Partner".  I question why? Why do you not refer to him as your "Husband"?

If he is just your partner and not your husband, then frankly I would be uncomfortable commenting on ways to improve your sexual relationship.

[Twiglet]

sorry for any confusion - tis my husband

[Richard]

Is your husband a believer?  If he is, he knows that what he is doing is wrong (assuming you are correct in your suspicions).
He also, most likely, feels some degree of shame and self-loathing even though he continues in the activity.
You can help free him from slavery to his addiction if you approach him in a kind and loving way.  And make no mistake, it is an addiction, like alcohol or drugs, and it will ruin him eventually.
First, I would advise you to pray about this, long and hard.  Then I would advise you to intervene (I'm wary of the word confront, most people don't respond well to a confrontation).  Be kind, loving, and firm.  Let him know that you are not willing to stand by and watch him destroy himself.  Be prepared with a plan of what you will to do to help him recover.
Then pray some more.  It is only through the power of the Holy Spirit that we can overcome our sinful nature of the flesh and begin to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit.

God bless you,

Richard

[janine]

Things to consider:

If you are right about this - it's not your fault.  Don't absorb responsibility for his actions - don't get into anything like "if only I'd have done XYZ he'd not need that stuff".  Even if there's trouble between you that set him to looking for something else/more/whatever, it's his choice(s) he's made.  There's plenty of blame in life to go around, just acknowledging your own blame for your own sins.  Don't take on blame that isn't yours.

Of course you may be wrong, or you may have only part of the information.  Try to talk with him about it.

[janine]

P.S.

(And don't assume it's a males-only problem... I've been there, or at least near there, and it's a neighborhood populated by both genders.  For example, tell me soap operas and many novels women love are not porn too.)

[Twiglet]

Richard - yes he is a believer


Janine - how can i not feel that it is somehow my fault? :shrugsmiley:

[janine]

You mustn't, Twiglet, if you can help it.

There is a difference between, on the one hand,
considering the dynamics of your marriage-
how the personalities and needs play out IRL-
and changing or working on things accordingly-
working with your own family history, you know, handling what's there -

versus on the other hand somehow making his choices your fault.

I can see problems today that I might not have, if I'd taken a different path or made a different decision.  Sure, we all can.  But there isn't much help in sort of absorbing it all and mourning over it as if it all is my fault. Because it's not.

I hope I'm being halfway clear?  Let me know if not and I'll keep trying to find the words.

[Twiglet]

He refuses to even consider there is a problem though has been becoming more distant over these past few months and more attentive at the computer - even getting up an hour or so earlier so he's less likely to be disturbed and is often last one to bed

[janine]

Here is a spot elsewhere to look over for additional insight:

porn, marriage, Christians

[Twiglet]

thanks,will check it out.


How would you handle it if it were your husband?

[Nelta]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (Twiglet @ Nov. 28 2003,01:34)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]a phase or should i confront him? I could really use some advice on this,thanks.
:help:[/quote]
One person was into gambling.  His wife finally gave him an ultimatum.  She packed up the kids and the bags and was ready to walk out the door.  He saw what he would be losing and gave up his gambling for his family.

I'm with Booty on the difference in this being a "live-in" or a "marriage" mate.

Nelta

[Talulah]

Nelta, she already said it was her husband.

I would say that it is a problem if he is getting up early and staying up late to do this.  However, I would caution you to make sure that 'that' is what he is doing, and that you aren't just assuming.  That would cause division in the relationship if he was in fact just surfing and not looking at porn.  

That is all, I will excuse myself now.

[Twiglet]

I'm going on what happened before - he is following the same pattern i.e. withdrawing from me emotionally and physically and spending more and more time online.
I also checked the history button on computer - looking for something unrelated and there were sites listed that were obviously porn

[Booty]

Twiglet,

Sorry for the question, but it would indeed flavour my response.

Now with your husband, there is no greater aphrodasiac for a relationship than love. Love that is based on the Lord and a shared faith is the greatest excitement a man or woman can feel.

As a man, to be sure a pretty form can turn my head, but only for the briefest of seconds because I see the damage my mere looking could do to the woman I so dearly love.

Why do I love her? Well because she is indeed my best friend. She is the one person I can turn to and know with certainty that if I ask her to just listen, she will. No condemnations, no recriminations, not even any advice unless I ask for it. Just a person who listens.

As I try to listen to her as well, without judgement, just allow her to share her hopes, dreams, fears and concerns. We all need that. Some of us found that person in our Lord. Some of us are even more fortunate that He has matched us up in this world with the person that can listen to us.

Where am I going? Well a good physical relationship does not start with sex. It starts with the basic human relationship first. As you said, he is more distant.... Well Twiglet if he has distanced himself and you love him, you need to go where he is to find him. And no I am not talking about porn sites, that is only a symptom, that is not the actual ill.

Your comment that "i know men get off on this stuff " strikes me as a little simplistic. I know I do not particularly "get off on this stuff" and I can assure you I am quite male.  I know my wife will bear me out on that as well.

Twiglet now how does all this commence? Well it starts with you and our Lord. First you ask Him for His intervention and help. Then you go ahead and follow your man to where he is at trusting in the Holy Spirit. Your husband is a believer so start sharing your common Lord with him. Gte up a few hours earlier with him and try going to some of the sites like this one together on the net.

Sandi comes by me occasionally and we share sites even though we do have a language difference. Like right now I am studying what the Canadians call a constitution, (Hey it's something that interests me, constitutions in their various forms), and we have fun talking about it. We had a criac the other night investigating different dog breeds, (I like Dandie Dinmont Terriers!! Sandi likes beagles!! But I breed Rottweilers).

I wander in on her crocheting occasionally and she shows me interesting techniques. I ammher official quality control for her baking and she for my sermons. We both will take one of the pooches and work her or him for touch up training. We share, yesterday she took me to lunch and Tuesday I took her to lunch. This afternoon we shared a movie together.

Share is the key Twiglet and it begins with sharing your faith. Then when you share your bodies, it is only an extension of the base you have already formed.

God bless you, Twiglet, now go FIND your husband.

Brojees

[Nelta]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (Talulah @ Nov. 28 2003,12:33)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]Nelta, she already said it was her husband.

I would say that it is a problem if he is getting up early and staying up late to do this.  However, I would caution you to make sure that 'that' is what he is doing, and that you aren't just assuming.  That would cause division in the relationship if he was in fact just surfing and not looking at porn.  

That is all, I will excuse myself now.[/quote]
Where I read she did not say it was her husband.

Nelta

[Talulah]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (Twiglet @ Nov. 28 2003,05:16)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]sorry for any confusion - tis my husband[/quote]
See?

[janine]

Since I fill out forms online - and since even my husband and children use my main email account to order things - I get some pretty raunchy emails.

Most are safely diverted to junk mail.

Some are so innocent-looking they get opened up--- and sometimes they lead to even worse stuff.  Thank God Mike installed a pop-up blocker.  It used to be like a field of sewer-flowers opening up on screen, sometimes.

If all anyone went by was history, they would have thought I was spending some time drooling over very badly-done porn websites.  (Not only porn but stupid unartistic porn... double the insult!)

There's more and different stuff to be done than just snooping around in someone's files or history.

If the computer is shared by all the family and isn't off somewhere private that really is all the preparation needed... next thing is more communication.

Lots of "I feel" statements, few "you always" statements.  ("I feel rejected when days go by without you coming to bed at the same time as me...", rather than "You always want to mess with the computer, you never want to spend time with me...")

[Twiglet]

I object to being accused of snooping around my husbands'
history list and files Janine.  I was checking for an address i needed.

[Twiglet]

Thanks Booty - I'll try though it's difficult to know quite where he's at right now.

[Nelta]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (Twiglet @ Nov. 29 2003,12:03)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]I object to being accused of snooping around my husbands'
history list and files Janine.  I was checking for an address i needed.[/quote]
Everyone who has a doubt about the conduct of mate OR children should certainly snoop around.  If I had a hint that my mate was into ANYTHING unChristian or unlawful I would certain snoop.  How else can we be helpers of one another if we hide our heads in the sand as one of our loved ones might be going down the drain...spiritually.

Too many parents think they have no business getting into private stuff of their children.  Those are the kinds of children who are into something before the parents know about it.  People have found out something their children were mixed up in by reading their diaries.  Some were able to stop it and some checked too late.  The experts tell parents the children are their responsibility and they MUST keep looking in the "hiding places" to keep tabs on their children and youth.  Of course, it all hinges on whether there is agape (valuing souls) for family members.  Granted some people are so selfish they are interested only in themselves and don't want to KNOW what their loves ones are doing.

Nelta

[Talulah]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (Nelta @ Nov. 29 2003,3:19)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--][!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]I object to being accused of snooping around my husbands'
history list and files Janine.  I was checking for an address i needed.[/quote]
Everyone who has a doubt about the conduct of mate OR children should certainly snoop around.  If I had a hint that my mate was into ANYTHING unChristian or unlawful I would certain snoop.  How else can we be helpers of one another if we hide our heads in the sand as one of our loved ones might be going down the drain...spiritually.

Too many parents think they have no business getting into private stuff of their children.  Those are the kinds of children who are into something before the parents know about it.  People have found out something their children were mixed up in by reading their diaries.  Some were able to stop it and some checked too late.  The experts tell parents the children are their responsibility and they MUST keep looking in the "hiding places" to keep tabs on their children and youth.  Of course, it all hinges on whether there is agape (valuing souls) for family members.  Granted some people are so selfish they are interested only in themselves and don't want to KNOW what their loves ones are doing.

Nelta[/quote]
First of all, I had originally recused myself from this thread because I don't feel I have a right to give Christian advice (and I am still steering clear of that...)  But, I must comment on this.  

I can ASSURE you that if you go snooping around in your partners and/or childrens things that you will forever loose whatever respect they once had for you.  (Twiglet, I am not talking about you, I understand you were looking for a url.)  Yes, it is wrong to invade another person's privacy.   The person you are invading will just find other ways to hide things you disaprove of and grow to hate and mistrust you while likely sinking deeper into the vice (if it even is a vice).  I suspect I understand your motives.  You want to ensure they are doing the 'right' things and on the straight and narrow.  While I could understand if there was some illegal activity going on, just doing something 'you don't approve of' doesn't give you the right to employ controlling and trust damaging methods to invade another person's personal space.  You should understand, that while what you are doing may have a good reason, the result will be very, VERY opposite of your goal.  

Trust me.

[Booty]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (Nelta @ Nov. 29 2003,5:19)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--][!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]I object to being accused of snooping around my husbands'
history list and files Janine.  I was checking for an address i needed.[/quote]
Everyone who has a doubt about the conduct of mate OR children should certainly snoop around.  If I had a hint that my mate was into ANYTHING unChristian or unlawful I would certain snoop.  How else can we be helpers of one another if we hide our heads in the sand as one of our loved ones might be going down the drain...spiritually.

Too many parents think they have no business getting into private stuff of their children.  Those are the kinds of children who are into something before the parents know about it.  People have found out something their children were mixed up in by reading their diaries.  Some were able to stop it and some checked too late.  The experts tell parents the children are their responsibility and they MUST keep looking in the "hiding places" to keep tabs on their children and youth.  Of course, it all hinges on whether there is agape (valuing souls) for family members.  Granted some people are so selfish they are interested only in themselves and don't want to KNOW what their loves ones are doing.

Nelta[/quote]
Nelta,

I would never be able to contemplate marriage with anyone who expressed such an opinion as that. I frankly would not even consider friendship.

Sorry and you are free to live your life as you see fit, but I have my limits and that is beyond the pale for me.

Brojees

[janine]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]I object to being accused of snooping around my husbands'
history list and files Janine.  I was checking for an address i needed.[/quote]
Who said that was what you were doing?  If you've unrestricted access to history or anything else in the family computer, is it snooping to take a wander through and look at what's there?  (Yes, I believe you said something about innocently getting into history or other files and seeing things you questioned.)

[Jones518]

Booty,

I really like the thoughts you put forth about the realtionship building, sharing, etc., but what if your mate has left that?

I mean, some spouses quit sharing, and withdraw.  What if they will not allow you to share, and "be where they are"?

Pardon me for saying this, but some of the suggestions could be taken a bit patronizingly (I am sure that is not your intent, so please do not take any offense).  What you describe as a marriage is very close to my wife and I, but I have seen alot of folks who don't have it that way.  Yes, love is the greatest aphrodisiac, but what if the recipient is not receptive?  

It seems almost as if the impetus in this case is on Twiglet, and I don't fully agree with that.  It is as if the woman here is to win back the love of her husband by sharing and "being where he is", but what about him?  If I were to beat my wife, would the solution be for her to come back and love me more?  Where is my responsibility to love her more?

SOrry, maybe I am taking this a bit personally, but I have seen too many men who are so far under the godly standard as "head of the household", it is sickening.  Too many times, we want to look at what the wife didor needs to do, when the reponsibility is on her husband.

I sincerely hope you do not take this as anything but discussion, with no intent towards you, Booty.

In Him,

Jonesy

[Booty]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (Jones518 @ Nov. 30 2003,03:41)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]Booty,

I really like the thoughts you put forth about the realtionship building, sharing, etc., but what if your mate has left that?

I mean, some spouses quit sharing, and withdraw.  What if they will not allow you to share, and "be where they are"?

Pardon me for saying this, but some of the suggestions could be taken a bit patronizingly (I am sure that is not your intent, so please do not take any offense).  What you describe as a marriage is very close to my wife and I, but I have seen alot of folks who don't have it that way.  Yes, love is the greatest aphrodisiac, but what if the recipient is not receptive?  

It seems almost as if the impetus in this case is on Twiglet, and I don't fully agree with that.  It is as if the woman here is to win back the love of her husband by sharing and "being where he is", but what about him?  If I were to beat my wife, would the solution be for her to come back and love me more?  Where is my responsibility to love her more?

SOrry, maybe I am taking this a bit personally, but I have seen too many men who are so far under the godly standard as "head of the household", it is sickening.  Too many times, we want to look at what the wife didor needs to do, when the reponsibility is on her husband.

I sincerely hope you do not take this as anything but discussion, with no intent towards you, Booty.

In Him,

Jonesy[/quote]
Jonesy

No I do not take offense at your post. I do not though, agree with your point of view nor your analogies.

Frankly if what I have prescribed is as impossible as you would make it, then it would appear as if all vestiges of a sustainable marriage have ceased. Ever the incurable optimist, I do not find this finalistic view acceptable.

I do though agree with you that I olace a good bit of the onus on Twiglet, I do. I received a certain impression in her posts that have caused me to assign a certain culpability to her. I am not going to the extreme of accusing her of snooping as Janine has done, but none the less a certain flavour exists which leads me to believe Twiglet needs some time in prayer and confession. But then don't we all?

Actually though counseling only one party to a marriage is practically impossible and doing so long distance by internet is ludicrous. I do feel Twiglet and her husband would be well advised to seek professional help from a faith based counselor.

That is perhaps the best advice any can offer, for we have the distinct disadvantage of not being able to look into Twiglets eyes as she recounts of her difficulties. And what we can do for Twiglet is pray pray for her and her husband.

[janine]

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]... I received a certain impression in her posts that have caused me to assign a certain culpability to her. I am not going to the extreme of accusing her of snooping as Janine has done, but none the less a certain flavour exists which leads me to believe Twiglet needs some time in prayer and confession. But then don't we all?...[/quote]
{*sigh*}

I did not mean to "accuse" Twiglet of snooping.  Sorry if my awkward wording came out that way, Twiglet, everyone.

In the first place, "public" information on a family computer is there for me to look at any time I want, that's not snooping.  Seems that's where she has seen sites/info she questions, in her efforts to use public info on the family computer.

Private information is stored away, locked, or in sites outside your own computer.

All I meant was, that while there is some limited usefulness in listing information culled from wandering in your computer, information about history etc., the real useful thing is more communication about whatever are the actual sources of friction.

[WileyClarkson]

Booty,

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]I do though agree with you that I olace a good bit of the onus on Twiglet, I do. I received a certain impression in her posts that have caused me to assign a certain culpability to her. I am not going to the extreme of accusing her of snooping as Janine has done, but none the less a certain flavour exists which leads me to believe Twiglet needs some time in prayer and confession. But then don't we all?

Actually though counseling only one party to a marriage is practically impossible and doing so long distance by internet is ludicrous. I do feel Twiglet and her husband would be well advised to seek professional help from a faith based counselor.
[/quote]

I have to agree with you here--especially where you say "but don't we all".  None of us ever spend enough time in prayer and confession-especially yours truely!.  It will help Twiglet be more responsive to helping her husband.

IMO, any addiction to pornography has causes.  It is a cause and effect based addiction.  It may be something that occured between them that in her husband's thinking is blown out of porportion causing him to want to browse the porn sites or it may be loneliness due to circumstances beyond his control.  Then again, it may be just plain curiosity on his part after looking at one or two that came up by accident as to how far porn really reaches.  In any case, there is a trigger of some sort that set it off.  He will have to figure out what the trigger is and try to keep a trigger lock in place to keep from having it squeezed.  It is his addiction.  Twiglet's part will have to be helping him keep the lock in place with alot of love and he may not realize she is doing that, which may be the best thing in some circumstances.

I see alot of love, understanding, and a real desire to reach out to her husband to claim him back coming from Twiglet, (and there are alot of wives who just don't care these days or browse the porn sites also).  She will have to figure out how to do that.  That is one thing none of us can advise her on because, as you said regarding the counseling:  "doing so long distance by internet is ludicrous."  The best thing we can really do is be listeners and supporters to her (and her husband if we ever get to chat with him).  Since this isn't the first time he has been drawn into porn, I suspect he has a thought or two of how he might be hurting his relationship with his wife.  However, if she shows as much of the characteristics to him when they do talk about how she feels as she shows here, I think he will become very receptive and he will be really upset with himself for allowing himself to drawn in again.  Whether they decide that they need professional faith based help or not will be based on their particular circumstances.  I don't think it is always a requirement, but it is an option.

IMO, pornography is just one form of the most untalked about and most dangerous addiction of them all---addiction to sex.  It is more dangerous and less talked about than any form of chemical or physical addiction, and, with one or two exceptions, is totally legal and protected by our U.S. Constitution's Bill of Rights (something that has been carried way too far by Supreme Court liberal interpretation!). This addiction, in its different forms, reaches to all age groups and both sexes, and the effects can be devastating, lasting an entire lifetime.  We now have it thrown at us in all forms of public and commercial media, everyday life, clothing, etc.  When it is pumped at you night and day like it is right now--and getting worse--it takes alot of self control and disciplin to not become addicted to sex in one form of another or to think thoughts that shouldn't be thought.

[janine]

Yes, Wiley,  everything is all sexualized now in the media- for goodness' sake, commercials are.  Everything.

[WileyClarkson]

I want to make a comment about the "snooping" thing.  As a person in the computer business, these are my views.

If you as a spouse, parent, or guardian suspect that a loved one is involved in something that is dangerous to that person, it is not snooping to try to find out in order to help that person and save a relationship.

Here are a couple of suggestions for anyone concerned about the bad side of the web and their loved ones.  

1.  In regards to children, use parental control software and set it to a high level of security.  You, the parent, control the password for access a site that is blocked.  Set the history for a minimum of one week and check it regularly.  By agreement of the entire family, let it be known that a computer is a public device, regardless of where it is, who is using it,  or who it belongs to.  As long as it is in your home, your are the system administrator and you have the say in what's appropriate.  Also, use tracking software.

2.  If you personally have a problem with adult content site access (and your will power is weak or you just don't want to ever be able to purposely browse those sites), ask a friend to think of a supervisory level (parental level) password and enter it for you in your computer after you have set the level of filtering you desire.  After that, tell your spouse or a friend to write down the password and keep it in a safe place in case you need to make a change because of computer problems but not to tell you what the password is.  Will this give absolute protection to accidental site access?  No.  But it will help by blocking many known sites and alot of unknown site by content analysis.  This won't help keep you from accessing those sites on someelse's computer but it will help on your computer.

I personally use and recommend Norton Internet Security 2003 or 2004 for this.  It has a very effective content control program along with a antivirus, spam control, and pop-up killer that actually work very well.  There are other programs by other companies such as MacAfee, etc, that also work well.

There are also parental/business tracking programs that can be installed on a computer that track everything done on the computer and there are keystroke recording devices that plug into the computer between the keyboard and the CPU.  Their recording ability is somewhat limited as to how much for how long but they do work.  Remember, History files can be erased and Temp files can be deleted very easily.  Cookies can also be removed individually but it takes a little more knowledge and time to remove the ones that correspond to specific sites with out removing the cookies that contain login and password direction to good sites.  Something to keep in mind.

Of course the best thing to do is just "Say NO" to those sites if they do come up.  However, for someone who has a tendency to be "curious" that is not always an easy thing to do.  

"Snooping" for the right reasons is not snooping, it is simply caring for your loved ones and trying to protect them from getting hurt!

Well, guess I've thrown my two cents in now and that's probably about what my opinion is worth. :doh:

[Twiglet]

Booty,
Could i ask what impression i gave you for you to prompt your comment that i am culpable?(not sure if thats the right word but hope you understand what i mean)