Single Guys...

[autumnJ]

Would you date a divorced girl?

I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years. I finally left him when I found out that he was cheating on me for the last 3 years with a women from work.   I don't have any kids, and I have been divorced for 6 months.

I am just curious if a christian guy would date a divorced girl? 

I am 35 and I would like to find a nice guy to settle down with, and I would like to have kids.

[fassopony]

I'm sure lots of guys will date a divorced gal.

You will have more problems finding Christian guys who don't want to jump in the sack right away or after "three" dates LOL!!!

[chosenone]

autumn, I am a lady and both my husband and myself are previously divorced. He is the nicest, kindest and most godly man that I have ever met, and he thought nothing of me being divorced.
You had every reason to end that marriage, and if a man isn't interested because you are divorced then that is his loss.
When my first marriage ended after 25 years, I actually wanted to meet a divorced man. Didn't want a widower(didn't want to have to compete with a dead woman who is often idolised) and wasn't interested in a single man in his 40's, because he would have no understanding of marriage or children, and I got the best guy ever, a divorced one.
I know several Christian couples where one or both are previously divorced, so please don't worry. You haven't even got children to complicate anything.
Please be careful this time though, and only marry a godly guy who loves Jesus, and who you know for SURE is Gods choice for you.

[JohnDB]

As a guy who left the single scene last year after a short disastrous marriage after my first initial failure after 17 years I can tell you that it entirely depends upon you.

More than it ever did before.

Dates? OK...you can get a date. Not really an issue...maybe.

But in order to date a guy that will actually make you happy? That is a real rarity.
It is going to take talent and ability.

In Christian circles guys are the ones with all the choices and women with the fewest choices to make. It is this way so much so that many women give up and are willing to date non Christian men all day long.

Many single men or single again men are jerks. They are either guys that wear lace underwear or guys that are so legalistic (with semi-Christian overtones) or have issues that make them unavailable for women looking to start families. Some are Christian in name only...taking the title but not really living the lifestyle. (the reason Fassopony says what she says...as well as there are women who practically jump into guys beds as well)

A real, genuine Christian man is a rarity. And they know that the real Christian women is what they want...and that there are tons to choose from. As guys mature appearances may get their initial attention but keeping it is going to take more than a pretty face and figure.  They want a friend. They don't necessarily expect you to like sports but the ability to show respect and hold your end of a conversation is a must.  Also your persona must be fun and approachable and command some kind of respect at the same time.

Detractors(outside personality clashes) can include: heavy consumer debt, lack of portable job skills, family responsibilities and or members, and chronic illness or disease.

Us few real Christian single men demand (because we can) the best of the best of women to choose from.

I found one and I had given up. Sooo many are tied into their careers so much so that they get an identity from their career. (yawn) Or they are wacko in some fashion.(eek)  So I gave up. I quit looking and figured successful dating to marriage was for others. BUT GOD (I love that expression) had other plans and desires for my life.

"Water finds it's own level." is a very important quote to remember...it is true.

How close you are to God is going to be a determining factor with finding a guy who is as close as you would like to find one. Intelligence also is going to be needed on the same level. An introvert can get hooked up with an introvert but grace must be extended for the extrovert...and vice versa.

Sooo...sorry to tell you all this. The money you spend on "just that perfect dress, makeup, shoes, belt, jewelry, and perfume" are pretty much a wash on us guys the second time around...they worked once but...not the second time for any real relationship. Just like his car doesn't really matter to you or his bank accounts.

Who you are and who he really is are going to be the determining factors for success. Or how much success you really want.

[autumnJ]

John,

You bring up a good point.  Since leaving my husband finding a date is not a problem. The problem I am facing is that a lot of these guys think that just because I am divorced I am willing to compromise my body to please them. 

I am faced with the issue all single christians face:
There is a non-christian who is very interested in me.  He is not just interested in physical stuff like most of the guys, but really wants a long term relationship.   I told him I was divorced and he said that it did not bother him because he really likes me.   He seems super sweet and he is very cute.

Then I meet a christian guy who seems perfect for me. If I had to describe him, I would say he is a male version of myself.  We have tons of stuff in common and we can talk for long periods of time without any uncomfortable silence.  He gives signs of liking me to the point where other people notice the attention he gives me.  Then it stops.  He is still friendly with me, but it's not as obvious as it was before... There are times when he ignores me.  Then I wonder if he lost interest and why?

So do I settle?  Do I date the guy who is not a christian just for the sake of having someone in my life or do I hold out for something that could be better?

Do I lower my standards because christian guys have many more options?

[autumnJ]

Prior to meeting my Ex-husband I would meet these fantastic godly men who were amazing!~   I would pray SO HARD for GOD to open the door so I could marry one of those guys.  They had great jobs, and were kind, funny and gentle in spirit. 

The door would close.. EVERYTIME.  They would move away, or transfer jobs, or leave the church.  They would disappear from my life.  While I did not always like the answer I got from GOD I believed that he had my best interest at heart.   Then I met my ex.  It all worked out, and the door did not close.   Because of this,  I believed that he was the right guy... and he was until he stopped wearing our wedding ring to work because he met someone else. 

Most of those guys I prayed so hard for went off to get married and have kids and they make fantastic, godly husband.. meanwhile my husband was abusive and cheating on me.

Why would GOD allow this to happen?  What am I doing wrong?

[fassopony]

Dating or marrying an unsaved man is putting your desire for a mate ahead of God.

You can definitely roll that way but get some good friends for all the support you will need after the instant gratification and hormones wears off.

[larry2]

Why would GOD allow this to happen?  What am I doing wrong?

Most of the time we get ourselves into the problems we suffer in spite of God attempting to keep us from them. Not knowing you personally, I can only offer a seminar given at our church Youth Camp I thought was good enough to have transcribed it from CD's. "Principles to godly courtship"

Principles of Godly Courtship  http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/christian-singles-forum/principles-of-godly-courtship-web-links/msg1054620783/#msg1054620783

[anx]

Most of those guys I prayed so hard for went off to get married and have kids and they make fantastic, godly husband.. meanwhile my husband was abusive and cheating on me.

Why would GOD allow this to happen?  What am I doing wrong?

God allows us to sin and make stupid choices. When you marry even a good man, he has the free will and choice to cheat on you and destroy your union.

I think many men would date you. I think you best shot is with another divorced christian man, but many men would still be interested.

Dating at 35 is very different than 25. Many of the eligible people have been married, and the people who are 35 and not divorced may have lead a very different path to get there.

What happened to you wasn't fair or right, but it was your husband and not God who made that choice.

I wouldn't date non-Christians. The chance of ending up in a similar situation is too high. At the same time, no one you marry will be perfect. Even if they are prefect at the moment you get married, people change. Marriage is constantly finding what works with the person you are married to. Its not settling as much as accepting that we are all imperfect.

As for your current man that you are interested in, I would slow contact from your end. If he isn't interested in putting some effort into pursuing you, its not something that would work. It's what makes men tick in a marriage. Don't play mind or relationship games, but no relationship can be one sided. If he isn't willing to put in the effort to not ignore you, then keep praying and looking.

[Stephen777]

Would you date a divorced girl?

I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years. I finally left him when I found out that he was cheating on me for the last 3 years with a women from work.   I don't have any kids, and I have been divorced for 6 months.

I am just curious if a christian guy would date a divorced girl? 

I am 35 and I would like to find a nice guy to settle down with, and I would like to have kids.

Unfortunately, once you are divorced you cannot marry anyone else:

"But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32)

God does not take marriage and divorce lightly. It's not a game, it's a sacred covenant made by God. That's why you have to be very careful whom you marry.

[JohnDB]

Would you date a divorced girl?

I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years. I finally left him when I found out that he was cheating on me for the last 3 years with a women from work.   I don't have any kids, and I have been divorced for 6 months.

I am just curious if a christian guy would date a divorced girl? 

I am 35 and I would like to find a nice guy to settle down with, and I would like to have kids.

Unfortunately, once you are divorced you cannot marry anyone else:

"But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32)

God does not take marriage and divorce lightly. It's not a game, it's a sacred covenant made by God. That's why you have to be very careful whom you marry.

That is an extreme legalistic viewpoint that doesn't match up with Jesus' lifestyle and promotions during his ministry. IOW it doesn't line up with scripture in full context.

[chosenone]

Would you date a divorced girl?

I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years. I finally left him when I found out that he was cheating on me for the last 3 years with a women from work.   I don't have any kids, and I have been divorced for 6 months.

I am just curious if a christian guy would date a divorced girl? 

I am 35 and I would like to find a nice guy to settle down with, and I would like to have kids.

Unfortunately, once you are divorced you cannot marry anyone else:

"But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32)

God does not take marriage and divorce lightly. It's not a game, it's a sacred covenant made by God. That's why you have to be very careful whom you marry.

I am glad that God doesnt feel that way. I am married to a previously divorced man whose wife cheated, and he is the best and most godly husband ever. I thank God often for bringing us together.
I agree that we do need to be very careful who we marry though, and thats why I waited till God bought me this man. He is everything that I asked God for and more.

[Stephen777]

Would you date a divorced girl?

I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years. I finally left him when I found out that he was cheating on me for the last 3 years with a women from work.   I don't have any kids, and I have been divorced for 6 months.

I am just curious if a christian guy would date a divorced girl? 

I am 35 and I would like to find a nice guy to settle down with, and I would like to have kids.

Unfortunately, once you are divorced you cannot marry anyone else:

"But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32)

God does not take marriage and divorce lightly. It's not a game, it's a sacred covenant made by God. That's why you have to be very careful whom you marry.

That is an extreme legalistic viewpoint that doesn't match up with Jesus' lifestyle and promotions during his ministry. IOW it doesn't line up with scripture in full context.

Then take it up with the Lord. The Lord said it, not me.

[Lively Stone]

Stephen~ I take it you do not believe in the Lord's forgiveness or His restoration?

[Stephen777]

Stephen~ I take it you do not believe in the Lord's forgiveness or His restoration?

Of course I do. But there is no forgiveness without repentance.

[Lively Stone]

Stephen~ I take it you do not believe in the Lord's forgiveness or His restoration?

Of course I do. But there is no forgiveness without repentance.

Many people divorce, and in the process of healing, they turn their lives over to Christ, receive His forgiveness, and He restores their lives, brings them to wholeness, and blesses them with new and Godly marriages.

You do know that the former things He chooses to not remember, don't you?

[Stephen777]

Stephen~ I take it you do not believe in the Lord's forgiveness or His restoration?

Of course I do. But there is no forgiveness without repentance.

Many people divorce, and in the process of healing, they turn their lives over to Christ, receive His forgiveness, and He restores their lives, brings them to wholeness, and blesses them with new and Godly marriages.

You do know that the former things He chooses to not remember, don't you?

So you're basically saying that Jesus contradicts his word?

[Lively Stone]

Stephen~ I take it you do not believe in the Lord's forgiveness or His restoration?

Of course I do. But there is no forgiveness without repentance.

Many people divorce, and in the process of healing, they turn their lives over to Christ, receive His forgiveness, and He restores their lives, brings them to wholeness, and blesses them with new and Godly marriages.

You do know that the former things He chooses to not remember, don't you?

So you're basically saying that Jesus contradicts his word?

He never does. But it seems you do. You can't seem to get past people's former transgressions, or fathom that Jesus can forgive the repentant and restore to right standing and wholeness.

[Lily76]

Stephen~ I take it you do not believe in the Lord's forgiveness or His restoration?

Of course I do. But there is no forgiveness without repentance.

Many people divorce, and in the process of healing, they turn their lives over to Christ, receive His forgiveness, and He restores their lives, brings them to wholeness, and blesses them with new and Godly marriages.

You do know that the former things He chooses to not remember, don't you?

So you're basically saying that Jesus contradicts his word?

She is saying you do not know what you're saying.

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion [1C:7:9]

[Stephen777]

Stephen~ I take it you do not believe in the Lord's forgiveness or His restoration?

Of course I do. But there is no forgiveness without repentance.

Many people divorce, and in the process of healing, they turn their lives over to Christ, receive His forgiveness, and He restores their lives, brings them to wholeness, and blesses them with new and Godly marriages.

You do know that the former things He chooses to not remember, don't you?

So you're basically saying that Jesus contradicts his word?

He never does. But it seems you do. You can't seem to get past people's former transgressions, or fathom that Jesus can forgive the repentant and restore to right standing and wholeness.

Forgiveness comes after repentance.

[MeMyself]

Stephen~ I take it you do not believe in the Lord's forgiveness or His restoration?

Of course I do. But there is no forgiveness without repentance.

Many people divorce, and in the process of healing, they turn their lives over to Christ, receive His forgiveness, and He restores their lives, brings them to wholeness, and blesses them with new and Godly marriages.

You do know that the former things He chooses to not remember, don't you?

So you're basically saying that Jesus contradicts his word?

He never does. But it seems you do. You can't seem to get past people's former transgressions, or fathom that Jesus can forgive the repentant and restore to right standing and wholeness.

AMEN!  And God promises to replace what the locust have eaten!

[chosenone]

Stephen, Jesus Himself allows divorce for certain reasons, such as in this case where her husband cheated. She is therefore free to remarry if she meets a godly man.