When should I say those three little words?

[Carwhisperer]

I've been dating this really cool girl for 6 weeks. I feel like I love her but how do I know if I really do? Furthermore, if I am convinced that I do should I tell her? I know that infatuation is a big part of this but I also don't want boredom to set in. I've even discussed it with her in a playful way "What would you say if I told you I love you?" Her first response was jokingly "I'd say "I knew it"". Then we talked about when Princess Leia told Hans Solo she loved him and he said "I know". I'm 48 and she's 33. We've both been married and we're not kids anymore although we feel like we are. Any thoughts?

[JohnDB]

Take things easy there cowboy.

I know the feelings all too well. What aint on your radar screen is that while you have gotten older your emotions that you didn't have in your 20's & 30's now have a larger influence on your brain than you think.

Think about lifestyles & how they are the same versus different. About how you two handle disagreements. Does she or you manipulate the other one?

Can she take the MMPI for you? And come up with the right answers?

What about your kids? (You are looking out for their best interests too & not just you two's)

Look for all the subtle things that might cause hesitation or trouble later like debt loads & emotional baggage.

I'm not saying it all aint lining up but those questions would be on my mind. I wouldn't want to be a part of the 76% of second time marriage failures.
(They thought they would beat the odds too).

[Merryone]

Are you divorced? I can't tell from this:

http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/christian-marriage-forum/i-think-she-wants-me-back-now-maybe/msg1054650529/#msg1054650529

If not, then you have no right to say those three little words, and even if you are, it isn't a go-ahead to do so, either.

[chosenone]

I agree with merryone. You need to cool it with this lady because having just read your other thread, your wife is indicating that she wants a reconciliation. You need time with God, away from the girlfriend, to seek His will in this(althougth His will is clear actually isnt it when you think about it, so you dont even have to ask Him). The marrige failed because of you and not your wife, so you need to give her that chance if that is what she wants.You have no reason to end the marriage yourself. Either way I feel you do need to withdraw from the new girlfriend. Its only been 6 weeks, so the sooner you do this the better.

If you do reconcile, then this relationship will be over anyway, but even if you divorce, wait till that has been completed till you get serious with anyone. Even after that take it very slowly.
Even if you get divorced, think about the girlfriend. Most importantly is she a believer? Is she divorced and if so why?Is she a godly woman with integrity and good moral values?

[happypromises]

As the others have said!  You are married to someone else, so there's no place to tell another girl you love her, while that is ongoing.

[1911]

The time to say it is after she does.

[graciemay]

You wrote: "I know that infatuation is a big part of this but I also don't want boredom to set in.

That is a very telling comment. The answer is a resounding NO!

If it is true that you are still married, even if your wife didn't want a reconciliation, you have no business dating anyone. Sorry, but in my experience, and I've seen it over and over again, it ain't over until the divorce papers are signed.

[divabylaw]

'm a Newbie to the forum, but not to this scene. I clicked on the link provided to read about your possible reconciliation. I agree with others on this thread. You have unfinished business with your marriage, but please do not feel condemned.

You are in a dangerously delicate position to have a girlfriend who expressed jealousy about your wife wanting you back. If you have not told your girlfriend you love her, do think about what you stated about infatuation. Some relationship experts say infatuation lasts anywhere from three to six months.