sex life

[mtman]

 I am a 45 married man with 2 kids, a very pregnant wife, and we work opposite schedules. Our sex life has not been regular for a few years, she often doesn't seem to care it we do or don't have sex. Her health has been up and down and I feel like I'm forcing myself on her for my own gratification so I don't. Now being pregnant (7 months) she is often more tired. I feel the need for some sort of sexual release (masturbation). I ask is this in my head? Is "sex" a necessary human function? Where or how do I satisfy that need(urge) w/o masturbating? This all sounds so terribly selfish and leaves me feeling guilty when I do give in to my urges. I have read many responses about praying and seeking God when these urges arise, easier said then done. I question the long term health implications of refraining from sex/masturbation? I don't know if there are any. But if my sex life where regular it seems that that would not be of concern.When I do/did masturbate is was not coupled w/ pornography, but simply the act of being alone is/was enough. That to me seemed ok, although I know that those that respond to this will say otherwise. I really struggle with this.

[Willie T]

I am a 45 married man with 2 kids, a very pregnant wife, and we work opposite schedules. Our sex life has not been regular for a few years, she often doesn't seem to care it we do or don't have sex. Her health has been up and down and I feel like I'm forcing myself on her for my own gratification so I don't. Now being pregnant (7 months) she is often more tired. I feel the need for some sort of sexual release (masturbation). I ask is this in my head? Is "sex" a necessary human function? Where or how do I satisfy that need(urge) w/o masturbating? This all sounds so terribly selfish and leaves me feeling guilty when I do give in to my urges. I have read many responses about praying and seeking God when these urges arise, easier said then done. I question the long term health implications of refraining from sex/masturbation? I don't know if there are any. But if my sex life where regular it seems that that would not be of concern.When I do/did masturbate is was not coupled w/ pornography, but simply the act of being alone is/was enough. That to me seemed ok, although I know that those that respond to this will say otherwise. I really struggle with this.

Just to answer one part, the bolded part about health issues from abstinence.

Sorry.  Can't use that one.  Old wives tale.  About the only health problems you'll likely see would be mental.... from a guilt thing  OF masturbation.

[johndoo]

I disagree with Willie T.
More ejaculation is coorelated with lower prostate cancer risk.
A better sex life in marriage is correlated with a better marriage satisfaction.

I'm of the belief that masturbation is not a sin.
However, I would encourage marriage counseling to help build a better marriage and help your wife understand your sexual needs.  As you know, with a new baby on the way, this problem isn't going to correct itself.  You shouldn't feel bad about the male sex drive.  It is God-given. 

I good book regarding just sex is " Sheet Music" by Leman. 
A very good marriage book that you can use to discuss sexual needs is " His Needs, Her Needs"
God bless you in this struggle.

[Man_Of_Honor]

I am a 45 married man with 2 kids, a very pregnant wife, and we work opposite schedules. Our sex life has not been regular for a few years, she often doesn't seem to care it we do or don't have sex. Her health has been up and down and I feel like I'm forcing myself on her for my own gratification so I don't. Now being pregnant (7 months) she is often more tired. I feel the need for some sort of sexual release (masturbation). I ask is this in my head? Is "sex" a necessary human function? Where or how do I satisfy that need(urge) w/o masturbating? This all sounds so terribly selfish and leaves me feeling guilty when I do give in to my urges. I have read many responses about praying and seeking God when these urges arise, easier said then done. I question the long term health implications of refraining from sex/masturbation? I don't know if there are any. But if my sex life where regular it seems that that would not be of concern.When I do/did masturbate is was not coupled w/ pornography, but simply the act of being alone is/was enough. That to me seemed ok, although I know that those that respond to this will say otherwise. I really struggle with this.

Just to answer one part, the bolded part about health issues from abstinence.

Sorry.  Can't use that one.  Old wives tale.  About the only health problems you'll likely see would be mental.... from a guilt thing  OF masturbation.

+1.

[peterdjames]

I know exactly what you are going through.  My wife had very difficult pregnancies with life threatening risks.  Some things that I realized that have been really helpful during times of little to no intimacy with my wife:

• The battle is not our body vs. our spirit, but rather our old sin nature vs. our new Spiritual nature.
• Jesus is sanctifying our spirit AND our body (I can track down some bible references for you if you want).
• That means that he is redeeming our thoughts, beliefs, AND biological/neurological functions.  There is hope for true holistic change.
• Your body (entire earthly existence including your thoughts) belongs to your wife.  Talk with her about your desires and ask her if you can work out some way to enjoy who she is (entirely, not just physically) when she is not feeling well.
• The physical desires are reminders for you to focus on what sex was truly for: an expression of your lifelong commitment to embrace and enter into your wife's life (all her hopes, dreams, future, interests, desires) and a means of unifying that bond.
• That unity and intimacy and symbol of covenantal love should be the focus of everything you do as your service to her and to the Lord

[SwordMaster]

I am a 45 married man with 2 kids, a very pregnant wife, and we work opposite schedules. Our sex life has not been regular for a few years, she often doesn't seem to care it we do or don't have sex. Her health has been up and down and I feel like I'm forcing myself on her for my own gratification so I don't. Now being pregnant (7 months) she is often more tired. I feel the need for some sort of sexual release (masturbation). I ask is this in my head? Is "sex" a necessary human function? Where or how do I satisfy that need(urge) w/o masturbating? This all sounds so terribly selfish and leaves me feeling guilty when I do give in to my urges. I have read many responses about praying and seeking God when these urges arise, easier said then done. I question the long term health implications of refraining from sex/masturbation? I don't know if there are any. But if my sex life where regular it seems that that would not be of concern.When I do/did masturbate is was not coupled w/ pornography, but simply the act of being alone is/was enough. That to me seemed ok, although I know that those that respond to this will say otherwise. I really struggle with this.

Mtman...short and sweet...

Usually this kind of problem is a manifestation of the flesh taking over and responding to sexual stimulation. The "taking over" part (read Romans 7:14-25) to the point that is becomes overwhelming and hard to control, is a manifestation of failing to walk with God. Short and sweet...no details there. How to fix...start praying for an hour a day, start renewing your mind by reading your Bible for at least an hour a day, start getting alone by yourself and singing worship songs to God for at least half an hour a day, entering into His presence and receiving empowerment to the inner man of the spirit.

It does little good (if any) to wait until the urges hit you before you start praying, because your mind and heart will not be in it, you will be only offering "lip-service" as it were. This is a battle where the pre-emptive strikes are what destroys the enemy. In other words, don't wait to be attacked, but attack the problem at its core and all the symptoms (as they are) will eventually begin subsiding and disappear.

Blessings!

[RoninJedi]

Just to throw in my two cents - pray.

I know that's a cliche', but it's oh so true.  This struggle you're having is in your mind, and you need to seize it and give it to the Lord. 

While it is true that regular ejaculation results in lower risk for prostate cancer, one thing johndoo didn't mention (perhaps doesn't know?) is this:

There's no such thing as too much "build up".  The body takes care of that.  Nocturnal emissions and overflow of semen into urine are a couple of ways your body regulates this.  God designed it this way.  So my advice to you would be for you to take care of your mind (Pray and give it to Jesus), and let your body (the way God designed it) take care of itself. 

You and your wife have been added to my prayers, brother.  God bless.