Christian family under attack. Stress, anger, depression

[Grace_Bw/U]

I got online hoping to find a Christian men's forum where I could find fellowship with men who were experiencing or have experienced similar problems as myself. We are a saved family, brought out from the ruins of a troubled start without God. My wife and I have tried very hard to raise our four children with God and righteously, and we saw many good things in our family. Much love and closeness unlike most. Honesty and trust in our children. We have teenagers, including a son who will be 18 very soon. We really enjoy spending time together, but times have been difficult lately.

Over the past few years, like many Americans and probably abroad too, we have experienced a lot of losses. Nothing tragic fortunately, but some of the major stressors, like job, home, security. We stayed afloat and prayed and sought God. The Lord has seen us through quite a bit, but the losses continued to mount into financial burdens and no security in the near future. Sounds like God is working here, right? "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

Now it seems like the Lord has provided us with the necessary changes that should improve our situation: new job, new house. But it has all come with so much risk and despair, that it is hard to see if it is right. My family has been through so much, on our own, that it is difficult to see past the complexities, (the long winding road) that brought us to where we are today (at least I speak for myself) and even more difficult to understand why we lost so many of our hopes and ideals, none too extravagant by worldview, during the arduous journey from our original setbacks.

The emotions and the relationships are suffering. My wife struggles with depression; throughout her adolescence and young adult years, she fought these thoughts. Christ restored her, when He saved me too, and consequently our family. Now, several years later, the depression is back. Pray to the Lord she will be safe from these attacks.

My two oldest teenagers, boy and girl, are proving to be very challenging. They aren't doing anything terribly against the law at all (we are very fortunate there), but they are rebelling full force, and my wife and I are concerned for them, and their decisions alarm us. We successfully homeschooled our children for years, but the loss of home for almost a whole year really threw us in a whirlwind, and at such a critical time of their adolescence too. I am distraught.

Now probably the biggest problem. Me. I am battling the stress and the demons with a troubled mind. Anger and frustration threaten my spirit, and this disrupts my ability to lead my home. God help me. I am reminded that "the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." -James 1:6 NIV. Which is why I need fellowship and some good Christian friends who can share their testimonies, defeats, and victories that relate to what I have described above. This fellowship comes from the Church, and the believers are the Body. Because we have moved so many times since our salvation, we have not settled into a brick-and-mortar church home, but we have tried over and over again. I know iron sharpens iron, and hopefully I can build some solid relationships here in this forum. While my life feels out of control, I know only One whom can control it. What more is there to say? But I do think I must talk about it. I am troubled. Jesus Christ saved me from destruction before. He brought me out of some real vices that almost destroyed my marriage years ago. It was by Him that I became the provider my family needed me to be and that nobody on Earth thought I ever would become. The salvage of our family over ten years ago was truly a miracle and a testimony in itself. I would love to share it. Praise the Lord!

My wife usually has very strong faith and loves the Lord with all her heart. She has found a Christian women's forum on depression. Is there anything out there for me? Christian men struggling with stress and anger, especially with depressed wives, and teenagers? If not, there should be one started. Men need all the help they can get, because we'll be the first ones to go down on the front lines of the spiritual battle against our families and homes. And I say, "Game on!" The Holy Spirit dwells within us, men, and we can NOT be condemned!

Grace be with you.

[JohnDB]

As far as the teenagers go. What I have noticed that works best is to occassionally remind them of a few facts:

You love them & want the best for them.

Rules & chores are for their benefit.

Who they are. IE Christians.


They have brain damage when they become teenagers and forget those things.

[NowFound]

My wife is in the child development field, goes to training every year, and always comes back with things that help.

For the teenagers, realize that their brains don't fully develop until they are into their 20s.  And they make curious or troubling decisions.  Our job as dads is to set them straight, help them see their errors without being condeming or belittling them.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Eph


For support on other things, I'd say fire away on this forum.  There are plenty of guys who are not only encouraging, but will point you to God's word to back it up.

[johndoo]

There is a good little book "Christians get depressed too" that I'd recommend.  It gives a balanced view of both the spiritual and medical/psychiatric aspects of depression. 
Medications and exercise and therapy may all help.  In some ways you are having a grief response.  As opposed to losing a life, you are grieving losing status, a way of life, a house, a job, etc.  And like all grief responses, there is a period of depression before acceptance.  Your post shows that you are understanding about how you are getting through it and how it is changing you in some ways for the better.  God bless you for perserverence and continued efforts to lead and guide your family.