sexless marriage

[chosenone]

Yes if both are totally happy with that, maybe because they are very old or they are ill or whatever, But its often not like that, and some spouses simply give up bothering to try any more after a lot of rejection. That doesn't men they are ok with it.

People don't have to be ill or old to agree to this, there are other circumstances that could lead to it. However I do agree that more people lean towards the wanting and desiring sex in the marriage which does lead to problems when the other isn't willing, and sometimes it's the woman that wants it more than the man. Men aren't always physically capable of fulfilling that demand, I think women become more insecure in this area. Most of the time the problem is hormonal, that goes either way, desiring or not desiring. I think we can be healed from hormonal imbalance, I was with my menstrual cycle once I got off all the stupid medicines I had been taking. Turns out I didn't even need them, imagine that.

IDK if you have advertisements on TV for sexual dysfunctions, but we do in the states and they sicken me because they make it appear to be all fixed with their pills or lubricants. I don't think they should be called dysfunctions to begin with, sometimes people need to learn to deal with so called problems instead of trying to mask them. We are constantly bombarded that this is a problem in the marriage but maybe that's the problem, the messages being sent to us about sex and the constant need for it.

One mistake people make is that we must always 'desire' sex to have sex, or that we have to always 'feel' like sex to have sex. We can have sex no matter how we 'feel' because a)Gods says to, and b)because our spouse wants to, and c)because regular sex is so good for the marriage in so many ways. Those three things alone should be enough to encourage us to invest in our sex lives.

[Bitter Sweet]

Yes if both are totally happy with that, maybe because they are very old or they are ill or whatever, But its often not like that, and some spouses simply give up bothering to try any more after a lot of rejection. That doesn't men they are ok with it.

People don't have to be ill or old to agree to this, there are other circumstances that could lead to it. However I do agree that more people lean towards the wanting and desiring sex in the marriage which does lead to problems when the other isn't willing, and sometimes it's the woman that wants it more than the man. Men aren't always physically capable of fulfilling that demand, I think women become more insecure in this area. Most of the time the problem is hormonal, that goes either way, desiring or not desiring. I think we can be healed from hormonal imbalance, I was with my menstrual cycle once I got off all the stupid medicines I had been taking. Turns out I didn't even need them, imagine that.

IDK if you have advertisements on TV for sexual dysfunctions, but we do in the states and they sicken me because they make it appear to be all fixed with their pills or lubricants. I don't think they should be called dysfunctions to begin with, sometimes people need to learn to deal with so called problems instead of trying to mask them. We are constantly bombarded that this is a problem in the marriage but maybe that's the problem, the messages being sent to us about sex and the constant need for it.

One mistake people make is that we must always 'desire' sex to have sex, or that we have to always 'feel' like sex to have sex. We can have sex no matter how we 'feel' because a)Gods says to, and b)because our spouse wants to, and c)because regular sex is so good for the marriage in so many ways. Those three things alone should be enough to encourage us to invest in our sex lives.

I totally agree with this! So what's the problem with the women that won't put out to their husbands? Are they wanting more than just sex like romance or what? Is that really necessary?

It's also possible for both to do it when neither are in the mood. I insisted my husband give me a credit card to pay for one of my guilty pleasures online yesterday, at first I said I will buy it later and he said that's a good idea because he was too tired to get up and get the card out of his backpack. But I got up and brought it to him instead of waiting. Then he made me pay him back, immediately after I hit send, and he has mild heat stroke. 

I can rarely think of a time either of us was in the mood before proceeding.

[chosenone]

Yes if both are totally happy with that, maybe because they are very old or they are ill or whatever, But its often not like that, and some spouses simply give up bothering to try any more after a lot of rejection. That doesn't men they are ok with it.

People don't have to be ill or old to agree to this, there are other circumstances that could lead to it. However I do agree that more people lean towards the wanting and desiring sex in the marriage which does lead to problems when the other isn't willing, and sometimes it's the woman that wants it more than the man. Men aren't always physically capable of fulfilling that demand, I think women become more insecure in this area. Most of the time the problem is hormonal, that goes either way, desiring or not desiring. I think we can be healed from hormonal imbalance, I was with my menstrual cycle once I got off all the stupid medicines I had been taking. Turns out I didn't even need them, imagine that.

IDK if you have advertisements on TV for sexual dysfunctions, but we do in the states and they sicken me because they make it appear to be all fixed with their pills or lubricants. I don't think they should be called dysfunctions to begin with, sometimes people need to learn to deal with so called problems instead of trying to mask them. We are constantly bombarded that this is a problem in the marriage but maybe that's the problem, the messages being sent to us about sex and the constant need for it.

One mistake people make is that we must always 'desire' sex to have sex, or that we have to always 'feel' like sex to have sex. We can have sex no matter how we 'feel' because a)Gods says to, and b)because our spouse wants to, and c)because regular sex is so good for the marriage in so many ways. Those three things alone should be enough to encourage us to invest in our sex lives.

I totally agree with this! So what's the problem with the women that won't put out to their husbands? Are they wanting more than just sex like romance or what? Is that really necessary?

  I dont know what their problem is because they are being both disobedient to God, unfair to their husbands and undermining their marriage.

[Bitter Sweet]

The more I think of Dave's responses to some of my questions, the more concerned I become. Not at all implying that Dave is guilty of this but maybe an angle he hasn't considered.

First of all, I see that maximum 2 week waiting period thing used to manipulate. After having a surgery some women can't do it for a while, I know after a baby it's 6 weeks to heal, certainly God wouldn't command hurting a spouse when they should be healing. And the whole Songs thing as erotica, that too can be used to coerce someone into doing something they don't feel comfortable doing. Even married couples draw the line with some things and I can see some of that being used in a manipulative manner.

The reasoning for 2 weeks as being preventative to cheating also sounds like blackmail too. This just sounds like something an abusive person would use as power over the other spouse. I don't think these kinds of teachings are healthy because they are open to way too much interpretation and control over another.

[chosenone]

The more I think of Dave's responses to some of my questions, the more concerned I become. Not at all implying that Dave is guilty of this but maybe an angle he hasn't considered.

First of all, I see that maximum 2 week waiting period thing used to manipulate. After having a surgery some women can't do it for a while, I know after a baby it's 6 weeks to heal, certainly God wouldn't command hurting a spouse when they should be healing. And the whole Songs thing as erotica, that too can be used to coerce someone into doing something they don't feel comfortable doing. Even married couples draw the line with some things and I can see some of that being used in a manipulative manner.

The reasoning for 2 weeks as being preventative to cheating also sounds like blackmail too. This just sounds like something an abusive person would use as power over the other spouse. I don't think these kinds of teachings are healthy because they are open to way too much interpretation and control over another.

Well song of songs is all about sexual love, there is no doubt about that, and God did choose to have it in His word. Of course either spouse can use such things in the wrong way and in a controlling manner, but that's sinful and wrong. No spouse should ever manipulate or control the other in this way(or any way).

[FireSword]

I think too much sex is a bad thing as it makes it familiar and cheap, a bit like driving to town in a ferrari everyday to pick up groceries, instead of it being a special drive to the resteraunt or golf course. No wonder this century couples get bored of it.

[k-pappy]

Chosenone, Bittersweet, your positions are not mutually exclusive.  Sex between married people is a beautiful thing and does wonderful things for their marriage.  That being said, there are times where couples will need to abstain.  Sometimes for physical reasons, sometimes for spiritual reasons.  So long as they are in agreement, it is ok.  If one spouse is using it as weapon or to manipulate another spouse that is wrong.  But if both spouses by mutual consent agree to abstain, that is ok.

[chosenone]

Chosenone, Bittersweet, your positions are not mutually exclusive.  Sex between married people is a beautiful thing and does wonderful things for their marriage.  That being said, there are times where couples will need to abstain.  Sometimes for physical reasons, sometimes for spiritual reasons.  So long as they are in agreement, it is ok.  If one spouse is using it as weapon or to manipulate another spouse that is wrong.  But if both spouses by mutual consent agree to abstain, that is ok.

Yes I agree.

[chosenone]

I think too much sex is a bad thing as it makes it familiar and cheap, a bit like driving to town in a ferrari everyday to pick up groceries, instead of it being a special drive to the resteraunt or golf course. No wonder this century couples get bored of it.

Well I suppose that too much for one isn't too much for another. Not all couples get bored with it.

[Bitter Sweet]

Chosenone, Bittersweet, your positions are not mutually exclusive.  Sex between married people is a beautiful thing and does wonderful things for their marriage.  That being said, there are times where couples will need to abstain.  Sometimes for physical reasons, sometimes for spiritual reasons.  So long as they are in agreement, it is ok.  If one spouse is using it as weapon or to manipulate another spouse that is wrong.  But if both spouses by mutual consent agree to abstain, that is ok.

Thanks because sometimes I think people misunderstand my position on the matter. Just because my husband and I don't desire it doesn't mean we don't do it. It's just not something that would destroy our marriage if it didn't exist.

Another poster made a comment on another thread about not being 1 flesh and sex being a curse because of the dysfunction between a couple. Maybe people shouldn't put the blame on one or the other since they are 1 in the matter. Why does no sex separate them from being 1?

[TJW]

1 flesh

This is undoubtedly the  most abused, used-out-of-context, statement in Christianity.  These two words are amplified into entire doctrines, and have been the source of entire dissertations and novela-length books.

I am really looking forward to when I can hear the Lord Jesus Christ tell me, and countless others, just exactly what HE meant to say by these words.

And, I won't be surprised at all when HIS explanation requires a single sentence of less than 10 words.

Not all couples get bored with it.

I'm in my seventh decade and my wife is almost in hers.  We're not bored.  Although, it's not as frequent as it used to be, and diabetes has taken its full toll on me.  Some of our "positions" are different than they used to be, too  :)




 

[DaveW]

1 flesh

This is undoubtedly the  most abused, used-out-of-context, statement in Christianity.  These two words are amplified into entire doctrines, and have been the source of entire dissertations and novela-length books.

I am really looking forward to when I can hear the Lord Jesus Christ tell me, and countless others, just exactly what HE meant to say by these words.

And, I won't be surprised at all when HIS explanation requires a single sentence of less than 10 words.

The words actually are לְבָשָׂר אֶחָֽד L'basar echad.

It comes from a lack of understanding the word "echad" (one). It is not an absolute singularity but more of a composite unity. Hence its use to describe husband and wife in Gen 2 and God Himself in Deut 6.4

[JohnDB70X7]

"Up to the moment you said 'I do'?"
Wow that must have been one hard wedding ceremony to explain to your kids...
LOL

[DaveW]

"Up to the moment you said 'I do'?"

What post did this come from?  I can't find it.