am i fool?

[Bitter Sweet]

But Choseneone chose to leave her husband, child of God doesn't want to leave her husband.

Chosenone, IF he was cheating on me, I would rather not know. That doesn't mean I would tolerate it if I found out, I wouldn't get a divorce over it either. I just think those kinds of feelings are too superficial to mean anything in the long run. What I have with my husband is worth way more than an illicit affair. Plus, my husband and I already realize nobody wants either of us so we are stuck with each other.

I wish everyone could be happy and faithful, so sorry for all the women that have had to go through this. It truly is devastating to see a family broken over affairs. My mother and father fought for years because of his cheating and got a divorce after 20 years, they are both still alone and miserable.

It doesn't sound like her husband wants to leave or nor she wants to leave him. He's just being a foolish little man that can't control himself, child of God is in control of this situation and it can go any way she wants.

[psalm22]

you mean it's wrong to give him one more chance? im worried about my kids, i want them to grow up with dad on their side.. i dont know. im really confused. i still dont know what to do :( i feel his sincerity of fixing things and he told me that we will start again and he will change, but im afraid to be hurt again but i also dont want to lose him :((

COG,
      As for what I said, you are absolutely NOT wrong if you want to give him another chance.  You can choose to forgive him as many times as you like.  What I was saying was that you are justified if you chose to not stay with him.  I believe that even if you leave him you should still forgive him.  You can say I forgive you but I am no longer willing to put myself at risk of being hurt if you do it agian.
      You seem to be struggling with what the "right" thing to do is.  I think to find the peace you need, you must look at this as two very different issues, forgiveness and tolerance.  Yes, you should forgive, unconditionally.  It is up to you if and when you decide to not tolerate it.  You must also accept the fact that while you may not be willing to tolerate it, he may not be willing or able to stop.
      Remember, you are a child of God.   You are precious to him and he will not leave or forsake you.  Keep your heart and ears open and he will help you.  I know you hear is voice about forgiveness but remember that he told his apostles that there was a point to walk away.

Mark 6:7-13
(M)And (N)He *summoned the twelve and began to send them out (O)in pairs, and gave them authority over the unclean spirits; 8 (P)and He instructed them that they should take nothing for their journey, except a mere staff—no bread, no [f]bag, no money in their belt— 9 but [g]to wear sandals; and He added, "Do not put on two [h]tunics.

[psalm22]

you mean it's wrong to give him one more chance? im worried about my kids, i want them to grow up with dad on their side.. i dont know. im really confused. i still dont know what to do :( i feel his sincerity of fixing things and he told me that we will start again and he will change, but im afraid to be hurt again but i also dont want to lose him :((

I don't think it's wrong either. If you really don't want to break your family up, I don't know any woman that would want that, only as a last resort, you could work something out with him. Maybe move into a separate bedroom until he grows up, give him the freedom he wants, you don't seem like a jealous woman, even though I'm sure it hurts. But I think the love you have is stronger than those feelings. But I would make sure he use protection so there aren't any more babies or STD's made or insist he get a vasectomy.

  Bittersweet, are you implying that she should let him sleep around??

Considering that she already does, make some rules about it. If's he's going to do it, he needs to get a vasectomy and make him sleep on the sofa. I wouldn't reward him for doing it but she wants to make an honest effort at keeping her family together. The family is more important than his 20 seconds of "feeling good".  I think she is a very strong woman, understanding of man's nature but most importantly has a love for her family that nothing can tear apart. She has shown herself to be capable of living like this, but keeping it honest is going to make her husband more honest.

Bittersweet,
      I understand the heart and spirit of what you are trying to say but here I have to really disagree with this.  Setting rules and parameters for him to continue his behavior is de facto permission.  I understand that it may seem practical.  It is like telling my teen son that drinking is illegal and wrong but if you are going to do it any way (disobey me) then just make sure you do it here so I know you are safe.  Or if I told him that fornication is a grave and serious sin and offensive not only to God but yourself and your partner, but I know everyone is doing it so just make sure it is with a girl and use protection.
      I think it is important to stand on principal and not compromise what you know and believe is right regardless of how practical it seems.  CoG should be able to stand firmly on the fact that she is not willing to condone his continued infidelity.  How many more chances he gets is up to her.  At least for me personally I would say that if I were in the same boat, my spouse would have a lot of proving to do before I could be intimate with them.

[Bitter Sweet]

you mean it's wrong to give him one more chance? im worried about my kids, i want them to grow up with dad on their side.. i dont know. im really confused. i still dont know what to do :( i feel his sincerity of fixing things and he told me that we will start again and he will change, but im afraid to be hurt again but i also dont want to lose him :((

I don't think it's wrong either. If you really don't want to break your family up, I don't know any woman that would want that, only as a last resort, you could work something out with him. Maybe move into a separate bedroom until he grows up, give him the freedom he wants, you don't seem like a jealous woman, even though I'm sure it hurts. But I think the love you have is stronger than those feelings. But I would make sure he use protection so there aren't any more babies or STD's made or insist he get a vasectomy.

  Bittersweet, are you implying that she should let him sleep around??

Considering that she already does, make some rules about it. If's he's going to do it, he needs to get a vasectomy and make him sleep on the sofa. I wouldn't reward him for doing it but she wants to make an honest effort at keeping her family together. The family is more important than his 20 seconds of "feeling good".  I think she is a very strong woman, understanding of man's nature but most importantly has a love for her family that nothing can tear apart. She has shown herself to be capable of living like this, but keeping it honest is going to make her husband more honest.

Bittersweet,
      I understand the heart and spirit of what you are trying to say but here I have to really disagree with this.  Setting rules and parameters for him to continue his behavior is de facto permission.  I understand that it may seem practical.  It is like telling my teen son that drinking is illegal and wrong but if you are going to do it any way (disobey me) then just make sure you do it here so I know you are safe.  Or if I told him that fornication is a grave and serious sin and offensive not only to God but yourself and your partner, but I know everyone is doing it so just make sure it is with a girl and use protection.
      I think it is important to stand on principal and not compromise what you know and believe is right regardless of how practical it seems.  CoG should be able to stand firmly on the fact that she is not willing to condone his continued infidelity.  How many more chances he gets is up to her.  At least for me personally I would say that if I were in the same boat, my spouse would have a lot of proving to do before I could be intimate with them.

I'm also considering that she is in a country that doesn't allow divorce, only annulment and she said those are very difficult to obtain. I am sure there is a lot of social stigma for women that leave their husbands too. It's not like a Western country where a woman can actually move on and find another love in her life, she will be very much alone in this situation and ridiculed on top of that for something she didn't do. But it makes me wonder about the women he had an affair and children with. 

I agree with you, I wouldn't be intimate with someone that could possibly harm my health.

[psalm22]

Point taken.  I agree. 

[child.of.God]

brethrens, i really appreciate your advices, im sorry some of you are arguing.. i know now what to do, though its really hard on my part. i still hope and pray that God would restore me, my husband, my family. and no i am not tolerant about his infidelity, he knows that.. but i just want to give it a last try. and i see all your points and thinking about it, i talked to my pastor and he said that i should pray 1st before I make decisions and we should attend counselling. please pray for me, for my family

[Man_Of_Honor]

brethrens, i really appreciate your advices, im sorry some of you are arguing.. i know now what to do, though its really hard on my part. i still hope and pray that God would restore me, my husband, my family. and no i am not tolerant about his infidelity, he knows that.. but i just want to give it a last try. and i see all your points and thinking about it, i talked to my pastor and he said that i should pray 1st before I make decisions and we should attend counselling. please pray for me, for my family

Absolutely correct. Allow God to help you with the decision-making.

[chosenone]

brethrens, i really appreciate your advices, im sorry some of you are arguing.. i know now what to do, though its really hard on my part. i still hope and pray that God would restore me, my husband, my family. and no i am not tolerant about his infidelity, he knows that.. but i just want to give it a last try. and i see all your points and thinking about it, i talked to my pastor and he said that i should pray 1st before I make decisions and we should attend counselling. please pray for me, for my family

 Thats really good news. I hope that your husband will agree to counselling and I am very pleased that you have spoken to your pastor and that he is helping you.I am also glad that you know what you need to do, and I pray that your husband will take this last chance that you are giving him to do the right thing. He would be a total fool if he doesnt. God is the only one who knows whether he will be faithful from now on, so ask for Him to clearly lead you the right way.
God Bless.

[chosenone]

This thread is for the OP, not you or me.  Please stop trying to deflect in order to justify your behavior.

My only reason to post in this thread was to encourage the OP and to hopefully get you to understand how bossy, naggy and downright demanding you sound.

And, perhaps you could have done so through PM which is what you encouraged Chosenone to do if SHE had issue with something other than the OP.  

She has a good point.

[chosenone]

But Choseneone chose to leave her husband, child of God doesn't want to leave her husband.

Chosenone, IF he was cheating on me, I would rather not know. That doesn't mean I would tolerate it if I found out, I wouldn't get a divorce over it either. I just think those kinds of feelings are too superficial to mean anything in the long run. What I have with my husband is worth way more than an illicit affair. Plus, my husband and I already realize nobody wants either of us so we are stuck with each other.

I wish everyone could be happy and faithful, so sorry for all the women that have had to go through this. It truly is devastating to see a family broken over affairs. My mother and father fought for years because of his cheating and got a divorce after 20 years, they are both still alone and miserable.

It doesn't sound like her husband wants to leave or nor she wants to leave him. He's just being a foolish little man that can't control himself, child of God is in control of this situation and it can go any way she wants.

Bittersweet, My situation was totally different. It wasnt affairs, and people were in very serious danger, so no, I sadly didnt have any choice.

I agree with you that its horrible that affairs ruin lives and marriages. I have seen it so many times around me. Even if they stay together the damage is still done. Thank God that with Him there is healing, and that He gives us new beginnings and fresh starts. He can use appalling situations for our ultimate good.

[Bitter Sweet]

Bittersweet, My situation was totally different. It wasnt affairs, and people were in very serious danger, so no, I sadly didnt have any choice.

I agree with you that its horrible that affairs ruin lives and marriages. I have seen it so many times around me. Even if they stay together the damage is still done. Thank God that with Him there is healing, and that He gives us new beginnings and fresh starts. He can use appalling situations for our ultimate good.

I hope CoG can receive peace and happiness in her life with a new beginning, even if it is with her current husband.

[chosenone]

Bittersweet, My situation was totally different. It wasnt affairs, and people were in very serious danger, so no, I sadly didnt have any choice.

I agree with you that its horrible that affairs ruin lives and marriages. I have seen it so many times around me. Even if they stay together the damage is still done. Thank God that with Him there is healing, and that He gives us new beginnings and fresh starts. He can use appalling situations for our ultimate good.

I hope CoG can receive peace and happiness in her life with a new beginning, even if it is with her current husband.

Yup me too. However it ends, God will look after her and the children.