Is 'talking dirty' ok?

[Leanne]

The topic has never come up I guess, I always thought that one would hold so much respect for their sexual partner for them to even think of some of the subjects that is brought up in 'dirty talk' would come across their mind.

Oh well

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

This thread suffers from an inability to define what "talking dirty" means.

One person made it role-playing.
Another made it using cuss words.

I wouldn't call either of those "talking dirty."  Isn't it when you describe what you are doing / are about to do?

Jarrod

[Texas Conservative]

Or is it when you are farmers talking about fertilizing the field or mucking the stalls?

[DaveW]

This thread suffers from an inability to define what "talking dirty" means.

It is using obscenities to describe what you want to do or what you want done to you.

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

This thread suffers from an inability to define what "talking dirty" means.

It is using obscenities to describe what you want to do or what you want done to you.

I can see where there would be a time and place for it, but on the whole, it makes for some pretty unimaginative pillow talk.

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Or is it when you are farmers talking about fertilizing the field or mucking the stalls?

Wow.  You're into some really weird stuff.

[Red Baker]

A friend asked me this question last night.  While in the middle of 'the act', her husband started taljung dirty.  To her complete surprise, she loved it and said everything was rather 'mind blowing'.  This is language he'd never use elsewhere...but later she felt guilty, that maybe it dishonoured God in some way?  I personally wasn't sure...but then if it's served to deepen their bond with each other, is it bad?  I wasn't sure how to advise...does anyone have any thoughts?

No corrupt communicating should ever proceed out of the mouth of a child of God, in bed or out of bed.  The bed is indeed undefiled between a man and his wife, and what they like and desire are allowable, but, not corrupt talking.

Ephesians 4:29

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearer."

The Song of Solomon would be allowable within the bed room, (and outside) between a man and his wife. 

[chosenone]

A friend asked me this question last night.  While in the middle of 'the act', her husband started taljung dirty.  To her complete surprise, she loved it and said everything was rather 'mind blowing'.  This is language he'd never use elsewhere...but later she felt guilty, that maybe it dishonoured God in some way?  I personally wasn't sure...but then if it's served to deepen their bond with each other, is it bad?  I wasn't sure how to advise...does anyone have any thoughts?

No corrupt communicating should ever proceed out of the mouth of a child of God, in bed or out of bed.  The bed is indeed undefiled between a man and his wife, and what they like and desire are allowable, but, not corrupt talking.

Ephesians 4:29

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearer."

The Song of Solomon would be allowable within the bed room, (and outside) between a man and his wife. 

I agree with this, if we don't use bad language or cursing or whatever in our everyday lives, how is it suddenly ok just because its in the bedroom?

[chosenone]

This thread suffers from an inability to define what "talking dirty" means.

It is using obscenities to describe what you want to do or what you want done to you.

So why is that OK I wonder? For example take the 'F' word. I hate that word, and I hate hearing so many young people use it so casually, and how it is so frequently used in films and tv programmes. IF that is the sort of language that the OP was referring to, then I cant see how that is ok myself referring to the verse that Red quoted. 

[DaveW]

So why is that OK I wonder? For example take the 'F' word. I hate that word, and I hate hearing so many young people use it so casually, and how it is so frequently used in films and tv programmes. IF that is the sort of language that the OP was referring to, then I cant see how that is ok myself referring to the verse that Red quoted. 

As I understand it, that is exactly what the OP would have been talking about.

Apparently some people find that language very arousing. (not me for sure!) 

While I may find it problematic, does using that language in the privacy of your own bedroom really meet the standard of what Paul meant when he wrote Ephesians 4:29? It is too easy to cherry pick a verse and define some word in it in a way that makes us very comfortable. But scripture is not designed to make us comfortable.  It is to goad us to seek HIM and His righteousness.

So if we define "unwholesome" as to preclude using the F bomb in private, that makes us comfortable.  But if that is not really what the author intended then we end up possibly putting a burden on someone that is not of God.

And that is my concern with discussions like this.

[chosenone]

So why is that OK I wonder? For example take the 'F' word. I hate that word, and I hate hearing so many young people use it so casually, and how it is so frequently used in films and tv programmes. IF that is the sort of language that the OP was referring to, then I cant see how that is ok myself referring to the verse that Red quoted. 

As I understand it, that is exactly what the OP would have been talking about.

Apparently some people find that language very arousing. (not me for sure!) 

While I may find it problematic, does using that language in the privacy of your own bedroom really meet the standard of what Paul meant when he wrote Ephesians 4:29? It is too easy to cherry pick a verse and define some word in it in a way that makes us very comfortable. But scripture is not designed to make us comfortable.  It is to goad us to seek HIM and His righteousness.

So if we define "unwholesome" as to preclude using the F bomb in private, that makes us comfortable.  But if that is not really what the author intended then we end up possibly putting a burden on someone that is not of God.

And that is my concern with discussions like this.

Well people find all sorts of ungodly things arousing Dave. People find porn very arousing for example, but that doesnt mean we should look at it.
IF a word or words are those that are pretty horrible, then why are they ok in private but not in public? Its as if we can have double standards just because it is sex. I dont get that, because God is very much there when we have sex.

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

So why is that OK I wonder? For example take the 'F' word. I hate that word, and I hate hearing so many young people use it so casually, and how it is so frequently used in films and tv programmes. IF that is the sort of language that the OP was referring to, then I cant see how that is ok myself referring to the verse that Red quoted. 

Is it relevant that in this context, you will never hear it?

[Helen]

Regarding the English language, my father told me, many years ago, that anyone who used profanity is to be pitied, as they obviously don't have command of the English language yet.

[DaveW]

But you need to look at the context of the last part of Ephesians 4 to get what the apostle was writing about.  I do not see how ANY private and mutually agreeable communication between husband and wife would fit "corrupt word" or "unwholesome communication" as used in that chapter. It is talking about not lying, not being angry, and not stealing.

[DaveW]

Regarding the English language, my father told me, many years ago, that anyone who used profanity is to be pitied, as they obviously don't have command of the English language yet.

In grade school my teachers all said that use of obscenities meant a limited vocabulary. (similar to what your father said)   I told them that my grandad had a bigger cuss word vocabulary than most people have regular vocabularies.  He could swear for 5 minutes straight at 90 miles an hour and not repeat himself. 

It is neither a lack of command of the language nor a limited vocabulary.  It is all in how you use the words. 

[chosenone]

But you need to look at the context of the last part of Ephesians 4 to get what the apostle was writing about.  I do not see how ANY private and mutually agreeable communication between husband and wife would fit "corrupt word" or "unwholesome communication" as used in that chapter. It is talking about not lying, not being angry, and not stealing.

So anything that is 'private and mutually agreeable' is OK with God? I can think of loads of things that may fall into that category that are definitely not OK with God. 

[k-pappy]

This thread suffers from an inability to define what "talking dirty" means.

It is using obscenities to describe what you want to do or what you want done to you.

Really?  Says who?  Why does obscene language need to be used?  What defines "obscene?"

[chosenone]

So why is that OK I wonder? For example take the 'F' word. I hate that word, and I hate hearing so many young people use it so casually, and how it is so frequently used in films and tv programmes. IF that is the sort of language that the OP was referring to, then I cant see how that is ok myself referring to the verse that Red quoted. 

Is it relevant that in this context, you will never hear it?

Does what God hears not matter? Or is it just what others may hear? Is it ok to do anything as long as no one else knows?
If I swear or curse or use profanities, its affecting me and also my husband. If he does it then I am hearing it and its affecting him also.   

[chosenone]

This thread suffers from an inability to define what "talking dirty" means.

It is using obscenities to describe what you want to do or what you want done to you.

Really?  Says who?  Why does obscene language need to be used?  What defines "obscene?"

To me obscene would be the 'f' word or the 'c' word, for example. I think we can agree that they are pretty obscene cant we?

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

So why is that OK I wonder? For example take the 'F' word. I hate that word, and I hate hearing so many young people use it so casually, and how it is so frequently used in films and tv programmes. IF that is the sort of language that the OP was referring to, then I cant see how that is ok myself referring to the verse that Red quoted. 

Is it relevant that in this context, you will never hear it?

Does what God hears not matter? Or is it just what others may hear? Is it ok to do anything as long as no one else knows?
If I swear or curse or use profanities, its affecting me and also my husband. If he does it then I am hearing it and its affecting him also.   

I'm thinking of the whole thing with food sacrificed to idols, thing.  Saying words that equate to "fornicate" or "poop" isn't inherently evil.  Kind of juvenile, but not inherently evil.

Jarrod

[DaveW]

So anything that is 'private and mutually agreeable' is OK with God? I can think of loads of things that may fall into that category that are definitely not OK with God.

And I would guess that they all are specifically prohibited in scripture.

Any prohibition on this is based on your definitions which may vary from mine or anyone else's here.

Or - put another way  - on what SCRIPTURAL basis is the "F" bomb considered obscene and "coitus" or "intercourse" NOT considered obscene?  Why would the former be less acceptable to God than the other words?

[chosenone]

So anything that is 'private and mutually agreeable' is OK with God? I can think of loads of things that may fall into that category that are definitely not OK with God.

And I would guess that they all are specifically prohibited in scripture.

Any prohibition on this is based on your definitions which may vary from mine or anyone else's here.

Or - put another way  - on what SCRIPTURAL basis is the "F" bomb considered obscene and "coitus" or "intercourse" NOT considered obscene?  Why would the former be less acceptable to God than the other words?

OK so its ok for us to speak that way in our lives? To swear, curse or use profanity? Or are we to think about what comes out of our mouths, because our words are so important?
I think that verse Red quoted says it all.

[chosenone]

So why is that OK I wonder? For example take the 'F' word. I hate that word, and I hate hearing so many young people use it so casually, and how it is so frequently used in films and tv programmes. IF that is the sort of language that the OP was referring to, then I cant see how that is ok myself referring to the verse that Red quoted. 

Is it relevant that in this context, you will never hear it?

Does what God hears not matter? Or is it just what others may hear? Is it ok to do anything as long as no one else knows?
If I swear or curse or use profanities, its affecting me and also my husband. If he does it then I am hearing it and its affecting him also.   

I'm thinking of the whole thing with food sacrificed to idols, thing.  Saying words that equate to "fornicate" or "poop" isn't inherently evil.  Kind of juvenile, but not inherently evil.

Jarrod

In the UK the 'c' word doesn't mean poop.

[DaveW]

OK so its ok for us to speak that way in our lives? To swear, curse or use profanity? Or are we to think about what comes out of our mouths, because our words are so important?

Yes words are important.  But you did NOT answer the question why using clinical terms are ok and more vernacular terms are not.

Show me scripturally why you think saying "F" is "...to swear, curse or use profanity."  I would submit that your opinion of the use of those terms is entirely culturally derived.   

Now if you invoke the name of God and use it as a swear term, I would think you have a point. And I would certainly exclude them from ANY communication, including bedroom talk.

[DaveW]

In the UK the 'c' word doesn't mean poop.

I don't think that "poop" was what was referenced as the "c" word.  There are actually 2 of them here, one indicating male genitalia and the other female genitalia.

[chosenone]

OK so its ok for us to speak that way in our lives? To swear, curse or use profanity? Or are we to think about what comes out of our mouths, because our words are so important?

Yes words are important.  But you did NOT answer the question why using clinical terms are ok and more vernacular terms are not.

Show me scripturally why you think saying "F" is "...to swear, curse or use profanity."  I would submit that your opinion of the use of those terms is entirely culturally derived.   

Now if you invoke the name of God and use it as a swear term, I would think you have a point. And I would certainly exclude them from ANY communication, including bedroom talk.

The countries that we live in have words(and signs) that everyone knows as swear words, curse words and profanities. Some of those words are used to describe the sex act or parts of our sexual anatomy but degrade it or demean it from the wholesome godly act is should be. There are also words that are used to describe parts of the bodies that are merely just that.
Even most non believers I know don't use those swear words, so how is it that it is OK for us to use them(in public or private?)
The verse not to let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths seems pretty clear to me Dave.


My thoughts.

[chosenone]

In the UK the 'c' word doesn't mean poop.

I don't think that "poop" was what was referenced as the "c" word.  There are actually 2 of them here, one indicating male genitalia and the other female genitalia.

Yes.

[k-pappy]

To me obscene would be the 'f' word or the 'c' word, for example. I think we can agree that they are pretty obscene cant we?

Sure, but why do people automatically assume those words are used?

Seems to me there is a lot of judgement in this thread, based on unfounded assumptions.

Frankly, who cares what goes on between two people in the privacy of their bedroom?  If something makes you feel guilty, don't do it.

I think Jarrod is right, it would seem Romans 14 applies here.

[Red Baker]

So why is that OK I wonder? For example take the 'F' word. I hate that word, and I hate hearing so many young people use it so casually, and how it is so frequently used in films and tv programmes. IF that is the sort of language that the OP was referring to, then I cant see how that is ok myself referring to the verse that Red quoted. 

As I understand it, that is exactly what the OP would have been talking about.

Apparently some people find that language very arousing. (not me for sure!) 

While I may find it problematic, does using that language in the privacy of your own bedroom really meet the standard of what Paul meant when he wrote Ephesians 4:29? It is too easy to cherry pick a verse and define some word in it in a way that makes us very comfortable. But scripture is not designed to make us comfortable.  It is to goad us to seek HIM and His righteousness.

So if we define "unwholesome" as to preclude using the F bomb in private, that makes us comfortable.  But if that is not really what the author intended then we end up possibly putting a burden on someone that is not of God.

And that is my concern with discussions like this.

How in the name of godliness and common sense, would exhorting people to never allow any corrupt words come out of our mouth, be putting a burden on a child of God, who naturally should always hate and detest such words that flow without ceasing from the wicked, who fear not God, nor love righteousness. It is God's enemies that take his glorious name in vain, and use it so loosely, in their every day speech.

Psalm 139:20

"For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain."

I hate such words as the "f" word that goes hand in hand with many other curse words.  Chosenone made a very excellent point when she said: "Why do such words just start coming out in the bedroom"?  Christians are very transparent people~What you see is what you get"~in private and in public, nothing should change, if it does, then there is a serious hidden problem.  Our Lord Jesus never use corrupt speech!   I believe the scriptures support that he was ever the same~Yesterday, today, tomorrow, in private and in person.  Hebrews 13:8 Nothing but righteousness flow from his pure heart and lips.  We must follow his holy steps; if we love him, then we will.   

[DaveW]

I hate such words as the "f" word that goes hand in hand with many other curse words.  Chosenone made a very excellent point when she said: "Why do such words just start coming out in the bedroom"? 

I do not like those words either; although growing up around my grandfather I got used to hearing them at a very young age.

But when I started thinking about things from a more theological standpoint; I had to ask what exactly makes words like the "F" word offensive?  Is it that God has a list somewhere of forbidden sounds and phrases?   I certainly have not found any.  And if it is the meaning or subject matter that is offensive; then using more clinical terms should be considered equally heinous; which they are not.

So I would like you to answer those questions to explain it to me.  Why (book chapter verse) is "F" corrupt speech and  coitus NOT?

Christians are very transparent people~What you see is what you get"~in private and in public, nothing should change, if it does, then there is a serious hidden problem. 

How transparent?  Would you post a you tube video of your self or your pastor preaching? Would you post one of you and your wife being intimate?  After all, as you say: "in private and in public, nothing should change."

IMO there is a BIG difference and things DO change from public to private.

[chosenone]

I hate such words as the "f" word that goes hand in hand with many other curse words.  Chosenone made a very excellent point when she said: "Why do such words just start coming out in the bedroom"? 

I do not like those words either; although growing up around my grandfather I got used to hearing them at a very young age.

But when I started thinking about things from a more theological standpoint; I had to ask what exactly makes words like the "F" word offensive?  Is it that God has a list somewhere of forbidden sounds and phrases?   I certainly have not found any.  And if it is the meaning or subject matter that is offensive; then using more clinical terms should be considered equally heinous; which they are not.

So I would like you to answer those questions to explain it to me.  Why (book chapter verse) is "F" corrupt speech and  coitus NOT?

Christians are very transparent people~What you see is what you get"~in private and in public, nothing should change, if it does, then there is a serious hidden problem. 

How transparent?  Would you post a you tube video of your self or your pastor preaching? Would you post one of you and your wife being intimate?  After all, as you say: "in private and in public, nothing should change."

IMO there is a BIG difference and things DO change from public to private.

Each country has its own corrupt words, and  we all know what they are. I am sure that in the time that Jesus came to earth there were corrupt and obscene words that were very different from ours today, so of course the specific words in English that we know today as obscene or corrupt are not going to be named in the Bible, BUT we do have a verses that say that we aren't to speak such words. Its a bit like saying that the Bible doesn't specifically say that we mustn't smoke. No it doesn't, but I think we will agree that smoking is very damaging for our health and being addicted to a drug isn't beneficial for us.

[chosenone]

To me obscene would be the 'f' word or the 'c' word, for example. I think we can agree that they are pretty obscene cant we?

Sure, but why do people automatically assume those words are used?

Seems to me there is a lot of judgement in this thread, based on unfounded assumptions.

Frankly, who cares what goes on between two people in the privacy of their bedroom?  If something makes you feel guilty, don't do it.

I think Jarrod is right, it would seem Romans 14 applies here.

In the absence of what words the OP meant, I guess people will make assumptions.  The op was asking if using such words was ok, and my feeling is that if you need to ask if something is ok, that probably says that it may not be.

[DaveW]

The op was asking if using such words was ok, and my feeling is that if you need to ask if something is ok, that probably says that it may not be.

That brings up 2 VERY DIFFERENT questions of sin:

1 - are the words themselves inherently evil?
2 - are you speaking in faith? (whatever is not from faith is sin)

Your answer is addressing point #2 and is correct.  If someone has to question if "sandwich" ok to say I would have to give the same answer.  If they cannot say it in faith then it is sin.

[geneh_33]

We have the New Testament. Anything forbidden in it is sin, no matter what "good" anyone may think is accomplished. If it is a sin to utter a word in public it is also a sin to utter it in private.

[Helen]

It is no sin to be crass.  However, if what you are saying is offensive to ANYONE listening, partner or anyone else, then it is wrong.