I cant leave my abusive husband

[chosenone]

One of your concerns is that you cannot remarry if you were to divorce. While there are many who think that you can only marry again if the cause of divorce was adultery. This is not actually accurate, as there is much biblical support for anyone to marry after divorce.

When the Bible talks about only being able to remarry after divorce is the result of adultery, the Bible is actually referring to "putting away" or "sending away" without the benefit of divorce. This is evident when you read passages on divorce and remarriage in Hebrew and Greek. A legal divorce ends a marriage, and since you don't have a husband anymore, remarrying could not possibly be "adultery".

Even God divorced Israel (Jeremiah 3). After divorcing Israel, he pursued Judah, but found her just as idolatrous, so he returned to Israel. Israel is a nation and could not possibly have committed sexual adultery. Rather, she was adulterated, worshiping idols (mixing unclean into a clean relationship).

I am not advocating divorce. If you want to give your husband a chance (not that you haven't already!) to stop the abuse, you can separate and stay married while he works on it. But if you divorce and marry someone else, you have not sinned. This is evident in a careful reading of 1 Cor. 7:27-28
"...Are you UNmarried (divorced or widowed)? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; AND if a virgin (someone who has never been married before) marries, she has not sinned....."

So I assure you that if you do divorce this man, do not worry that you cannot get married to someone else. Just be careful to not even look until after the divorce is final. And I would suggest going to coDependent's Anonymous, which will help you to avoid getting into the same kind of unhealthy relationship dynamics.

The children have told you they do not feel safe. What are you going to do in order to provide a safe environment for them?

Yes, thsi is what God has shown me as well. However even if you did divorce and didnt marry again, that is no reason to stay and be abused.

[Lively Stone]

Well all pastors have said that since I have married him I am bound to him for life, and if I would divorce I Biblicaly cannot ever remmary, I have involved pastors in our situation and it ends up either the pasotr is siding with me because I am manipulating them or he changes for a period and shows the pastors that he is committed to change, and if I tell him to get any help now he won't believe he has a problem because its not an issue to him, its much better in his eyes so he is on the road to recovery.

As far as a chance of him killing me yes I do agree that its a possibly, if it were my head that night I would have been in trouble, I think he has some sense of control what he does, but I never know either, when he shoved me if not for the snow being a cushion I could have hit my head on a big rock that sits there,so I take it as a near miss, I suppose I feel trapped in the cycle of his kindness and his love he bestows to me and since a child he is the only one has made me feel sepcial or loved, and I know he probably manipulates me and is very nice to keep me around but I always fall for it and I feel bad for him a lot, and like I said I feel Biblicaly I must stay with him or seperate with intention of reconsiliation but he said if I ever seperate he won't come back and I don't know if I could handle that either :/

You don't have to divorce him to be free of him. God doesn't expect you to stay with a brute. It is yours to love yourself enough and your children to step up and fend for yourself---and for them. Biblically, there is nothing that instructs you to stay. You are listening to people and not God.

With God you can do anything. All things are possible with God.

2 Corinthians 12:9
And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

[Janice]

Yes, thsi is what God has shown me as well. However even if you did divorce and didnt marry again, that is no reason to stay and be abused.

Indeed. No husband is by far better than an abusive husband.

[lilelf320]

You are all right in what you have said, I had no clue on the divorce thing though, I know when I tried to leave over a year ago pastors would call me that were involved and were asking me when I was going to reconsile with my husband and it would send me into panic attacks! I was trying to get on with my life and they said I could take it slowly but even the thought of trying again and feeling on edge again in the future made me sick, it was very hard to have him leave that time but I felt like he was never going to change and I wanted to accually be happy. But during that time I fell into sin and and was in a huge rut, and also he was all together and doing well and being so super nice and everyone felt bad for him and I looked like the idiot in the situation and I was even convinced that I was a huge problem in the marriage too and we were both at fault, which I am sure I wasn't the best of wife with the best of attitude but I was dissconnected from him and didn't care anymore about honoring him.

Well as he was looking good body wise and had it all together and I was the one falling apart, and did not have many people backing my descision, not even the pastors I was having a very rough time and then a month into it he started persueing a girl from his church and they were talking a lot and feeding his ears to cut me off finacially and emotionally and me rejecting him, I was seeing a all new him and I started to freak out cause he wasn't caring about me and my therapist was puzzeled as to why I cared what he did since I wanted to divorce him anyways, I can't tell you why I cared but I did and so I started to change my mind  and scared of really losing him so I ended up in the hhospital because I couldn't deal with him rejecting me then, and we ended up getting back together again...then I almost had him leave in oct but when he said if he leaves he is never coming back and that was it then I was in turmoil over it so I changed my mind, I don't know why I feel like I can't live without him but I do and its deep seeded and I don't know how to change that, its like a spell over me and it very hard to beat it, I literally feel as though I would die and can't go on with life if that were to happen, so that's probably the reall issue, cause I know what he did is wrong and there is no excuse and I know its bad for my kids but I feel trapped..not really finacially cause I know God would take care of me and the kids, I left my first husband with no problem, but this is all so different, ithis is why I originally posted back in october "I can't leave my abusive husband" because I literally can't!

[chosenone]

You are all right in what you have said, I had no clue on the divorce thing though, I know when I tried to leave over a year ago pastors would call me that were involved and were asking me when I was going to reconsile with my husband and it would send me into panic attacks! I was trying to get on with my life and they said I could take it slowly but even the thought of trying again and feeling on edge again in the future made me sick, it was very hard to have him leave that time but I felt like he was never going to change and I wanted to accually be happy. But during that time I fell into sin and and was in a huge rut, and also he was all together and doing well and being so super nice and everyone felt bad for him and I looked like the idiot in the situation and I was even convinced that I was a huge problem in the marriage too and we were both at fault, which I am sure I wasn't the best of wife with the best of attitude but I was dissconnected from him and didn't care anymore about honoring him.

Well as he was looking good body wise and had it all together and I was the one falling apart, and did not have many people backing my descision, not even the pastors I was having a very rough time and then a month into it he started persueing a girl from his church and they were talking a lot and feeding his ears to cut me off finacially and emotionally and me rejecting him, I was seeing a all new him and I started to freak out cause he wasn't caring about me and my therapist was puzzeled as to why I cared what he did since I wanted to divorce him anyways, I can't tell you why I cared but I did and so I started to change my mind  and scared of really losing him so I ended up in the hhospital because I couldn't deal with him rejecting me then, and we ended up getting back together again...then I almost had him leave in oct but when he said if he leaves he is never coming back and that was it then I was in turmoil over it so I changed my mind, I don't know why I feel like I can't live without him but I do and its deep seeded and I don't know how to change that, its like a spell over me and it very hard to beat it, I literally feel as though I would die and can't go on with life if that were to happen, so that's probably the reall issue, cause I know what he did is wrong and there is no excuse and I know its bad for my kids but I feel trapped..not really finacially cause I know God would take care of me and the kids, I left my first husband with no problem, but this is all so different, ithis is why I originally posted back in october "I can't leave my abusive husband" because I literally can't!

  I find it incredible that any pastor would act that way. I think you need to find a decent church. Did that girl he was getting to know realise that he was a wife beater???Did the rest of the people know that?

[lilelf320]

It was two different pastors from two differnt churches, and we no longer go to either one, and the one we go to now very well believe the same way, on a side note before all this went on with the incident 2 fridays ago we planned on joining the youth ministry, and I really do not feel okay about moving forward with that as of now, and I cannot go to my husband about it because it would really upset him, and going to the pastor would too about it all will cause an issue too because they will wanna get involved and my husband would be furious and embarrased, he doesn't think he has any issues and that he is not like that anymore, and it was only because he was drunk.

And yes this girl knew about his history of abuse with me and I accually talked to her during that time and she made a joke about it and said she didn't care cause she like to be beat, also yes everyone knew why I had him leave but he had everyone convinced that he hasn't been physical with me for months and he was slowley changing and I wasn't giving him a chance to show me, when in fact he was doing it in more subtle ways, but I knew better, "iwas only joking" "I was trying to get your attention" those incedents he held me down on the bed and was yelling at me, everyone knew why but everyone felt bad for him cause I was treating him bad and kicked him and his kids out, I couldn't deal with feeling on edge any more and I was so sick I dropped my weight to 84 lbs, but that didn't matter I was the crazy one, once he left I did gain my weight back and didn't have nearly as much anxiety so I knew it was him, no body believed me :(

[chosenone]

It was two different pastors from two differnt churches, and we no longer go to either one, and the one we go to now very well believe the same way, on a side note before all this went on with the incident 2 fridays ago we planned on joining the youth ministry, and I really do not feel okay about moving forward with that as of now, and I cannot go to my husband about it because it would really upset him, and going to the pastor would too about it all will cause an issue too because they will wanna get involved and my husband would be furious and embarrased, he doesn't think he has any issues and that he is not like that anymore, and it was only because he was drunk.

And yes this girl knew about his history of abuse with me and I accually talked to her during that time and she made a joke about it and said she didn't care cause she like to be beat, also yes everyone knew why I had him leave but he had everyone convinced that he hasn't been physical with me for months and he was slowley changing and I wasn't giving him a chance to show me, when in fact he was doing it in more subtle ways, but I knew better, "iwas only joking" "I was trying to get your attention" those incedents he held me down on the bed and was yelling at me, everyone knew why but everyone felt bad for him cause I was treating him bad and kicked him and his kids out, I couldn't deal with feeling on edge any more and I was so sick I dropped my weight to 84 lbs, but that didn't matter I was the crazy one, once he left I did gain my weight back and didn't have nearly as much anxiety so I knew it was him, no body believed me :(

These people all sound totally crazy. So the other lady likes being beaten??Really?
I think you will get far more support from an organisation that helps battered women to be honest, even if it is secular.