"SEX" vs Romance & Spirit Led Intimacy

[forcedelune]

     Being one who enjoys frequenting Christian forums...from time to time, I've come across a number of posts in which people were discussing topics such as exactly what kind of "sex" is acceptable, good, and pure after (when) you're married.  Well, even though these were Christian message boards, sadly the posts often start to get pretty graphic and inappropriate.  At the risk of being judged as naive or unrealistic, I'd like to present my perspective on this issue of what is/is not "sexually right" to do in the marriage bed and hopefully we can have a good discussion on the topic.

     First, let's make it clear that the Scriptures do teach how the world has a corrupted version of God's original plan for marital intimacy...or at least shows us where the foundation of such degradation first began. Take a look with me at the following passage of Scripture (my comments in {}'s):

"Therefore God gave them up in the lusts {ungodly desires} of their own hearts to sexual {anything, related to the body, that God has set apart as private from the opposite sex} impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves. Because they exchanged the truth of God {or the leading of His Spirit} for a lie and worshiped and served the creature {body} rather than the Creator {spirit}...For this reason God gave them over and abandoned them to vile affections and degrading passions. For their women exchanged their natural function for an unnatural or abnormal one {temple/body prostitution}..." [Romans 1:24-26]

So what points can we pull out of these scriptures, which may not already seem so apparent, but are the obvious outcome over time?

1) The world's view and approach to marital intimacy is based on a lie. What lie? That marital intimacy should be led by/focused on the body (our outer/physical temple)- rather than the spirit. While the body is a beautiful gift from the Lord (and to your spouse), it was never intended to be your primary focus during intimacy.

First we should be focused on the spirit (prayerful, mindful, thankful, and worshipful toward the Lord), then heart (seeking and being sensitive to meet your partner's most intimate longings), then soul (being considerate to your partner's thoughts, desires, and feelings), and then body (sensual pleasures and conception).  I should not have an out of balance focus on my partner's body (in effect, lusting in the flesh), rather than longing to touch her heart.  I'll explain this further as we go.

2) The body should be honored- not dishonored. So there are things we can do, in the marriage bed, which actually dishonor our body (and His body...being that we are a member of His Church).

3) There is a natural and unnatural use for our body, in the context of marital intimacy.

4) There are some things that can be done in the marriage bed which are vile or degrading (to one or both parties).

"Let marriage be held in honor in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste {Greek- pornos} (all guilty of sexual vice) and adulterous." [Hebrews 13:4]

What can we glean from this verse?

1) Every aspect of marriage (including the marriage bed and marital intimacy) should be held (talked about and acted toward) in honor.

2) The marriage bed can be defiled by certain activities- such as sexual vice {pornos} (wrong sexual conduct) and adultery.

     Now, for the obvious question...how do we (as believers) determine what is true, honorable, pure, chaste, right, and natural in the marriage bed?  The same way we always should in every area of our lives- being led by His Spirit and by His Word.

"So then, brethren, we are debtors, but not to the flesh (we are not obligated to our carnal nature) to live (a life ruled by the standards set up by the dictates) of the flesh...but if through the power of the Holy Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the flesh you shall (experience) true life. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God." [Romans 8:12-14]

"Every scripture is God breathed and profitable for instruction, for reproof and conviction of sin, for correction of error and discipline in obedience, and for training in righteousness (in holy living, in conformity to God's will in thought, purpose, and action)." [2 Timothy 3:16]

     The world has, sadly, influenced the Church so much in this area that we often talk and act like they do (commonly saying things like "having sex" to refer to the fleshly act, using scientific/cold/flesh focused names for certain private parts of the body, focusing first on the physical rather than the spirit).  Now I'm not discussing medical terminology (that's another subject), but rather within the context of marital intimacy.  I'm also not saying that it is "sinful" to use such expressions...it's just not as meaningful and respectful as I feel God intended it to be.

Does Scripture exemplify this type of attitude toward intimacy in marriage?

     The world (who is led by Satan) has taken this very holy & spiritually significant area of our life and has made it seem secular in nature.  This is that which represents the very union of Christ and His Church- which brings about an opening of this veil between the spirit realm and the flesh realm (conception).  Such an awe inspiring and sacred experience should never be secularized and talked about matter-of-factly in the context of marriage.  Should it?

     This very special time should be likened more to when one entered into the "Holy of Holies" (behind that mysterious veil in the Old Testament temple)- where God's Spirit would pass through that veil, which separated the spirit and physical realm.  Intimacy within marriage is (should be) a holy activity and is the beginning of a mysterious time when a child is able to pass into our world from the spirit realm.  Please, pause and take a moment to think about this. Such a holy and awesome experience should not be just "openly" and casually talked about or acted upon, should it?

     I know this may be hard to swallow, being that most of us have been ingrained and educated to be desensitized or "open" when it comes to this very private and holy subject of marital intimacy, but shall we open the bedroom door as well and let everybody have a look?  So why should we continue to do it with our words?  Why should we continue to unclothe before others what God has told us to cover?

     There's a reason that marital intimacy is supposed to be private. God designed it that way. This is why pornography violates our conscience (a healthy one at least) like it does.  Within the next post, we'll begin addressing what Scripture has to say about (and how to be Spirit led in) marital intimacy.  Your thoughts?

[forcedelune]

Oh nooo, my thread has been moved to the red light district of the website.     It's a bit of a ghost town in this sub-section (as far as posting activity goes), but I understand the decision.  With that said...I'll continue forward and hopefully we can discuss this issue a bit further.

First, let me start by listing Scriptures that describe intimacy between a man and a woman (using KJV- because most other versions, though I use them as well, tend to paraphrase the original words/expressions with so called "modern equivalents"):

"And Adam knew Eve as his wife, and she became pregnant..." [Genesis 4:1;4:17;4:25;38:26; Judges 11:39;19:22,25; Matthew 1:25]

"And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived..." [Genesis 16:4;29:23,30;30:4;38:2,9]

"...Reuben went and lay with Bilhah..." [Genesis 35:22]

"And if any man's seed of lying down {literal Hebrew: shekabah- lying down} go out from him..." [Leviticus 15:16-18]

"None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness..." [Leviticus 18:6-19]

"...into the bed of love..." [Ezekiel 23:17]

"...and come together again, that Satan tempt you not..." [1 Corinthians 7:5]

"...let the marriage bed be undefiled..." [Hebrews 13:4]

     So what's my point in showing all of these verses?  I'm not trying to wrangle over words (saying that we should have to adopt these expressions- although I prefer many of them myself).  I'm just wanting to point out a common thread throughout Scripture: when it comes to expressions regarding intimate relations...God's Word uses descriptions which are non-illicit, mysterious (not scientific), symbolic (marriage bed, bed of love), deep (to know), or sacred.  You see, we don't find any words in the Old or New Testaments (at least not in the original Greek/Hebrew texts) which exemplify the way the world describes certain aspects of marital intimacy (such as "having sex" or any of the specific acts that we will not even mention).

     Yet, the world has it all mapped out (according to the flesh) and they have a casual name and expression for every possible sexual (male/female private) part or act that can take place.  Now that we, the Church, are starting to be flesh focused and "open" about particular sexual relations...they say we need "sex education" so that we can properly understand and know our "sexuality?"  What a downward spiral we're on.

     So, how much knowledge is enough?  I say God's Word, common sense, first hand (untaught) experience (on the wedding night, not in a classroom), and being Spirit led are wholly sufficient for completely fulfilling the deepest aspects of marital intimacy.  The world can't help but continue reaching for that fruit of knowledge (of Good and Evil) and then passing us the rotting fruit as they pass.

      I know it seems very trivial to pick on words, but I believe they're very important and that we should not just change them from their original meaning (except in the case of slang, of course). That's the whole basis of language- otherwise everyone would just come up with their own meanings for words and there would be confusion in communication.  For instance, "sex" was originally a designation of male or female (not an act between them).

     Yet, as far as I can tell, the "sex" word that most people use is just a short way (an abbreviation) of saying "sexual intercourse" and not the way God originally created the word to be expressed for our good.  So with that being said, I can understand why people use it.  That may seem fine for most, but I personally don't care to use that word in this way- it's just too sterile, casual, flesh focused, and scientific for me.  I prefer to keep expressions of this experience (marital intimacy) as mysterious, deep, symbolic, spiritually focused, and sacred (very carefully and reverentially spoken of) as reasonably possible.

     I don't want to speak about it in terms of this act or that act (which focuses me on the flesh rather than the heart, soul, and spirit of my mate)...I want to consider it so holy that I only "speak" of it in the most sensitive of ways.  The Song of Solomon is my favorite example of this...passionate, playful, yet...so very holy.

[JohnDB]

You sure seem to talk a lot about a subject you claim should be "taboo". 

[johndoo]

My vote is for clear, direct, descriptive wording.  Communication struggles enough without phrases like "he knew her".   I can appreciate literature that is meant for the ages but I also know what works best on a daily basis.

[DaveW]

You sure seem to talk a lot about a subject you claim should be "taboo".

Hmmm ... maybe he needs to hang out at "the marriage bed . com" for a while ... 

[Kaehu]

My vote is for clear, direct, descriptive wording.  Communication struggles enough without phrases like "he knew her".   I can appreciate literature that is meant for the ages but I also know what works best on a daily basis.

The word "know" is used because it is in the Hebrew original.  It signifies that the connection is not just a physical one, but a mysterious and spiritual one.  The same Hebrew word for "know" is used to describe the connection between humans and God, such as "be still and know I am God."  (Psalm 46;10)

[chosenone]

However we arent actually hebrew. I agree that sex for us is far more than the physical, but I have no problem with using the proper English words.

[Janice]

I would rather use correct anatomical and physiological terms than say something I don't mean. It is what it is.

[DaveW]

But you lose a LOT by not using the original language. 

[JohnDB]

Try reading 1 & 2Samuel in original language.

Extremely coarse language & visual imagery. The translators didn't and usually won't help with the imagery in those books.

[DaveW]

Try reading 1 & 2Samuel in original language.

Extremely coarse language & visual imagery. The translators didn't and usually won't help with the imagery in those books.

I read a commentary on the Song of Solomon about 15 years ago by Rabbi Arnold Fruchtenbaum (taught OT at Dallas Theological)  called "Biblical Lovemaking." There were 3 passages in that book (which was pretty descriptive) that he refused to accurately translate, opting instead for a "more generalized" translation to "avoid offending christians' sensitivities."

This is a common practice in translating.

[belovedwife]

What do you all think about what this OP have said? Even to OP I wish you had explain more what you mean by your post because you did not go into detail.

It seem like you are saying you can just do the act but nothing lead up to it is lustful? For example I like sometime to surprise my husband with a negligee right when he walk in the door when he have been on the road. but you make it sound like that is lust and worldly? I look at it as a way to show I love and care about him to look sexy (i guess that a bad word in your book?) and want to make him feel loved and special.

So others what do you think about what he said? If there is truth in it is it maybe a need to go study more of the word. 

Really I sometime read posts on here and think I don't know anything about marriage from a spiritual stand point. I just know I love my husband very much but maybe we need to take a marriage class or something.

We decide to read Songs of Solomon togerther so we tried reading when we got in bed for the night.  We only have King James version, but honest, this might be bad but we read a few verses and then look at each other and bust out laughing.  It seem like reading Shakespear or something to us. So I guess we need help!

[chosenone]

What do you all think about what this OP have said? Even to OP I wish you had explain more what you mean by your post because you did not go into detail.

It seem like you are saying you can just do the act but nothing lead up to it is lustful? For example I like sometime to surprise my husband with a negligee right when he walk in the door when he have been on the road. but you make it sound like that is lust and worldly? I look at it as a way to show I love and care about him to look sexy (i guess that a bad word in your book?) and want to make him feel loved and special.

So others what do you think about what he said? If there is truth in it is it maybe a need to go study more of the word. 

Really I sometime read posts on here and think I don't know anything about marriage from a spiritual stand point. I just know I love my husband very much but maybe we need to take a marriage class or something.

We decide to read Songs of Solomon togerther so we tried reading when we got in bed for the night.  We only have King James version, but honest, this might be bad but we read a few verses and then look at each other and bust out laughing.  It seem like reading Shakespear or something to us. So I guess we need help!

You need to get a better translation of Bible that uses the language that we use today. The song of songs is very sensual and erotic. After all God invented sex and he made us to be sexual beings.
Of course there is nothing wrong with wearing something alluring for your husband.

[JohnDB]

What do you all think about what this OP have said? Even to OP I wish you had explain more what you mean by your post because you did not go into detail.

It seem like you are saying you can just do the act but nothing lead up to it is lustful? For example I like sometime to surprise my husband with a negligee right when he walk in the door when he have been on the road. but you make it sound like that is lust and worldly? I look at it as a way to show I love and care about him to look sexy (i guess that a bad word in your book?) and want to make him feel loved and special.

So others what do you think about what he said? If there is truth in it is it maybe a need to go study more of the word. 

Really I sometime read posts on here and think I don't know anything about marriage from a spiritual stand point. I just know I love my husband very much but maybe we need to take a marriage class or something.

We decide to read Songs of Solomon togerther so we tried reading when we got in bed for the night.  We only have King James version, but honest, this might be bad but we read a few verses and then look at each other and bust out laughing.  It seem like reading Shakespear or something to us. So I guess we need help!

My opinion,
what he wrote was a lot of legalistic nonsense. What he is talking about is trying to have sex with your clothes on otherwise it is a sin.


Songs of Solomon is a very spicy look at great sex inside the bedroom that is covered up in a ton of metaphors. If you know the metaphors it is really explicit.


Your desire for your husband and wanting to please him in the manner that you know will is exactly what you are supposed to do.


So many people get lost on the fact that God and Jesus are real persons....meaning that they have emotions too. They may not be tied up into sexual feelings but that is because they are beyond that sort of thing. God created you with those feelings for your husband and they are %100 natural. He meant for them to be in exactly the manner you have them. It is when we go outside of that it becomes a sin. (like sexual feelings for a neighbor you are not married to)


So...please and tease and enjoy your husband to your heart's delight. Absolutely nothing wrong with it at all...and actually it is perfectly and holy correct.

[Janice]

Try reading 1 & 2Samuel in original language.

Extremely coarse language & visual imagery. The translators didn't and usually won't help with the imagery in those books.

I read a commentary on the Song of Solomon about 15 years ago by Rabbi Arnold Fruchtenbaum (taught OT at Dallas Theological)  called "Biblical Lovemaking." There were 3 passages in that book (which was pretty descriptive) that he refused to accurately translate, opting instead for a "more generalized" translation to "avoid offending christians' sensitivities."

This is a common practice in translating.

If it was written so explicitly, then what is wrong with translating it to say in English what it actually says in Hebrew? I know that in order to translate from Greek to English and include all the nuances of the Greek language, it would take volumes and volumes to capture it all. I am sure that is why God chose the languages he did - to convey certain linguistic nuances that can't necessarily be easily captured in other languages.

I don't think it should be censored just to avoid offending Christian sensitivities. It says ALL Scripture is God-breathed. If he breathed it, I want to read it. It makes me wonder if a lot of Christian couples are missing out on a lot of things because "the church" has told them that anything but "missionary" is taboo.

Edit to add: When I talk about sex, I do so using matter-of fact terminology in order to avoid having a "steamy" discussion with people in general....and I am not poetic. Song of Solomon is a poetic discourse. I don't think that kind of language was meant to be used in general conversations.

[DaveW]

If it was written so explicitly, then what is wrong with translating it to say in English what it actually says in Hebrew?

Because sometimes putting down what the original language ACTUALLY says runs counter to what the church believes.  This is not a new problem.  The reason Bapto and Baptizo were translated "baptize" rather than dip, plunge, immerse is that the Church of England was sprinkling so the translators  invented a new word "baptize" that the common man did not know to describe what they were doing.

I know that in order to translate from Greek to English and include all the nuances of the Greek language, it would take volumes and volumes to capture it all. I am sure that is why God chose the languages he did - to convey certain linguistic nuances that can't necessarily be easily captured in other languages.

Hebrew and other Semitic languages (like Arabic and Aramaic) are even more complex.  There are multiple levels of meaning and ALL levels are considered correct.  Greek is a more linear language that does not have those levels.

I don't think it should be censored just to avoid offending Christian sensitivities. It says ALL Scripture is God-breathed. If he breathed it, I want to read it. It makes me wonder if a lot of Christian couples are missing out on a lot of things because "the church" has told them that anything but "missionary" is taboo.

There you go.

What do you do with a text that describes (in at least 4 places) oral sex or (in one place) masturbation, as a positive expression of married love if you think that act is forbidden? You make the reference obscure as possible.  That is easy to do in the SoS due to the extensive use of poetic symbolism.

[chosenone]

What do you all think about what this OP have said? Even to OP I wish you had explain more what you mean by your post because you did not go into detail.

It seem like you are saying you can just do the act but nothing lead up to it is lustful? For example I like sometime to surprise my husband with a negligee right when he walk in the door when he have been on the road. but you make it sound like that is lust and worldly? I look at it as a way to show I love and care about him to look sexy (i guess that a bad word in your book?) and want to make him feel loved and special.

So others what do you think about what he said? If there is truth in it is it maybe a need to go study more of the word. 

Really I sometime read posts on here and think I don't know anything about marriage from a spiritual stand point. I just know I love my husband very much but maybe we need to take a marriage class or something.

We decide to read Songs of Solomon togerther so we tried reading when we got in bed for the night.  We only have King James version, but honest, this might be bad but we read a few verses and then look at each other and bust out laughing.  It seem like reading Shakespear or something to us. So I guess we need help!

My opinion,
what he wrote was a lot of legalistic nonsense. What he is talking about is trying to have sex with your clothes on otherwise it is a sin.


Songs of Solomon is a very spicy look at great sex inside the bedroom that is covered up in a ton of metaphors. If you know the metaphors it is really explicit.


Your desire for your husband and wanting to please him in the manner that you know will is exactly what you are supposed to do.


So many people get lost on the fact that God and Jesus are real persons....meaning that they have emotions too. They may not be tied up into sexual feelings but that is because they are beyond that sort of thing. God created you with those feelings for your husband and they are %100 natural. He meant for them to be in exactly the manner you have them. It is when we go outside of that it becomes a sin. (like sexual feelings for a neighbor you are not married to)


So...please and tease and enjoy your husband to your heart's delight. Absolutely nothing wrong with it at all...and actually it is perfectly and holy correct.

Its pretty impossible to have sex with your clothes on surely.

[forcedelune]

I read your replies and now want to continue by giving you a good idea of where my heart is in this area- as pertaining to the whole concept of "Godly Romanticism."  My hope is that your own heart's desires are (or will be) a holy reflection of the loving relationship, which will eternally exist between Christ and His Bride.  This wonderful mystery (marital intimacy) is offered by our Lord as a way for us to (in this life) experience the first fruits and to get our first experience of what is in store for us- when we are finally consummated into our heavenly union with Christ. [Ephesians 5:32; Revelation 19:7]

The loving and intimate relationship between a man & his wife is a wonderful gift from the Lord.  Hidden within its embrace is the blessing that we're able to, day by day, come to more deeply experience this great mystery- even before we meet with Him in Heaven.  The intimacy that God has designed us to experience in marriage is a supernatural blessing which we should daily seek to not only maintain, but to ever more deepen...until the very day our Lord does call us home to be with Him.

In this life, it will always be a consistent struggle to truly love our marriage partner.  We will need to daily crucify our own flesh and to selflessly put our partner's needs or even desires before our own.  Yet, isn't this what the Lord Jesus did for us? [Ephesians 5:25]  Did He not, in many ways, deny and humble himself in order to express His perfect love toward us? [John 13:14]

Our Heavenly Father has so beautifully destined us (who have chosen Christ as our Savior) to personally, intimately, and experientially be conformed to the image of His Son. [Romans 8:29]  God is Love and Christ is the perfect expression of His Father's Love.  We're called to daily being set apart (perfected) as we ever more seek to be a bright expression of Christ's Love in this life.  It's only through our willingness to live a life that glorifies God (our Father), in which we walk according to His Word (His Son), and we follow Him (the Holy Spirit) with ever more holy hearts...that we can expect to experience (in this life) the deep, mysterious, and heavenly love He has for us.

His love for us is one of unimaginable passion and fulfillment.  Most people on earth, due to the lingering effects of the Fall, only experience a small (albeit even distorted) view of God's Love.   They feel a form of passion and call it romance, yet are unfulfilled...because it's just a shadow of the true love that God was developing between Adam, Eve, and Himself in the Garden of Eden.  Man has tried a seemingly infinite number of ways to fulfill this longing in their heart (this void caused by their lost condition), but the fruit of our efforts only leave us hungry for something more.

This is where our greatest hope comes to the forefront.  We as believers have been re-united with God through His Son.  We have been filled with His precious Holy Spirit- Who has been promised to lead us into God's perfect love once more.  Although we will struggle in this life (as we're surrounded by a fallen world) to bring forth and experience the fruit of God's love...He has given us the Holy Spirit to comfort us, strengthen us, and lead us through this journey.

Once again, the Lord has placed before us life and death (a Tree of Life or the selfishly acquired Knowledge of Good & Evil).  Yet again...we must daily choose to trust & follow Him (by His Spirit) or to trust & follow the world, the flesh, and the Devil.  What we sow, that shall we reap.

The Word of God is full of His promises to us (for this life) if we'll choose to simply follow Him, in spite of what seems acceptable to the world around us. [Matthew 5:3-20]  I'm only going to be covering one spectrum of such promises, which we can hope to attain (in this life) as we daily surrender our hearts and lives to His leading hand.  To the extent that we submit our lives to the Lord in this way, to that very same extent can we expect to see the fruit of true Spirit Led Love & Romance in our own marriage (perhaps even 100 fold, in time).

[forcedelune]

      I'll use the "Holy of Holies" example again.  This inner room of the Temple (in Old Testament times) was considered very sacred- because it was the place where God's Spirit breached the veil of our physical realm.  If the priest entered this area unworthily, casually, or focused on the physical (rather than the presence of God)- then he was in danger of falling over dead.  So should be our reverence, awe, and respect for the mystery of the marriage bed (by which the veil between the spirit and physical realm is opened for conception).
 
      Now, I don't need to get into the subject of what the purpose of marital intimacy is (that's been debated among men for centuries and is too much for me to care to address fully in this writing).  Rather, I wish to submit the following question:  what is marital intimacy supposed to represent and be like? We need to keep marital intimacy in a way that is worthy to be a picture of the intimacy between Christ and His Church (His Bride).

      Look at the communion of the Lord's Supper.  Let me ask you, when we take the bread and wine, do we focus on that (bread) or do we focus on Him (Christ)?  As a matter of fact, to take the Lord's Supper unworthily can be dangerous for us- according to Scripture. [1 Corinthians 11:27-29]

      I believe we need to come back to the mystery, holy reverence, and depth of being that was originally intended for marital intimacy.  It should be joyful, loving, giving, prayerful, tender, thankful, respectful, caring, sensitive, passionate, and so many more heartfelt/spirit led blessings- shared between married lovers and the Lord.  Most importantly, though...every stage, every thought, every act, and every expression should be focused (led and originating) from the Spirit of God within- not the flesh without.

      That kind of intimacy cannot happen just by accident or because you simply want it to.  In the posts to come, I'll be laying out exactly how we can prepare our hearts for such intimacy...as only the Lord Himself could orchestrate, in a passionate love song of worship, back to Himself. As with any garden, our heart will need tending and keeping and clipping and pruning...if it is ever to produce such sweet fruit and ever so potent wines in our midst.

[forcedelune]

 I want to make clear that I'm not saying couples should expect to 100% of the time seek to reach the deepest levels of intimacy together as one. I'm more so trying to express that it should be the mainstay of intimacy in the marriage bed, because it is the most fulfilling form of a bond that a husband and wife can share together in the Lord (spirit, heart, soul, and body). Let me put it this way, it's kind of like food.

God designed food for the primary purpose of nourishing our body and keeping us healthy (through nutrition and so forth).  It is vital that the mainstay of what you eat be those things which offer the widest variety of vitamins, minerals, and so forth. The Holy Spirit always has the best menu in town, so to speak, so we're not talking about rabbit food here.

What's often described as "fun sex", is actually dessert (chocolate, if you will). Dessert is fun and desert is exciting...but it is meant to be eaten sparingly in comparison to the nutritious food that is actually keeping you alive and thriving in good health.  If you are touching your marriage partner's heart and soul and spirit more often than not...by all means, enjoy dessert together. You just won't be able to survive or thrive on that alone.

Now, here is my Biblical backing for why I say that marital intimacy is meant to be a form of worship (in its deepest expression and when between Christians). Of course there is no one verse that specifically states "marital intimacy is a form of worship"...but I think my position, at the very least, cannot be dis-proven by Scripture and does have what I would consider a very good amount of solid backing in Scripture. Let me layout my perspective...

We, as believers, are temples of the Holy Spirit. The physical temple, from Old Testament times, was a place specifically for the purpose of: sacrifice, communion with God, and worship.

[John 4:21,23] "Jesus said to her, "Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father.But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him."

[Philippians 3:3] "For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh,"

[1 Corinthians 6:15-20] "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make [them] members of a harlot? Certainly not!......Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit [who is] in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body [fn] and in your spirit, which are God's."

[2 Corinthians 6:15-16] "And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? ...And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will dwell in them And walk among [them]. I will be their God, And they shall be My people."

Marital intimacy involves two or three gathering together as One Temple and (as we've seen above) Paul is clear that this time of intimate communion opens a door to the spiritual dimension (involving either Belial/demonic spirits or the Holy Spirit of Christ).

[Matthew 18:20] "For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."

The shedding of blood (like the Old Testament blood sacrifice in the Temple) is wonderfully symbolized in the virgin wife (innocent/unblemished lamb) shedding of blood on the marriage bed (removing the veil which leads to the holy place) in their first encounter together to consummate marriage. From this sacrificial union was to come the promised Seed that would bring about redemption and forgiveness of sins. [1 Timothy 2:15]

Our bodies are instruments that can be used to glorify God or to dishonor Him. I don't think I have to go through specific examples in Scripture for this last point, because it's pretty straight-forward.

All of this together gives me the perspective that when "two or three are gathered together," as believers (especially during marital intimacy/becoming "one flesh"), His Spirit comes into our midst (our shared Temple as one) in a very special way [Matthew 18:20] and what seems more natural for us to do when we are in a Temple with the Spirit of the Lord in our midst...but to worship Him with our instruments of praise and thanksgiving together as one.

I'm pretty sure we could peel these verses apart and get bogged down in this term or that term, but I think you at least can relate to my view on this at this point without the need for all of that. I hope I've been able to explain my perspective a bit more clearly in this area.

[chosenone]

YOu mention two or three coming togather in marital intimacy. I think you will find it is two coming together in marital intimacy, the husban and the wife. Three cannot come together in marital intimacy.

[chosenone]

I sort of get where you are coming from, but as a very happily married women with a very good sex life,(which IS great fun by the way), this is all rather 'airy fairy' and 'over spiritualised' and 'over romanticised' to me. Just my opinion.
I agree that sex in marriage is very spiritual and very important, but it is also physical, emotional and fun.

[johndoo]

Have you read "Sacred Marriage"?

[forcedelune]

YOu mention two or three coming togather in marital intimacy. I think you will find it is two coming together in marital intimacy, the husban and the wife. Three cannot come together in marital intimacy.

Well, I was actually just making sure you knew I was quoting from "where any two or three are gathered together in my name" verse and didn't mean for you to take it that literally in my comments on marriage itself.  Yet, since you brought it up, I would also argue that you are wrong about it not being possible for more than two (man and more than one wife) to come together in marital intimacy (both physically speaking and spiritually speaking)...because the Bible is full of examples of men married to more than one wife and God repeatedly calls those 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wives just that...wives.  Not really a topic or form of marriage most would consider relevant these days, but it's definitely a concept the Bible clearly shows is possible in marriage.

[forcedelune]

Have you read "Sacred Marriage"?

Can't say that I have.

[forcedelune]

Now, on to a more in-depth view of Spirit led intimacy. First let me make it clear, that what I'm saying in this section only applies to evenly yoked married believers (in other words, who have the same heart for the Lord and who are spiritually alive). In cases where a believer and non-believer (or even a believer who has deep sin strongholds) are married, it's not the same. The second partner is either spiritually dead or their heart is too impure (thorny)...making it much more difficult to be led by the Spirit of God (watching out what spirits you may be opening yourself up to). That's a separate subject that we'll not be addressing at this point, so...I'll continue on.

There is no need for me (or some "sex ed" teacher) to tell you what particular actions are not good or pure to do. God's Spirit is in you and He will "lead you into all truth (righteousness)." [1 John 2:27] The problem, again, is that the world has convinced many of us to separate this one area of our life and make it secular (not spirit led, but rather flesh led). Yet, the priests of Israel did not just go into the "Holy of Holies" and guess (or make up) what to do- they followed God's instructions. Well, now God's Spirit is in us and He instructs us from within.

Again...marital intimacy is a form of worship and, as with any act of worship, the body draws us (like with music). But the focus should always be on Him (spirit)- not on instruments or sounds or singers. "Those who worship God must worship Him in spirit and in truth." [John 4:24]

In the marital song (which leads the dance of the marriage bed), our body is just a channel to enter this holy place of worship. Yet, the primary focus should stay on Him first- only then will He lead such lovers to truly focus on each other in the most fulfilling way possible. Marital intimacy should be a prayerful ("pray without ceasing" ) , worshipful, and reverential (for the supernatural) experience in which God is the head and we are open to His Spirit- as He leads us at every step.

Who knows better how to meet the deepest needs of our partner than Him? He will lead us to express ourselves (intimately) toward each other in a truly fulfilling way, which we could not have ever figured out on our own- I don't care how many "sex ed" or "Kama sutra" books you've read! If we want to have a truly fulfilling intimate experience with our future (or current) mate, we need to first start asking God to guide our intimate times together.

He will lead us in truly ministering to and fulfilling our partner. He will focus us on each other's heart, soul, and spirit. Don't so much concern yourself with the physical part, as it will surely have no problem following along. That's just a given.

So this is what I believe the Lord for, in my own marriage. If this thread touched your heart in a special way and you also feel a desire to believe the Lord for this in your marriage as well...I encourage you to read on. There are three factors (a pure heart, protected privacy, and faith filled modesty), that need to be right in the Lord, which will quench Him from being able to minister these blessings He created us to experience.

There are some areas, which many believers are not aware of, that will choke (and are already choking) out the potential for them to experience truly fulfilling intimacy within marriage. I'd like to share what I know of these hindrances in the clearest ways I can- so that you will someday experience the marriage bed as He so wonderfully designed you to. I very much look forward to what the Lord has in store. I hope you will as well.

[forcedelune]

The reason I believe the Lord has called me to share these principles with you is two-fold. I believe He plans for many of us to see clearly, from the Word of God, how we can best prepare our hearts in order to receive (from the Lord or our marriage partner) and give (to the Lord or our marriage partner) at the deepest levels of our being. It's during our times of intimacy that His Spirit yearns to lead us most- just read the Song of Solomon.

There's a reason that not many believers (at least not in our current culture) experience what the Lord so perfectly designed for us to in this area of our lives. There are a few key blind spots in the lives of most believers today (especially in America) which subtly block them from being able to experience natural (much less supernatural) intimacy in marriage. In a very detailed, line upon line fashion, a good part of this my posts to come will be dedicated in attempting to shed some light on those "blind spots." Also I'd like to share, from God's Word, how to get these areas into natural balance again- so that true intimacy can be shared between a couple and the Lord.

Instead of just starting the more in-depth portions of this thread with straight forward teaching, I'm going to simply share my heart with you about where the Lord has led me to- as well as where I'm believing He will lead my wife to. In other words, I'm just going to sum up all of those teachings in a way that shows how the Lord first had me apply them to my own life. This will also show how it is that our own marriage partner will be able to meet with us at and share these deep levels of intimacy before the Lord. Please do pray before you read what I'm about to lay out...I want you to receive everything the Lord has in store.

[forcedelune]

 So what's the first ingredient to this wonderful blessing of Spirit led intimacy, which God designed to be experienced in the marriage bed? It's none other than a holy and pure heart before the Lord. The more we seek our Heavenly Father for healing in our conscience (so that we will be naturally sensitive to those things that are not healthy for us to purposely or even passively allow into our hearts) [Luke 11:34; Romans 2:15; Philippians 2:12; 1 Timothy 1:5; Titus 1:15]...then, the more we will know which thoughts are unhealthy and need to be arrested (taken captive) to His Lordship. [2 Corinthians 10:5]

Then and only then will we be better able to diligently guard the door (or ground) of our hearts [ Proverbs 4:23; 16:17] as His Word so urges us to. The Lord is faithful that, if we seek to obey Him by diligently guarding our hearts, He will put to death those thoughts we reject (take captive) at the door of our heart and He will cleanse them from our midst. [2 Corinthians 7:1; Ephesians 5:26; 1 John 1:9]

So what does all of this mean? Well when a person is presented a thought in their mind (an image, word, or emotion) which is not healthy for their heart to receive (such as pornography, profanity, hate, and so on)...then, if their conscience has not been desensitized ( seared) in this area by the influence of the culture around them, God has designed it so that our conscience will automatically reject those thoughts and give you the opportunity to dispose of them (give them over to the Lord). It's that natural pain we feel when we're doing something we should not be doing. This pain is good for us because it draws our attention to something that we need to seek to be cleansed, healed, or delivered from.

Here is the problem. The conscience is there for our benefit, but it does not block our free will. We are free to force these thoughts (set aflame with sin) through the sensitive protective barrier of our conscience and down into our hearts. Once we do this over and over...eventually, the conscience becomes so seared (in this particular area) that we no longer feel pain there- as the unhealthy thoughts just flow freely into the fertile grounds of our hearts.

What these thoughts (or seeds) grow into and what damage they cause in our lives is what I'm getting at here. This is something I'll address a little further down. These are the very areas that I call "blind spots"...the areas of our conscience that have been seared to the point that we no longer even see (feel) the unhealthy thoughts which are daily entering our hearts and bearing unhealthy (damaging) fruit into our lives. [Proverbs 4:23]

These blind spots have developed heavily within the American Church...mostly due to the fact that we started becoming so lukewarm during the early 1900's, we stopped being salt & light, and we started looking more to the world for our comfort (safety and pleasure) or entertainment. As time went on, we slowly became more and more desensitized by opening ourselves up to the world in this way (the "Roaring 20's " ) . Fast forward through many years of the Devil daily using different ways to take advantage of our apathy toward holiness (offering us plenty of subtly searing forms of entertainment, ill gained wealth, fear of sickness, and so on).

Now we dress, entertain ourselves, and accept as " normal" things that even the world (and definitely the Church) would have deemed as horribly immodest, garbage for the mind, and borderline insanity just a short 100 years ago. We have come a long way (gradually accepting subtle wrongs as acceptable rights). Our marriages, children, and society as a whole have paid dearly for it.

So, how does all of this apply to our everyday lives? Well for me, I felt convicted to start seeking the Lord to first heal my conscience in every area that I've been desensitized- of course, I'm still a work in progress until Jesus returns. Then He led me to pray that He would reveal to me all of those thoughts which are not healthy for me to allow or have in my heart.

We need Him to daily teach us what to guard our hearts against, to give us the strength (will) to be diligent in the battle, and to continue healing our conscience when we do fail. We need to believe the Lord to free and cleanse our hearts from all of those strongholds, which have grown out of the bad seeds that were allowed to implant into our hearts from our past. We need the Holy Spirit to continue in removing any bad seed that slips past our guard, as we continue to seek Him to do this.

The amazing thing is that once we daily exercise our conscience in these areas (by using it as God designed and not abusing it as the flesh desires), then it becomes a subconscious effort. The things you used to struggle to reject and protect yourself from, you don't even give a second thought about entertaining anymore. You start becoming naturally sensitive and can quickly make right decisions concerning that area (whether it be what movie to watch, what modest outfit to wear, who should be able to touch you where, and so forth).

At that point, we're well on our way to having the clean and clear conscience which Scriptures so often speak of. The Church in America has not had this for a very long time- the fruit we see today (in our culture) is positive proof of that. We're not the salt and light that we were in past American history (when the moral climate of the world was relatively high because the Church's standards were still balanced and holy unto the Lord).

Now all of the years of searing (desensitizing) our conscience have lowered our resistance and standards of purity so much that the average believer is starting to accept even more radical stands (nudity/prostitution in entertainment, men being with other men as with a woman, wives being seen and touched in private areas by men who are not their husbands). These are things that would have sparked strong concern within the Church before we gave so much ground- the momentum is almost unstoppable it seems. That's where we come in. I want to share with you what the Lord has presented to me in these areas.

[Stucky]

You sure seem to talk a lot about a subject you claim should be "taboo".

 

[chosenone]

YOu mention two or three coming togather in marital intimacy. I think you will find it is two coming together in marital intimacy, the husban and the wife. Three cannot come together in marital intimacy.

Well, I was actually just making sure you knew I was quoting from "where any two or three are gathered together in my name" verse and didn't mean for you to take it that literally in my comments on marriage itself.  Yet, since you brought it up, I would also argue that you are wrong about it not being possible for more than two (man and more than one wife) to come together in marital intimacy (both physically speaking and spiritually speaking)...because the Bible is full of examples of men married to more than one wife and God repeatedly calls those 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wives just that...wives.  Not really a topic or form of marriage most would consider relevant these days, but it's definitely a concept the Bible clearly shows is possible in marriage.

  Paul cleary says "let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband", so no, we as Christians are not allowed to have more than one spouse. Its also against the law to do so in most countries, and we are also told to obey the laws of our country, so again it isnt allowed.  Jesus Himself said that Gods intention is for one man and one woman, and, after all, He made us. Unless we think we know better than God Himself? 

[chosenone]

Oh no I hope that we arent going to have that old 'women should not have male doctors' thing again.