Will I ever.....?

[DaveW]

*** OLD MARRIED GEEZER ALERT!!! ***

I keep reading these titles here "will I ever get married"  "will I ever be a dad" etc.

The other night DW and I were watching tv and a commercial came on for Christian Mingle .com and they said they now have 5 million members in the US.  5 million.

FIVE MILLION brothers and sisters who are desperate to find love and a spouse?  There is something definately wrong with this picture.  I am not sure what, or why.  But it seems to me that somewhere in that God is hearing the heart cry and working to put couples together, but it is not getting thru. Most of you do not know me but this weighs heavy on my heart.

Let me tell you from experience of being married 34 years, a dad x4 and grandad x3;

As long as both of you keep your eyes on the Lord more than each other (and DEFINATELY more than yourself) you could marry and be happy with the majority of people of the other gender who are also looking.

My suggestion: cry out to God.  Tell Him how lonely you are, how sexually frustrated you are, etc.  (actually He already knows all that but telling Him is important)

Then ask Him to show you anything in your life that would hinder a romance and marriage and ask Him how to correct it. (then DO it)

Then ask Him to bring Mr/Ms right across your path and be brave - make a move. You may just be surprised. 

When you find them, prepare your self to love them as God loves them - as they are, warts and all. God will use those warts to change YOU into His image. Being in a romance will stretch you.  Being married will stretch you past the breaking point.  You have to let that happen so God can work thru you. all relationships and close emotional ones especially take a lot of work.

I am not trying to be trite. I hope and pray you all get what your heart desires.

[fassopony]

I joined Christian Mingle a few days ago LOL!!

I belong to a very small church and just recently in my three years of being saved have even really been seriously interested in dating/meeting anyone.  I work a lot in a very non Christian corporate environment.  I am very pretty, sociable, most folks like me and am financially sound.  I'm hardly "desperate", I think you are assuming that online dating is for desperate folks, it's not.

I tried eHarmony but see my post about that, WOW, that place is the devil itself saying it's a "Christian site" when in fact they promote sex before marriage and the "every path leads to God" sort of "spirituality" crap.

I have a better opportunity to meet Christian men online, better able to talk to them before meeting and it is easier on my busy life.  No reason not to try it.

[chosenone]

fassopony, the internet it is a very common way for believers to meet these days. I know at least 8 Christian couples who met on line(including myself and my husband). The problem is, like you have found, is that most Christians just dont meet other believers these days except in their church, and unless you go to a large church there arent many opportunities there either. In my church when I was a single mum in my 40's, there wasnt a single available man in his 40's or 50's. So no chance there.
I think its brilliant the way that God is using the internet so much for Christians to meet each other. Be patient though, I was on a site for 2 years before I met my husband, but you are probably much younger so there may be more guys of your age around(the numbers seem to decrease with age!)
Hope it works for you:-)

[larry2]

I joined Christian Mingle a few days ago LOL!!

I belong to a very small church and just recently in my three years of being saved have even really been seriously interested in dating/meeting anyone.  I work a lot in a very non Christian corporate environment.  I am very pretty, sociable, most folks like me and am financially sound.  I'm hardly "desperate", I think you are assuming that online dating is for desperate folks, it's not.

I tried eHarmony but see my post about that, WOW, that place is the devil itself saying it's a "Christian site" when in fact they promote sex before marriage and the "every path leads to God" sort of "spirituality" crap.

I have a better opportunity to meet Christian men online, better able to talk to them before meeting and it is easier on my busy life.  No reason not to try it.

Oh the Humanity of it. I just happen to remember "Staring Boy," I read testimony of a balancing act in high heels; Fassopony, you have just began to fight. You have yet to ride a "Fire breathing Steed" at the front of a parade, dress as the bell of the ball at a Southern cookout; I saw that in some movie once, and then go around dropping lace hankies to be retrieved by local gentlemen. You would then become a damsel in distress necessitating much attention. Given time I will think of more.

[JohnDB]

The Single Parent family is the LARGEST demographic in America. The churches of America do not reflect this. I really wish they did.

[Merryone]

The Single Parent family is the LARGEST demographic in America. The churches of America do not reflect this. I really wish they did.

Can you explain this concern?

[JohnDB]

The "Church" is to minister to people. Considering at least 75% of America's claim to be Christian there is a disparity. Most that I ask about the situation claim the finger wagging members drive them away.

[Merryone]

The "Church" is to minister to people. Considering at least 75% of America's claim to be Christian there is a disparity. Most that I ask about the situation claim the finger wagging members drive them away.

That 75% is a huge exaggeration, don't you think?

The true Church does minister to the world, and it shows best in individual churches that are doing it right.

[IamStefanie]

Hey Dave! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Being a single woman, I've chose to give my life to the Lord, this includes marriage. I know faith without works is dead, so I will continue to pray and (hopefully) heed to God's direction in regards to marriage. I know right now I need to make sure my house is in order and that I am taking care of my body. There are personal goals that I'd like to achieve before marriage. I am a single mom, so with that, I will continue to take care of my son and not live life as if I am some how inadequate or that our home is inadequate because a man is not here. It's so comforting that God knows me and that He's given me peace on this day. And I've had to get to this point to realize that while marriage and married sex sounds nice, I know that loving another person, especially one that I would be living with, will be work at times. And only God knows if I'm ready for that. And with that, I'm happy that God is preparing me and has enlightened me (for lack of a better word) with that knowledge. But I like what you said that God knows, but you have to tell Him. I couldn't agree more. I don't talk to God like I should but when I do, it's the best thing I've done. I desire a life long marriage with someone who will love me and I love him back. I tried the dating sites, but either I didn't give them enough time (which knowing me, that is probably the case) or I just didn't feel in my heart that is the road I should take.

[chosenone]

The "Church" is to minister to people. Considering at least 75% of America's claim to be Christian there is a disparity. Most that I ask about the situation claim the finger wagging members drive them away.

Is that true? I must admit I never got any finger wagging from other believers when I was s single mum for 6 years. Do you think that maybe an excuse for some not to go to church? After all if you go to a church like that, then all you need to do is to find one that is more loving and accepting. There is always a way if you really want to find God.

[JohnDB]

Yes,

Many people that constitute the "single parent family" are actually two parents but not legally married or have a new "step parent" that may not be a biological parent nor legally married but living together for years.

I seen plenty of finger wagging about that on this forum as well as those that have been legally re-married. 

[Carwhisperer]

Within the past four months I have met womenses both in person and online. I met my GF in person. I prefer to meet women in person but online is OK too. I find that I present myself better in person but on the other hand online has more opportunities. BTW, I was on Christian Mingle for a while. They kicked me off because my divorce is not final, so apparently they do have some standards.

[Merryone]

Within the past four months I have met womenses both in person and online. I met my GF in person. I prefer to meet women in person but online is OK too. I find that I present myself better in person but on the other hand online has more opportunities. BTW, I was on Christian Mingle for a while. They kicked me off because my divorce is not final, so apparently they do have some standards.

Maybe having a standard imposed on you would serve to remind you that you, if you know Jesus, need to take on his standards in this area.

[graciemay]

Thanks for your post.

I'm 45 and single. People are usually very surprised by that. Like everyone else, I would like someone to share my life with.  

Anyway, I have, as you suggested, for many many years  now, prayed to God for someone to share my life with. I've told him how lonely I am, how sexually frustrated I am (and thank you for recognizing women get that way too!!), etc.  If He already knows all that then why am I alone?

Although, I had not thought about your suggestion to ask Him to show me anything in my life that would hinder a romance and marriage and ask Him how to correct it. Unfortunately, I've never been able to hear him. But I will try it!

Which brings me to a question. I had someone in and out of my life for years. Big chunks of time inbetween seeing each other. Each time it always took me a long time to get over him. Short backstory: When I met him, I was young both in age and emotionally. He knew he wanted to marry me ( I later learned) when he met me. Anyway, I wasn't ready to move and when I was ready to move, he had moved on. And that set our destructive long distance dance in motion on and off for years. We never worked it out because in short, I think we were both scared to get hurt because we were both hurt. Anyway, my question: Is it possible God gave me "the one" and I messed it up? Does that happen? And if so, when you miss your shot, is it game over???

[DaveW]

I'm 45 and single. People are usually very surprised by that.

Not sure why.  My best friend from HS got married a little over a year ago.

For the first time.

At age 55.

[graciemay]

Good to know! But I think it's easier for men and they have better options, in my opinion.

All I meant by that was people can't believe someone hasn't "snatched me up" so to speak. I'm that girl everyone assumed was taken but was home solo on date night.

[DaveW]

But I think it's easier for men and they have better options

Maybe that used to be so but not so much any more, IMO

I would suggest that you find some good stable woman who is a strong believer and have her pray with you, both for heaing for the hurts you say you have, and for clarity on what you need to change in your life. 

[divabylaw]

I know there are success stories about Christian dating sites, but I do not think chances are better I will meet a man who is a true believer on a Christian church-sponsored site any more than if I meet one in church. I don't think it is a  desperate act to use them. I am not aggressive when it comes to men, but if a gentleman expresses an interest and it so happens I am also interested in him, I may agree to a date. I almost considered online dating, but decided against it.